Chapter 46 N - Desire
Chu Beiling's heart skipped a beat, and the wine glass he was toying with froze in mid-air before he calmly put it down.
He stared blankly at the small groups of people, his amber eyes reflecting the figure walking towards him.
Every step Xing Yu took felt like stepping on his heart. Chu Beiling's heart was in great turmoil, jumping wildly and abruptly in his chest, almost leaping out of his throat and into Xing Yu's hand.
It wasn't until Xing Yu sat down next to him, bringing a refreshing and invigorating lemon scent, that Chu Beiling fully came back to his senses.
He sighed dejectedly, but as soon as Xing Yu got closer, he couldn't help but want to get closer.
Chu Beiling reached out and picked up the wine glass, took two sips, and restrained his emotions and impulses.
Zhou Chensu asked about the wine, and Xing Yu pointed to his: "The same as his."
Their eyes met briefly before quickly looking away, followed by an awkward silence. Neither of them spoke, as if they had never met before.
Xing Yu never cared about this suffocating emptiness before, or perhaps he doesn't care now and it doesn't matter to him—
So it's not a big deal to have an ex-boyfriend sitting next to you.
Xing Yu watched Zhou Chensu mix drinks with a leisurely air, not glancing at him again, as if he didn't exist.
Chu Beiling could not pretend that Xing Yu did not exist.
Being so close, Xing Yu's lemon scent, his breath, and his heartbeat all assaulted him relentlessly.
There was nowhere to hide.
Chu Beiling felt like he was sitting on pins and needles. He shifted restlessly, preparing to pay the bill and leave.
Zhou Chensu spoke up at that moment, pushing the wine towards Xing Yu, glancing at the two in front of him, and casually asking, "Do you two know each other?"
Chu Beiling: "I know him."
Xing Yu: "I don't know him."
Their voices, one light and one deep, blended together perfectly, creating a harmonious and tacit understanding.
They were both stunned.
At the same time, the two recalled a scene from many years ago when Xu Tunan asked them if they knew each other. It seemed that they both answered that they did not know each other at that time.
After a moment, they came to their senses. Chu Beiling raised the corners of her lips in a self-deprecating smile, her fingers unconsciously tightening around her wine glass.
Xing Yu glanced at him, then quickly looked away and picked up his wine glass to drink.
Zhou Chensu raised an eyebrow and smiled, "So, do we know each other or not?"
Their relationship went far beyond mere acquaintance. He knew this person's likes and interests, his lifestyle, his principles and bottom lines, and even which parts of his body were sensitive.
That was only ten years ago. Xing Yu was already clearly different from the person he knew. Now they were at most familiar strangers.
Xing Yu is more meticulous than him.
Chu Beiling drank the wine in his cup in one gulp, and then asked Zhou Chensu for another cup.
With a bitter taste in his mouth, he popped a decorative orange slice into his mouth, and the sweet and sour juice spread across his tongue.
Chu Beiling paused for a moment before speaking, "I don't know him."
As he spoke, Xing Yu's voice rang out: "I know him."
There was a tacit understanding, but also a desire to avoid suspicion.
An awkward silence fell over the air once again.
The melodious yet slightly melancholic tune of Rene Liu's "Later" drifted out from the vinyl record on the bar counter.
Midsummer when I was seventeen
The night you kissed me
Let my future days be filled with joy and happiness.
Whenever I feel sentimental,
I can always recall the starlight of that day.
...
Later, I finally learned how to love.
Unfortunately, you have long since gone, disappeared into the sea of people.
Later, I finally understood through my tears.
Some people, once missed, are gone forever.
It will never happen again.
The lyrics, filled with regret and reminiscence, create a melancholic and lingering atmosphere, making the air feel thin and heavy, filled with endless regret. The bittersweet taste of the wine goes down the throat and burns wildly in the chest.
Chu Beiling's nose stung, a rush of heat shot to her eyes, and her nasal cavity was filled with an indescribable discomfort.
He had no choice but to let this suppressed emotion spread through his body.
Chu Beiling glanced at it from the side, but only for a moment before averting his gaze.
Xing Yu held the wine glass in one hand, staring nonchalantly at the liquid inside, but his eyes never left him. He watched him get up, pay the bill, and then leave the tavern.
Xing Yu felt a tightness in his chest. He finished his drink, paid the bill, and followed them out.
As it was New Year's Eve, the streets were still bustling with people even as midnight approached. The streetlights on both sides of the road were wrapped in colorful light strips, shimmering with a dreamlike glow, twinkling like stars, beautiful yet mottled, like an overexposed photograph.
In the dim light and amidst the clamor of voices, the two stood side by side.
One person is waiting for a ride-hailing car, and the other is waiting for a designated driver.
With large crowds on New Year's Eve, Chu Beiling's orders were piling up to the fiftieth or sixtieth, while Xing Yu's designated driver was still nowhere to be found.
"Why won't you change?" Xing Yu glanced at him and broke the silence first.
It took Chu Beiling a moment to understand what Xing Yu was talking about. He met his gaze and asked, "Why change the painting?"
Xing Yu did not answer the question, but instead took his hand. Chu Beiling was stunned for a moment and quickly clenched his fist.
Xing Yu glanced at him and let go of his hand: "I heard from Xu Tunan that you gave up painting, so the reason for not changing is that you haven't painted a single painting in the past ten years?"
Chu Beiling avoided his scrutinizing gaze: "Ex-boyfriends should always maintain boundaries. Whether it was ten years ago or in the last ten years, my paintings shouldn't be here with you. It's inappropriate."
Xing Yu thought of Zhu Qing'an and smiled, "It really isn't suitable."
Chu Beiling asked him again for the sketchbook: "So when are you going to return it to me?"
Xing Yu reiterated, "The album is full of pictures of me, so it's even more inappropriate to give it back to your ex-boyfriend."
The two kept mentioning each other's ex-boyfriends, pushing the atmosphere of cold rejection to its peak. They seemed to want to etch those three words onto each other's foreheads, reminding each other again and again, afraid that they wouldn't be able to draw a clear line.
Chu Beiling stared straight at him, a hint of inquiry in her amber pupils.
He tried to find a breakthrough in Xing Yu's cold and distant gaze:
"Every single painting in that sketchbook was drawn by me. Why did you keep it?"
"Don't be reckless, while I still have a moral bottom line."
Xing Yu raised his hand and gently stroked his neck. His voice seemed to drift from afar, or whisper in his ear. Chu Beiling felt a tickle on his neck and instinctively shrank back.
“Otherwise, I can’t guarantee what I might do, Director Chu,” Xing Yu said fiercely.
The wind chilled his fingertips, and the effects of the alcohol gradually kicked in. Half cold and half hot, Chu Beiling felt extremely uncomfortable all over, and his thoughts completely wandered.
He couldn't understand for a moment what the connection was between preserving his sketchbook and whether Xing Yu had any moral bottom line.
The clock struck midnight.
The new year has arrived.
Ten years later, they greeted the new year together, even though they did nothing but stand quietly on the main road.
Xing Yu forgot their agreement and severed ties with him. Chu Beiling felt that this was better than spending every New Year in Singapore.
Driver Lao Sun arrived on his electric scooter. Xing Yu tossed the scooter keys to Lao Sun, followed him for a couple of steps, then turned to look at Chu Beiling: "Let's go together. I'll have the driver take you home first. It's New Year's Eve, and there will be a lot of people out and about. You'll have a hard time getting a taxi."
Chu Beiling hesitated for a moment, then got into the car with Xing Yu.
The car drove out of the electric vehicle lane and merged into the main road. Chu Beiling stared intently at Xing Yu in the passenger seat.
The neon lights shone into the car, outlining the cold, aloof lines of Xing Yu's profile. His face, illuminated by the light, appeared even more indifferent.
Despite saying she wanted to sever all ties and that was her intention, Chu Beiling couldn't help but want to get closer to Xing Yu, who was so close to her.
He still didn't want to say goodbye to Xing Yu like that.
Chu Beiling thought:
If we had tried harder, wouldn't we have avoided this missed opportunity?
He rarely hesitates or acts rashly. If it's something he wants, no matter how scared he is, Chu Beiling will still try to get it.
Especially when facing Xing Yu.
Chu Beiling had just opened his mouth when the quiet, cramped car was suddenly interrupted by the ringing of a bell.
Xing Yu's phone was connected to the car's Bluetooth, and the three characters "Xu Zeyi" were flashing on the central control LED screen. Xing Yu turned off Bluetooth and answered the call.
Xu Zeyi: "President Xing, was that you at the long-awaited reunion?"
"Yes, I just came out." His voice had softened considerably.
Chu Beiling immediately sat up straight, his ears perked up. Xing Yu seemed to have forgotten that he was her ex-boyfriend in the car and didn't try to avoid him at all: "Okay, then wait for me for a while, I'll be right back."
Xu Zeyi laughed out loud on the other end of the phone, and then said, "Call the little friend who's with you."
Xing Yu frowned slightly, glanced at the rearview mirror, then looked away: "No, I'm alone. He's already gone back."
"Really? What a pity." Xu Zeyi's voice rose at the end: "Okay, I'll wait for you to come."
After Xing Yu hung up the phone, Lao Sun asked, "Mr. Xing, shall I take you there first?"
Xing Yu shook his head and pointed to the back seat: "Take him home first, then you can take me back to that place."
Old Sun nodded and continued driving towards Chu Beiling's apartment.
As the oxygen inside the car gradually evaporated, Chu Beiling's breathing nearly stopped. Staring into Xing Yu's eyes, her pupils slowly lost focus.
He shouldn't have come up here. That way, he wouldn't have heard Xing Yu chatting with other men in front of him, and he wouldn't have had to lie and say that Xing Yu wasn't there and that he was alone to avoid any misunderstanding.
Chu Beiling twitched the corner of his mouth.
He shouldn't have been so pathetic as to cling to her, even deluding himself into thinking that if he tried, there might still be a chance for them.
The reality is clearly laid out before our eyes.
Those who are missed will truly never come back, and Xing Yu started a new life a long time ago.
It was him; he couldn't let go of his obsession and lived in the past.
Chu Beiling bit her lip hard and refused directly: "No need for that trouble. Just drop me off at the next intersection and you can go about your business."
Xing Yu looked up at the rearview mirror: "You're drunk, I'm worried about you going home alone."
Chu Beiling wanted to ask, "So what if you're drunk? You already have someone new, why do you still care about me?" but he couldn't bring himself to say it.
Chu Beiling certainly wouldn't be so narcissistic as to think that Xing Yu was worried because he still had feelings for him.
Xing Yu had always been like this; cold as he was, he was never a cold-blooded or indifferent person. Chu Beiling knew that Xing Yu's gentle concern now was simply because he was kind by nature.
That's why Chu Beiling felt even worse.
He didn't want it either.
“No need.” Chu Beiling looked at Xing Yu and insisted, “Let me down at the intersection ahead.”
Xing Yu lifted his eyelids and said quietly, "This is Hangzhou, not Singapore. Traffic rules are very strict. Parking randomly on the side of the road will result in a fine of 200 yuan and six points deducted. I don't want my driver's license to be revoked. Even if you don't want to be in the same space as me, you'll have to put up with it for now."
"..."
Chu Beiling shut up. He really wanted to leave, but he didn't want to cause Xing Yu any trouble by having his driver's license revoked. He could only sit in the chair and wait to be taken to his destination.
Half an hour later, the car stopped in front of Chu Beiling's apartment building. The vehicle was not registered in the system and could not be driven into the community without access control.
"Thank you for bringing me here." Chu Beiling opened the door and got out of the car. He had just put one foot on the ground when he pulled it back and looked at Xing Yu in the front seat, saying, "Xing Yu, give me an Alipay or WeChat account, and I'll return the 6,600 yuan red envelope you gave to Ke Jincheng."
Xing Yu stared at him silently, a storm brewing in his eyes: "You—"
He clenched his fist, forcing himself to calm down, reached for his phone, lowered his long, pale neck, and his fingertips flew across the screen.
"Scan it." Xing Yu handed the QR code interface to Chu Beiling.
Before Chu Beiling could scan the QR code, Xing Yu's phone screen went black. He put his phone back in his pocket and said, "Get out of the car."
Chu Beiling remained seated, saying, "I haven't scanned it yet."
"The phone's core processor is broken," Xing Yu said.
Chu Beiling: "I don't believe it."
Xing Yu said coldly, "Get out of the car."
Chu Beiling's breath hitched. This was the second time Xing Yu had told him to get lost. He never swore and strictly forbade him from swearing.
I hate him so much now that I tell him to get lost.
Chu Beiling bit his lip hard, every nerve ending throbbing and tingling. He took a deep breath, stubbornly looking at Xing Yu, showing no intention of going down.
Xing Yu pressed the tip of his tongue against his palate, got out of the passenger seat, went around to the back seat, opened the door, pulled Chu Beiling out of the car, and then shoved him hard from behind, pushing him away.
Chu Beiling staggered a few steps and just as she regained her footing, intending to give chase, Xing Yu had already gotten into the car.
The thugs in suits blended into the traffic. Looking at the bustling street, Chu Beiling's eyes were filled with warm tears.
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