Chapter 36: Pouring Down

Gu Yunsu is 28 years old and has never had an intimate relationship that lasted more than two years.

This kind of close relationship includes both love and friendship. It cannot be just a casual acquaintance, but must be a close friend.

This problem has two specific manifestations: the one she liked and worked hard for gave up before her; and as for the one who didn't give up, she became the one who had no patience.

What was going on? Was there something wrong with her judgment of people, or was she caught in some unknown curse?

Love is easy to explain, if you are compatible, you stay together, if not, you break up. She has never experienced a long-term relationship, the longest one lasted less than a year. When there were still three months left before the first anniversary, the other party was enthusiastically planning a trip for the two of them, but she finally couldn't hold it in anymore after enduring for several months and proposed a breakup.

There were also those who loved her with all their heart, just like Qin Yuxuan, who let her go without any regrets.

Love was not good, and the same was true for friendship. She had many good friends, but in the end they all went their separate ways and never contacted each other again.

She is annoyed by those who chase after her, and they don't really care about her kindness to them.

What went wrong?

Gu Yunsu is good at self-reflection and has asked herself countless times what was wrong with her that caused her to encounter such a difficult problem?

Many times when she is misplaced in her true feelings, she will fall into a state of self-loathing, thinking that there must be something wrong with her that makes others annoying and unacceptable; and when she gives up on others first, she will fall into another state of self-loathing, thinking that she has no ability to love, and that is why she will pull away when she meets someone chasing after her.

In short, all kinds of interpersonal interactions brought her some happiness, but in the end they always made her hate herself, so she gradually disliked entering into a relationship. No matter whether it was friendship or love, in the end, there would be hurt when someone was involved.

Gu Yunsu is not good at math, but he is very good at dealing with love affairs. It is really frustrating and makes him feel that he will never be happy in his life.

As he grew older and experienced pressure from all aspects of life, Gu Yunsu realized that there are many more important things in the world besides love. He also gradually broke away from it and stopped being so harsh on himself. However, Wu Limei's words evoked those discouraging memories.

But in fact, Wu Limei regretted it as soon as she said it, but that's how parents are. They never admit defeat in front of their children. How can they say something wrong? No, everything is right.

Wu Limei said nothing, but her eyes wandered over her daughter's face, unconsciously trying to find a way to ease the current atmosphere.

Gu Yunsu was provoked by her mother. She was shocked, angry, sad and a little disappointed. But she calmed down instead, or rather, she fell into a kind of crazy calmness.

The people closest to you know your fatal wounds best, and when they choose to pierce you instead of protecting you, people like Gu Yunsu will become "obsessed" and bite back obsessively.

This level of anger seemed to have never appeared between Gu Yunsu and her mother since she became an adult, so much so that both of them had forgotten how big a rift it would cause in the mother-daughter relationship if they were to "fight to the death".

Gu Yunsu sneered and said, "That's better than you, right? You're just a love-head. What else is there in life besides men?"

Wu Limei's slight sense of guilt turned into anger after she heard the other party's question.

"I raised you with so much hardship just to hear you say this?!" Wu Limei yelled, but with a hint of tears in her voice, "Are you worthy of me?!"

Gu Yunsu was also annoyed: "Stop pretending to be pitiful, okay? How long are you going to hold me hostage? You are the victim, and we are all sorry for you, okay?"

Wu Limei almost cried: "Why did I morally kidnap you? You kidnapped me more than anything else! If it weren't for you, my life wouldn't be so hard at all!" Wu Limei almost shouted the last sentence.

Gu Yunsu, however, seemed to have finally waited for these words and felt relieved. Instead of getting angry, he laughed and even clapped his hands, saying sarcastically, "Ha! You finally said it, didn't you? You finally admitted it."

Wu Limei covered her face with her hands and sobbed in pain.

Gu Yunsu continued, "Without me, you can fall in love as you please; you can eat, drink and have fun with men, and be treated like a little princess; you can spend your whole life without sacrificing for anyone and only think about yourself. Now you should admit that you are such a selfish person. No matter how you pretend, the person you love most is always yourself."

Wu Limei slapped her.

Gu Yunsu stood there in a daze.

It feels like there is wind blowing in my mind, blowing those fragments of the past away.

She recalled that many years ago, there had been a similar confrontation between her and her daughter.

How old was I then? Fourteen? Fifteen? Anyway, it was in junior high school. I got out of school early and came home to hear the moans of passion coming from the bedroom.

She deliberately slammed the door, and the bedroom door opened. Wu Limei, wrapped in a smock, tentatively leaned out. Seeing that it was her daughter, she greeted her with a little embarrassment: "You're back? Why are you here so early today?"

Gu Yunsu saw her mother with disheveled hair and flushed face, and for some reason she felt nauseous. She then looked inside through the half-open door and vaguely saw the naked upper body of a man lying on the bed, which made her even more disgusted.

She gave her mother a vicious look and rushed back to her bedroom.

Less than ten minutes later, the door opened and closed again. Wu Limei walked into her daughter's room and explained in a slightly flattering tone: "I... I didn't expect you to come back so early."

Gu Yunsu no longer remembers how the two started arguing, but the conversation got to the point where Gu Yunsu was aggressive and merciless, saying directly that her mother was mean and that she was constantly falling in love and changing men, and was simply being promiscuous.

What the children learned were the rumors they heard every day. In that conservative community, the neighbors looked at Wu Limei in two different ways. The women were wary and disdainful, with a hint of jealousy that was not easily detected; the men either avoided her or admired her, always harboring some kind of emotion.

Gu Yunsu couldn't stand such gazes, as if beauty was the original sin, and ostentatious self-release was proof of her connection with the devil. She hoped that others would stop looking at her and scrutinizing her, and she hoped that she could just disappear.

Wu Limei was so angry at the time that she slapped her daughter.

"I'm your mother!" she yelled.

Gu Yunsu also cried out: "But you never asked me whether I really wanted to be your daughter!"

From that day on, Wu Limei never fell in love again, at least that was what Gu Yunsu knew.

No matter how great the hatred between the two was, if they lived together all day, it would gradually dissipate. Gu Yunsu never criticized Wu Limei again, and even after she became an adult, before going to college, she joked with her mother that no one would care how many relationships she wanted to have.

Wu Limei knew her daughter was talking about her, and asked with a half-smile, "Yes?"

Gu Yunsu was stunned, thinking that Wu Limei was sacrificing for her.

This thought still troubles her today, many years later, and has even become deeply rooted and cannot be changed.

Wu Limei has always sacrificed for her. Even though she asked in a strong voice and said that she had never asked for sacrifice from the other party, this indisputable fact would not change because of her words.

Wu Limei has been sacrificing for Gu Yunsu since she was born. This was her mother's own choice, and there was no way she could regret it or not. Gu Yunsu knew it, but she couldn't help but think that Wu Limei could have had a different life, a life that she was more satisfied with and wanted more, but she gave up another path for herself, and those years could not be made up for by Gu Yunsu no matter what.

So she felt that she owed her mother something. She didn't know how much, but she owed her mother a favor.

Although for a long time, Gu Yunsu believed that Wu Limei's love history had a negative impact on her, so that she would reflexively want to run away, fear, and disgust whenever she mentioned sex. If you really like someone, just keep it in your heart. Liking is a feeling that can be enjoyed alone, but when it comes to love, involving activities that require the participation of another person, it is completely different.

Perhaps this also explains why she always has trouble with intimacy, always falls in love with the wrong people, and always gets caught up in the game of "catch me".

In the past few years, she has become a mature adult, had several romances, and under the influence of the entire public opinion environment, she has gradually realized that her parents are also human beings, normal people with desires and needs like herself. Wu Limei's behavior at that time was precisely a manifestation of her courage to pursue herself. The ones who were wrong were the idle bystanders who talked nonsense about others, not her.

But if Wu Limei is not wrong, then is she the one who is wrong?

Who should be blamed for the pain she had endured?

There is always confusion among relatives.

Gu Yunsu rushed out of the door and stood alone in the resort in the cold wind for half an hour. The hotness on his face finally disappeared completely, and the urge to jump into the diving pool was also extinguished.

A person's rationality is really important. Speaking of the current situation, Gu Yunsu was glad that he remembered to grab his mobile phone before rushing out of the door, so as to avoid the tragedy of having to go back to the room and face Wu Limei.

Xu Wenbin called at the right time, gave his girlfriend a gift and apologized. Noticing that she was in a bad mood, he asked caringly, "What's wrong?"

Gu Yunsu's anger towards Xu Wenbin had not subsided, but now he had a more annoying target and his anger was diverted away.

She asked, "Would you like to have a chance to redeem yourself by making meritorious contributions?"

She was thinking in her heart that if he dared to say no, she would find an opportunity to strangle him to death, and she really wanted to strangle him to death.

Fortunately, Xiao Xu is lucky.

Xu Wenbin quickly responded: "Please explain clearly."

"Come pick me up," Gu Yunsu said, "Come pick me up now!"