Qiao Hui's eyes were deep as he saw Chen Jianfang raise his head, his gaze fixed on the slightly worn window lattice, as if he was looking at the vast night sky and the stars through the window lattice.
He waited quietly for Chen Jianfang's next words.
"After Xianjin left the Chen family, I fell seriously ill. I had a high fever and couldn't get out of bed or speak. It was as if my throat, legs, hands and mouth had changed hands and were no longer mine."
Chen Jianfang's expression was peaceful, and in his usual calmness, there was a hidden scrutiny and confidence.
"I couldn't drink the medicine. I felt confused and drowsy all day long. It was as if my brain had stopped working. Whenever I tried to think about something, I would always think about emotions such as regret, great sorrow, and guilt, and then I would start vomiting and crying."
He must have replayed this experience many times.
When I speak out, all that remains is calm recollection.
"During that period, Xianjin was actually in the Orange Courtyard near Xuancheng Prefecture. I really wanted to get out of bed and see her from a distance, but I was completely powerless."
"About twenty days later."
"After I drank the medicine, I couldn't stop vomiting. My mother came in from the afterglow of the sunset, grabbed my wrist, raised her hand, and slapped me twice. The next day, all my medicines were gone. My mother asked someone to carry me in a sedan chair covered with curtains. Every day at sunrise, she would set out from Chen's house to Chongqing Temple. She didn't go to see Abbot Xinhe, but just let me stay in the forest of the temple for an hour. I could lie down or sit. After an hour, she would take me to eat vegetarian food."
"More than half a month later, somehow, I was finally able to walk again."
"On the day I could walk shakily, my mother took me to the Bi Ma Hall to kneel before my grandmother."
"At that time, half of my grandmother's white hair had fallen out, and her cheeks were sunken. When she saw me, she spoke weakly and I could barely understand a few loud words. My mother pinched my neck and told me to kowtow, saying, 'Grandma may have let down the world, but she has never let down me.' 'Threatening your future can only threaten those who truly care about you.'... I kowtowed about 20 times, and then I heard my grandmother sobbing and crying."
"I cried because she was sorry to my father, sorry to my third uncle, sorry to my second uncle, and sorry to me...I cried because she was petty and thoughtful, and I cried because she was blind and only cared about power and money..."
"Hearing her cry, I feel like I'm fine."
"It will be fine in a moment."
"It would be nice if I could stand up without crutches or help."
Chen Jianfang let out a long sigh, calmed down for a moment, and finally turned to look at Qiao Hui, raised the warm teacup and made a toast gesture to Qiao Hui.
“I’m always running away.”
"I used my father's death to escape the pressure; I used your life experience to escape the gap; I used Xianjin to escape the feeling of not daring to admit my cowardice—" Chen Jianfang smiled: "Look, how ridiculous I was at that time. I even hoped to use the power of Xianjin to escape the invisible mud brought to me by the Chen family, but I didn't think about whether my action would also drag Xianjin into it..."
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