Chapter 74 Love is absolute—it's all or nothing…
The boy stood under the lamplight, his eyebrows and eyes were aloof and noble, but his gaze was like that of a fanatical madman.
"You clearly like me too, so why did you run away?"
Every word seemed to be squeezed out from the depths of his throat.
"My heart is beating so fast..."
"Your eyes are never innocent when you look at me."
Risa was speechless.
Every word he uttered hit the bullseye.
It was as if, in the center of a temple, before the gods, her carefully woven disguise was being peeled away layer by layer. The true desires hidden behind the shackles of morality and reason were laid bare on the altar, with nowhere to hide.
Risa was pushed to the brink of collapse by him, and finally gritted her teeth and said:
"...shameless."
“Yes, I’m shameless.” Yukimura admitted frankly, a resolute determination rising deep in his eyes, “To get my sister, I’m giving up all my manners, elegance, and the mask of being a model student…”
Risa looked at the unfamiliar boy in front of her and felt a suffocating dizziness.
She closed her eyes briefly, and when she spoke again, her voice was unusually calm:
"Yukimura, I can give you the answer."
I like you.
"When I became aware of it, this feeling was already ingrained in my bones."
"But my liking for it ends here."
She raised her teary eyes and said, "I can't give you the result you want."
The entryway fell into a deathly silence.
"Let's continue to be friends from now on."
She smiled and said, "Although I'd like to say that, the choice is yours."
Risa turned around to turn the doorknob.
The moment her fingertips touched the metal, he abruptly pulled her back.
"Don't leave."
His voice was very soft, yet it bound her like chains.
She turned around and placed her palm on his chest.
A rapid heartbeat emanated from beneath her shirt, making her fingertips go numb.
"It's been hurting like hell here since just now."
He looked up at her, his purple eyes misty with tears, yet a smile still played on his lips.
"So, at least tell me... which part went wrong?"
Risa froze.
He was serious.
......
In the living room, the air conditioner hissed, and water droplets condensed on the outside of a glass.
Risa curled up in a corner of the sofa, her fingertips unconsciously rubbing the silver bracelet on her wrist. Yukimura sat opposite her, his gaze calm, as if waiting for a negotiation.
She never imagined that her first confession would turn out like this.
"Since you know my past, you should understand the gap between us."
"What difference?"
“Age, experience, future—” Risa’s voice was hoarse, “Every time I get close to you, I feel like I’m committing a crime.”
Yukimura remained silent for two seconds.
Even now, reason and desire are battling in my mind. This feeling of self-loathing coupled with the uncontrollable urge to see you... you'll never understand...
After a long pause, Yukimura replied softly, "Yes, I really don't understand."
He stood up, put one knee on the sofa, and braced his arm on her side.
"But I think... no one but me would understand."
He took her hand and pressed it against his heart.
"Because the hand you're touching right now, and every heartbeat you feel, is the same age as you."
His palm throbbed rapidly like a trapped beast, and his fingertips tightened.
"Your so-called 'immorality' and 'self-loathing' are nothing but shackles you've put on yourself."
Risa abruptly pulled her hand away. "How can the weight of a soul be the same?"
The silver bracelet struck the handrail with a muffled thud, like a sob.
"What's the difference?" Yukimura chuckled. "Your soul is 25 years old, so you'll still be bought off by the strawberry cake, won't you?"
Risa's pupils suddenly contracted.
“Eight years,” he said suddenly.
“…What?” She was taken aback.
"Give me eight years." The boy's eyes burned with determination. "I will catch up with all the 'gap' you' have."
His arrogant tone and earnest gaze made her heart skip a beat.
Risa paused, then turned her face away: "...Don't say childish things."
“Let’s talk about something more mature.” He grabbed her chin, forcing her to turn back and look directly at him.
"Why are you rejecting me? Don't give me those high-sounding excuses, I want to hear the truth."
Risa's breathing became erratic.
His fingertips were burning hot, leaving her mind blank.
"...Yukimura."
She finally spoke, her voice trembling slightly.
"What is it about me that you like? This 17-year-old body, or your wounded soul?"
“I like the way you are when you weigh the pros and cons, but still soften your heart,” he replied without hesitation.
Like now, she could easily push him away, but she can't even bring herself to say a harsh word.
"So that means your feelings for me might just be—"
That's enough.
He pressed his thumb to her lips, cutting her off.
"Risa, I told you—"
I don't want to hear excuses.
Yukimura leaned down, and as their warm breaths mingled, he chuckled softly:
"Or... do you actually prefer me pushing you like this?"
The distance suddenly closed, and his dark pupils trembled.
In the blink of an eye, the corners of her lips curled up, revealing a cold smile that he hadn't seen in a long time, one that didn't reach her eyes.
"Then tell me..."
What can I get out of dating you?
"Two years from now, after graduation, will you marry me?" She poked her fingertip at his heart. "Will you hold me every night as I fall asleep like a husband? Or will you treat me like family...?"
Her voice choked, but a smile still lingered on her lips: "Always appearing the moment I need you?"
Yukimura paused slightly, his eyes darkening.
Amidst the hum of the air conditioner, she chuckled softly:
"You can't. You won't give up tennis; you'll go even further next year."
"To you, I was nothing more than a pastime of adolescence."
His knuckles stiffened, and the pressure on her chin loosened slightly.
"There are indeed people who believe that dating and marriage are unrelated. No, it should be said that this is the normal way to think."
She took a half step back, a coldness he had never seen before surfacing in her eyes, "But unfortunately—"
"I am not that kind of person."
"Love is absolute. It's all or nothing."
"A momentary thrill, a fleeting indulgence, a brief moment of pleasure... mean nothing to me."
The silver bracelet swayed gently on her wrist.
"The lover I want must choose me steadfastly and unwaveringly. Not as a pastime, not as an option, but to give me his all."
"We also need to consider their identity, character, and future value... understand?"
Every word was like an icicle, piercing both him and his own heart.
Yet her voice remained steady, even carrying a hint of elegant cruelty.
She tilted her head and sized him up, as if evaluating a product:
Do you have this kind of awareness?
The air seemed to freeze.
"I see."
The boy pressed his knuckles against his brow, his shoulders trembling slightly with laughter.
"You finally said it."
He looked into her eyes, a thin layer of ice rising in his purple pupils.
So in your eyes—
"My tennis is an obstacle, my future is a risk, my sincerity... is it a cheap commodity?"
The cold air from the air conditioner condensed into white frost.
"The most ridiculous thing is..."
"You didn't even bother to verify it before sentencing me to death."
Risa lowered her eyes, her fingertips unconsciously digging into her palm.
"Why are you avoiding my gaze?" Yukimura drew closer to her evasive eyes, his breath hot. "I heard your rejection, but what about the words you didn't say?"
She trembled all over.
He leaned forward, casting her shadow:
"Risa, tell me the real reasons you don't want to say."
Risa knew she couldn't fool him.
"Yukimura, between us..."
"It's like a practice match through a net."
"I can see every flaw in your past, but I may not be able to catch the ball you hit into the future."
"Once you've seen the real world, you'll realize that the excitement you feel right now is nothing more than a fleeting moment—"
"Is this your real concern and worry?" Yukimura asked her. "Afraid that I'll regret it in the future?"
Risa did not answer.
The boy suddenly smiled.
"How about we take a gamble?"
He grabbed her hand and pressed it against his heart.
I bet that my heart will still beat this fast for you ten or twenty years from now.
"I believe you will win." Risa forced a bitter smile.
"But I don't believe in myself."
Yukimura frowned: "What do you mean?"
Risa replied:
"Love is a shackle; it makes people weak and prone to compromise."
"But I don't want to."
"I don't want to lose myself for you, and I don't want to become your shackles."
silence.
It's suffocating.
He suddenly raised his hand and covered her eyes. In the instant darkness enveloped her, Risa froze.
"Since there are too many distracting thoughts, then don't look, just listen."
The palm was burning hot, yet the voice was frighteningly calm:
"Risa, you're absolutely right about one thing,"
"We are indeed different."
"You are imprisoning your present self with the shackles of your past life,"
"And I—"
"I just want to smash these cages and take you away."
Before she could speak, he stopped her: "Let me finish."
"The one you are talking to now is not a naive boy who has been misled by you; but Yukimura Seiichi, who knows the price but still clings to you."
"You're always like this, sacrificing yourself without permission."
"Because the spirit lived a few years longer than me, it took it upon itself to put on the mask of 'protector'."
"They arbitrarily decided what was good for me without ever asking my opinion."
"Risa, I don't want your self-sacrifice."
"What I want is for you to follow your heart."
"Believe in yourself, and believe that I can take responsibility for my choices."
The voice suddenly softened:
"Meeting at the summit is a promise you and I made."
So don't talk about changing the trajectory—
"Love is not a shackle, love is a balance of power."
"It is the mutual reflection of two complete souls, sharing both storms and sunshine."
After a brief pause, he continued:
"Risa, I don't want to lie to you with empty promises. I may not be able to be by your side all the time for the next five years, but I promise that in ten years, or even seven or eight years, I will definitely fulfill your wish."
“I will prove to you that my feelings for you have never been a fleeting infatuation. From holding hands to getting married, I will take every step seriously. I will fulfill all your fantasies about your ‘husband’.”
His voice was soft, but every word struck Risa's heart like a hammer blow.
"I know it sounds like I'm just making empty promises now."
"I don't need you to believe me now."
But at least—
He released his grip and took a half-step back. "...This is my answer."
Risa opened her eyes and plunged into that gentle, deep purple sea.
"After learning the whole truth, how do you view me?"
"Even for just a moment, have you ever imagined a future with me? Have you ever tossed and turned, unable to sleep, because of me...?"
"Just say it..."
He lowered his eyelashes, casting an uneasy shadow.
Risa's heart clenched as well.
"As long as you don't need me, and you say you want me to disappear, I will..."
She suddenly grabbed his collar, her fingertips trembling slightly as she covered his lips.
How could she possibly—
How could I bear to do this?
To cast such a vicious curse upon him?
How could he utter such a cruel bet in such a nonchalant tone?
My throat is so dry it hurts.
Those prepared, resolute words swirled on the tip of her tongue, eventually turning into a barely audible sob.
Yukimura's gaze never left him.
The trembling and unease in her purple eyes were clearly visible.
Like a prisoner awaiting trial.
The air felt as if it were on fire, thick and scorching.
My thoughts drifted and swayed like dandelion seeds scattered by the wind.
The hands hanging at the sides of the body are curled up and then relaxed repeatedly.
He's right.
She was constantly afraid.
She was afraid of the uncertainties of the future, and even more afraid that she would become a burden to him.
So she used reason to build a high wall, trapping herself inside, thinking that this would ensure she would be safe.
Perhaps I've been waiting for this moment all along.
Wait until he breaks through all safe distances, wait until he walks towards her without hesitation, leaving her nowhere to escape.
The tightly clenched hands finally slowly relaxed.
—She gave up.
It wasn't a perfunctory response, nor was it a concession; rather... she admitted it.
Torn between reason and emotion, he finally admitted that he longed to be conquered.
Risa's eyelashes trembled and drooped. "...I give up."
Yukimura's eyes suddenly lit up.
He grabbed her hand and took a step closer: "Explain yourself, Risa."
"So you've agreed to my request?"
She lowered her head, unable to hide the blush on her ears: "...There are conditions. First, you can't call me 'sister' anymore; second, you can't cross that line before graduation; third—"
Before he could finish speaking, the doorbell rang suddenly.
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