Chapter 38 The Night is Gentle

The light was gentle, reflecting Xu Wenbin's tender features, which was quite deceptive.

Gu Yunsu felt nostalgic and a little uneasy. He wanted to stroke that pretty face with his hands, but was afraid that if he blinked, the beautiful dream before him would burst like a soap bubble and melt into the air, never to be seen again.

When you like someone very much, you can't help but worry about gains and losses. This is probably something that any fragile human being cannot avoid.

Worrying that the other person's love will disappear, and worrying that you, who have tasted the feeling of being loved, will not be able to adapt to the loss.

All along, she was like a little squirrel forced to look for food in the cold winter, shivering as she walked through the snow, holding the pine cone that she had finally found. It was a treasure, but she didn't dare to eat it, nor did she dare to throw it away, for fear that she would not be able to find the next one after eating it, and eventually die of hunger in that cruel winter.

Don't girls who grew up in love have this fear?

Is not being loved enough some irreversible sin?

You can't think too much about this kind of thing. If you think too much, you will feel wronged, you will get stuck in a dead end, and you will regard yourself as a victim, which will not be worth the loss.

The cologne on Xu Wenbin was so faint that it was almost imperceptible, but as the two of them sat facing each other and hugged each other, she could smell the faint scent of sandalwood in the base notes, like the scent she would smell on the bracelets hanging in front of the Buddhist shrine when she returned to her hometown as a child. It made her feel at ease for some reason.

He leaned forward gently and finally landed on her lips.

He was so gentle and affectionate, as if he could sense her inner uneasiness, and with the power of comfort, he carefully tested and cared for her, cherishing her so much that she almost felt embarrassed.

"Shall we go to the room?" he asked softly.

Gu Yunsu nodded.

There was only one dimmer table lamp in the bedroom, shining on the two people, like a soft light, making the shadows on the wall fall into a vague ambiguity.

His palms, his breath, his kisses landed all over her body, causing her to shiver.

This feeling was very strange. Gu Yunsu had had such close physical contact with many people before, but this feeling of tension, panic, and wanting to struggle as if drowning had not appeared for a long, long time.

She vaguely thought of her first time.

Unlike the people around her, she was never curious about these things and even felt a little disgusted. She had no idea how two strangers could get to the point of seeing each other naked and having their bodies connected.

How much love does that take?

She was more curious about this.

The first time she did it, she pretended to be calm, but she felt so nervous that she was about to faint. She thought a lot during that anxious moment: What if she didn’t do well? What if the other person was not satisfied? What if it was like this in the future?

Her boyfriend understood her "ignorance", but as a straight man of that age, he could only understand to this extent. He could not see at all the suffocating feeling that Gu Yunsu felt in her heart.

It seemed that it was at that time that she realized that there was something wrong with her mind. She had panic attacks regardless of the situation and she had experienced them many times before.

She endured this for several years and spent a lot of money to consult a psychologist several times.

Then after sorting it out clearly, based on the physical contact alone, it is very likely related to Wu Limei.

Her dissatisfaction and resentment towards Wu Limei in gender relations eventually turned into a sharp sword and "retribution" came upon herself.

But Gu Yunsu was so stubborn that she didn't want to lose. In her subsequent relationships, she never worried about this matter again. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect. If she couldn't adapt the first time, she could try a few more times. Anyway, as long as her acting skills were good, no man would pay attention to such details as "uneasiness" and "disgust" at this time.

As the number increased, she had a few relatively good experiences, so much so that she almost forgot how much she rejected this thing in the beginning.

But that night, she didn't know whether it was the "breakup" with Wu Limei that aroused her inner fear, or Xu Wenbin's gentle care that aroused her coquettishness, she seemed to have turned back into the ignorant self, who would only cry while hugging the quilt after her boyfriend left.

Save me.

After so many nights, those vague dreams finally took on a clear form.

Save me.

So this is what she wanted to say.

It's not simply a fear of sex or intimate relationships, nor is it a worry about eventual loss; rather, she hopes someone can help her as she doesn't know what to do, has lost her direction and interest in life, and has no motivation to escape.

She knows that life is hard and everyone has endless sufferings. She also knows that real life is completely different from the fairy tale world. No one can fully bear the weight of another person. Expecting others to save you will only make you fall into the quagmire of deception and disappointment. She also knows that as long as you think positively, nothing is a big deal. The missing father, the messy mother-daughter relationship, the troublesome reorganized family, and not knowing how to work hard to achieve the successful life ideal, all of this is okay. There are many people in this world who are more miserable than her. At least she still has food to eat and a place to sleep, right?

She knew, she knew everything. She was 28 years old and had lived an ordinary life for 28 years. What was there that she didn't know?

But she was just too tired. Those little disappointments that accumulated in daily life, those unhappiness that she didn't even want to mention anymore, were like water dripping through a stone, and they crushed a person in an extremely gentle way.

But who in this world is not like this?

Sometimes she even thought that the gods were really miserable. She couldn't get any peace without wearing earplugs every day. Once the curtain was lifted, she could see the people on the ground crying, shouting, and praying, all of which were sad cries.

If the immortals do not have enough cultivation, they will also become depressed.

In this world of suffering, who can save whom?

Gu Yunsu sniffed.

Xu Wenbin quickly stopped all actions.

He asked, “What’s wrong?”

"No." Gu Yunsu said with a nasal voice, "It was just a momentary excitement, don't worry about it." She hugged the other's neck, not letting him look into her eyes, "You continue."

But Xu Wenbin was not fooled.

He touched her hair and asked, "Are you unhappy?"

"No, I'm just too happy." She said, a little embarrassed. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Of course not." This time Xu Wenbin refused outright and simply lay down on the bed from her body, as if he was going to get to the bottom of everything. "There are two of us in total. If you don't want me to care about you, then is it enough for you to only care about me?"

What's wrong with that? Gu Yunsu thought to himself that most men do this anyway, even though they don't realize it themselves.

She didn't know what to say.

Especially now that she was naked, she felt a little empty psychologically. What should she say? She had mixed feelings, thinking about the past and the present, and wanted to save all living beings, but she couldn't save herself, and she felt extremely guilty because she couldn't save everyone.

It's just sex, no need to think so much!

She knew she was too crazy.

How dare she say it?

"Don't ask anymore." She said half-rejectingly and half-beggingly, and simply turned slightly in the opposite direction, using her actions to indicate that the conversation was over and the entertainment activities were over.

But at the same time, she couldn't help but think sadly in her heart, it's over, I messed up again, why does she always have the ability to mess up everything?

This self-pity intensified as the other party did not respond in time. Within a few seconds, it cooled down, both the body and the mind.

But at this moment, a warm embrace embraced her.

Xu Wenbin put his hand on her waist, conveying some warmth, and said with a little dissatisfaction but helplessness: "Okay, I won't force you. Tell me when you are willing, okay?"

How come this man...

How can you be so sensitive and gentle?

How did he see through her barely revealed vulnerability beneath her superb acting skills? How did he know that these problems had reached a point that would affect the lovemaking? And how did he have the patience to not complain even when he was interrupted in the middle of the lovemaking?

Gu Yunsu couldn't help but wonder, after being a scumbag harvester for so many years, could it be that she finally got lucky and found a treasure? !

No, that's not right, she didn't think so. She also felt that this was her good luck, but it also proved indirectly that she must have done something right.

Only when a person loves himself, respects himself, and cherishes himself, can he be treated the same way by others.

The most important thing in this world is yourself, and the most worthy person is yourself. Everyone has flaws, and overall she is better than most people. Why should she be humble?

Perhaps it was Qin Yuxuan's departure that finally made her realize that making compromises will not make someone who doesn't love you enough stay with you for long.

If you look at it from this perspective, she should really be grateful to the other party for teaching her a lesson.

Thinking of this, it seems that all the unsolvable problems are not so scary anymore.

As a person, no matter how brave your heart is or how productive your land is, as long as you have confidence, all problems are not problems, at least not at this moment.

It only takes a second to figure it out. Humans are such emotional animals.

At least, that wasn't the question she wanted to think about right now.

Xu Wenbin still maintained the previous posture, holding her against his chest.

She couldn't help but move, turned around, and poked his chest muscle: "Hey."

"What?" Xu Wenbin asked in a deliberately unpleasant tone, like a sulky child.

Gu Yunsu grinned and acted sweet, pretending to be a little timid, trying to attract sympathy: "Do you want to continue?"

Xu Wenbin didn't know whether to laugh or cry: "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Gu Yunsu wrinkled his nose playfully and bared his teeth at the man, "I'm fine. Shall we continue?"

She blinked hard again, using all her skills in acting coquettishly. She just didn't believe that Xu Wenbin would remain indifferent.

Sure enough, the other party rolled his eyes, pulled her ears, and sighed helplessly: "You are such a nuisance."

"Hehe." Gu Yunsu smiled and kissed his Adam's apple.

Then Xu Wenbin let out a low moan, took the initiative and led her into the gentle night.

No matter what quagmire you find yourself, you have to dig it out by yourself. No one in this world can lead you out except yourself.

Gu Yunsu knew.

But at least there is someone who can give you some comfort during this process.