pleading
Lin Xu did not answer, but Dou Yanxun felt that the air around him was incredibly stagnant, making it difficult for him to breathe.
Her gaze, usually so clear and pure, now seemed cold and distant, as if a layer of ice had settled on a lake. Curled up on the bed, she exuded an indescribable loneliness…
It seemed she wasn't happy at all because she was pregnant with his child.
His heart skipped a beat. The joy he had just felt hadn't even fully spread through his body before he couldn't help but feel sad again.
He suddenly felt a chill run through him. He could only carefully try to decipher her expression, and soon his palms were covered in a thin layer of sweat.
Dou Yanxun opened his mouth, but for a moment he didn't know what to say. He could only look away and look at the bowl of red date soup that was still steaming on the table.
In the silence, she moved slightly.
Dou Yanxun raised his eyes and saw her calm expression, then slowly nodded. She sat on the couch, wrapped in a thin quilt, as obedient as a little sparrow, her face full of quiet and docility.
Before he could feel any joy, he heard her open her lips, and a layer of pink mist swept across her pale, snow-white cheeks. Although she was not wearing any makeup, she was so beautiful that it was as if she was surrounded by an extremely soft halo.
Her faint voice faded away in the flickering candlelight.
"It's true."
His breath hitched. The intoxication had already left him feeling dizzy and lightheaded, and now he swayed unsteadily, unable to stand. Yet, it was clearly due to happiness—
He had never felt so tense before, not when he was struggling to survive, not when he was wandering alone in the desert, and not even recently, during the two days he was imprisoned in Zheng Fancang's house in the dark, when life and death hung in the balance.
Lin Xu gently curved her lips, took his hand, and then lifted the brocade quilt, leading him to cover her lower abdomen.
"...However, the doctor said that it is only one month into the pregnancy, so the pregnancy is not yet stable and we need to take good care of it for some time."
He carefully placed his hand on her lower abdomen. Through her clothes, he could almost feel the contours of her skin. He was even afraid of hurting her with his touch... how could he not be careful?
The thought that she was carrying his child filled him with almost uncontrollable joy. How could he not value it and be cautious?
Dou Yanxun couldn't help but pull the slender woman into his arms and kiss her cheek. So this was what happiness felt like. His heart clenched, a tingling, numb sensation washing over him, leaving even the usually composed man at a loss, unsure of what to do with his hands and feet…
He felt he had never been so foolish before. Dou Yanxun's tender kiss landed on her lips, but he also smiled. It turned out that she was only calm on the surface, her face flushed.
Very good.
"That's great." He let out a barely audible sigh of relief. Even though it was late, he hadn't dared to stop for a moment on his journey here. He hadn't even properly set down his wine cup before bidding farewell to Dou Huaisheng and rushing this way. He had to pass through the back garden, but finding the main road too slow, he deliberately took a side path from the back garden.
At that moment, he looked at the bright moon rising overhead, so nervous that he dared not breathe. He could only pray to the moon and the breeze, hoping that everything was real.
Now, his wish has come true. He even feels that his life is so fulfilling...
Even if he were to die soon, he would feel that he had no regrets in this life.
Thinking this, Dou Yanxun chuckled self-deprecatingly. He couldn't help but laugh at his own foolishness. She had finally become pregnant, and now was precisely the time when she needed his protection. He was determined to protect her well and thoroughly; how could he bear to leave her now...?
He carefully sat down beside her. She was precious now, and he was afraid that he might accidentally hurt her. He even carefully lifted the hem of his clothes, afraid that he might accidentally touch her.
"What else did the doctor say?"
He kissed her eyes.
Lin Xu's eyes were bright, yet wet. Her eyes, usually clear and sparkling like fireflies or as pure as the moonlight, now seemed to carry a hint of coolness. Had she just been crying?
Lin Xu felt a little embarrassed by Dou Yanxun's serious and nervous demeanor. She didn't know why her eyes suddenly welled up with tears.
Seeing how happy and cherished he looked, she felt a mix of emotions, a bittersweet feeling, but she couldn't explain why she wanted to cry.
His gaze toward her gradually became serious.
Warm lips slowly approached hers, then softly landed on her eyelashes where tears still lingered, but the words he spoke were as firm as a rock:
“Xuxu. This is our child. I, Dou Yanxun, will do anything, even risk my life, to protect you and the child.”
A layer of sorrow slowly crept into Lin Xu's eyes. She leaned on Dou Yanxun's shoulder to hide her emotions.
His reaction upon learning of her pregnancy today truly surprised her. She had been wondering how to bring it up, let alone how to face him. The contraceptive soup she secretly drank every day had been switched; since Zhu Ling was out of the question, was there only one possibility left—
Was it he who secretly switched the medicine when she wasn't looking?
Therefore, he always knew that he was taking medicine in secret. However, he never mentioned it when they were together.
Now that things have come to this, there's no point in delving deeper. His cautiousness, like a thorn, pierced her heart, drawing blood.
If you secretly abort the child without asking his opinion, wouldn't that be too selfish?
She sighed deeply in her heart, and after a long while, she could only hug him even tighter.
"good."
He was overjoyed upon hearing this, picked up the medicine bowl from the bedside, and carefully fed her the entire bowl of nourishing soup. Still feeling it wasn't enough, he instructed a servant to fetch a bucket of hot water.
During his time in Laining, he was busy with political affairs and struggles with the local gentry, and thus neglected her somewhat. But she would always wait quietly in the courtyard, sometimes looking at the account books that she had already flipped through countless times, and sometimes resting her chin on her hand, watching the maids playing a chasing game with snowballs in the courtyard.
Her eyes always seemed to hold a hint of contemplation and sorrow.
He had always seen it all. He kept thinking about how he could treat her better.
She used to enjoy teasing the two parrots, so he gave her a lively little dog to keep her entertained. She spent her days looking at the account books, and when she couldn't understand some parts, he would send Steward Qi to her side to explain them to her.
Later, her cousin got into trouble. Despite some jealousy, he secretly made connections to avoid seeing her in tears again.
Even before they were married, he had interrogated her about her following him. At that time, Zhou Weikan appeared out of nowhere and gave her a jade pendant. He saw this and was furious. Not long after, he gave her the jade ring that he had never taken off before.
Even he himself didn't understand at the time what was wrong with him or why he was doing this.
Even when he personally witnessed Yan Ya eliminate Qin Ziyuan, the one who framed her brother, it was merely out of jealousy.
How dare he, how dare he, in public, commit such an indecent act against his wife?
Even though he looked down and saw the rain washing away the bright red bloodstains, he refused to admit it.
But long before that, in those moments he was unaware of, he had already fallen in love with her. He even harbored a faint, infatuated feeling for her.
He lost his mother and younger brother at a young age, and was trampled on without any regard for his dignity by his family. Having grown accustomed to being looked down upon, he became indifferent and cold-hearted.
But no one knows when it started, he repeatedly broke his own rules to save her, which gradually turned into obsession.
Even Yan Ya, who had been by Lin Xu's side the longest, was filled with surprise when he first saw the ostentatious jade pendant hanging around Lin Xu's neck. It was a blood oath he had sworn many years ago when he first met Yan Ya, an oath that had remained unbroken for all those years—
Seeing the jade pendant was like seeing the person himself. He sheathed his sword, the man left, and sealed the blood.
Yan Ya was a ruthless killer, and his martial arts skills were among the best in the Central Plains. However, over the years, whenever he saw that jade pendant, even if he was in a bloodthirsty frenzy, he would stop.
From the very beginning, even though he disliked strangers getting close to him and trying to pry into his thoughts, he never harbored any murderous intent towards her. She seemed to have always been his exception.
Thinking this, Dou Yanxun put down the bowl and spoon, and then used his sleeve to wipe away the medicine stains from her lips.
Lin Xu watched as the tall Dou Yanxun rolled up his sleeves, slowly bent down, and knelt in front of her.
She didn't understand what he wanted to do.
He had changed out of his court robes and was now wearing a dark blue undergarment. His slender fingers untied the cuffs and rolled them up high.
He didn't speak, but gently lifted the hem of her skirt. His fingertips were warm, but when they touched her cold ankles, they made her freeze.
"What are you doing...?"
He seemed not to hear her whispers, but instead tested the temperature of the warm water in the wooden tub beside him. Then, he slowly squatted down, took her foot in his other hand, and took off her socks.
Those were the hands he had always used to hold the pen and the county magistrate's seal since he entered officialdom. Now, however, he held her pair of white feet, gently immersing them in the water, even the joints showing restraint.
Lin Xu blushed slightly and tried to pull her legs out of his grasp.
But he gently pressed her down.
Dou Yanxun's voice was very low, mixed with her almost inaudible voice, yet it was exceptionally soothing and gentle.
He carefully immersed her feet in the water at just the right temperature, raised his eyebrows to look at her, his expression utterly serious.
"You already often have cold hands and feet, and now that you're pregnant, you need to be even more careful. Soaking them in hot water every day can help dispel the cold."
Lin Xu's heart skipped a beat. Looking at his focused expression with his head down, she was momentarily at a loss for words.
She could see the ecstatic joy in his eyes just now, but since Lai Ning's meritorious service, he was now a fifth-rank official in the court. Yet he disregarded etiquette and washed her feet, even kneeling before her like a servant...
So humble. So insignificant.
How could he do such a thing...?
She was shy and embarrassed. She still wanted to escape, but he held her ankle firmly, even splashing some water droplets on her face.
That face was clear and elegant, with a cool and refined air.
Dou Yanxun didn't blink, letting the water droplets slowly slide down his cheeks.
Lin Xu knew he was telling the truth; her hands and feet were always a little cold. Sometimes, when the two of them slept in each other's arms, she would rest the soles of her feet against his to find some warmth. Now, held in his large hands for a moment, she gradually broke out in a thin layer of sweat.
"You shouldn't have done this..."
But he cut her off. Dou Yanxun's eyes shone like stars, and through the steaming hot water, he looked at her tenderly.
It was as if he was trying hard to remember her face. Even though they had been married for more than a year, he looked at her with utmost seriousness, as if he wanted to deeply engrave every smile and frown of hers into his mind.
“Xuxu, this is our child… Keep it. I will do everything in my power to protect it.”
Lin Xu stared at him blankly.
My heart seemed to suddenly turn into a stone, plummeting rapidly into a dark and desolate abyss, until it finally plunged into a bottomless, icy pool with a tremendous roar, splashing water everywhere.
He actually understood the doubts he had previously harbored...
He actually saw through my thoughts and knew that I might abort the child!
He was so clever that nothing could be hidden from him. Now, his tone was extremely soft, almost as if he had abandoned all dignity and was humbly begging her.
Dou Yanxun gently wiped her clean feet. She could only hear the sound of water splashing in the hall and the two of them breathing very softly.
She couldn't help but breathe heavily, and slowly raised her hand forward.
Lin Xu's slender fingers gently touched the top of his head, smoothing his hair, which was slightly disheveled from his hasty arrival.
"good."
She heard her own barely audible voice break the silence. She agreed.
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