Chapter 88 N - Never Sees Spring
The carriage fell silent.
Fu Xingzhou pressed down on Zhu Qing'an's thigh and said in a low voice, "Mason, don't go crazy, or you'll be sent back to Singapore."
"You, I..." Zhu Qing'an wanted to say something more, but reluctantly shut her mouth under the other party's uncompromising gaze.
Xing Yu looked up and his gaze met Fu Xingzhou's ambiguous eyes in the rearview mirror. After a brief exchange, he quickly looked away and focused on the asphalt road ahead.
Fu Xingzhou is always meticulous in his work, and his presence rarely makes the atmosphere awkward. The awkwardness gradually returns to normal as he chats about this and that.
When he heard something funny, Chu Beiling just smiled faintly and occasionally chimed in with a word or two.
Most of the time, Chu Beiling's gaze would briefly linger for a few seconds with Xing Yu's unintentional glances as the sunlight slanted into the car before they parted again.
Zhu Qing'an kept glancing at Fu Xingzhou beside her out of the corner of her eye. Hearing him talk about alcohol, she deliberately leaned closer to the front passenger seat and said, "Bei Ling, do you remember that bar we went to last time? The bartender even asked me for your contact information!"
Chu Beiling glanced at him indifferently: "I don't remember."
Zhu Qing'an sighed dramatically and put her arm around Chu Beiling's shoulder: "Who's the one who's drunk, me or you?"
Xing Yu glanced at it out of the corner of his eye, then focused on checking the road conditions.
Fu Xingzhou pulled Zhu Qing'an back: "Sit down."
Having achieved her goal, Zhu Qing'an immediately stopped and retorted with a grin, "Leo, are you jealous?"
The car was going too fast, and when the tires went over the speed bump, it jolted violently, causing the people inside the car to sway.
“Sorry,” Xing Yu said in a low voice, “the road conditions are bad.”
Chu Beiling glanced sideways and saw that Xing Yu's profile was taut. She turned back to warn Zhu Qing'an: "Don't go crazy, don't cause trouble."
Zhu Qing'an pouted, moved to the side, and deliberately winked at Fu Xingzhou: "Look, Bei Ling is being mean to me."
Fu Xingzhou: "You deserve it."
Zhu Qing'an pointed at them: "You two only know how to bully me."
Chu Beiling pinched the bridge of her nose. Zhu Qing'an always got the wrong idea when she encountered Fu Xingzhou, and even dragged him into it.
But there was nothing he could do. The more he tried to stop Zhu Qing'an, the crazier he became. If he could, Chu Beiling would kick him out of the car.
Xing Yu's hands gripped the steering wheel so tightly that the veins on the back of his hands bulged and his knuckles turned white. Beside him, Chu Beiling's profile was cut into fragments of light and shadow, one bright and one dark, so close yet seemingly separated by thousands of miles.
In a space meant for four, he felt completely like an outsider.
During Fu Xingzhou and Zhu Qing'an's casual conversation and banter, Xing Yu glimpsed a side of Chu Beiling that he didn't know, a nameless figure who was both strange and familiar to him from his teenage years to his youth.
Xing Yu felt both bitter and heartbroken, but there was nothing he could do.
He thought that as long as Chu Beiling came back and returned to his side, he could accept anything.
In fact—
He overestimated himself; he didn't have the magnanimity to tolerate such things.
When he kisses Chu Beiling, he wonders if Zhu Qing'an has kissed him like that before.
When he sleeps in the same bed with Chu Beiling, he thinks that all these years, it was Zhu Qing'an lying next to him, not him.
...
Xing Yu knew that this was not a good state for their relationship. If things continued like this, their already broken relationship would eventually be drained dry. In disappointment and despair, they would repeat the same mistakes and make things even worse than before.
Despite forbidding myself from continuing to think about it.
But it still couldn't be controlled.
Xing Yu had no idea what to do.
An hour later, Xing Yu took them to Chu Beiling's apartment.
Fu Xingzhou didn't let them take him. He asked Chu Beiling for the apartment password, then threw his luggage to Zhu Qing'an and dragged him upstairs.
With only two people left, the cramped car fell silent once again.
Chu Beiling originally intended to explain to Xing Yu that the reason he arranged for Fu Xingzhou to stay in his apartment was because he was currently living with Xing Yu, and Fu Xingzhou wasn't used to staying in hotels, so he was giving up his apartment for him; there was no other reason.
But he was still angry and bothered by the dog walking and the cranberry bagel incident, a little unhappy, and unwilling to explain.
They were even more afraid of stepping into a minefield at any moment, which would blow up the unfinished building that was being supported by three sticks and was still being built with bricks.
It's better to remain silent.
Feeling a tightness and congestion in her chest, almost unable to breathe, Chu Beiling pointed to the convenience store in front of her: "I want to go down and buy a pack of cigarettes."
Xing Yu asked, "Is it okay if I don't smoke?"
Chu Beiling: "I want it."
"Just this once." Xing Yu stopped at the entrance of the convenience store.
Chu Beiling opened the car door and got out. He went into a convenience store and quickly came out, sat back in the passenger seat, took out a cigarette, put it in his mouth, lit it with a lighter, and took a deep drag.
With half a cigarette left, Xing Yu took the cigarette from his hand, put it in his own mouth, took a big drag, and slowly exhaled the smoke.
Chu Beiling asked in surprise, "You, when did you learn that?"
Xing Yu: "You'll learn it after two tries." It's just that he doesn't do it much.
Xing Yu finished the remaining half of his cigarette, stubbed it out in the ashtray, and asked him, "Shall we go home now, or open a blind box and go for a drive?"
Chu Beiling: "Let's go home."
Xing Yu nodded, started the car, and drove towards the apartment.
As businesses resume operations after the New Year, they are gradually returning to their pre-holiday busyness, and the city is slowly starting to function again. However, some parts still retain the shadow of the Spring Festival holiday.
The person is back, but the heart is not. I don't know where the wildness is, and I don't want to go to this lousy job.
Chu Beiling, on the contrary, felt more relaxed at the company and less lost. He once thought that as long as they could reconcile, anything was fine, but it turned out that he was too optimistic.
Some barriers cannot be eliminated in a day or two.
And he seems to be stuck in the same stage as before, wanting to step forward but not daring to.
Knowing that something was wrong, Chu Beiling couldn't find a way to ease and repair their relationship.
After leaving the technical team meeting, Chu Beiling returned to her office and ran into Fu Xingzhou, who was returning from outside.
Fu Xingzhou asked, "Has the basic animation been handed over to the technology department?"
Chu Beiling nodded: "We've already had them import the engine, but internal testing will still take some time."
Fu Xingzhou added, "I have an appointment with Xing Yu tonight to discuss a deeper collaboration. Would you like to come along?"
Chu Beiling waved his hand: "I'm not going. I'll stay at the company and work overtime. If there's anything, just tell me."
Fu Xingzhou asked, "Are you hiding from someone?"
“There’s nothing to hide from. I’ll run into you even if I go home. It’s not that I’m afraid I’ll suddenly have selfish thoughts,” Chu Beiling said with a laugh, “then my career will be over.”
“You just have too strong a sense of boundaries,” Fu Xingzhou said.
Chu Beiling: "You should be glad that I won't plot to usurp the throne."
Fu Xingzhou laughed twice: "Sure, I've been wanting to quit for a while now, retire and enjoy my old age. It's no big deal." He then asked: "Really not going?"
Chu Beiling: "I'm not going."
“Fine, whatever you want, as long as you don’t regret it,” Fu Xingzhou took two steps and then came back: “Don’t be too strong-willed. Showing weakness and acting cute will make you more likable, especially to someone you’ve lost and then regained.”
Chu Beiling: "You're so bored."
Fu Xingzhou chuckled softly: "Yeah~ Life is too boring, you always have to find some fun."
Chu Beiling ignored him and walked past him toward her office.
After leaving the meeting room, Xing Yu headed to the private restaurant he had booked. As he reached the lobby, his phone received a message.
Chu Beiling: [I'll be working overtime tonight and will be home late.]
Xing Yu hesitated for a moment before deleting the line, "We've arranged to talk tonight, aren't you coming?" and replacing it with: "Okay."
Xing Yu pushed open the door to the private room. Fu Xingzhou had already arrived, but Chu Beiling was indeed not there.
Putting aside his complicated thoughts, Xing Yu sat down opposite him, and Fu Xingzhou handed him the menu.
Xing Yu ordered a few dishes, and then Fu Xingzhou said, "President Xing and Bei Ling have similar tastes, but you are not as picky as him."
"President Fu, I thought today was just about discussing in-depth cooperation," Xing Yu said calmly, without even raising an eyebrow.
Fu Xingzhou: "Our base is in Europe and America, that's our market. The domestic market is not currently within our consideration. Beiling took the initiative to connect us and persuaded me and the board of directors."
Xing Yu didn't respond, waiting for him to continue.
Fu Xingzhou asked, "Aren't you curious about the reason?"
Xing Yu: "You like him too."
"Also?" Fu Xingzhou smiled and said, "I guess so. I just happened to be in China and met you. I suddenly wanted to tell you about the ten years without you, about my story with him."
Xing Yu clenched his fist under the table, then relaxed it, and asked in return, "Has he been happy all these years?"
Fu Xingzhou raised an eyebrow: "So what if I'm happy? So what if I'm not happy?"
Xing Yu: "Nothing much, but I hope he's happy."
Fu Xingzhou: "That's a real shame. He wasn't happy. I used to bully him all the time. Want to hear how I bullied him?"
Xing Yu quickly stood up, grabbed Fu Xingzhou's hand, and pressed it onto the dining table: "You're asking for it."
Fu Xingzhou smiled and was in a great mood. He didn't mind being pinned down on the dining table and slowly began to tell a story.
During the period when Chu Beiling and Li Shuying had just returned to Singapore, he was either practicing in the art studio or going back and forth to the hospital to take care of Li Shuying. Fu Xingzhou's father and Li Shuying were business partners.
When she fell ill, Fu Xingzhou's father frequently visited the hospital to check on Li Shuying, and his mother also often visited her. Naturally, he and Chu Beiling became acquainted.
Of course, the main reason was that Fu Xingzhou took a liking to him and wanted to pursue him, but Chu Beiling rejected him and told him about things related to Xing Yu.
Xing Yu slowly loosened his grip, not understanding what he was trying to do: "And then?"
Fu Xingzhou took a cigarette out of the pack, and just as he was about to light it, he waved the cigarette in his hand: "Do you mind?"
Xing Yu: "Please go ahead."
Fu Xingzhou lit a cigarette and continued, "I still quite like him, and I'm a bit protective of him. I want to share some of his pain with you, so you can feel it too and bear some of the burden. After all, you are largely responsible for how he became like this."
Xing Yu's heart skipped a beat, and he felt inexplicably flustered.
Fu Xingzhou took a deep drag of his cigarette and, upon learning that Xing Yu was still in Chu Beiling, began to stab him in the back.
If you don't care, then there's no point in stabbing me.
As it is now, it barely suits his taste.
At first, Chu Beiling was actually in a pretty good state. His life revolved around the art studio, the hospital, and home. Between his studies and Li Shuying's illness, he was always on the edge of his seat, constantly on edge, never daring to slack off for a moment.
Despite the pressure, she has always managed to maintain a smooth and orderly balance in relationships with all parties.
What others see as arduous work, Chu Beiling never complains about, never grumbles, and never wallows in self-pity. The only thing she enjoys doing is talking about Xing Yu and drawing Xing Yu.
Fu Xingzhou said, "I only feel genuinely happy when I talk about you."
The turning point came six months later when Chu Beiling suddenly told Fu Xingzhou that he couldn't contact Xing Yu. He sent a message saying, "[Don't contact me anymore, you're really annoying.]" and then deleted him.
Xing Yu didn't want to interrupt: "You said it, the one I sent..."
Fu Xingzhou glanced at him and said, "I posted it."
Remembering something, Xing Yu's eyes gradually ignited with anger. He suppressed his explosive temper and said, "Continue."
Chu Beiling, of course, didn't believe it and planned to contact them again.
Just then, Li Shuying also discovered that he had been trying to contact Xing Yu, tore up all his paintings, and forcibly changed the passwords of all of Chu Beiling's social media platforms.
At this moment, Chu Beiling's taut string probably snapped completely. But as sad as he was, he still had to take care of Li Shuying and continue his studies. And then the problem arose.
He found himself losing his sense of color and line, but he refused to believe he couldn't do it well.
At first, Chu Beiling would keep drawing, but she was never satisfied, would break down, would not believe it, would continue drawing, would be dissatisfied, would break down, would not believe she could not do it, and would continue... over and over again.
During that time, Chu Beiling felt as if she were trapped in a black net, and the more she struggled, the deeper she sank, until she was completely dragged in.
At first, he just used his fingernails to draw on the wall, making his hands bloody and mangled.
After that, he almost went crazy. Chu Beiling would lie on the floor covered with torn papers, curled up and motionless.
Or he'd pour all the paint on the floor, then roll around in the colorful paint, laughing as he rolled, until suddenly he'd hang up, as if his soul had been drained, losing all feeling.
When Fu Xingzhou saw this, he would stop Chu Beiling's behavior, and Chu Beiling would stop acting crazy. He would ask Fu Xingzhou, "Why?"
Fu Xingzhou said he was like a colorful glow stick, and then Chu Beiling scolded him and drove him away.
"During that time, he was like someone trapped in a house without windows. If someone set the house on fire, he would not run away. Instead, he would stay in the burning house and use the flying sparks, accompanied by the crackling sound of burning, to paint his last picture with the last of his life."
Fu Xingzhou was also very scared at that time: "I was afraid that one day he would not be able to hold on and would jump off the seventeenth floor where he lived, like a specimen or a still life on a drapery, frozen in paper."
Fu Xingzhou said, "That's the downside of being arrogant; you can't even compromise."
Xing Yu opened his mouth but couldn't say a word. He knew Chu Beiling's personality: proud and arrogant with a strong sense of self-esteem. In the past, losing even one point at school could make him sad for an entire afternoon.
Xing Yu knew even better how important painting was to him—it was something Chu Beiling was proud of and found his self-worth in.
It's just ruined like that.
He couldn't imagine what Chu Beiling had gone through during that time; just thinking about it made his heart ache.
Xing Yu steadied himself: "And then what happened?"
"Later, after seeing a doctor and taking medicine, he didn't go crazy again, nor did he touch painting again." Fu Xingzhou flicked the ash from his cigarette, glanced at him, and continued, "Voltiazem can pull people out of bad moods, but it will cause them to lose all emotions and some memories, becoming empty and numb. After Chu Beiling discovered this, he intermittently stopped taking the medication to fight against his emotions and memories."
Xing Yu realized the problem: "He..."
He couldn't bring himself to say it. Xing Yu knew perfectly well how persistent Chu Beiling was, and he felt even more regretful and guilty for blaming him for not remembering anything a while ago.
It turns out he really didn't remember most things and had been trying hard to remember.
“He doesn’t want to forget you and the feeling of loving you.” Fu Xingzhou smiled. “It’s enough to make you despair.”
Xing Yu's head was buzzing, and he was having some trouble breathing.
Fu Xingzhou stubbed out his cigarette in the ashtray: "It turned out that my worries at the time were unnecessary. Chu Beiling wouldn't commit suicide. He wouldn't be willing to die like that."
Later, Chu Beiling gradually recovered from her emotional turmoil, relearned and started over. She started a business with Fu Xingzhou, and after the company stabilized, she worked hard to expand the business in China. She proposed this to the board of directors and implemented it thoroughly.
"Is he still... sick?"
Xing Yu really didn't want to use those two words to describe Chu Beiling.
“Yes.” Fu Xingzhou: “But he told me that he would walk alongside you, and he will definitely do it.”
At this moment, in the basement of the ECho office building.
Xu Tunan's car just pulled in, and the two cars passed each other. Chu Beiling rolled down his window and asked, "Why are you here? Is something wrong?"
"I need to take care of some business nearby, and parking is convenient here," Xu Tunan said.
Chu Beiling nodded, wanting to say something to Xu Tunan, but the other party was probably still angry with him, and he couldn't think of any topics to talk about after thinking for a long time.
Xu Tunan spoke first, asking, "You and Xing Yu have made up?"
Chu Beiling: "We've made up."
Upon hearing this, Xu Tunan nodded in relief: "It seems that Faxi Temple does have some effect. I'll go and pay my respects tomorrow."
He suddenly said that, and Chu Beiling was confused: "What?"
"Oh, ever since you broke up, Xing Yu has gone to Faxi Temple every year on his birthday to pray for your marriage. But Chu Fanfan forgave you, and I..."
"I'm leaving now, I'll treat you to dinner next time." Chu Beiling said, then stepped on the gas and drove out of the underground parking garage.
Xu Tunan looked up again, only to see the rear of Chu Beiling's car: "You damned bastard, can't you even let a person finish speaking?"
Tonight, Fu Xingzhou arranged to meet Xing Yu to discuss future cooperation. Chu Beiling drove directly onto the elevated highway and headed towards their agreed meeting place.
Chu Beiling took action and called Xing Yu, who answered quickly.
The two spoke almost simultaneously:
"Little blueberry~"
“Brother Ayu”.
On the other end of the phone was Xing Yu's deep, heavy breathing. Chu Beiling's heart skipped a beat, and she asked cautiously, "What's wrong? Your voice doesn't sound right."
"I'm fine." Xing Yu felt as if a sour, hard lump was stuck in his throat, making the pain in his throat bone worse. "Are you still at the company? I'll come find you."
Chu Beiling: "I'm driving towards your location."
After a moment of silence, Xing Yu asked, "Where are we?"
Chu Beiling gave an address.
Xing Yu said, "See you at Pier 1 after you get off the elevated road."
In the vast traffic, the black-suited thugs drove north, while the silver-gray ET7 drove south. The street scenes behind them disappeared like ribbons of light, just like the past few years. You can only move forward, you can't go back.
Xing Yu at twenty-eight, Xing Yu at twenty-seven, Xing Yu at twenty-six... Xing Yu at nineteen, Xing Yu at eighteen, his blurry appearance became clearer and clearer.
Until we go back to the day they parted ways.
This time, Chu Beiling resolutely headed towards her seventeenth birthday.
Season 3: Lime and Flame
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