knot in the heart
Lin Xu held the ruby gold ring with its intertwined floral pattern in his palm, feeling quite emotional.
"...After this parting, I don't know when I will see the princess again. I only hope that the princess will have a safe and smooth journey."
Liao Yan pretended to pinch her cheek, then waved his hand and laughed it off.
"Why are you so sad all of a sudden? You're going to be the magistrate's wife, you can't shed tears in front of me... When I return in triumph, I'll teach you how to ride a horse, and then we'll go to the Northern Plains together for a spring outing!"
The mountains of Beiyuan are vast, and they are most magnificent in early spring. Needlegrass is covered with snow that has not yet melted, lying down in the wind. Sea buckthorn branches have just sprouted new buds, and before they can bear fruit, they are pecked away by greedy eagles and sparrows... Cattle and sheep graze on the vast meadows, and sandstorms and warm winds intertwine, creating a magnificent scene that is beyond words.
Throughout history, whenever scholars and poets passed through the northern plains in early spring, they couldn't help but compose a poem or leave behind some paintings, which have been passed down orally and become classics. Now she doesn't seem to be so afraid of riding horses anymore, and Lin Xu naturally longs for it as well.
"Of course, it's a deal!"
…………
When Lin Xu woke up, she looked at the unfamiliar surroundings and still felt like she was dreaming. Now, she had been in Laining for three days.
Dou Yanxun, a newly appointed official, was busy with official duties every day, aside from social interactions, and had to get up before dawn. During the day, he worked in the front office, while Lin Xu took care of everything in the backyard. She had only been there a short time, and everything from the allocation of houses and the allocation of personnel to the smallest details such as flowers, grass, and needles and threads, required her careful attention.
As Dou Yanxun had predicted, Steward Qi was indeed reliable and experienced. Over time, Lin Xu learned a great deal from him.
When news came from the Dou family, Lin Xu was sitting in the courtyard, asking Steward Qi about the harvest of his several farms.
These estates, left by his mother, are located between Hecheng and Mujing, in the suburbs of Qingyang. Two estates grow millet and beans, and two grow sorghum and loofah, but the harvests from these estates have not been good in recent years. At the beginning of the year, Lin Xu wrote to the manager in charge of these estates to inquire about the harvest and rent. The manager complained endlessly, saying that the soil in the fields had been bad in recent years, making it impossible to grow anything worthwhile. Not only was it difficult to collect the harvest, but the people working in the fields were also starving, and there had been a long period of famine.
Lin Xu had lived in the mansion for a long time, and the steward was complaining endlessly. She was at a loss for what to do, so she took out the account book and asked Steward Qi for advice.
Manager Qi had managed the Dou family's estates for several years, and the harvests from each estate were among the best in the area. Although the Dou family's estates were all located in Mujing, where the climate was different from that of the outskirts of Qingyang, the farming methods were similar.
Sure enough, Steward Qi frowned after just one glance:
"Has this steward who wrote to you been in charge of the estate for many years?"
Lin Xu nodded. Her mother was a kind person who never made things difficult for anyone. The people working for her were all long-time employees. After her mother passed away, these people continued to work on the estate or in the shops. Her father always treated these people as Lin Xu's dowry and never touched them. So, apart from birth, old age, sickness and death, the people on the estate have basically remained the same for many years.
Sure enough, Steward Qi frowned even more upon hearing this. He analyzed carefully:
"...Although last year's floods affected some of the harvest, the year before last and the year before that, the Qingyang area experienced drought at the beginning of the year followed by ample rainfall in the middle of the year, so the harvests of several crops shouldn't have been so meager...Besides, the rent for your farms hasn't increased for many years, so charging 60% is reasonable and justifiable, ensuring that the villagers won't go hungry. Therefore, this manager either completely misunderstands farming techniques, or...it's possible that he manipulated the accounts."
Manager Qi carefully considered his words, and it seemed he still gave the estate manager some face.
Upon hearing this, Lin Xu realized it was almost exactly as she had guessed. Most of the estates under her mother's name were gifts from her maternal grandparents when she got married. They were far from Hecheng and not close to Mujing. Presumably, no one had ever personally inspected them over the years, which gave the servants the opportunity to line their own pockets.
It seems she'll have to make time to visit Qingyang in person.
Lin Xu sipped a mouthful of warm tea. The freshly harvested Mengding tea had a clear, green color and a delicate pear blossom aroma.
Zhu Ling walked in at that moment, her face very pale. Lin Xu glanced at her; Zhu Ling was usually quick-witted yet composed, and rarely so absent-minded, so she couldn't help but feel a pang of anxiety.
"What's wrong?"
"Reporting to Madam... something has happened at home. The eldest young mistress... I'm afraid she's not well..."
Lin Xu's heart skipped a beat upon hearing this. Her right hand trembled involuntarily, spilling tea onto the back of her hand. Rong Wei quickly picked up a handkerchief to wipe it clean for her.
She had even considered that something might have happened to Bai Shi while dealing with the villa, but she never imagined that it was an accident involving Feng Daizhu. She hurriedly pressed for an answer:
"What do you mean? What happened to my sister-in-law? How could she have an accident out of nowhere?"
She stood there, stunned, listening to Zhu Ling hurriedly recount the whole story. Manager Qi, seeing that it involved family matters, had already quietly slipped away.
The hall was quiet, with only sunlight filtering through the carved window frames, casting dappled golden light across the floor.
She stared blankly at the tea in her cup, which was gradually cooling down. Her heart remained unsettled for a long time before she finally looked out the window and sighed.
...Arsenic is a deadly poison. Feng Daizhu is always quick-witted, how could she have accidentally ingested it? The eldest son's family has always been the most favored in the Dou family. If someone had poisoned or tampered with it, Bai Shi would certainly not let it go.
Regardless of how the banned drugs were obtained from the main branch, Bai's subsequent attempts to cover up the truth are hardly convincing.
Lin Xu couldn't help but recall the moments he had spent with Feng Daizhu at the Dou family home; the past was still vivid in his mind.
That woman, whose brightness rivaled the spring breeze and whose beauty surpassed even the rosy dawn, whose eyes were always brimming with confidence and charisma, whose melodious voice rang out on the morin khuur and whose movements were as light as a swallow when playing the shuttlecock, could easily draw all eyes to her…
This once radiant and beautiful woman suddenly lost most of her life, and for the rest of her life, she could only spend her remaining days confined to her bedside...
For a woman who had once galloped across the grasslands, this was even more painful than death.
If not driven to utter despair, how could Feng Daizhu have acted with such ruthlessness? The Dou family, a small world unto itself, harbors such a monstrous, heartless demon...
She couldn't help but gently close her eyes, unable to bear thinking about it anymore.
That night, Dou Yanxun, exhausted from dealing with official documents all day, listened silently to the whole story, then stood at the door for a long time without uttering a word.
Lin Xu loosened his belt, sighing as she did so:
"I heard that Mother was furious and dealt with a group of people who served my sister-in-law overnight. Granny Zhao and that Xiang'er are both gone now..."
Dou Yanxun changed his clothes and sat on the Hibiscus Recliner, his face shrouded in shadow where the candlelight could not reach.
The candlelight flickered, casting his long shadow on the wall. Dou Yanxun remained silent for a long time. Lin Xu assumed he was exhausted and was about to order tea when a desolate voice echoed in the quiet bedchamber:
"...Feng Daizhu and I were acquaintances in the past."
Lin Xu turned around to look.
His expression was unusually listless, as if he had lost all his strength, yet he sat there quietly, seemingly remarkably calm. It was as if everything was merely news that was neither good nor bad to him; Lin Xu couldn't discern his indifference and silence.
She didn't answer, so he continued speaking, but his voice was hoarse, as if a dull razor blade was slowly tearing open his flesh.
It turns out he was still grieving.
Lin Xu suddenly didn't want to listen anymore—
She already knew everything.
Soon after marrying into the Dou family, she noticed something unusual about Feng Daizhu's seemingly cheerful demeanor.
Despite her usual generous and cheerful personality, she always revealed a hint of embarrassment when asked about Dou Yanxun or when she indirectly heard news about the villa.
Her full, radiant face was always shrouded in a lingering sense of regret and bitterness.
As a woman herself, Lin Xu gradually understood. That smile was an expression she used to only show when she thought about how she would ultimately miss out on Zhou Weikan. Feng Daizhu was shrewd, but not good at hiding her true feelings. Perhaps, simply continuing to live in the Dou family and having to put on a cheerful facade every day had already exhausted her.
Lin Xu turned around, forcing a smile that was both bitter and generous, as she tried to force a bitter smile at Dou Yanxun. But somehow, what was usually such a simple action was now incredibly difficult... she couldn't even manage a smile.
Suddenly, a thin layer of mist seemed to rise from all around, obscuring her view.
"...Then, would you like to go back and visit them?"
After a long while, she asked softly.
Dou Yanxun's body trembled, and he slowly raised his eyes, as if trying to understand her.
Why?
He then said softly:
"When...did you find out?"
They knew the two had known each other for a long time. They also knew that initially, Feng Daizhu wanted to marry Dou Yanxun—
Do you know that, no matter what Dou Yanxun becomes or what he does now, Feng Daizhu will always be the first person he let his guard down and trusted when he was young?
That was from her past, before she and Dou Yanxun had any connection. In fact, their current entanglement was only because she wanted revenge, and he happened to be in the Dou family.
Lin Xu slowly shook his head.
"My sister-in-law is beautiful and intelligent, and has a straightforward and resolute personality. I have always admired her very much."
A look of melancholy slowly crept onto her face. Her eyes gazed into the distance, as if lost in thought, yet a cold indifference shone through them. Her dark eyes reflected the flickering candlelight, but nothing else shone.
Dou Yanxun watched, and suddenly felt as if a hand had gripped his heart tightly. His whole body seemed to stiffen, and a chill seeped out from the bottom of his heart. He painfully closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, he realized that he was afraid.
His throat moved, still very dry, but he couldn't care less. He stepped forward and pulled the person in front of him into his arms.
He reached out and hugged her tightly in his arms, as if he had just understood everything, and couldn't help but sigh softly.
"It's not what you think..."
“Xuxu, trust me.”
In the silence, he called her name softly, his usually tall frame now exuding an uncontrollable chill. It was as if simply holding her in his arms would exhaust all his strength.
He lowered his head and pressed it against her forehead. Warmth came from his soft lips as Dou Yanxun gently and tenderly placed a kiss on her forehead.
“…Xuxu, believe me.”
Seeing her standing there in a daze, Dou Yanxun took her hand in his and placed it on his chest.
In an instant, the powerful pounding of a heartbeat came through the soft silk undergarment. Lin Xu heard Dou Yanxun's voice, tinged with melancholy yet utterly earnest, ring in his ears:
"I met her when I was at my poorest and most destitute. And thanks to her... I didn't starve to death that night... but that's all."
Dou Yanxun cupped Lin Xu's face in his hands, forcing her to look directly into his eyes, leaving her no choice but to look away.
"...After I returned to the Central Plains, we lost contact. Later, she married my elder brother, and we rarely spoke to each other, at most we would nod when we met."
Her eyes gradually filled with cold tears, and as she listened to him gently recount the past to her, the tears that had been gradually subsiding suddenly became uncontrollable. She suddenly realized that Dou Yanxun's panic just now was due to fear—fear that she would be saddened by his sadness, fear that she would care about his emotions.
For some reason, Lin Xu couldn't help but feel a lump in her throat, and tears rolled down her cheeks.
Dou Yanxun bent down, his eyes filled with tenderness and sorrow. Lin Xu had never seen him look like this before. It was as if he had just been caught in a long, drenching rain.
He should have been mischievous, unrestrained, and indifferent to everything, but now his eyes revealed an unconcealable panic and concern.
—And what made him so nervous, was it his own tears?
In an instant, the doubts in her heart were resolved. Dou Yanxun leaned down, his soft yet cool lips landing on her cheek, chasing after her tears, kissing away the damp sadness and melancholy, as well as all the knots in her heart.
In a daze, she seemed to hear his promise. She heard him whisper that he would never let her suffer again.
I heard his long sigh and felt his warm breath on my neck.
“...You understand my feelings, Xuxu.”
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