After exchanging a few pleasantries with her, Zhou Qiqi brought up Zhao Damei and asked if she was coming over today.
Sister-in-law Wang said:
"Da Mei came yesterday and said she wouldn't be coming today. I noticed she didn't look well, so I asked her about it, but she didn't elaborate. It seemed like she didn't want to talk about it."
This amplified Zhou Qiqi's unease.
She immediately ran to the telephone booth, wanting to call the village committee of Zhao Damei's village to ask.
I dialed the number several times, but there was always static on the other end. The person who answered the phone spoke intermittently, saying that the power supply in the village was unstable and the lines were bad, so I couldn't hear what they were saying at all.
Zhou Qiqi became increasingly worried, fearing that something serious had happened to Zhao Damei's family.
She hurried home, entrusted Zhouzhou to Zhu Yingying's care, and then prepared to take her bicycle to Shimen Village.
Just as I stepped out of the military dependents' area, I ran into Deng Cuixiang, who was returning from packing up her stall.
Deng Cuixiang was still happily thinking that Zhou Qiqi had come to bring good news, but when she heard that Zhao Damei might have had an accident, her expression became serious. Without saying a word, she borrowed Zhu Yingying's bicycle and rode with Zhou Qiqi to Shimen Village.
When they arrived at Shimen Village and inquired about Zhao Damei's family, the villagers looked at them with a strange gaze, a mixture of curiosity and gloom, a feeling that was hard to describe.
After asking several shops, the last one was a young woman sewing shoe soles at her door. Seeing their urgency, she pointed in a direction:
"Looking for Widow Zhao? It seems her whole family went up the mountain today. Look, it's over there. Just keep going straight until you see a stone well, then turn right and you'll get there."
Deng Cuixiang sighed and whispered to Zhou Qiqi, "There's nothing we can do. Widows attract a lot of gossip. If anything happens, the whole village will be watching."
Zhou Qiqi felt quite bad. She had always thought Zhao Damei was optimistic and strong, but she never expected her to be in such a situation in the village.
Fortunately, the roads in Shimen Village are relatively flat.
Following the directions, the two rode along the way and soon found the conspicuous stone well.
I turned right and hadn't ridden far when I spotted a familiar figure in the distance.
Zhou Qiqi initially thought that Zhao Damei's family had gone to work in the fields, but when she got closer, she realized that the hillside was not farmland at all.
What comes into view is a landscape of undulating earthen mounds, many of which have simple stone tablets or wooden signs standing in front of them.
This is the cemetery of Shimen Village.
In December, the mountains and fields of the north have long since lost their greenery.
The withered yellow grass shivered in the cold wind, and a few bare old trees stretched out their gnarled branches, adding to the desolation.
The memorial service seemed to have ended long ago. Three children dressed in white mourning clothes were picking up firewood in the dry grass not far away, their small baskets on their backs were full.
In front of the grave, only Zhao Damei, dressed in mourning clothes, remained kneeling upright.
Zhou Qiqi and Deng Cuixiang parked their bicycles by the roadside. Zhou Qiqi was anxious and was about to walk over quickly to call for help.
But Deng Cuixiang grabbed her arm, shook her head vigorously, pointed in Zhao Damei's direction, and mouthed "shh".
Zhou Qiqi then stopped and listened intently.
It was so quiet here that Zhou Qiqi could clearly hear Zhao Damei's suppressed sobs from a distance.
At times like these, it's really not appropriate to go up and disturb them.
Zhou Qiqi and Deng Cuixiang stood there, holding their breath, caught in a dilemma.
They had no intention of eavesdropping, but making a noise now would only make things more awkward.
Zhou Qiqi understood that with Zhao Damei's stubborn and strong-willed nature, only by using this desperate measure could she hear a few words of her heart.
Zhao Damei was emotional, crying and muttering to herself at the grave, her voice carried intermittently by the wind.
Zhou Qiqi had some difficulty understanding, but by guessing and piecing things together, she finally managed to grasp the gist of it.
She was saying "I'm sorry" to the man underground.
She talked about how she had met Zhang Guoqiang while working in the city, and how he had been kind to her, which made her feel uneasy.
She said she felt sorry for her deceased husband. She had clearly sworn at his grave to protect the family, raise the children, and take care of her father-in-law until his death, but she was almost blinded by the "good" outside.
It wasn't until yesterday, when Zhang Guoqiang broke the ice and said he wanted to start a new life with her, that she suddenly woke up to reality.
If she really marries Zhang Guoqiang, this family will fall apart.
The children are fine; they're still young and like going to the city with her. But what about her father-in-law?
My mother-in-law passed away early, leaving my father-in-law all alone.
Although the old man's mind is sometimes clear and sometimes confused, and he can take care of his daily life, how can we really leave him alone?
When she was in the village, those gossipy women openly and secretly bullied her family because they were an orphan and a widow.
They say she's still young, only in her thirties, she definitely can't keep a relationship, and even if she does, she might end up having an affair with her father-in-law...
If she really leaves, leaving her father-in-law all alone, who knows what kind of gossip he'll be subjected to? The spittle and slander could crush the old man.
She can't be so selfish, only thinking about her own pleasure.
Finally, as if she had exhausted all her strength, her voice lowered:
"These past few days... I've been quite happy, it feels like I've gone back to being a young girl, just like the young people in the city, dating and having relationships, but... but it's probably time to end it... let's just leave it at that..."
"For this period of time... that's enough. Guoqiang... deserves better!"
"I am a mother of three, and my father-in-law's only hope. I can't! I can't!"
Hearing this, Zhou Qiqi felt as if a heavy stone was lodged in her heart.
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