Half a year passed in the blink of an eye. In the spring, Yan Xin suddenly fainted in a clothing store and was later sent to the county hospital. The test results were not good, and the doctor suggested that they transfer to a hospital in the city.
Lin Xiazhu immediately decided to take Yan Xin to S City for treatment. There was nothing to worry about at home. Lin Chacha and Lin Taozi were in town, and she was at ease leaving the clothing store to Zhao Ting. Lin Xiaoxue was as shrewd as a person, so there was even less need to worry about her.
After informing everyone, she set off with Yan Xin. They took a car in the morning and arrived at noon. Just as it was lunchtime, Lin Xiazhu took Yan Xin to a restaurant near the hospital for lunch.
"I have no appetite, I don't want to eat anything, you can eat by yourself." Yan Xin sat listlessly in the chair, her face ashen.
"Even if you don't have an appetite, you should still eat a little something, otherwise you'll feel even worse. Don't worry, I will definitely cure you." Lin Xiazhu ordered her a bowl of lean meat porridge, and for herself a bowl of rice, a plate of stir-fried beef with bean sprouts, and a bowl of pork liver and intestine soup.
Yan Xin suddenly reached out and tightly grasped Lin Xiazhu's hand, "Xiaozhu, do you think my time is up? Will I be able to go back soon?"
Her eyes held both hope and fear, because everything was speculation and uncertain.
"Take care of her first. This isn't a solution." We can't just watch her die; what if she doesn't make it back?
"Sometimes I think maybe I shouldn't waste money on treatment. Sometimes death is a relief. Have you ever heard this saying?"
'I hope my death is happy, and I do not wish to come back.' (This quote is from Frida Kahlo, the famous 20th-century Mexican female painter.)
I didn't understand before, but now it's what I truly feel. I don't want to be Zhao Xiaolian, not even for a moment. I want to be myself again; I am Yan Xin.
Yan Xin spoke words that sounded like her last will and testament, yet she was as calm as if she were telling someone else's story. Ten years of life as a rural woman was enough to wear down all the sharpness and ambition she had in her previous life.
"It will pass. You're still alive. You can't just... go to the hospital to get checked out. If it was all destined, no matter what we do, we can't change it." Only the two of them could understand these words; they were the same yet different.
"Okay, I'll listen to you." Yan Xin stopped obsessing over it and decided to let things take their course.
When the hospital opened in the afternoon, I went to register for a consultation. Soon, Yan Xin was admitted to the hospital. The doctor said that she should stay there first, as there was not enough time today, and a full examination would be conducted tomorrow to determine the diagnosis.
The next day, Yan Xin underwent various tests, and the results came back that afternoon. She had a whole host of ailments, too many to count on one hand: kidney failure, cirrhosis, chronic atrophic gastritis, pulmonary edema, enteritis, heart failure...
Lin Xiazhu: "..." My internal organs are all messed up?
Yan Xin: "..." Couldn't you let her die with some dignity?
"Can it be cured?" Lin Xiazhu asked.
The doctor meant that "if treatment can alleviate the pain, the patient can live for another year or two. If treatment is abandoned, the patient will suffer double the pain and can only live for another six months at most."
Lin Xiazhu: "..." Yan Xin absolutely cannot know.
Although it is said that a short pain is worse than a long one, six months is not an easy time to endure. Moreover, according to past patterns, Yan Xin must get through this period of illness; she cannot die even if she wants to.
Doctors don't recommend telling patients the truth, as it indicates a serious situation. Yan Xin roughly guessed that her condition was incurable. Because she was mentally prepared, she remained calm.
For the next year or so, Yan Xin alternated between living at home and in the hospital. During that time, her condition seemed to be under control, but a year and a half later, her condition suddenly worsened, and even the city was helpless.
Two days before Yan Xin's condition worsened, Lin Xiazhu had just finished her college entrance examination. She had performed very well during the exam and could roughly estimate her score, so she was confident. However, she was used to keeping a low profile, and she didn't tell anyone before the score was released.
Everything happened so precisely on time. Two months later, she turned eighteen, finished her college entrance exams, and was feeling relaxed and carefree when Yan Xin fell seriously ill.
Yan Xin meant that there was no need for further treatment. She had a feeling that the time was probably up and there was no need to waste any more money and effort.
Lin Xiazhu originally thought the same thing, but what troubled her was that she would be going to university in Beijing after the summer vacation. Although the admission notice had not yet been issued, she was 80% confident that she would be admitted.
If Yan Xin only passes away after she leaves Changhe County, wouldn't she have to take leave again to come back and handle her funeral? If she skips the summer vacation, then... cough, she'll have more time to deal with it.
Because it was summer vacation, Lin Chacha and Lin Taozi came back to the county town to stay. They already knew that Zhao Xiaolian was sick, but she seemed to be getting better. They didn't expect her to suddenly become so serious, and they felt that she would soon pass away.
Lin Chacha's eyes were red, and she choked up as she said to Lin Xiazhu, "Sister, how could Mom get so sick? She was almost getting better before."
"Let's take Mom to the city, or even to Beijing. The doctors there are much better; they'll definitely be able to cure Mom's illness." Lin Taozi kept wiping away tears; she had been secretly crying under the covers every night for the past few days.
Lin Xiazhu had mixed feelings. She opened her mouth as if to explain something, but in the end, she said nothing.
What can I say?
Is it true that Zhao Xiaolian is already dead, or is this a lie? Can this be explained clearly?
"Alright, stop going out and messing around so much in the future, especially Chacha, stop thinking about going to the construction site to earn money all the time. Spend more time with Mom, maybe..." Maybe in the future, you won't even have a fake mom anymore.
She didn't care, but Chacha and the others were different. They had feelings for Zhao Xiaolian. They didn't know about the past life, and although Yan Xin was also unreliable in this life, at least Chacha and the others felt maternal love.
Although this maternal love was what Chacha and the others perceived as maternal love, it was nonetheless present.
Putting aside these complicated relationships, Yan Xin had genuinely lived with them for a full ten years. Humans are emotional creatures, and it's true that Lin Xiazhu had always been wary of Yan Xin.
However, it cannot be denied that after ten years of getting along, she had become accustomed to Yan Xin's presence. From the initial arguments to the gradual compromise and acceptance, they tried to get along peacefully because of various entanglements. Yan Xin had no survival skills and shamelessly clung to her.
Because of her age, there can't be no adult in her family, so giving Yan Xin some benefits will encourage her to cooperate and do more.
Later, without realizing it, they reached a tacit understanding, treating each other as confidants and friends, trusting and relying on one another.
The sudden separation wasn't without its challenges; Lin Xiazhu felt sadness and reluctance, but she wouldn't show it. Yan Xin disliked her current identity and wanted to be herself again.
That night, Lin Xiazhu had a dream. In the dream, Yan Xin died, and her soul left Zhao Xiaolian's body, floating in mid-air. She wanted to leave, to go where she was supposed to go, but her soul was trapped in this house and could not get out no matter what.
"Lin Xiazhu, save me, save me..." Yan Xin screamed in despair.
Lin Xiazhu woke up with a start, covered in a cold sweat.
Why is this happening?
She stayed awake all night until dawn, her mind constantly replaying the dream and trying to figure out what it meant.
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