Night Regret (Revision)
Ru'er had been busy taking care of her morning sickness for a long time in the first half of the night, and now that she had finally managed to take a nap, she didn't want to disturb her.
Those well-maintained hands, adorned with nail polish, touched her belly, and her usually elegant phoenix eyes soon filled with tears.
Everyone says that pregnant women should avoid worrying and anxiety, but how could she relax and sleep peacefully?
She closed her eyes, letting the coolness seep into her eyes.
Finally, it was late at night, and she was all alone. Who could notice her despondency? Who could come to her room and mock her?
In this deep, well-ordered mansion, she was already exhausted, both physically and mentally, and could no longer even pretend during the day.
She knew she shouldn't have married so far away—
Back then, before she was married, as the youngest daughter in the family, she was doted on by her father and loved by her brothers. Even her two older sisters, who were used to being arrogant and domineering, spoiled her the most.
Back then, I was clearly the freest cloud on the grassland, or a wild goose, unrestrained and fearless, with the most beautiful and vast sky behind me.
She was just eighteen when she was married off to a distant land. The situation in the north is different from that in the central plains. In the north, many families marry their daughters before they are ten years old. As the most beloved daughter of the Feng family, she was reluctant to leave her and was kept until she was seventeen. In the end, they could not go against her will and she insisted on marrying into the Dou family.
She would never forget the questions her father repeatedly asked her on the eve of her departure:
"Namuzhu, are you sure you really want to marry someone from a thousand miles away, abandoning this vast grassland behind you, including your most beloved little pony?"
At that moment, her eyes shone like evening stars as she shook her father's arm, a faint blush rising on her beautiful cheeks.
“The sons of the Dou family are outstanding. Even if she really marries into the family, how could my daughter suffer? Besides, didn’t Father praise Dou Huaisheng for having the blood of the northern frontier flowing in his veins? What difference would it make if my daughter married into the Dou family or stayed here?”
She used to not understand her father's soft sighs and the helplessness flowing from the corners of his wrinkled eyes.
Looking back now, she finally understands, but it's all too late to undo the damage...
It was a pain that ripped through her heart with just a thought, and she could barely breathe.
Feng Daizhu couldn't help but cough. She struggled to sit up, but her stomach was preventing her from moving. Her breathing became rapid, tinged with sobs.
Ru'er was sound asleep when she suddenly heard a series of urgent noises coming from above her bedside. She quickly lit a lamp and sat up, only to see her master on the bed with tears streaming down his face and panting heavily. She was immediately filled with fear.
"Madam, what's wrong? Are you feeling unwell? Should I call a doctor for you?"
As the pregnancy progressed, even the servants in their room knew they had to be extremely careful in serving her. The eldest son's family was already favored and powerful, and this pregnancy was something the old lady had carefully instructed them to do, so there couldn't be any mishaps. Ru'er was flustered and hurriedly tried to help Feng Daizhu sit up.
Under the flickering candlelight, Feng Daizhu's usually full and bright face was unusually pale, without a drop of blood, and her phoenix eyes had also lost their warmth, staring coldly ahead.
No matter how much she pleaded, her master maintained the same expression, which made her feel panicked from the bottom of her heart in the quiet night.
"Granny Zhao."
Seeing Ru'er's stunned and puzzled expression, Feng Daizhu said softly, "Where is Granny Zhao? Call her over."
Seeing Feng Daizhu's heartbroken appearance, Ru'er dared not delay any longer and hurriedly stood up and ran towards the side room.
When Granny Zhao hurriedly put on her outer robe and rushed over, she saw a person sitting alone by the bed, wearing a moon-white inner robe, with waist-length hair hanging down to her waist, adding to her quiet beauty.
But those once bright and cheerful eyes were now unusually empty, as if they had been suddenly hollowed out. Looking at them again in the candlelight, her face was streaked with tears, clearly showing that she was heartbroken.
Granny Zhao was extremely anxious. Without thinking, she rushed forward and cried out:
"My dear ancestor, what's wrong with you? Who made you so angry in the middle of the night that you don't even care about your own health and the baby in your womb?!"
Feng Daizhu seemed not to hear, sitting upright and staring blankly at the flickering flame in the jade glass cup on the edge of the table.
So faint, almost completely extinguished by the night breeze that drifted in through the not-quite-closed windows of the palace.
Zhao Mama saw that look in her eyes and felt a sudden, inexplicable fear. Being of advanced age and experience, she instructed Ru'er to fetch a cup of warm water while gently patting Feng Daizhu's back.
"My lady, there's no hurdle you can't overcome. You're just overthinking things during your pregnancy. What could have caused you to be so heartbroken? This is only harming your health!"
Seeing that only she and her servant remained in the hall, Granny Zhao took out an embroidered handkerchief and carefully wiped away the tear stains on Feng Daizhu's face.
"If someone with ulterior motives hears you weeping in the middle of the night, they might use it to make a fuss and cause all sorts of trouble. Madam, please heed my advice: swallow your tears and grievances while no one knows, and wait..."
Before she could finish speaking, Feng Daizhu let out a cold laugh, her lips curling into an icy sneer:
"Endure... suffer... I've swallowed my anger for so long, I've already given him enough face! How much longer do you want me to endure!"
Granny Zhao was startled, but she also realized what was going on tonight.
She was woken up by Ru'er and left in a hurry, but she noticed that there seemed to be a faint light in the study. Da Lang returned home very late and was covered in the smell of alcohol, so he rested in the study.
However, this one night was nothing special—upon closer reflection, ever since Feng Daizhu became pregnant again, it had become commonplace for Dalang to stay overnight in the study.
Granny Zhao couldn't help but lower her voice, and said with considerable emotion:
"That's true. It's fine if you're upset, but why make the child in your womb worry? Your health is the most precious thing in the manor right now, and I didn't want to disturb you, so I went to rest in the study. It's better than you and the baby in your womb not being able to sleep peacefully..."
“That day, a touch of crimson on his neck was particularly striking. I recognized it; it was the color of the new rouge from the Baozhen Pavilion shop.”
Granny Zhao suddenly looked up and saw that Feng Daizhu had already stopped sobbing softly, but her eyes were devoid of any light, even silent and lifeless, like a stagnant pool of water, without any ripples.
"And at the beginning of the month, there was a lingering fragrance on the cuffs of his official robes, rich and sweet. If it weren't for Bihualou, where would he have gotten that?"
Feng Daizhu spoke each word clearly, but her voice was light and airy, as if it had fallen into the air and would have been blown away by the wind.
“Everyone says I’m stupid, so they all help me hide the truth, letting me be that foolish woman kept in the dark day after day. Granny, I made the wrong choice. I knew it all along, and this is the consequence—the punishment I deserve.”
Granny Zhao's heart pounded. She hurriedly reached out and covered Feng Daizhu's mouth, wishing she could say a few more words to comfort her.
"Good ancestors, why are you reciting these things in the dead of night?"
Granny Zhao couldn't help but glance around and saw Ru'er waiting outside with a tea tray. She couldn't help but give Feng Daizhu a look, signaling her not to mention the matter again, but Feng Daizhu ignored her completely and just slowly lowered her head.
She had already shifted her gaze from the faint flame to her prominently swollen belly—
There is a child who will be born into this world in less than a month.
A child of hers and her husband, Dou Yanzhou.
This child will become Lang Ge'er's younger brother or sister. Even though the Imperial Physician Xu from the Imperial Hospital hinted that it was a boy, she still secretly wanted a girl.
A girl who might have a faint bloodline from her beloved, a girl who could make a fuss, laugh, dance the Hu Xuan dance, and travel the world on horseback while wielding a sword.
However, this also means that the child will have one less glimmer of hope and one more obstacle between her and the person in her heart.
Feng Daizhu's fingertips trembled slightly; the vibrant red nail polish on her fingers, so vivid during the day, now looked eerily pale in the thin moonlight. She looked at her hands, as if finally making a decision. Tears glistened faintly as she slowly reached towards her stomach...
"lady!"
Without a second thought, Granny Zhao lunged forward, shielding Feng Daizhu's belly with her bare hands. Her aged body was already hunched over, and through her thin outer garment, she felt those hands slowly descending, carrying a chilling aura.
Just then, the little maid Ru'er stepped forward with a steaming cup of tea, but stopped in her tracks when she saw the strange scene before her.
Granny Zhao turned around, her face regaining its usual sternness, and simply ordered her to leave.
Although Ru'er felt something was amiss, she dared not disobey the head maid's orders. She quietly and carefully placed the tea tray on the table and then retreated in small steps.
The footsteps and echoes gradually faded away, and when everything around her returned to silence, Granny Zhao slowly straightened up. Her weathered face was streaked with tears, and she couldn't help but plead:
"Madam, please don't do anything rash! I know you feel wronged, and I know the torment and sadness you endure every day. But to disregard you and the baby in your womb just for a memory of the past, you will surely regret it!"
Granny Zhao gritted her teeth, as if finally making up her mind, before softly uttering those few words that were particularly difficult to pronounce:
"...Besides, you clearly know better than anyone that the woman in the other courtyard now has her own life, the couple is harmonious, and everything is... just a mirage, impossible now!"
The bedchamber was already completely silent. But Zhao Mama's few words were like pebbles breaking through a deep pool, stirring up clouds of dust.
She was always the most capable elder by Feng Daizhu's side, and her words were usually gentle and respectful, never showing the slightest disobedience.
But now, as Feng Daizhu listened to the rain outside the window gradually subside, a long time passed before a single raindrop fell heavily, stirring up waves of fear in her heart.
"Granny..." She shook her head in a panic, seemingly unwilling to admit what she had just heard.
Granny Zhao raised her head, her face, etched with the marks of time and streaked with tears, yet she still looked at Feng Daizhu with sorrow, and as if making a firm decision, said, word by word:
“Madam, you already have Lang’er, the eldest grandson of the family, and soon you will have another son. This honor is unmatched by anyone. From now on, you only need to secure your position as the young mistress. Those past events are of no benefit to you, so let’s not mention them again.”
Grandson of the first wife.
Feng Daizhu opened her mouth, but no sound came out; she could only curl her lips into an extremely mocking smile.
What about legitimate sons and illegitimate sons, what about the difference between superiors and inferiors... these empty and unreasonable words deeply misled her in the past and ruined her life that could have been happy!
Her smile was utterly desolate; the tears she had just wiped from her eyes welled up again almost instantly. Feng Daizhu shook her head repeatedly, then suddenly stood up—
"You just said they were a harmonious couple, but I don't believe it! How could that be! Erlang clearly despises such weak women..."
Feng Daizhu, with her round belly, was clearly unable to move easily. She didn't know where she got the strength to stand up, but she swayed because she was too hasty.
Not far from her was a sandalwood four-legged side table, its angular corners gleaming faintly and dangerously in the light and shadow cast by the window.
Seeing this, Granny Zhao's heart was in her throat. Seeing that Feng Daizhu wouldn't listen to anything, she had no choice but to rush forward frantically and grab Feng Daizhu with all her might, barely stopping her swaying body from falling towards the corner of the table, which was only a few feet away!
Granny Zhao held Feng Daizhu tightly in her arms, both shocked and terrified; the child had almost been lost. She couldn't help but burst into tears.
"Good ancestor! Please, for Lang-ge'er's sake, don't let your mind wander tonight. Let's drink the calming soup, wash our faces, and then rest."
Perhaps she was exhausted from all the tossing and turning, or perhaps she felt the restless movements of the fetus in her womb, or perhaps she thought of Lang Ge'er, who was still learning to speak, Feng Daizhu suddenly quieted down, as if she had lost her soul.
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