Chapter 65
Half a month has passed since Political Commissar Liao brought the bad news about Chen Shengqing.
Over the past half month, Yang Qiujin's life has been miserable. She asked for leave from the farm and stayed at home every day, taking care of her mother-in-law who cried until she almost fainted. At the same time, she had to pick up and drop off the children from school, do laundry, cook at home, and tend to the winter vegetables planted in the house.
She was so calm that no one could tell she was sad. However, only Yang Qiuyue, who was close to her, knew that beneath her calm face, her sister cried a lot at night.
Yang Qiuyue learned the bad news about her brother-in-law. Fearing that Yang Qiujin might be depressed and get into trouble, she took a leave of absence and came to the army to visit Yang Qiujin.
In the evening, heavy snow was falling from the sky. It was less than a week away from the Chinese New Year. Yang Qiujin sat in front of the living room door, wearing thin clothes. She seemed not to feel the cold, and stared foolishly at the wide-open door of the courtyard.
The snow was falling on her head and her face was frozen white, but she didn't feel anything.
As soon as Yang Qiuyue entered the yard, she saw her sister in this state, and hurried over to put a large cotton jacket on her. She pulled her into the house with concern, "Sister, what are you doing? It's so cold, and you are sitting here wearing so little. Aren't you afraid of freezing yourself?"
"Qiuyue, you're here." Yang Qiujin's dull eyes gradually focused. She weakly refused to go into the house. "I'm not cold. I have to wait here. If Shengqing comes back, I will be the first to greet him."
Yang Qiuyue's throat choked. In her impression, her sister had always been a strong woman who was sharp and decisive. Suddenly, her strong-willed sister became so fragile and dazed. Yang Qiuyue's eyes became moist.
She held Yang Qiujin's hand and sobbed as she advised, "Sister, the deceased is gone, and my brother-in-law is gone. You must be stronger. Aunt Li and Tianyou both need your care. You can't fall down."
Yang Qiujin's confused mind cleared up a little after hearing her words. She looked at her sister's concerned face, tears streaming down her cheeks, and she said incoherently: "Qiuyue, I don't know what's wrong with me. I told myself to be strong, even if Chen Shengqing is really dead, I will take good care of my mother-in-law and children. But in my heart, I don't believe that he would die so easily. I think about being with him every day in my mind, and I keep thinking about him even in my dreams. After waking up, I can't tell the difference between reality and dreams."
Yang Qiuyue also felt bad, "Sister, I understand how you feel. Just like when Ke Jian wrongly accused me of not being innocent and especially despised me, I felt heartbroken and felt worse than death. I even thought about committing suicide and putting an end to it all. But sister, there is nothing in this world that cannot be overcome. The pain you feel now and the knot in your heart that is difficult to get over will gradually disappear with the passage of time. Sister, I came to see you not to persuade you to think more positively, but to remind you to remember what you once said to me and cheer up!"
Yang Qiujin looked up at her with a dejected expression, wanting to say something, but she heard the low, suppressed crying of her mother-in-law, Li Xiu'e, coming from the small room.
Yang Qiujin, who was already staggering and heartbroken, could not help but cover her face and cry when she heard her mother-in-law crying.
The woman's sobbing voice was blown away by the cold snowy wind. It was filled with grief and despair, and anyone who heard it could not help but feel uncomfortable.
Yang Qiuyue's eyes were moistened, she wiped her face quietly, and pulled Yang Qiujin up in a tough manner, "Come on, go inside, you can't sit here all the time, torturing yourself and freezing yourself."
She pulled Yang Qiujin into the living room. The room was freezing cold. In such a cold winter in the frontier, there was not even a fireplace or a kang in the room. People would be frozen to death if this continued.
Yang Qiuyue felt sorry for her sister who lost her husband at such a young age and became a widow, but she was also angry at her sister for not taking care of her body and torturing herself like this.
She took out a thick quilt from the master bedroom, asked Yang Qiujin to sit down, and wrapped her in it. Then she walked outside in the wind and snow, picked up a shovel, added coal into the hole in the fire wall, and heated up both the fire wall and the kang.
The room became warmer. Yang Qiujin, who hadn't slept for several days and had dark circles under her eyes, sat on the warm kang bed. Her eyelids twitched uncontrollably, and she felt dizzy and drowsy.
When she came to her senses again, it was already dark outside. A small oil lamp was on in the room. Li Xiu'e was doing needlework in her room, while Chen Tianyou was doing his homework.
"Qiu Jin, are you awake?" Li Xiu'e, who heard her getting up, hurried over to help her up and touched her forehead. "You're still running a fever. You scared me."
Chen Tianyou also hurried over and asked, "Mom, how do you feel?"
"What's wrong with me?" Yang Qiujin asked in a hoarse voice.
"You're pregnant." Li Xiu'e helped her to lean against the bed, crying and laughing, "You're so confused. You gave birth to Tianyou, how come you didn't know you were pregnant? It was so cold outside, and you didn't take care of yourself. You caught a cold and passed out. If your sister hadn't come to see us and saw you passed out, she felt something was wrong and asked the military doctor to come and see you, I wouldn't have known you were pregnant."
"I'm pregnant?" Yang Qiujin was surprised.
Thinking carefully, yes, before Chen Shengqing left, she was reluctant to let him go, so she deliberately seduced him in the toilet and didn't let him use a condom...
At that time, she actually didn't intend to get pregnant, because they hadn't used condoms before and she was fine. She thought it would be safe even if they didn't use them again, but she didn't expect to get pregnant.
During these three months, she had been living in a daze. In addition, her menstruation was sometimes irregular, and she did not have any pregnancy reactions such as nausea, vomiting, etc. like when she was pregnant with Chen Tianyou. She thought that her menstruation might be delayed because of the cold winter, so she did not take it seriously.
Now Li Xiu'e told her that she was pregnant. After she was stunned and shocked, she thought that Chen Shengqing would not come back and the baby in her belly was posthumous. She felt so heartbroken that she couldn't help crying. She touched her belly and said, "This child came at the wrong time."
"Mom, don't cry. If you keep crying, it won't be good for the little brother or sister in your belly." Chen Tianyou stood in front of her, and seeing her crying, his eyes also turned red. He reached out to wipe her tears and said with a sob, "Mom, I will take care of you and grandma for Dad in the future. Don't cry, I will definitely take good care of you."
The little boy stood with an upright posture, and one could vaguely see the appearance of Chen Shengqing in him.
Once upon a time, that naughty child has become mature and sensible after experiencing a series of changes at home.
Yang Qiujin was very sad. She wiped her tears with her hand and touched his head. "Mom, it's okay. Have you finished your homework? If not, go outside and do it."
She didn't know if it was because of her pregnancy or her own psychology, but she felt the room was extremely stuffy. She wanted to go out for some fresh air, but Li Xiu'e quickly helped her and said, "Go slowly."
The three of them walked out of the house and arrived at the living room, where a man stood at the door with his back to the light.
For a moment, Yang Qiujin thought it was Chen Shengqing who came back. She was happy for less than two seconds. The man turned his head and saw a handsome face wearing glasses. It turned out to be Ji Mingchen.
"Qiu Jin, how do you feel?" Ji Mingchen saw her come out, walked a few steps to her and asked with concern.
"I'm fine. Thank you for coming to treat me." Yang Qiujin thanked him politely but distantly.
She lowered her eyebrows, and her bright face was filled with a trace of sadness, which made people feel distressed.
Seeing her so distant from him, Ji Mingchen put down his hand that he had originally wanted to touch her forehead to see if she still had a fever. "You have two bodies now. You can't take western medicine for a cold. I have prescribed you a mild Chinese medicine. Your sister is boiling it for you. Remember to drink it after it is ready. Drink it three times a day. You will be well in two days."
"Okay, thank you." Yang Qiujin lowered her eyes and agreed. Other than that, she had nothing else to say to Ji Mingchen.
Ji Mingchen had a lot to say to her, but she looked like she was keeping him at a distance. Her mother-in-law and children were watching her, so he could only suppress his emotions and said in a businesslike manner, "You are more than three months pregnant, and the fetus is a little unstable. During this period, you should stay at home and rest as much as possible. Don't let your mind wander, and don't be too sad or happy, which will affect the baby in your belly. Relax and don't work so hard. You can let others do it if you have something to do. If you need my help, I'll be there at your beck and call."
After he said this, the living room fell silent for a moment.
Yang Qiujin and Ji Mingchen were childhood sweethearts and grew up together. She knew very well that Ji Mingchen braved the heavy snow to come and see her, not only because he was a doctor, but also because of her as a person.
When he said this, the meaning he was hinting to her was very obvious, that is, since Chen Shengqing was no longer around, he could take care of her on Chen Shengqing's behalf.
Yang Qiujin felt mixed emotions, but said firmly, "Thank you for your reminder. I will take good care of myself and the children."
Ji Mingchen was very disappointed. "It's getting late. I'm going back first. I'll come back to take your temperature tomorrow."
Yang Qiujin refused again, "No, it's been snowing these days, and the ground is covered with snow, making it difficult to walk. If my fever really doesn't go away, I'll ask my mom and them to help me get medicine from the hospital."
Ji Mingchen clenched his fingers and looked at her with dim eyes, "Are you sure you want to reject me? Chen Shengqing can't come back anymore! Did you know that before he left, he came to me and asked me to take care of you for him?"
"Enough, stop talking!" Yang Qiujin clenched her fists and stared at him angrily. "What he said to you is between you two. Don't tell me. I don't want to hear it, and I don't want to know it. Chen Shengqing is my husband. As long as I don't see his body, I will believe that he is alive and he will come back. In this life, I will only recognize him and will not think about anyone else."
"You..." She repeatedly refused to resist, making Ji Mingchen's heart sink to the bottom.
He wanted to say something else, but Li Xiu'e beside him interrupted and said, "Come on, Qiu Jin, the military doctor has good intentions, so don't quarrel with him."
Then he turned to Ji Mingchen and said, "Doctor Ji, it's snowing heavily, and it's not easy for you to come to our house to treat Qiu Jin. Please sit in the house for a while. I will cook dinner right away. You can leave after dinner."
It has been almost half a month since Chen Shengqing disappeared. Upon hearing the bad news, Li Xiu'e cried at home for half a month and her eyes were almost blinded by crying.
No one can understand the pain of a woman who loses her husband in middle age and then her son a few years later, and the pain of seeing her loved ones die.
During this period, Yang Qiujin pretended to be fine and took care of her diet, daily life and children. As a result, she became ill due to overwork and was pregnant with a child.
After hearing the news that her daughter-in-law was pregnant, Li Xiu'e felt both happy and sad. She was happy that her son had left a child for Qiu Jin before he died, but she was sad that the child had no father to love him after he was born.
In fact, ever since her son joined the army, Li Xiu'e had been prepared for him to die on the battlefield. But when the day really came, as a mother, she still could not accept her child's death.
Now that her always strong-willed daughter-in-law has fallen, Li Xiu'e has also realized that someone must be the head of the family.
She put away her grief. Knowing that her daughter-in-law had a past with Ji Mingchen, she was not unhappy at all and even thought that Ji Mingchen was a good person.
If her son really sacrificed himself and could not come back, as long as Ji Mingchen treated his daughter-in-law well, she would not object to her daughter-in-law remarrying Ji Mingchen.
"Mom." Yang Qiujin shook her head at Li Xiu'e in disapproval, signaling her not to be like that.
When Chen Shengqing is not around, they would be gossiped about if they leave Ji Mingchen at home late at night.
"It's okay, just a meal." Li Xiu'e patted her hands, turned around and called Chen Tianyou, "Tianyou, come and help grandma wash the vegetables."
"good."
As soon as they left, the living room became quiet again.
Ji Mingchen no longer hid his feelings and said frankly: "Qiu Jin, do you know? I have never forgotten you all these years. As long as you are willing, I will take good care of you and the child for Chen Shengqing."
His gaze was too scorching, and Yang Qiujin felt uncomfortable. She tilted her head, not looking at his face, and said in a cold voice, "How are you going to take care of me? Marry me, and then let me take my two children and forcefully form a family with your two children, and let your son bully my children?"
Ji Mingchen said hurriedly: "Qiu Jin, that's not what I meant."
"Not that, what do you mean?" Yang Qiujin stared at the snowflakes falling in the yard and said bluntly: "Ji Mingchen, wake up. Even if you divorced Shi Fangfang and sent your two children to the countryside, you think you are qualified to marry me, but have you ever thought about how your two children feel? Their mother is Shi Fangfang, who has always been at odds with me and regards me as an enemy. Do you think they will accept me? Can I accept the child of the person who hurt me back then? Maybe they think that you divorced Shi Fangfang because I was the one who interfered. I can't marry a family that hates me and even wants to kill my children. You and I are not the same kind of people. Even if Chen Shengqing is gone, I can't choose you."
She said it very clearly. Ji Mingchen's face turned pale. He wanted to refute her, but found that it was in vain.
Yang Qiujin didn't want to waste time talking to him, nor did she want to be alone with him. She felt very suffocated and just wanted to be alone for a while to calm down.
She went back into the house, put on a thick military coat, a pair of thick cotton shoes, tied a scarf around her neck, and strode out into the yard.
Ji Mingchen saw her walking out alone and quickly reached out to stop her. "It's so late, where are you going as a pregnant woman?"
"I'm going to get some fresh air and walk around the family compound. Don't follow me." Yang Qiujin shook off his hand and warned him coldly, "Don't let my mother-in-law know. I'll be back soon and won't go far."
She hated him so much that in order to avoid being with him, she would rather go out and freeze in the snow than look at him any more.
Ji Mingchen looked at her leaving back, distraught.
The winter nights at the border are extremely cold, with heavy snow falling from the sky and a thick layer of snow piled on the ground.
Yang Qiujin walked forward step by step, step by step, in the calf-deep snow, relying on the lights from the houses on both sides of the road.
She didn't know where she was going, she just wanted to escape from the home that made her feel heavy breathing.
After learning the bad news about Chen Shengqing, she has been forcing herself to be strong, to stay calm, to take good care of her family, and to wait for Chen Shengqing to come back.
But she knew that she was not strong at all.
She has always pretended to be fierce and strong, but in fact, she has had no one to protect her since she was a child. She had to make herself difficult for others to bully her, which is why she developed such a fierce personality.
She is also a woman, and she also has a soft side. Since she married Chen Shengqing and joined the army, Chen Shengqing has given her an unprecedented sense of security. She slowly took off her strong pretense and gradually revealed the soft side of a woman.
But when she trusted and relied on Chen Shengqing the most, he left her. Now he left a child in her belly. How can she face the days without him and how can she live on?
She kept walking in the snow, as if she had lost the motivation to live. Every step she took was extremely painful and she was in chaos.
The soldier on guard at the gate spotted her and pulled her aside to ask, "Mrs. Yang, it's so cold, why are you walking around alone? Did something happen at home? Do you need our help?"
Yang Qiujin stared at the young soldier in front of her with a dull look, and it took her a while to react. Unknowingly, she walked to the gate of the army.
She shook her head. "No, I'm just going out for a walk and will be back soon."
As she spoke, she walked out of the military post, stood at the gate, and stared in a daze at the huge red star party emblem repaired above the military gate.
She really wanted to know what kind of belief Chen Shengqing, as a soldier, had that would make him disregard his own life and lead the enemy away alone so that his comrades could retreat.
The two young soldiers on duty saw her standing lifeless at the entrance of the unit, and they felt half sorry for her and half worried about her.
In the army, soldiers or officers died from time to time, and their families could not accept the departure of their husbands/children. Many of them cried and made a lot of noise, and many even fainted.
Usually, after such people have cried and vented their anger, they will be comforted by the women's director of the army or the people from the Martyrs' Families Office and given consolation money in a timely manner. Over time, they will gradually forget their pain and be able to move on with their lives.
People like Yang Qiujin, who never cried in front of others and appeared to be very strong and calm, were more dangerous.
Usually, people like this either do not have deep feelings for the dead martyrs and cannot cry, or they are under so much pressure that they may collapse, go crazy, and commit suicide at any time.
The two young soldiers both thought that Yang Qiujin was the latter, because when Chen Shengqing was still alive, the love between them was obvious to everyone.
The two were afraid that Yang Qiujin would do something stupid, so they kept a close eye on her movements.
However, Yang Qiujin just stood there, quietly looking at the red star party emblem at the door, without saying a word or moving.
No one knew how much time had passed, but when the two young soldiers felt their legs were frozen from standing and they could hardly bear the cold, and wanted to go and persuade Yang Qiujin to go home, they heard the faint roar of a car engine in the distance.
"Huh? There are cars coming, and it seems there are more than one car." said a soldier.
Another soldier said, "Why would a car come to our border defense department at this late hour?"
Yang Qiujin also heard the sound of the engine. She turned her head numbly and saw several military jeeps with their headlights on in the dark road in the distance, approaching them quickly.
Yang Qiujin had an inexplicable feeling in her heart, which she couldn't describe. It was as if something was calling her, making her run towards the jeeps involuntarily.
"Hey? Mrs. Yang, be careful not to get hit by a car!" A soldier hurried out of the sentry post to stop her.
But she ran too fast and reached the leading jeep in just a few minutes.
After a sudden brake, the window of the leading jeep rolled down, revealing a dark face, "Are you Comrade Yang Qiujin?"
"Do you know me?" Yang Qiujin looked at the strange soldier in front of her, without any memory of him in her mind.
The soldier laughed. "Of course I know you. When Deputy Commander Chen and I were spies in the Soviet Union, he often painted your portrait. I saw it by chance. I asked him who he painted and he said it was his wife. Although he often burned the portraits after painting them, I was very curious about why he refused the beautiful Comrade Anna but kept painting your portrait. I have a deep memory of it."
Did Chen Shengqing paint his own portrait when he was in the Soviet Union? Yang Qiujin didn't even know that he could paint.
Yang Qiujin felt a pain in her heart and was about to fall. "So, he covered your retreat, and you abandoned him and let him lead the enemy away to his death?"
"Comrade Yang, please don't say such harsh words." The soldier said with a smile: "We soldiers go out to perform missions, and the mission content is more important than our lives. Comrade Chen Shengqing risked his life to let other comrades bring back the mission target. We must complete the mission first and can only retreat first. We are not abandoning our comrades. Moreover..."
He changed the subject and raised his chin towards the jeeps behind him. "After completing the mission, we asked our superiors for instructions and went to the northern border to search for Comrade Chen Shengqing. Fortunately, God helps those who work hard..."
"What do you mean?" Yang Qiujin's eyelids twitched. She could hardly control her legs and feet, and ran hurriedly towards the jeep behind.
The windows of the jeeps ahead were rolled down, and several unfamiliar faces were looking at her.
The last jeep opened its door, and a tall, thin man with thick bandages and plaster on his head, left hand, and legs got out of the car with difficulty.
Although the man looked frail, Yang Qiujin still recognized him. Tears instantly blurred her eyes. She rushed over and hugged the man, "Shengqing, you're back. I knew you wouldn't die so easily."
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