Chapter 14 Brothers and Sisters
Lost in grief, time slipped by silently and swiftly. Yanru lay in the yard, crying for a while. She caught the scent of Liu'er stirring in the kitchen and realized dusk was approaching. She managed to crawl back to her room and lay on her bed, staring blankly at the beams. The quilt lingered with the sandalwood incense that Ji Mingxiu often used. The familiar scent penetrated her nostrils, stirring her sorrow once again. She buried herself in the quilt and cried heartily once more.
Under the cold moonlight, everything seemed even more indifferent. The moon, obscured by dark clouds, struggled to peek out a sharp corner, as if to see the world's mockery. The food Liu'er brought, heated and cooled several times, but Yanru didn't touch her chopsticks once. Her extreme depression numbed her appetite. After finally stopping crying, she blew her nose into a handkerchief. She stood up and saw Ji Mingxiu's things in the room, and sobbed uncontrollably again, like a swimmer in a river, trying with all her might to jump out of the water, but her limbs gave out and she sank back into the water. In truth, Yanru really hoped to be beaten by Qi Fengning today. Just as the women called "fox spirits" were all beautiful and charming, if she were to be beaten by her, it would prove that the old woman was jealous of her youth, that Ji Mingxiu truly loved her, a love that infuriated his wife, and that Yanru truly threatened Madam Ji's position. Although being beaten was the most humiliating thing a weak woman could not resist, she could proudly tell herself and the world in the midst of the pain: the person who beat me saw me as a thorn in their side because of my outstanding beauty and excellence. Moreover, the girl before her had been beaten by her, and Ji Mingxiu had said that Yanru was the one he loved the most.
Yet, Qi Fengning declared his contempt for her, disdaining to strike her, throwing her lightly to the ground. Everything she had painstakingly acquired and displayed was, to Qi Fengning, insignificant, a waste of effort. Qi Fengning struck the one in front of him but not her. Wasn't this a stark reminder to the world that, despite the widespread rumors and romantic entanglements, their relationship was in reality worthless and insignificant, unable to stir up any waves. Ugh! More than a shrew, she's clearly a vicious woman. Qi Fengning, oh Qi Fengning, you know how to kill and destroy hearts, how to trample and rip apart a young woman who, in love, was so proud and arrogant, so careless.
Nothing could be more humiliating than today. Yanru was in agony. Why didn't he protect me? Didn't they say they had no feelings? Wasn't she the one he cherished most? Why was he on her side today? She was the one who had spoken so harshly to him, so why did he treat her this way? A stream of questions lashed out at her fragile body and her massive head, leaving her dizzy and suffocating as if she were drowning. She wanted to break free from this humiliation and sorrow, to think carefully about her future. But the embarrassing scenes of today flashed before her eyes one after another, like a thousand sharp arrows, piercing her proud and sensitive heart a thousand times. Yanru wanted to grab Ji Mingxiu, grasp those sturdy shoulders, gaze into those narrow eyes, question his morality, judge his sincerity. But she knew that if Ji Mingxiu were actually standing before her, she would throw herself into his arms, the scent of sandalwood and ink, and tearfully beg him, "Don't leave. I can't leave you."
Unfortunately, Ji Mingxiu hadn't come, and wouldn't come. Yanru's lamentations were agonizing, with nowhere to vent. The day's events, the hours of weeping, had left her exhausted. She tried to find a good night's sleep, but was startled awake just as she was about to drift off. Her subconscious fear of a group of thugs barging into her sleep was like stepping into the courtyard in broad daylight, the men from the Ji residence staring at her with eager eyes. She tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep, her pillow rustling with every movement. This pillow had been handmade by Si Rui as a gift before she left, stuffed with dried chrysanthemums and cassia seeds, supposedly to nourish the mind and body, sharpening hearing and vision. The subtle fragrance of the plants seeped through the cracks in the pillow's fabric, reaching Yanru's nostrils and evoking her longing for Zheng Si Rui once again. She remembered how Zheng Sirui had also refused to eat or drink a year ago, lying on her bed in tears. Yanru had gone to her room to keep her company, breaking off a piece of steamed bun and stuffing it into her mouth. But now it was Yanru's turn, and no one could enter the room to share her hatred. Her mother had always told her that one didn't need to dwell on true friends; fame and fortune were the most valuable companions. If one married well and lived well, soaring to the heights of phoenix status, friends would naturally flock to her. But now, Yanru lay in this room with carved railings and jade bricks, covered by a silk quilt, shrouded in immense loneliness, lubricating her pain with tears and swallowing it whole.
"I'd better go home," Yanru muttered to herself. Even though she wasn't the most precious thing in that small courtyard, it was still "home" after all. The flesh and blood of her loved ones were at least warm, better than this cold courtyard where a dozen people could barge in and humiliate her at any moment. It was enough for her to feel at ease and lick her wounds without any scruples.
Yanru tormented the entire night in a state of half-dream, and at dawn, exhausted, she returned home. For the past six months, her father had often used the prince's presence as an excuse to move back to the palace, and he wasn't home on weekdays, except during festivals. Her mother's embroidery business was booming, so she simply took over a shop and moved her embroidery frames and needlework there, making it easier to take orders and sell embroidery. Grandma had no choice but to go to the shop to help. Life seemed to be getting better at home, and a mason had been hired to partition off a small room in the house, where she placed Grandma's bed and desk, leaving Yanru's room considerably freer. She called out a few times, but there was no response. She was content and enjoying the quiet, and after washing her hands, feet, and face, she retreated to her bed. The familiar warmth enveloped her, and soon, Yanru put her worries aside and fell asleep. When she awoke, she spotted, bleary-eyed, a plump figure sitting on the dressing table. She wore a small, patterned, cross-collared dress and had two small hairpins tied in her hair. Hearing the noise, she turned and smiled, her round cheeks the color of lychees in July and August, resembling a doll from a New Year's picture. She pounced over and fed the half-eaten candied yam in her hand to Yanru's lips. "Sister, have some! It's so sweet! I saved a bite just for you."
Ah, family is still the best! Yanru's nose was sore, and she was quite touched. She bit the candied yam, and the icing sugar coating broke. Her tongue licked the soft and sticky yam inside, which seemed a little bitter. Yanru didn't want to refuse You Yanbao's kindness, so she made up a white lie while chewing: "Well, it is indeed very fragrant. It is so delicious that I want to cry."
"Huh? How could that be?" You Yanbao pouted, frowning in thought, "I felt like this yam was infested with worms and was a bit bitter. It would be a waste to throw it away, so I let you eat it. Sister, why did you get the sweet one? If I had known earlier, I would have eaten yours."
Yanru quickly spit it onto her handkerchief and threw it fiercely at You Yanbao: "Little bitch! I'll beat you up!"
You Yanbao laughed, took off her shoes and socks, and climbed onto Yanru's bed. "Sister, I thought you weren't coming back this year! What birthday gift did you bring me? Show me now." Her question was so concise and direct that Yanru remembered that today was You Yanbao's eighth birthday. Every year at this time, the adults in the You family would slaughter chickens and ducks, grit their teeth, and go to Huixian Restaurant to order birthday buns to celebrate You Yanbao's growth. No one was home today, probably because everyone had gone out to order chickens and buy groceries.
Yanru had never experienced such a grand occasion. Peilan said that even the ten months of her pregnancy were incredibly difficult. Nausea was a minor issue, something she could endure by pinching her nose and forcing down medicine. But the worst was the swelling of her limbs, the pain in her knuckles so severe she couldn't even hold a needle or thread. This delayed her work and cost her a lot of her deposit. Whenever she mentioned it, she couldn't help but scold Yanru, calling her a "money-loser," to vent her anger. Giving birth to Yanru was also quite torturous. She vomited throughout the birth, was given two cups of labor-inducing drugs, and endured a day and a night before the birth took place. Other women say the pain of childbirth is unforgettable, but for Peilan, the physical pain, like the ripping of flesh and breaking bones, remains etched in her heart even after more than a decade. Even the passage of time and maternal instincts could not mask or numb it—even after she gave birth to her second daughter. She refused to celebrate the product of her excruciating pain on that day each year, so Yanru's birthday was usually just a hasty birthday bun.
Her sister remained silent, and Yanbao realized she must have forgotten about it. Her birthday was the most important day for the family, aside from Spring Festival, Qingming Festival, Dragon Boat Festival, Mid-Autumn Festival, and Double Ninth Festival. Her sister hadn't prepared a gift for her, and Yanbao was quite dissatisfied. "Sister, my birthday only comes once a year. Last year, you didn't come back from the academy and didn't buy me a gift. Why didn't you buy me a gift this year?"
Yanru said confidently: "You didn't buy me a gift for my birthday."
"Well, I'm young, I'm a child, and children don't have money to buy things." Yanbao said, lifting up his sleeves and stretching them out to Yanru as if to ask for credit: "Sister, look, yesterday I was buying candied haws, and a few little girls at the stall said you were a vixen, twisting and turning to draw pictures for men. How could I bear it? I rushed over and fought with them. They spit on my candied haws and scratched me. It hurt, sister, look."
"Why are you getting angry with these troublemakers? It's a disgrace to our family."
"Then I can't stand it either. Mom said we are sisters and a family. If you insult your elder sister, you deserve a beating!"
Yanru's internal organs suddenly heated up. She lifted Yanbao's arm with her right hand and examined it closely. Her small, delicate hand bore a few pale red scratches, extending from wrist to elbow. While not particularly striking, they were nonetheless. Yanru had just suffered a crushing blow to both love and dignity. These scars, though hardly wounds, transformed into a warm, coarse fur coat, enveloping her frail frame and warming her lonely soul. Yanru looked at her younger sister. Unlike herself, Yanbao, at such a young age, had inherited her mother's features—a delicate beauty, to put it mildly, a sturdy frame, a far cry from the frail Yanru. Childbirth is a marvel. Yanru's delicate nature had caused her mother a difficult labor; Yanbao, born strong and round, like a winter melon, survived for only two hours without much suffering. Yanru crudely attributed this to her mother's favoritism, feeling constantly wronged. She was still young and had never given birth, so she could not understand the pain hidden behind such emotions. She did not dare to compete with her mother for her love and favor, and only became more disgusted with her younger sister You Yanbao.
"The blossoms of the Changdi vine are so dazzling, and no one is more precious than a brother." Zheng Sirui, thinking of this line, always envied Yanru for having a sibling. Yanru couldn't recognize all the characters in the poem, much less grasp its meaning. She cursed Zheng Sirui for taking advantage. She was the only daughter in the Zheng family, and she had never tasted all the delicious snacks at home, only to have them hidden away by her grandmother. How could she possibly understand the bitterness involved? Now, like a Buddhist disciple suddenly grasping a Buddhist sermon, Yanru remembered the following verse, her muddled mind opening: In the face of death, brothers cherish their deepest longings. The command of the sage is in the field, and brothers are in need. Alas, a wagtail trapped in the wilderness, its brothers rushing to its rescue; she is ridiculed and slandered, and only her sister is willing to rush to fight the little villains for her, disregarding her own status as the descendant of a powerful official. What is the meaning of close siblings? You Yanru, You Yanbao, their flesh and blood are very different, but the flesh and bones of their two bodies come from the flesh and bones of the same father and mother. This is the connection between flesh and blood, the close relationship of siblings. Although she will still gnash her teeth at her sister in the future, Yanru let go of her sister's arm, sniffed, solemnly pulled out the cheapest butterfly bead hairpin on her head, and inserted it into her sister's bun: "I was just teasing you, the gift is here."
Yanbao knew her sister loved this. She was so happy that she jumped into the yard to show off to the neighbor girl. Yanru was left alone, immersed in her melancholy. Suddenly, she heard Yanbao calling outside: "Sister, someone is looking for you outside, come out quickly, come out quickly." Yanru adjusted her hair and went out in her embroidered shoes. Wang'er, Ji Mingxiu's personal servant, was standing at the door of their yard, with his hands folded in his sleeves, tilting his head and saying:
"Miss You, please follow me to see the master."
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