Chapter 56 Chapter 56 Otti/I am convinced that the world needs...
In early October, the Norman family boarded the carriage for their return journey.
Outside Winston Manor, the night dragged on. Anna and Edward burst into tears. Jenny hugged Audrey and tried her best to smile, "Dear, remember to write to me."
Audrey's eyes moistened, but she quickly suppressed them, smiled, and kissed her mother's cheek: "I will. Love you, Mom."
"Love you, my child." Jenny kissed Audrey's cheek and nodded to Greta and Hermann. "Goodbye, and thank you for your hospitality."
Greta took Jenny's hand, her eyes filled with reluctance. "Write to me often, Jenny. If possible, I really hope you can stay here forever."
"Oh, Greta, this is also my wish, but it is a pity that it cannot be realized. Would you like to visit Lawson County when you are free?" Jenny looked at Greta with a smile. The two of them had formed a deep friendship during this time, but Norman Manor could not be without a hostess. No matter how reluctant they were, they had to say goodbye after all.
She didn't want the scene to be too sad, so she quickly got on the carriage and waved from the window: "Goodbye, go back."
Audrey kept waving and watched her family leave until they could no longer see the carriage.
The leaves were turning yellow in Kent, and a cool breeze ruffled her hair.
Herman didn't miss the disappointment in her eyes. After a few seconds of silence, he suddenly said, "You can go home for Christmas this year."
This "home" naturally refers to the Norman manor.
Audrey came to her senses, took his arm, and walked into the house together.
"Since the day I got married, this has been my home." She smiled, her blue eyes as clear as ever. "If I go back to Lawson County, it's just like when my parents come here, we're 'guests'."
Hermann was silent.
Although his wife was smiling beside him, he subconsciously wanted to say something comforting.
He didn't know why he used the word "comfort", but he felt that there seemed to be sadness in those blue eyes.
She hid it well, but Hermann was good at seeing through her heart, but he was not a good doctor who could prescribe the right medicine.
After escorting Audrey all the way to her room, he spoke: "You are the mistress of Winston Manor. Everything here is up to you."
Audrey was slightly startled. Although she didn't know why Herman said this out of the blue, she still said politely, "Thank you, Herman. Can I make a request now?"
Herman's straight back finally relaxed: "You say."
"I don't have enough data on the machines right now. I want to visit more factories."
Herman paused. "That's all?"
Audrey: "If possible, please give me a new machine. The previous one is broken."
"Well, I'll tell Charles." Herman unconsciously clenched his fingers. "I'll assign you another assistant. If you need anything else, you can tell him directly."
Audrey: "No, Lucy can be my assistant."
The conversation stalled.
Hermann paused for a moment. "Besides studying the machine, is there anything else you need?"
"No more." Audrey seemed a little confused, with a blank look in her blue eyes.
Hermann was not a talkative man, but tonight he was unusually attentive to her needs.
Audrey thought for a moment and smiled, "You're worried that I'll be sad after my parents leave, right?"
Herman looked away: "Obviously you didn't, my worries were unnecessary."
At this time in the past, Audrey would probably make a joke, but now she just smiled and said nothing.
"Good night, have a good rest." Herman lowered his eyes and wanted to reach out to open the door for her.
Audrey's hand was on the doorknob first, and she turned it neatly, then nodded: "Good night, Mr. White, see you tomorrow."
The door slowly closed before his eyes, and Hermann paused for a long moment.
The familiar fragrance lingers around me, and the warmth of my arm has not yet faded.
The light from the corridor shone on the silver-gray hair, and his cold eyebrows were the same as usual, but it seemed that something had quietly changed.
When a dragonfly lands on your heart, it causes more than just a momentary tremor.
A hurricane stirred by tiny wings can cause snow-capped mountains thousands of miles away to gradually collapse, but before that moment comes, everything seems normal.
Just like now, he was facing the closed door, feeling a little confused but helpless.
After a long pause, he finally turned and left.
Audrey heard the footsteps gradually fading away through the door. She sighed softly, threw herself onto the soft bed, and buried her head in the pillow.
When she was little, she was afraid to sleep alone, so her sister agreed to accompany her and said that brave children would get gifts if they explored the dark. In the middle of the night, her sister quietly left and stuffed the pillow into her arms.
The next day she angrily questioned her sister: "Bella, you are lying. There are no gifts for the brave!"
Not only did the elder sister not feel guilty, she also said slowly: "The pillow is a gift from the brave Otti."
Otti: "Then...then you didn't sleep with me!"
"But you slept soundly last night alone."
Otti was confused: "Yeah."
Her sister stuffed the pillow back into her hands and said, "Take good care of your little friend. Hold him when you are scared. He is a witness to your bravery."
Five-year-old Otti was sent away by his sister with just a few words.
But since then, she was no longer afraid of sleeping alone and became a truly brave person.
Audrey took out the sapphire necklace given by her sister from under her pillow.
She stroked the necklace, thinking of the funny things in her childhood, and couldn't help laughing. The fatigue of the past few days gradually dissipated.
After returning from Haddonfield, Audrey devoted herself to research on machine improvement.
But this is not an easy task that can be accomplished overnight. What's more, she is a "self-taught expert" and it is normal for her to encounter obstacles in her research.
Audrey's mood, which had just improved, became gloomy again when she thought of this.
Not long ago, she went to town to visit Kevin.
Only then did I know that Hermann had arranged for a doctor to treat him and had also paid a large additional pension.
If Kevin hadn't told her, she would still be in the dark.
Audrey knew very well that this was care beyond the system and was done for her sake.
Unfortunately, although the doctor cured Kevin's injuries, he brought bad news - Kevin was suffering from "byssinosis".
That day, she saw with her own eyes that the young man was coughing up blood and the doctors were helpless.
In the shabby and dim little house, Kevin's eyes have lost their luster. He grew up alone without a father or a mother. He finally met his sweetheart and wanted to give her a better life, so he worked hard to make money, but was sentenced to death by life.
However, he was only depressed for a moment. He quickly supported his weak body, took out the check from Charles from the box, and handed it to Audrey. "Mrs. White, please help me pass it to Rose."
Rose was his fiancée, the young girl who asked Audrey to dance that night.
"You're getting married soon, so you should leave it to her yourself, right?" Audrey had a bad feeling in her heart.
Kevin was silent for a long time, wiped his eyes, and said with a smile: "People like me can't delay her."
That day, after leaving Kevin's house, Audrey walked along the town for a long time.
She didn't accept the check, but told Kevin not to give up and keep it for treatment. Even if something happened... she would help him take care of Rose.
Her words comforted Kevin, but her own confidence seemed to be blown away by the wind.
Audrey found a secluded hillside and sat down, letting the breeze mess up her hair.
For the first time since arriving in Kent, she felt helpless.
I don’t know who to talk to about the chaotic thoughts in my mind.
She really wanted to develop a new type of machine as soon as possible, but it seemed as if God was deliberately making things difficult for her. The more anxious she was, the more trouble she would cause.
Several failed experiments brought her thinking to a dead end, and she even began to doubt whether her ideas were wrong from the beginning.
She wanted to find someone to discuss it with, but almost all the technical talents belonged to the Mechanical Association under the church. Even the experts hired by the White Factory would only play with her like a child and would not reveal any of the core of the machinery.
At this moment, curled up in bed, covering her head with a pillow, Audrey sighed deeply.
For myself, for Kevin, and for the uncertain future.
Suddenly, there was a knock on the door and Lucy came in with milk.
"Miss Isabel."
Audrey lifted the pillow and smiled: "Lucy, why didn't you go to rest?"
Lucy put the milk on the table and was silent for a moment before saying, "Master and Madam just left. I guess you're not in a very good mood right now."
Audrey held the cup and drank milk, with a white circle around her mouth: "Oh, dear, I'm not that fragile."
Lucy wiped her mouth and said, "But you look tired lately."
Audrey tilted her head back and obediently let her wipe it: "Is it obvious?"
Lucy smiled.
Audrey muttered, "It seems it's not my acting that's the problem, it's that you're too smart."
Lucy smiled and looked at Audrey gently: "People who care about you will naturally notice that something is wrong with you. I'm not the only one."
Audrey was startled, and suddenly thought of Herman's pause outside the door.
When it comes to love, she is also a self-taught expert, without a mentor, and has her own system.
It’s like researching a machine. Once you hit a bottleneck, there’s no one to discuss it with. You can only rely on yourself to write formulas, do experiments, and force your way through.
She is not one to dwell on her emotions.
In the car that day, Audrey used mathematical thinking to judge the situation and came to the conclusion that she should focus on solving the most important thing first and put the emotional matters aside.
This didn't mean she was disgusted with Hermann or deliberately avoiding him. She just turned on energy-saving mode, pausing to study his thoughts and distract herself.
Otherwise, once you start speculating like you are now, “Did he care about me just now?” “Why didn’t he say it directly if he cared about me?” “Is it just me guessing if he didn’t say it directly?”
The thoughts in my head will never end.
But these are insignificant compared to Kevin's blood-stained handkerchief.
Noticing the distracted look in Audrey's eyes, Lucy tucked in her quilt. "Improving the machine is no easy task. If the other Miss Norman were here, she definitely wouldn't want to see you shoulder all the burdens."
Speaking of her sister, Audrey was silent for a long time, then forced a smile. "Yeah, why should I carry a burden that doesn't belong to me? I'm not a savior. If my sister were here, would she think I was stupid too?"
"Like Herman said, the world operates according to its own rules, and everyone has their own destiny. Because of a brief encounter, I wanted to intervene in Kevin's fate, but he's already terminally ill. What's the point of improving the machine now?" Audrey's eyes were filled with confusion. "If I can't save my friend, should I continue on this path? Can I do it?"
"That day I vowed to Charles that I would succeed, but the reality is that I failed again and again." Audrey took a deep breath, buried her head in the pillow, and said in a muffled voice, "Lucy, I'm not afraid of failure of the experiment, nor am I afraid of embarrassment. I'm just afraid..."
She paused for a long time, her voice choked with sobs: "I'm just afraid that everything I do is meaningless."
Improved machinery is merely "improvement." It can't eliminate byssinosis, much less change the oppressed workers' fate. It's like the queen forcing them into marriage with a single engagement. This is what Hermann calls... the rules of the world.
She was a survivor within the rules, a pampered Mrs. White even when she was forced to do so. What, after all, did the workers have to do with her? Why did she want to fight for them after seeing the factory buildings filled with flying catkins? Why did she feel an inexplicable resentment after hearing Hermann's talk about the rules of capital?
Why did she feel so sad when she saw Kevin spitting blood and handing the check he earned with his life to his fiancée?
Isn't that the workers' fate? Has God already written their destiny?
But she was a baroness, a Mrs. White, a beautiful bird in a golden cage, well-fed and well-clothed, a life that everyone envied. Why should she be so unsatisfied? Why should she still be so self-righteous, thinking that she was so smart and could change the world, change her own life, change their lives?
Audrey covered her face with a pillow and trembled all over.
The sapphire necklace felt cool, and water droplets fell on the stone.
In reality, she couldn't improve the machines, the workers' lives, or her own. They all lived within the rules of the world. Some were destined to live in the clouds, some in the mire, and some to spend their lives in cages.
She wasn't a worker, but in the end, it made no difference.
The air was filled with sadness, and Lucy's soft voice rang in my ears: "If another Miss Norman were here, perhaps she could offer more practical advice. But unfortunately, tonight, I am the only one who witnesses your vulnerability."
"My dear young lady, I'm absolutely certain that your sister wouldn't think your idea is foolish." Lucy blinked. "Even if it is, so what? Before the advent of the first steam engine, who would have believed that a small machine could change the world? Before Margaret became the first baroness, who would have believed that a woman could fight in battle and become a hero of the country?"
"I don't have extensive knowledge, but I remember what your sister said." Lucy held Audrey's head in her arms and gently stroked it. "No matter what, please always be optimistic and determined."
Audrey looked up: "Even if I decide to be a fool?"
"Yes, even if he's a fool." Lucy raised an eyebrow, "A fool who wants to change the world and doesn't want Haddonfield to be shrouded in gray forever."
She paused, then hugged Audrey again. "I'm sure the world needs more fools like this."
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