Chapter 52 Ending (Part 1)

The month before he left for Tampa Air Force Base was her last month in Fayette.

It was a winter holiday, Thanksgiving or Valentine's Day; Chen Huan couldn't quite remember. Her period was painful, and she hadn't gone to the library to finish her paper. Her bleeding was heavy, and she'd leak even with a tampon and a menstrual cup. For the first two days of her period, she'd occasionally sit on the toilet for a while. Once the worst of it was over, she'd put on a tampon and a panty liner, then squat down by the radiator and place her hand on it.

The sun sets early in winter, and by five in the afternoon, the house was already decorated with lights. Meng Zixian called and said he had been waiting for her at the school gate for a long time. Chen Huan then remembered that they were going to a party at a friend's house. Now that she thought about it, it was probably Valentine's Day. If it was Thanksgiving, the school would have closed long ago, so why would Meng Zixian go there to wait?

When she hung up the phone, Shen Huan thought, they had walked for a long time, away from each other, far apart. He didn't know where she was, and she didn't care what he was doing. She was surprised that he could still find her school gate.

She still remembered that Meng Zixuan had been swimming during that time, morning, afternoon, and midnight. It was so cold that Shen Huan even pushed back on getting up, but he went to the lake at 4:30 without fail.

Green Berets selection required wearing combat uniforms and boots for swimming. An Alpha formation consisted of twelve men, all elite soldiers in the Army, capable of doing ninety perfect push-ups in two minutes and walking through the jungle for seven days and nights in the dead of winter in their soaking wet combat uniforms without getting lost.

Yet, to pass the test, some would change into a new combat uniform a size too small, remove their insoles, and then jump into the pool. This seemingly insignificant weight on land would drag them down in the water. He refused to change, even tying up a hole in his trouser leg. Eventually, the hole filled with water, dragging him to the bottom of the pool. He wore the same pants to retake the test the next day. After passing the test, he developed a feud with swimming.

Meng Zixian went to the pharmacy to get her some painkillers and returned home to find her lying on the tile floor next to the radiator. The look of bewilderment on his face puzzled Chen Huan. He asked her why she hadn't told him earlier so he could come back and be with her. Chen Huan had been lying flat on her back, her back turned to face the radiator. She said calmly, "I don't want to disturb you while you're working."

By now, she no longer lost her temper or cried in front of him. After he left on this mission, she would leave Fayette. This was a decision she had made on her own, the only one she had truly made since marrying him. She hadn't told Meng Zixuan about it because she lacked the courage and strength to face him head-on. She was just that cowardly and self-defeating.

In the past, her indifference would always irritate Meng Zixuan, but this time he wasn't angry. He sat behind her for a long time, picking up and putting down the brown paper bag he brought back from the pharmacy, making uneasy noises behind her.

When Meng Zixuan spoke again, his voice seemed to come from far away. He asked her, "Do you still love me, Huanhuan?" Chen Huan didn't answer. The radiator in the bathroom made a hissing sound. In the past, he would carry her to the sofa and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and hand it to her. But that day, Meng Zixuan didn't dare to touch her. Time passed slowly, ten minutes, twenty minutes, and he spoke again. He said it didn't matter if he didn't love her anymore, and we still had to be together.

Coming back to his senses from his memories, Shen Huan was in front of Jericho's light gray tiled bathroom. The house was new, with floor heating installed, no more noisy radiators.

Meng Zixuan stood in the bedroom and said that he saw Henry on a stretcher covered with the Stars and Stripes at the base. Shen Huan looked at him, "I don't understand why you say this."

Meng Zixian replied: "I blame many people for Henry's death, especially myself. I was afraid of hurting you. This is why I broke up with you."

There was no logic in his words. Shen Huan said, "I don't understand. Do you blame me?"

He walked from the bedroom door into the bathroom, his figure disappearing into the pitch black. He paused, then turned and walked out again, sitting down on the edge of the bedroom bed, his hands resting on his knees. His right arm was illuminated by the small light, and as his fingers moved slightly, the muscles in his forearm tensed.

Meng Zixian said that Henry's death was not glorious.

Every new recruit imagines their own death in battle. Most imagine it will be like in movies or recruitment videos: fighter planes roar past at sunset, they use all their strength to drag their comrades out of the line of fire, and then they fire their last bullet in a hail of enemy fire. That kind of death is honorable.

But Henry's death was the result of a series of decisions gone awry.

"That operation was a little difficult for Henry. We were sent to the slums on the other side of the city. Bring me the map and I'll show you. Oh, there's no map."

He paused for a moment and continued, "The operational area is divided into three levels. Level one is the safest. It's close to the base, with a large troop garrison and 24-hour watch towers. Civil engineering work can be done there, such as repairing wells and power lines. Level two has local police and scattered outposts. It depends on the level of cooperation with the tribe. Be careful of IEDs when driving through it."

"Finally, there's Level 3, which is enemy-controlled territory. There are high-risk targets flagged by intelligence, including suicide bombers, and the dirt roads are heavily buried with explosives. Regular troops and accompanying personnel don't go there. Special operations forces go there for arrests, mopping-up operations, and reconnaissance. Our mission that time was to secure control of a small area in Level 3."

He fell silent here, as if lost in memory. After a long moment, he seemed to suddenly remember, "Oh, and Emma is pregnant. That assignment was a bit difficult for Henry."

Shen Huan looked at him quietly.

He said, "The first week after we got in, a pregnant woman was caught putting explosives under our car by two men from my platoon. She was a Taliban fighter and had been involved in previous incidents, so I didn't know if her pregnancy was real or not. Usually, people in this situation would just shoot her. Rooney raised his gun and waited for my signal. Schumer walked by and looked at me. I knew him well enough to know what he was thinking: he felt sorry for the woman. Damn, after his wife got pregnant, he was as soft as a bitch."

Shen Huan cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry." He apologized immediately and told the story again: "Schumer looked at me. I asked Rooney to do it. The woman fell to the ground. We didn't have to pick up the Taliban's bodies. We got in the car and left."

Shen Huan didn't understand, "Henry doesn't want you to kill that pregnant woman?"

"right."

"Then why didn't he give the order?" Shen Huan asked, "Isn't he your superior?"

"He can't do this in front of my people, otherwise how can I lead the troops in the future?" Meng Zixian said, "And the order I gave was completely correct. Let that woman go, she will come back to blow up our car tomorrow. Her child will be sent to block our guns in five years with explosives."

Chen Huan lowered his eyes. After a moment, Meng Zixuan said, "But now I understand him. After you became pregnant, I felt bad when I recalled these things." This helpless voice disappeared in a flash, and he continued, "The war zone quickly told Schumer that he was wrong."