Past
When Lin Xu lost focus, his expression unconsciously took on a cool and indifferent air.
Her eyebrows, as thin and long as distant mountains, were slightly furrowed between her brows. Her eyelids were lowered, and she stood in the wind, her figure slender. Her light blue clothes swayed gently, as if she would disappear with a gust of wind.
Looking at Lin Xu beside her, Feng Daizhu could no longer suppress all the emotions that had been hidden in her heart these past few days, and they all surged up at once.
"...Ever since Second Master married his wife, he hasn't even gone to those places he used to frequent. I heard he hasn't been there since..."
"It was all just a rumor before. Everyone says that Second Master used to keep a mistress in Yuehuan Lane, but over the years, who has actually seen her? I think it's just a bunch of rumors."
"...That's true. I heard from Wang Wu, who chops firewood at their villa, that the Second Master is very attentive to his wife every day. They used to sleep in separate rooms, but now they're inseparable. The Second Master even goes out less for social engagements..."
Feng Daizhu closed her eyes, and the words spoken by the servants in the mansion, which she had secretly observed before, echoed in her ears one by one. They were unforgettable voices, and her heart involuntarily clenched into a knot.
She didn't believe those rumors at first.
She never believed that Dou Yanxun would truly fall for the gentle and frail Lin Xu. It was merely a matter of petitioning the Empress to obtain the imperial decree for the marriage. The Dou family valued their reputation above all else and would never dare to disobey the imperial decree, so the matter was handled in a muddled manner, and that was all.
After all, based on her understanding of Dou Yanxun, he had always preferred bright and striking appearances, like... the version of herself who used to gallop across the grasslands.
She was only fifteen years old when she met Dou Yanxun. At that time, she was still unmarried and was still the precious wooden bead held in her father's palm.
Dou Yanxun was only sixteen years old at that time.
…………
She would never forget the day they first met. The northern frontier was a desolate wasteland, the sun blazing down, the wind stinging her face, but she was a native daughter of the north and was used to it.
It was early summer in the northern border region, but for months it hadn't rained at all. Feng Daizhu still remembers her mother looking out the window at the drought and sighing softly.
That year, due to drought, the grass didn't grow well and was sparse, so the cattle and sheep couldn't get fat.
The people of the northern frontier live a nomadic life. Occasionally, they encounter caravans from the Central Plains and exchange food with them. These are the happiest times for girls like Feng Daizhu, because the silk and perfumes from the Central Plains are the best. If she gets a bolt of silk, her mother can make many beautiful dresses.
At that time, she was the most beautiful woman among the eighteen tribes of the northern frontier.
Feng Daizhu was beautiful. Because her mother was from the Central Plains, she had a more Central Plains look than other girls from the northern frontier. As a result, her family could not only speak the Xi language, but also speak fluent Central Plains dialect.
Little Feng Daizhu couldn't understand why her mother, being from the Central Plains, had married her father, and why they had to marry so far away. Her mother simply stroked her hair gently, her eyes gazing into the distance.
"Because Mother loves Father."
Feng Daizhu was even more confused. What is love?
My mother said, "Love is wanting to see him every day, wanting to be with him, and wanting to protect him forever."
Feng Daizhu nodded, seemingly understanding but not quite.
So, she really loves her calves and lambs, and she wants to protect them every day! She wants to talk to them all the time. Oh, and there's also her favorite horse, Ah Hu; she feels uncomfortable if she doesn't ride it for a day…
Mother just smiled and shook her head, then said nothing more.
Feng Daizhu couldn't figure out what her mother meant, and she forgot about it after a few days.
She spent her days galloping across the grasslands, growing up to be fifteen years old. Every ordinary man in the northern frontier wanted to marry her, but she was extremely proud and arrogant, looking down on everyone. None of those men could outrun her!
Until that day, when she was searching for a stray lamb, she rode alone to a remote wilderness and met that person.
The boy who was on the verge of death at that time, yet stole her lamb.
Feng Daizhu followed the lamb's hoofprints, which clearly disappeared near this haystack...
She dismounted, held her breath, and then lunged forward, collapsing behind the haystack.
Sure enough, there was someone! A person who was tattered and filthy! The person was carrying her lost lamb, but the lamb was already bleeding and had been killed.
"you--"
Feng Daizhu was absolutely furious and grabbed the man. This lamb, once grown, could be exchanged for a good amount of silk and rouge from the Central Plains! How dare someone be so audacious as to steal her lamb!
The man was filthy, but his eyes stood out starkly against the grime on his face, shining with a faint light that seemed about to go out.
Feng Daizhu had seen this expression before; it always looked like this whenever her lambs or calves were sick and about to die.
The boy pointed to his stomach, then lowered his head and made a pleading gesture.
Does he mean he's starving and wants me to let her go?
Feng Daizhu's raging anger subsided considerably in an instant. She looked at the filthy man, whose appearance seemed quite different from that of the native Xi people. He looked more like someone from the Central Plains. Why would someone from the Central Plains come here to be a beggar?
As she was thinking, she relaxed her guard a little, but in just a moment, the boy, who had been weak and listless, suddenly sprang forward, still carrying the blood-dripping lamb in his hand!
Feng Daizhu never expected that this seemingly pitiful young man was actually a cunning person. She also took off chasing after him. Although she always had excellent physical strength, she was gradually left far behind by him.
Feng Daizhu couldn't help but bend over and gasp for breath. This thief from the Central Plains was actually running faster than her! When she looked up again and saw the figure running wildly in front of her, she couldn't help but curl the corners of her lips into a smile.
She won't let him get away with it.
Later, after interacting with him several more times, Feng Daizhu learned that this person's name was Dou Yanxun.
By then, he had already stolen four or five lambs from her flock.
Later, during their conversation, Feng Daizhu learned that the reason he was able to run so fast when he first met her was because he would starve to death if he didn't get a bite of meat.
"Don't you have a home? Doesn't your mother cook for you?" Feng Daizhu asked, puzzled. Her mother was a very good cook.
Dou Yanxun simply sat calmly on the meadow, head down, sunlight shining on his profile, his eyes filled with a cold, misty mist.
"My mother is dead."
Feng Daizhu said "Oh." After thinking for a moment, she asked, "What about your father? He can't just abandon you, can he?"
Dou Yanxun laughed.
"Father... my father abandoned me a long time ago."
Feng Daizhu didn't know what to say. She felt that although he was smiling, there was a hint of bitterness in his smile. She wanted to comfort him, but she never knew how to comfort anyone... So she could only toss pebbles while trying to sound lighthearted:
"It's okay, I have many more lambs. You can steal one every day, it's fine... but you can't steal two at once."
She had secretly seen him several times piling up stones, starting a fire, and roasting a leg of lamb. But how could it possibly taste good like that? she couldn't help but wonder. He never added salt or seasonings. It needed seasonings to have flavor.
She then pulled two packets of seasoning from her sleeve and handed them to him. "Here. One packet is salt, and the other is pepper. The lamb leg needs to be roasted a little longer to bring out the flavor..."
Dou Yanxun looked at her with a strange expression and didn't say anything for a long time.
Feng Daizhu didn't understand, so she asked him, "What's wrong? Did I say something wrong? Lamb leg is tastier than lamb breast or lamb tripe. Don't be fooled by the fact that lamb tripe is fatty..."
Dou Yanxun fiddled with the two small packets of seasoning with his fingers, and after a long while said, "You actually didn't have to help me."
—Just let me fend for myself.
He was expelled from his home when he was eleven years old and has been living in the Dou family's ancestral home ever since. His cousins, who were tall and strong, initially maintained a polite facade, but soon they saw that he was helpless and alone, with old, weak, and disabled followers, and that his travel expenses were quickly exhausted. So they began to deliberately humiliate him, bully him, and withhold all his money.
Later, they gradually stopped feeding him altogether.
His health was deteriorating, and he could no longer bear it. He could only go to the kitchen to eat some leftovers, but he was caught by the steward of the Dou family, who shouted that he was a thief and that he should be expelled from the ancestral home.
From that time on, he was left to fend for himself, and everyone wished he would die soon.
He hadn't intended to steal the lamb that day. But he was just so hungry—
He stared at the stray lamb for a long time, then closed his eyes and couldn't help but think:
He might as well steal one. If he gets caught, beaten to death, he'll be free of trouble.
Feng Daizhu tilted her head, a blush gradually spreading across her cheeks. "Um, Dou Yanxun, do you know what love means?"
Dou Yanxun suddenly raised his head.
Feng Daizhu looked into those eyes that were brighter than the sun and clearer than the moon, and her reflection was mirrored in them.
She laughed heartily, clutching her braid as she whispered:
“My mother said that love is wanting to see him every day, wanting to be with him every day, and wanting to protect him forever—Dou Yanxun, I ask you with this wooden bead, are you willing... to let me protect you forever?”
Dou Yanxun stood there, stunned. For a moment, he felt a buzzing in his ears, but it seemed like he couldn't hear anything. He moved his dry lips, but didn't know what to say.
Before he could speak, Feng Daizhu's face turned bright red. She lowered her head, no longer daring to look at him, and ran off in a flash. Only her figure remained, riding away as she disappeared into the distance.
So this is what love is.
Feng Daizhu felt her heart pounding so hard it was about to burst out of her chest. She held the reins tightly, clutching her chest, yet she couldn't help but want to look back.
Look at that person, whose radiance surpasses even the sun and moon. All she wants is to marry him. She wants to be by his side forever.
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