Which hospital has the best suicide techniques?

Tang Feng knelt before the altar, his stomach growling loudly. The ancestral hall was dark, pitch black, so he had to slowly grope around on the altar, looking for offerings to fill his stomach. After a while, he found a plate of pastries, grabbed one, and took a bite. He thought, "If I don't eat something soon, I might starve to death." Thinking this, Tang Feng's chewing stopped abruptly. "Wait a minute... starve to death?" If he died, wouldn't it be like coming from the real world and then returning to it? Then he wouldn't be forced to fulfill this unfortunate marriage contract! Tang Feng chuckled at the thought, secretly calculating, "Oh dear! How will I die?" Tang Feng slowly crawled back onto the mattress, lay down, and started counting on his fingers.

Starve to death? No, that's too slow. Take poison? Tang Feng thought it seemed unrealistic; there were so many people in the manor, and he couldn't leave. If he asked Liu Yiwan and the others to buy it, wouldn't that cause even more trouble? Kill himself by banging his head against a wall? That seemed too bloody. Or maybe he should strangle himself? Tang Feng placed his hands on his neck. "Ancestors above, I am a worthless descendant. My suicide here today is purely out of desperation. After I leave, I hope everyone here can live a long and peaceful life. Hmm... forget about Liu Yiwan, he's a scourge to all living beings." With that, Tang Feng began to strangle himself, but soon he felt he couldn't breathe. He tried to exert more force, but couldn't muster any strength. He simply let go, and his body immediately began to lean forward uncontrollably. Tang Feng braced himself against the mattress with one hand to avoid falling, and pounded his chest with the other, trying to catch his breath. "Ha! Ha! Huff... Cough cough cough..." Tang Feng coughed incessantly from the strangulation. Not being able to exert any strength was one thing, but the real problem was that he felt somewhat reluctant to do it himself. Tang Feng slowly leaned against the table, looking out the window at the sky already beginning to lighten. This method of strangling himself... "Alright, I'll use some external force then." Tang Feng looked up at the roof beam. "I wonder how sturdy it is. Oh well, if it falls, I might even die from the fall." Tang Feng got right to work, tearing the bed sheet Qin Jiujiu had brought into strips and arranging them neatly. He then tied the ends together, moved the small table out, stepped on it, and tossed the bed sheet upwards, hanging it on the roof beam. He then tied a tight knot. "This time I should be really dead!" Tang Feng tightened the bed sheet, put his head inside, and said, "Don't be afraid, Tang Feng. Just kick it off, and I'll be eating Uncle Li's skewers again." He then pulled the bed sheet tighter and kicked it hard, knocking the small table over. The moment his feet left the ground, an indescribable feeling of suffocation surged up. Tang Feng suddenly regretted it. Who said hanging is a quick death? That quick death is from a guillotine. Hanging takes at least twenty or thirty thrashings! Tang Feng was currently hanging there, wanting to die but unable to. He grabbed the sheet suspending him and pulled himself up like a pull-up, taking a breath before quickly letting go, afraid of delaying his suicide attempt. Every now and then, he would have to prop himself up and take another breath. Tang Feng repeated this back and forth until Liu Yiwan came in to bring him food.

"Young Master!" Liu Yiwan entered and saw Tang Feng hanging from the rafters, swinging back and forth. Startled, he quickly dropped his food, pulled out a throwing dart from his waist, and with a swift motion, cut the sheet binding Tang Feng. Tang Feng fell to the ground, crashing onto a nearby overturned table. "Oh my god!" Tang Feng clutched his waist, too afraid to move. "Young Master, are you alright?"

"Liu Yiwan! You bastard, is this how you save people?! Huh?" Tang Feng rubbed his lower back and clicked his tongue.

"Oh dear, I was just in a hurry!" Liu Yiwan lifted Tang Feng's shirt and took a look. "Oh! Young Master, you have a bruise on your lower back."

After hearing this, Tang Feng slapped Liu Yiwan on the head. "How novel! Anyone can get a bruise from a fall!"

Liu Yiwan touched the spot where Tang Feng had hit him earlier and chuckled, "Young Master, let me help you up. What were you doing just now?"

"Commit suicide!"

"Suicide?" Liu Yiwan's eyes widened. "Then I... ruined your plans?"

"Not really!" Tang Feng, using Liu Yiwan's help, stood up, dusting himself off. "Hanging is too painful, I want to find another way."

Liu Yiwan quickly stopped Tang Feng, "Young Master, Young Master, why are you trying to commit suicide! Isn't living a good life?"

"No good!" Tang Feng opened the ancestral hall door and pointed outside. "Unless you tell my father to annul the engagement, he can only choose between his son-in-law and son." After saying that, he sat down on the threshold with his hands on his hips.

"You're putting me in a difficult position!" Liu Yiwan scratched his head and sat down on the doorframe to face Tang Feng. "If I could decide this, I would have pleaded for you long ago."

"Who told you to sit down! Go stand over there!" Tang Feng said, then kicked Liu Yiwan. "You're going to plead for me? I bet you're happy to see me married off!"

"Of course I'm happy! You have no idea how much you longed for this marriage before... But who knew you'd end up like this!" Liu Yiwan still felt quite wronged, and her voice grew softer and softer as she stood to the side.

Tang Feng didn't speak, just sat on the threshold for what felt like half an incense stick's time, leaving Liu Yiwan unsure what to do. She considered going inside to invite Qin Jiujiu, since Tang Feng showed her some respect, and she was at least somewhat receptive to his words. However, with Tang Feng sitting there, it seemed inappropriate to leave now, and she was also afraid he might do something foolish. "Young Master, the food looks like this now, how about I get you another serving?"

"No! I won't eat. I'll only eat when my father says he's canceling the engagement. Otherwise, I'll starve to death in this ancestral hall, so that heaven and earth and our ancestors can see how heartless my father is, forcing an ignorant and clueless young man to marry a man he's never even met and doesn't know is handsome or ugly," Tang Feng said, as if he had made up his mind. He got up and went into the ancestral hall, threw the torn bed sheet he had used to hang himself the night before out the door, then lay down on the mattress, closed his eyes, and said, "Go, take that bed sheet and talk to my father."

Liu Yiwan stood at the door, clutching the bedsheet that Tang Feng had torn into strips, unsure whether to stay or leave. Finally, she said, "I'll go ask," and left.

Seeing Liu Yiwan leave, Tang Feng sat up, looking at the roof beam above him, thinking, "Hanging isn't a very reliable method! I've tried twice without success. I thought I could just kick the roof off, but I didn't expect to suffer so much. Ugh~ How can I die quickly and gracefully, without so much trouble! Ugh! How can I die?! This is so annoying!" Tang Feng was a little anxious, and casually picked up a pillow and threw it outside the door.

"Ah!" Tang Feng heard a scream, turned around and saw that the pillow he had just thrown had hit Liu Yiwan squarely in the face.

"Why are you here again? Didn't I say? I'm not leaving until the engagement is canceled! My stance is clear."

"I asked him to bring me here," Qin Jiujiu stepped out from behind Liu Yiwan. "Xiao Feng, I heard you were going to hang yourself?" Qin Jiujiu frowned, her expression serious. She had heard from the elders in the manor about Tang Feng's pursuit of the young marquis. He had secretly written letters, often taking a long detour by the marquis's manor just to catch a glimpse of him from afar. He had been timid and afraid of people since childhood, yet he had gone to the emperor to propose marriage. Hearing all this, if Tang Feng hadn't been making a fuss about breaking off the engagement these past few days, Qin Jiujiu thought it might have been a beautiful story of a loving and harmonious couple. Actually, Qin Jiujiu didn't really care whether Tang Feng wanted to break off the engagement or not. After all, people's hearts can change. As Tang Feng's sister, as long as he was happy, that was enough. So Qin Jiujiu had never tried to dissuade Tang Feng before. But hearing Liu Yiwan talk about Tang Feng's suicide attempt today, Qin Jiujiu sensed the seriousness of the situation.

"Xiao Feng, come out with me now, let's have a proper talk." Qin Jiujiu walked up to Tang Feng, slowly squatted down, and took Tang Feng's wrist. "These past two days, you've caused chaos in the manor. Let's put the marriage matter aside for now."

"What else is there to talk about if not this?" Tang Feng pulled his hand away from Qin Jiujiu's. "Sister Jiujiu, let me tell you the truth, I can't go through with this marriage. If Zhou Ziliang were a woman, I would accept it. But he's not! If Father insists on this marriage, then there's nothing I can do." He then ushered Qin Jiujiu and the others out.

After closing the door, Qin Jiujiu was also a little anxious. "Awan, you must not leave the ancestral hall these next few days. I'm afraid he'll do something stupid. Listen to what he said today. If this engagement isn't dissolved, he's going to see the King of Hell!"

"Don't worry, Miss Jiu, I'll stay with the young master, nothing will happen." Although she said this, Liu Yiwan wasn't entirely sure. After all, if Tang Feng had truly died silently inside, she really wouldn't know.

The next morning, before dawn, Liu Yiwan moved a stool and sat at the entrance of the small ancestral hall. "Young Master! Our rooster has crowed several times already, get up! Liu Yiwan is calling you for breakfast, Young Master!"

"Get out!" A moment later, Tang Feng's voice, cursing Liu Yiwan's ancestors, came from inside.

"It's alright, he's still alive." After confirming that Tang Feng was still alive, Liu Yiwan picked up a steamed bun from her pocket and took a bite. "Young Master! Miss Jiu made steamed pork ribs and pumpkin pancakes. The whole backyard smells delicious! Come out and have a meal!"

"Liu Yiwan, don't force me to go out and beat you up!" Tang Feng, having climbed up the raised platform onto the roof beam, listened to Liu Yiwan's words outside and clenched his fists, muttering, "That little bastard Liu Yiwan, if I wasn't in such a hurry to die, I would have crippled you today!" Tang Feng stood up from the roof beam and gently removed the roof tiles, careful not to disturb Liu Yiwan outside.

"Young Master! You'd better not waste your energy! You'll only make yourself sick from hunger. Also! Qin Liuliu has been so upset about you these past two days that she hasn't been going to school!"

"What do you mean 'for my sake'? You just don't want to go to school!" Tang Feng couldn't help but complain. He then continued to move the roof tiles, finally squeezing through the small hole and onto the roof. Tang Feng crouched shakily on the roof, thinking of jumping from the highest point. After all, ancient bungalows were nothing like modern skyscrapers. Jumping from a dozen stories high would be a nightmare; even if you died, your soul would be so badly damaged that even Meng Po (the goddess of forgetfulness in Chinese mythology) wouldn't recognize you. Tang Feng was a little hesitant about this ancient bungalow. If he didn't die completely, he would be paralyzed, and the legendary young marquis wouldn't marry him. But he wouldn't be able to marry any other girl either!

Tang Feng slowly groped his way to the highest point, looked down, and muttered, "Is this some kind of height enough to kill me?!"

Hearing a sound from above, Liu Yiwan looked up and saw Tang Feng standing on the roof, about to jump. "Young Master!"

Tang Feng had actually planned to go back. After all, he had assessed the height and figured he wouldn't die, at most he'd be crippled. But just as he was about to turn back, Liu Yiwan's loud, booming "Young Master!" startled him, causing him to slip and fall. Tang Feng closed his eyes tightly; that familiar feeling was there again. Jumping off buildings was something he knew all too well! That's how he got here. "Oh no, oh no, oh no, what kind of crippling am I going to be?" Tang Feng thought. At this height, he figured he'd probably hit the ground before he even finished reminiscing about his life. But after waiting for a long time, the legendary pain didn't come. Tang Feng slowly opened his eyes and saw himself being held by Liu Yiwan.

"Young Master, can we please not do such dangerous things?"

"You're blaming me now?" Tang Feng said, slapping Liu Yiwan across the face. "I was about to go back, and you scared me so much I came down." Tang Feng got off the ground, rolled his eyes at Liu Yiwan, and said, "As punishment, tell me how deep the pond in the manor is."

"That's naturally deep."

Which pond is the deepest?

"That place in your backyard, even Qin Liuliu doesn't dare to go there normally."

Having received confirmation, Tang Feng said, "I'm hungry, I want to eat." Tang Feng felt he couldn't die a starving ghost, so after eating, he changed his clothes and returned to the real world with dignity.

When Qin Jiujiu saw Tang Feng come out, she grabbed Liu Yiwan and asked what had happened. She breathed a sigh of relief, assuming Tang Feng had come to his senses, and quickly went into the kitchen to cook, remembering that Tang Feng hadn't eaten for two or three days. She quickly made seven or eight dishes, sat down beside Tang Feng, and kept putting food on his plate, saying, "That's right! Cheer up, let's eat. I made your favorite stir-fried beef."

Tang Feng didn't speak, just kept eating with his bowl. To be honest, Tang Feng didn't want to leave. In the real world, he had no relatives, except for Uncle Li and his wife who sold fried skewers downstairs. He was completely ignored. Here, someone cooked for him every day, someone worried about him, someone took care of him. If it weren't for the sudden engagement, Tang Feng would never have wanted to go back. Thinking of this, Tang Feng quickly shoveled two mouthfuls of rice into his mouth and said, "Sister Jiu, I want another bowl."

"Want more?" Qin Jiujiu took Tang Feng's bowl of rice. "This is the fourth bowl already. Even if it's delicious, we can't overeat! If you really like it, I'll make you another day." Although she said that, Qin Jiujiu still ladled out a bowl of rice and handed it to Tang Feng.

After finishing his meal, Tang Feng changed his clothes. He had been staying in the ancestral hall for the past few days since he was beaten, and hadn't changed his clothes for several days. So he decided to change them today, wanting to die with some dignity. After tidying himself up, Tang Feng went to the pond in the backyard.

"If I jump in, I can say goodbye to that awful engagement," Tang Feng gritted his teeth, closed his eyes, and jumped into the pond. After splashing around for a few moments, he managed to stand up on his own with a push of his feet.

Tang Feng opened his eyes and saw that he was standing in the middle of a pond, the water barely reaching his waist. "Young Master, what are you doing?!" Just as Tang Feng was standing there in a daze, he bumped into Liu Yiwan returning from work.

"Liu Yiwan, get your ass over here!"

"Young Master, what's wrong now? Don't get angry so often, it's bad for your kidneys."

"Can you explain to me why the water is so shallow?"

Liu Yiwan chuckled, "The water wasn't that deep to begin with! You asked me which one was the deepest? Well, that's this one. If Qin Liuliu fell in, she'd really be dead."

After listening, Tang Feng mentally cursed Liu Yiwan's ancestors for three generations, then got up to leave.

"Young master, would you like to go back to your room?"

Tang Feng didn't speak, and walked into the room on his own. If he remembered correctly, there was always a sword in the room; all he had to do was slit his throat... and that would be it! Back in the room, Tang Feng drew the sword and held it to his neck.

"Young Master! That's been sharpened, please put it down!" Liu Yiwan had just entered the room when he saw Tang Feng holding a sword to his neck.

"Don't stop me!" Tang Feng brought the sword closer to his neck. By now, the blade had already cut a small gash in his neck, and blood was flowing out along the blade.

"Young master, we can find a way to reconcile the marriage agreement! As long as we're alive, we can always rebuild. But if you strike with your sword, you'll be dead! Once a person is dead, they can't be brought back to life!"

Tang Feng was about to make his move when he heard Liu Yiwan's words, "The dead cannot be brought back to life." He froze. He had fallen from the sixth floor; scientifically speaking, he should be completely dead. If his body were discovered, the proper procedure would be to take him to the hospital to obtain a death certificate, contact Uncle Li and the others to claim him, then take him to the crematorium for cremation, and finally place him in an urn... Following this logic, even if he were to travel back in time, he would just be a pile of... living ashes? Tang Feng was so frightened that he quickly threw his sword to the ground.

"Oh my god! How could I be so foolish?" she exclaimed, quickly clutching her freshly cut wound. "Liu Yiwan, call a doctor! I feel like I'm going to die!"

Liu Yiwan silently picked up the sword Tang Feng had dropped and sheathed it. "Young Master... your wound will heal soon if you don't treat it."