Chapter 75 P - Sober
After school, the five of them walked together towards the subway entrance.
Several young men and women chatted and laughed as they boarded Line 3, then transferred to Line 1. When they arrived at Zhanlongkou, the others continued on the subway, while Chu Beiling and Xing Yu got off first and headed home.
When they're together as a group, they can joke around and banter, but when it's just the two of them, Chu Beiling becomes even more mischievous.
Now they have nothing to say.
There's a small area near Exit D of Zhanlongkou that's supposed to be under construction. Workers wearing orange hats are putting up safety warning barriers; they've only fenced off half of it, the other half is still unfenced.
Chu Beiling was absent-minded and tripped over a raised stone brick. He stumbled forward and fell. Just when he thought he was about to make an embarrassing close contact with the ground, a strong hand grabbed him and pulled him back.
Chu Beiling's shoulder bumped against Xing Yu's solid chest, and he felt the icy temperature on his wrist disappear in just a moment.
Chu Beiling turned around and said, "Thank you."
Xing Yu glanced at him and quickly looked away: "You're too kind."
"..."
Xing Yu's eyes are long and narrow, with half-drooping eyelids and slightly upturned corners. When he glances over, his eyes are sharp and cold, giving off a sense of world-weariness and indifference. When he looks straight at you, it's like a brand, imprinted on your body, hot and deep, making it impossible to escape.
Chu Beiling unconsciously gripped the corner of his school uniform with one hand, feeling that at this moment—he should say something.
However, after a long mental struggle, Xing Yu finally broke the silence by saying, "I saw the exam paper."
Chu Beiling wasn't particularly surprised by this, however,
He blinked, waiting for Xing Yu to continue, but he didn't say anything more. He tugged at the strap of his bag, which was drooping down, and walked into the residential area. Chu Beiling was stunned and followed him.
Seeing that he really had no intention of saying anything, Chu Beiling couldn't help but ask, "That's it, that's it!"
Xing Yu glanced at him casually, then looked at the road ahead and asked, "What do you want?"
Chu Beiling wanted to say, "I thought you would want an explanation," but she swallowed the words back.
If Xing Yu asked, he really had no way to explain it.
If he claims he was unintentional, he has to admit that his mind is full of Xing Yu, since being unconscious is the hardest thing to fake.
If he said he was sincere, he still had to admit that he was preoccupied with Xing Yu; otherwise, why would he write Xing Yu's name for no reason at all?
That's terrible.
He had tried his best to restore things to normal, but he was increasingly unable to control Xing Yu. It was as if he were a train that had derailed and was rushing towards Xing Yu in a chaotic and collapsing manner.
The two went up to the fifth-floor platform one after the other. Xing Yu walked up two steps, then turned around as if he had just remembered something and asked, "Do you want to come to Grandma Chen's house tonight? She's been talking about you ever since you didn't come last week."
Chu Beiling stopped unlocking the door, paused for a moment, and said, "I'm not going. Please say hello to Grandma Chen for me."
"Okay." Xing Yu nodded slightly and continued walking uphill.
With a muffled "boom," the rain that had been suppressed all afternoon finally poured down. In the dim light of the corridor, Xing Yu's back, shrouded in the torrential rain, revealed a lonely, broken, and fragile appearance.
Chu Beiling's nose tingled: "Xing Yu."
Xing Yu turned around, not asking why he had called him, but just looking at him quietly, just as he had looked at him countless times before.
Chu Beiling pursed his lips, unsure of what to say. Before he could react, he had already called out to Xing Yu.
"I'm sorry." Chu Beiling lowered his eyes, not knowing what else to say besides apologizing.
Xing Yu's breath hitched. He steadied himself, came down the stairs, and stood opposite Chu Beiling. "Chu Beiling, don't apologize," he said, enunciating each word clearly. "Never apologize, and you don't need to apologize to me."
"I'm fine," Xing Yu silently added in his mind.
Chu Beiling looked up, her eyes bloodshot.
He was really in pain, and even more so, Xing Yu, in order to alleviate his pain and suffering, did not consider his own feelings and only thought about him.
For a moment, Chu Beiling wanted to hold Xing Yu tightly in her arms, but she held back in the end.
He didn't dare to hug her.
They could only watch helplessly as Xing Yu turned and disappeared into the stairwell.
He should have realized his feelings for Xing Yu long ago—an incurable, hopeless affection. He thought he was simply unable to accept it, but seeing Xing Yu's shaky state, he felt that everything seemed insignificant.
What's more, they are art students, and when they go crazy, there's no limit, and art has never and will never limit anything.
He just likes someone, that's no big deal.
But simply because she liked him, because she liked Xing Yu during this time, she impulsively dragged Xing Yu down this path, one she didn't know was right or wrong, but one destined to lead nowhere—
Chu Beiling didn't want to do this, and she couldn't bear to do it.
He has always been self-centered, and once he makes a decision, it is hard to change it. Others' opinions don't matter to him, but how could he bear to let Xing Yu be controversial?
Xing Yu was born to be admired and cherished. Those controversial labels, harsh insults, and strange looks at him as an outsider should never be attached to him.
Never.
Xing Yu's lonely figure reappeared, occupying all his thoughts and reason, but was quickly suppressed by Chu Beiling.
Taking a step forward only brings harm, taking a step back only brings harm; it seems that no matter what he does, it's wrong. Despair and helplessness come over him completely, almost swallowing him up.
A wave of nausea and vomiting washed over Chu Beiling, and he couldn't help but dry heave.
—After the sour feeling subsided, he slowly squatted down, pressed his back against the cold wall, and buried his face in his knees.
Xing Yu stood in the blind spot at the corner of the stairs, looking at Chu Beiling huddled by the door. His fingers gripped the handrail tightly, his short nails digging into the wooden railing as he forcefully suppressed the urge to go forward.
I don't know how much time passed, but the figure downstairs slowly got up from the ground, leaned against the wall, went inside, and closed the door.
Xing Yu moved his body to walk uphill. He had been standing for too long, and his legs were already numb, weak and out of control. He collapsed on the steps and waited for the burning numbness to subside before getting up and continuing to walk uphill.
Chu Beiling had never thought of a way to achieve the best of both worlds, nor had anyone told him how. Amidst the complexity and chaos, Xigao High School faced its final exams.
Their art class has one more day of exams than other classes. The art exams are on Thursday, while the remaining academic subjects are taken together with the other classes.
Chu Beiling had never looked forward to a holiday more than he did now. In the past, he disliked going back to his empty house during holidays and preferred to stay at the bustling school rather than go back.
Later, with Xing Yu by his side, neither of them felt so lonely.
Whether he takes a break or not doesn't really matter to him; he always has Xing Yu by his side.
It seems that things are a little better now that it's a holiday. He can go to Singapore to see Li Shuying and perhaps be separated from Xing Yu for a short period of time. Everything will be alright when school starts next year after the Spring Festival.
Chu Beiling tried to comfort herself, thinking like an ostrich burying its head in the sand.
The final exams are over, and the holiday has officially begun. The results will be released in two days. The school did not expel students, and most students plan to wait until they receive their report cards before packing their things and going home.
When Chu Beiling received her report card, she glanced at her grades and found that her ranking had dropped two places. However, it was still within Li Shuying's acceptable range and not too bad.
Otherwise, he wouldn't be able to explain his declining grades.
Xu Tunan leaned over to look: "You're second in your class and thirty-seventh in your grade in academic subjects, and first in the art department. With these grades, you could easily get into the military academy. Why do you look like you're doomed?"
Chu Beiling put the score sheet back into her bag: "It's only one point away from the total score of 38."
"Chu Fanfan, you're being too hard on yourself. It's just one point." Xu Tunan patted his shoulder: "Relax, don't put so much pressure on yourself, it's not good."
Chu Beiling glanced at him: "You don't understand."
If he were to fall short of Li Shuying's requirements by even one point, he would lose his Doraemon doll, and Li Shuying would definitely ask for the reason. He couldn't lie to Ms. Li; if he did lie, she would find out.
Xu Tunan waved his hand: "Forget it, I don't understand you." He suggested: "How about we go out for a meal to celebrate the holiday?"
Li Dong said, "All you ever think about is eating."
Xu Tunan tilted his head slightly: "Food is the most important thing for people, so of course all they know is eating. Are you going or not?"
Li Dong: "Hu Tutu, you never seem to get fat."
Xu Tunan: "I have a special talent, I just can't gain weight no matter how much I eat, hey, aren't you envious?"
Li Dong and Chu Beiling exchanged a glance, then slammed Xu Tunan onto the table and started beating him.
Xing Yu and Sheng Xia, who had been called to Wang Caiyan's office, returned.
Li Dong released his grip and asked the two of them, "What did she ask you to do?"
Midsummer: "Teacher Wang invited us to participate in a math winter camp."
Chu Beiling looked at Xing Yu, and the two of them walked towards them.
Li Dong asked, "Are you going?"
Summer nodded.
Li Dong pulled Sheng Xia along and walked out, saying, "Let's go back to the dorm to pack our things and then meet at the school gate."
Xu Tunan: "We'll go back and pack our things too."
Chu Beiling and Xing Yu exchanged a glance and followed.
After walking for a while, Chu Beiling couldn't help but ask, "Why do you suddenly want to attend a math winter camp?"
Last year, Wang Caiyan asked Xing Yu and Sheng Xia to participate in a math competition. Sheng Xia agreed, but Xing Yu refused because he didn't want the competition to take up his already limited time.
They are art students who will be applying to art academies in the future, so they don't really need to rely on competitions.
As for why he did this, Chu Beiling could roughly guess.
After a moment of silence, Xing Yu said, "It should be very interesting, so I'll go."
Chu Beiling pondered and said, "Actually, I was planning to go to Singapore during the winter break..."
Before he could finish speaking, he heard footsteps behind him. Xu Tunan glanced at them out of the corner of his eye and ran off, saying, "I'm going back to my dorm to pack my things. See you later."
They both looked at it together.
Lin Tingdao frowned: "What bad thing did Xu Tunan do to run so fast?"
Before they could respond, she said, "I need to talk to you two. Since you're free during winter break, you two should submit your work to me. It has to be original, preferably with a design and a story. Remember to send me every step of the process. Submit it to me no later than New Year's Eve, and I'll send it to the Picasso Competition China Region."
"I'm fine." Chu Beiling glanced at Xing Yu.
He said, "I'm going to a math winter camp before New Year's Eve."
Lin Tingdao asked in confusion, "Why did you go to a math winter camp? Are you planning to switch to a regular academic class?"
Xing Yu: "No."
Lin Tingdao narrowed his eyes: "Did something happen between you two?"
Xing Yu used the same excuse: "I thought it was quite interesting, so I agreed."
“Okay,” Lin Tingdao said. “However, if you choose to do both the joint entrance exam and the art college entrance exam in the future, don’t spend the extra time on competitions. There isn’t enough time for drawing, let alone doing math competitions. It won’t increase your chances of getting into the art college. Don’t make things difficult for yourself.”
Xing Yu: "Understood."
Lin Tingdao looked at Chu Beiling: "Then you'll be alone. Don't forget to send me a picture of every step you take."
Chu Beiling: "Teacher Lin, the color rendering is different on different screens."
Lin Tingdao: "That's right, then you can come directly to my studio to paint."
After saying that, she walked away.
The two walked forward together. Chu Beiling felt a tightness in his chest. After walking in silence for a while, he whispered, "The Picasso Competition is very prestigious."
That's an internationally recognized award, which is much more important to them than a math summer camp.
Xing Yu said, "If I had known about this competition beforehand, I would have refused."
The calmer he was, the more painful it felt like being pricked by needles. He wavered once again about his actions—should he be more honest?
Regardless of right or wrong, or whether he was willing to give up or cherish what he had, he should hold Xing Yu's hand and never let go.
As for rumors and gossip, anyone who dares to spread them in front of Xing Yu will be dealt with severely.
Chu Beiling: "Xing Yu, you..."
The person beside him stopped, and Chu Beiling followed his gaze.
The door to the art education equipment room was closed, but not completely shut, leaving a small gap.
Through the narrow crack in the door, Chu Beiling saw Li Dong pinning Sheng Xia against the equipment room shelf, his arms around her waist, while Sheng Xia hooked her arms around Li Dong's neck. In the dim light, the two were pressed tightly together, kissing quietly.
Chu Beiling's mind went blank for a moment, and the next second she stepped forward and quietly closed the door.
He thought he was already shocked to learn about Su Beichen and Shen Zhi's relationship, but he never expected that Li Dong and Sheng Xia were also dating.
Seeing Xing Yu's burning gaze, Chu Beiling looked over, his face showing little surprise: "Xing Yu, did you already know?"
"I have a rough idea, but I'm not entirely sure," Xing Yu said. "I'll wait at the door and keep an eye on things for them."
The first and second year high school students are on winter break now, but the third year students haven't started yet. Teachers from the political education department are still patrolling the school to catch students who violate rules and regulations or are dating early.
Chu Beiling continued the previous topic: "Xing Yu, I..."
"You've all received your report cards, why are you still at school?" Wang Caiyan's voice echoed in the hallway as she came down from her office upstairs.
She walked in, squinted, and asked, "What are you doing standing at the entrance of the equipment room?"
Without waiting for a response, he went to open the door.
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