Chapter 61: Severing the Ties
On the way to the prison, Zheng Sirui understood the entire situation: she and Lu Zhiling had reported suspected tax evasion by salt merchant Shi Jian. The Shangshu, under the pretext of a review, had publicly reported the case to the Ministry, only to dismiss it with relative ease. Soon, her past relationship with Lu Zhiling was exposed, sparking rumors that even implicated the teacher, creating a scorching mess. Then, a fabricated story was fabricated that the teacher and Lu Zhiling had used their family influence to propel her to a higher position and leaked the exam questions. All of this clearly indicated a conspiracy between officials and businessmen, intent on bringing both her and Lu Zhiling down and eliminating them as soon as possible.
But why? Where did the rumor come from? She remembered her parents' words, wary of gossip. She had kept a tight lid on her journey to the capital, never mentioning anything about it. Three days after leaving Nanjing, her mother announced her departure for Lingnan. Once in the capital, she protected her reputation, never speaking much to men. She kept her relationship with the Lu family, or her connections in Nanjing, a secret she kept secret from the entire Guanyan Academy. All the teachers and students knew of her was that she was from Nanjing, a poor family. When she entered the Ministry of Revenue, she had to report to the Minister and the Secretary of State, with the door open and one or two clerks present.
She was so careful about her reputation, yet she still stirred up rumors? She and her teacher were innocent, so why would they fabricate such a horrible story? Could it be that Jinling was the source of the rumors? If it was really Jinling, wouldn't the timing be too tight?
Was she lacking self-discipline over the years? Was she lacking clarity? Or were her youthful desires and innocence unforgivable and unforgivable?
Zheng Sirui was puzzled. She stood up and stood alone under the stone window.
The rising sun was the same as yesterday's, but she was no longer the same person she was yesterday. At this time yesterday, she was still wearing a purple python, wearing an official belt around her waist, and served by servants. She left the imperial residence and went to the emperor's court. In just twelve hours, she was stripped of her fifth-rank official uniform in public, her reputation ruined, and she became a prisoner. The prison in the Ministry of Justice was a stone chamber with no ventilation. The straw used for cushions was damp and had an unbearable musty smell, which exacerbated her restlessness. The feeling of being gossiped about by the entire academy a few years ago came back again. She sat there alone, closed her eyes, and it seemed as if thousands of people were whispering in her ears:
"Zheng Sirui is so shameless, she wants to use Master Lu to climb up the social ladder."
"She pretends to be noble all day long, and talks about studying hard to achieve fame, but it turns out that it's all a trick to seduce men."
"What are her conditions? How dare she drag Master Lu along like this? She deserves it. Everything is ruined. No one wants her anymore. She deserves it."
"Women from small families are like this. They are ambitious and can't chew more than they can chew."
The rumors were unbearable to hear. In the darkness, except for Yi Bin and Yanru, all the people in Qiu Shui Academy surrounded her, mocking her, taking advantage of her misfortune, and their spit dripped onto the ground and melted into the soil. The ground under her feet became a quagmire, and she was trapped in it, unable to break free. She could only be trapped where she was, sinking little by little, and letting the mud cover her body.
"Ah!" Zheng Sirui screamed, covering her ears. She opened her eyes, and the faint sunlight filtered through the tiny, single window, shining on her thin frame. She rarely fell asleep, but she had a nightmare, a dream, half-dream, where the unbearable past came back to torment her. When she woke, she wondered if it was her inner demons or the harsh treatment the world had for women that was tormenting her.
Zheng Sirui climbed up from the cold stone bed, stood in front of the window with her back to the prison door, her thin shirt wet with tears.
"Si Rui, Si Rui."
Someone called her name from behind. Zheng Sirui wiped away her tears, roughly smoothed her hair, turned around, and exclaimed, "Yanru? Junior Sister Wen?"
She quickly stepped forward and stood in front of the prison door. Through the thick bars, she asked, "You're here? What if I implicate you if you enter the prison like this?"
Wen Yue said, "What are you afraid of? Yanru and I don't have any reference to it anyway. Besides, my father-in-law is in the Ministry of Justice, so he still has a say."
Zheng Sirui's hands were grasping the fence. Yanru wanted to hold on, but she saw that the fence was covered with greasy dirt. Zheng Sirui's fingers were not clean, so she felt disgusted. Not wanting to put herself in a difficult position, she just said, "Oh, right, right, we are not taking the imperial examination, so what are we afraid of?"
Wen Yue saw Zheng Sirui wearing only her inner garment, without her outer robe. Firstly, it was late autumn, and the nights were chilly. Secondly, the jailers in the Ministry of Justice were all men, and such treatment would be humiliating for a woman. She quickly stripped off her decorative robe and reached through the bars. "Don't be afraid, Senior Sister Zheng. My father-in-law said it's just suspicion, and we'll be imprisoned for a few days for investigation. Besides, the rumors out there are mostly hearsay, not hard evidence. I've read Senior Sister's essays at the academy, and your literary talent and knowledge certainly didn't require cheating in the exams to make the list. My husband has already found the officials from the Imperial Examination Hall to testify that they found no evidence of any smuggling on Senior Sister's part during the body and room searches. This afternoon, my husband and I will go to the teachers at Guanyan and ask them to testify that Senior Sister's poor performance on the academy exam was due to her distracted mind. If she could focus on her answers, she would definitely excel."
Yanru said, "If we ask Guanyan's teacher to testify, that would only prove that there was no cheating. But what about Si Rui's gossip?"
Wen Yue was in a dilemma. Rumors were terrifying. She could find key evidence to prove her sister hadn't cheated, but it would be difficult to dispel the rumors about Zheng Sirui and the man. She said, "Sister, I know no woman wants to face these filthy rumors, but you need to calm down and think carefully about where these rumors originated and why they came out. Only then can we find the source and find out who was the first to fabricate them."
Yanru panicked and hurried to clear herself of suspicion: "It must be the students at Qiushui Academy. They must have spread the rumor. When Si Rui and Lu Zhiling quarreled before, they were the ones who started the argument and kept saying things. What they said was so, so rude! Who else could it be but them?"
Wen Yue said, "That's impossible, isn't it? Aren't your classmates in Jinling? If the news spread from Jinling to the capital, it would have spread among the common people first, and then the court officials would know. But when my father-in-law investigated, he found that the common people outside knew very little. Only one or two court officials would go to the Qingguan to listen to the music, and the girls inside knew about it."
Yanru was mad: "That might be because your father-in-law didn't ask the right person. If he wasn't from Qiushui Academy, how could he know that Si Rui went to the Master's study? It must be Qiushui Academy——"
"Wait! That's not right, that's not right," Zheng Sirui interrupted her, groping in the long river of time. "No, besides me, the Master has also been kind to several poor scholars—except for Minister Fang of the Ministry of Personnel, who asked him to accept him as a disciple but was rejected—the Master has always been very good to his poor disciples. Why, why did he single out me? Is it just because I'm a woman?"
But even if rumors spread in the capital about my affair with Lu Zhiling, they would at most be about my misconduct, not the Master. How did they know I had been to the Master's study the night before I arrived in the capital? I remember, I remember that night was the fourteenth, and the next day was the academy's monthly holiday. Usually, on the afternoon of the fourteenth of each month, their family's grooms would come to the academy to pick them up, and by that evening, almost all the students would have left.
Zheng Sirui raised her head, frowned, and stared into Yanru's eyes: "In the entire Qiushui Academy, there are only Yanru and I. We don't have a driver at home. Yanru's father always rents a car to pick up Yanru the next morning. Usually, if Yibin doesn't take me, on the night of the 14th of every month, there will be only Yanru and I in the academy.
That day was the fourteenth. When the teacher came to see me, it was past dinner time and the other students had already left. The teacher's wife's maid knocked on the door and said, "The teacher's wife is looking for me." At that time, you were in my room. You were the only one in the entire dormitory, and you were still in my room.
Zheng Sirui's eyes were red, her tone full of grievance and confusion. She pointed at Yanru and said, "It was you, Yanru, you who told it out. Shi Jian is the backer of your husband's family. I found out that Shi Jian was suspected of tax evasion, and he came to find you, so you told everyone about my private affairs. Moreover, you called me "teacher's wife", but you said it was "teacher", it was you. In order to please your in-laws, you told them about my past and let them use it as an excuse to make a fuss.
It turned out to be you? It turned out to be you, You Yanru! "
Yanru was speechless and tried to make excuses: "I didn't say anything, okay? I never said anything about your relationship with Lu Zhiling... They found that out on their own... I did tell you some things about you, but that's because they said they wanted to promote you and asked me about you so they could write a letter to you. I only said good things about you! If you really get a promotion today, you should thank me!"
Zheng Sirui was heartbroken, each word uttered with tears. "Even if it was truly for my promotion! How dare you speak of my privacy? Since I took office, countless people have heard of our relationship and insisted I ask you to get Ji Mingxiu's painting. For your own good, I've repeatedly refused, doing my utmost to clear your name. And you? You know firsthand that this past is deeply ruthless to me, and would be painful even if you killed me. The Master's surname is Lu, he's a member of the Lu family, and he has a close relationship with Lu Zhiling. You don't know the reason, yet you still brazenly tell it to a stranger? Who did the Master treat badly back then? The Master treated everyone well, so why are you fabricating this about him?!"
Yanru was hysterical: "I didn't! I said, I just wanted to help you get promoted, I didn't say much, it was others who heard it and made it up, what does it have to do with me? What's wrong with telling it? A lot of people in Jinling know about this little thing. From the teacher and his wife to the dishwashers in the kitchen, who doesn't know? Even if I told it, what would it be? Wouldn't they have found out even if I didn't say it? And you went to the teacher's study, so what? It's their fault. They have the wrong ideas, so why blame them? Why blame me?"
Zheng Sirui said nothing more, closing her eyes in despair and turning her back. After a long pause, she lifted the hem of her outer garment, ripped off a piece of fabric with a "swish," and threw it over the fence. "From now on, we sever our ties. Let this be the end of our friendship."
Yanru sneered, "Zheng Sirui, because of this, you don't even care about the favor I gave you back then. You're so heartless and cruel! Stop here! I have so many friends, what do I need from you?" With that, she turned around and walked away gracefully. She strode three feet away before realizing there was nothing behind her. She shouted angrily, "Wenyue, what are you doing there? Get out of here!"
"My carriage is outside. Ask Uncle Zhang to take you back to Dai Garden." Wen Yue, who had been silent for a long time, finally spoke, "Yanru, let's not have any contact from now on. I don't want to be with you anymore."
Imprisonment was truly unbearable. Zheng Sirui had lost count of the number of interrogations and questions she had been given. Each time in court, she repeatedly recounted her affairs with Lu Zhiling, describing every detail of their interactions. Her knowledge, pride, and self-esteem as a scholar vanished, as she was treated like a plaything, stripped naked and exposed to mockery and ridicule.
Zheng Sirui couldn't tell which was more painful: lingchi to death a woman's flesh and blood, or lingchi to death a woman's spirit.
Inside the prison, the light of day was dark, and the cycle of day and night was meaningless. Watching the withered yellow leaves outside the wall fall, tumbling to the window sill in the wind, she realized that autumn was deepening. When the first snow fell, even before the willow catkins were blown by the wind, the jailer opened the cell, and the Minister of Justice arrived to declare her innocent and release her.
This eventful period has finally come to an end.
Zheng Sirui tugged at the robe Wen Yue had given her and walked out of the prison. Yi Bin and Cai Yuan were waiting for her by the carriage. Cai Yuan, clutching a handful of branches, rushed over as soon as she saw them, meticulously beating her body inside and out with them.
Zheng Sirui was at a loss for words: "You have too many. Bodhi leaves, mugwort leaves, pine branches, and cypress leaves. Can't a handful of Bodhi leaves be enough?"
"I don't believe in supernatural powers. Cai Yuan insists that there are many kinds of evil spirits and they can drive away many evil spirits. We should be on guard against both villains and ghosts." Yi Bin stepped forward and put a thick cotton robe on Zheng Sirui. "Let's get in the car and go home first."
The three of them boarded the carriage and headed for the Zheng residence. Yi Bin said, "Your Junior Sister Wen is busy today and can't come to pick you up. But she found out for you that the court will retain your official rank, but will transfer you to the Ministry of Works, a sinecure in charge of the library."
Zheng Sirui smiled bitterly and shook her head: "Where is Lu Zhiling?"
Yi Bin said, "He's still in the Ministry of Revenue. You don't know it from inside, but although the situation outside can't be called bloody, it has been turbulent for a long time. The emperor even found an excuse to replace the Minister of Personnel with Song Ti. It is said that this Mr. Song was a chess friend of the emperor when he was a child. The former Minister of Personnel was promoted in name only, but secretly transferred to do... Oh, oh, I forgot."
Cai Yuan said, "Miss, please don't talk about this for now. It's boring. Anyway, it's all in the past. Let's go back to the mansion first, help the master wash up, and then have a good meal."
"I'm afraid it's still not over." Zheng Sirui was miserable. "Everyone knows what happened between me and Lu Zhiling."
"What are you afraid of?" Yi Bin said sternly, patting her shoulder. "I've told you hundreds of times that you don't need to regret being with him. You were happy during that time, and that's enough. What does it have to do with others? Food, sex, and love are the basic human desires. Falling in love and then forgetting each other should be the most normal and beautiful thing in the world. You were young and ignorant. There was no secret pregnancy or sexual exchange. It was based on love and ended in courtesy. What kind of thing is this? There are many such stories in the Book of Songs. Which student doesn't sing "Jiu Guan, Zui Zhi Zhou" every day? Let others gossip if they want, but why torture yourself with their meanness? The world is tricky for us women, so should we be tricky to ourselves? If you really can't do it, think about me. The insults I say are always more unpleasant than those against you. I am also living with my head held high and am much happier than before."
Zheng Sirui said, "Really? But you complained last time that you didn't cherish your silk clothes. No matter how good the silk was, it would be thrown away after just one season. Now it's hard to wear them even if you want to."
"I was just joking, why did you take it so seriously? Are you really that kind of person?" Yi Bin kept on talking. "Zhang Jiying said: 'Life is about being content. Why would one travel thousands of miles to seek fame and honor?' Mr. Zhang thought it wasn't worth giving up eating sea bass sashimi from home for the petty gains of being an official. If I really had to endure humiliation in a wealthy family just to wear those silk clothes, wouldn't that be like cutting my feet to fit the shoes?"
Cai Yuan covered her ears and said, "Pfft, pfft, pfft! Girl, girl, we just got out of jail, don't talk about chopping off our hands and feet."
The three of them chatted as they hurried to Zheng's residence. A large charcoal brazier sat at the entrance. At Caiyuan's insistence, Zheng Sirui washed her hands and stepped over it. Servants lined the courtyard to welcome Master Zheng home safely. A handsome man sat in the courtyard, apparently having been waiting for her. Upon her entrance, he stood and greeted her.
Zheng Sirui was startled: "Liu Xiang? You're back?"
After several years of absence, Liu Xiang was still the same as before, wearing a green robe, holding a pipa, walking alone, and said with a smile: "If you are in trouble, how can I not come?"
Zheng Sirui summoned the servants back to their duties and invited Liu Xiang and Yi Bin inside to rest. Yi Bin and Cai Yuan, the old master and servant, were chatting about family matters, leaving Zheng Sirui alone with Liu Xiang to reminisce. After a quick change of clothes and freshening up, she returned to the front hall, where she found Liu Xiang clutching his pipa, his eyes cast down as he plucked the instrument. Each note was enchanting, like falling jade beads and the chirping of orioles. It felt as if the thin ice and first snow outside had melted, and a spring breeze from the south of the Yangtze River, traveling through time and space, gently caressed the carved railings.
Liu Xiang sensed her approach but didn't stop. Zheng Sirui didn't interrupt either. She sat on a chair, sipping tea and listening. When he finished playing and put away his strings, she sighed, "I don't understand much about music, but I can tell it's much better than before. It's full of emotion."
Liu Xiang said, "Whatever you want to hear, I'll play it for you again."
Zheng Sirui smiled and said, "It's all fine."
"Then I'll play the piece I've been studying recently. Leaving the capital and returning to Shu, I finally felt the joy of indulging in the beauty of nature. It's a pity you're in the imperial court, so we won't have the chance to meet. Today, I'll lend you my pipa and take you on a journey through the world with your ears." Liu Xiang adjusted his posture, played for a moment, and suddenly said, "I never believed you would cheat. Actually, I guessed it was she who told the story."
Zheng Sirui said, "I can't hide it from you."
Liu Xiang's fingertips moved faster. "When I was with her, I only thought she was infinitely good. After we parted, thinking about what we said before, I realized that her mind was like a child's, simple but evil."
"She and I have severed our ties." Zheng Sirui closed her eyes. "Yi Bin and the others have reminded me many times that she's very cunning and that I should be wary of her. Although I know her character, I thought that after being close to her for so many years, I wouldn't be an exception."
"It's easy to change a country, but hard to change one's nature. She can do this to many people, and she can do this to you too. People with different ideals cannot work together, and she and you are not of the same mind." Liu Xiang said, "Besides, haven't you noticed? In fact, for all these years, she has been jealous of your appearance. No, to be more precise, she has been jealous of all women who are more beautiful than her."
"What's there to be jealous of about appearance?" Zheng Sirui casually touched a small diamond-shaped mirror and reflected her own face. "Beauty is the most precious thing in the world; a beautiful appearance is the cheapest thing in the world. You said you never believed I would cheat, but you only believed in my character. You're not from Jinling, so you don't know that my father once suffered from cheating."
Liu Xiang stopped and looked at her quietly.
Zheng Sirui looked at herself in the mirror. "When my father was young, his looks were comparable to yours. In Jinling City, everyone who saw him liked him. Everyone who saw him would say to my mother, 'I envy you so much for having such a handsome husband.' Later, when I was born, the neighbors said to my mother, 'I envy you so much for having such a handsome husband and a daughter who looks like a fairy.'"
Like my father, I was loved by everyone I met when I was little. A neighbor's aunt would cook tea eggs, give one to her son and two to me, all because I was pretty. It made her happy and willing to treat me well. I took advantage of this and got a lot of favors from the neighbors. I thought being pretty was the greatest blessing, and that being pretty made life much easier.
It wasn't until the year my father took the imperial examination that a son of a squire stole his title. Furious, he went to beat drums to protest his injustice, but unfortunately, he had no recourse and was even beaten by the family. The squire had blocked many of my family's ways to make money. He felt that as long as my family was poor enough, struggling enough, and focused solely on making ends meet, and didn't have the money to sue him, he could live in peace. Others saw this and tried to persuade my father, saying, "Just bear with it for now. A gentleman's revenge is never too late." Your daughter is so beautiful. She could marry into a noble family and become a mistress, a wife, or even a princess. Can't your family vent their anger?
Then I understood. Compared to power and wealth, beauty is the least worth mentioning. Beauty can only buy me two tea eggs; power and wealth, on the other hand, can grant me anything I desire, including fame that doesn't belong to me.
I thought about learning to play the qin, dance, and write poetry, so that one day I could marry a meat-eater and trade my beauty for power. But my mother told me that playing the qin, dancing, and writing poetry are skills that cultivate the mind, not to be used as playthings to curry favor. There were Xi Shi, Zhaojun, and Yang Guifei, beautiful women everywhere. How much would power gained in exchange be worth, and how long would it last? She and my father would never treat me as a tool, sold to noble families. If I truly wanted to escape my humble status, they would rather I become a court lady, carving out a career on my own.
So, I began learning calligraphy and studying the Four Books and Five Classics. I knew that common people were the most fragile and insignificant people in the world, looked down upon and manipulated at will by those in power. If I wanted to stand out, I had to be the best, the most outstanding, and rank among the best, so that everyone would see my name and know who I, Zheng Sirui, was. Only in this way could I ensure that what I possessed would be seen by others and wouldn't be easily taken away. Whether in Qiushui or Guanyan, I must be number one! Only if I'm number one will those evil spirits dare not snatch it from me! Even if the daughters of those carnivores boast of being calm and composed, and laugh at me for trying so hard! Even if they laugh at me for being greedy for fame and having an ungainly attitude, I will still be number one!
Zheng Sirui was in high spirits. The twenty years of ups and downs she had experienced with her parents turned into tears, filling her eyes. She said dejectedly, "What a pity! I thought I had achieved first place, passed the examination, and was a female official of the fifth rank. No one in this world would bully me anymore. It turns out that there are mountains beyond mountains, heavens beyond heavens, and officials beyond officials. As long as they want, even if I have done nothing wrong, they can still stand in their high position, humiliate me, tease me, trample on my dignity, and let everyone trample on me."
"No, you're wrong, Zheng Sirui. Have you forgotten what the Master taught you in your first lesson at Qiushui?" Yi Bin had arrived at the front hall at some point and stood outside the door, speaking forcefully, "From a Taoist perspective, there's no such thing as noble or humble. From a material perspective, one's own nobility makes others humble. From a common perspective, nobility and humbleness don't lie within oneself. Why would you want to emulate You Yanru when you can emulate anyone else?"
[Mumbling]: This chapter took me two days to write. It was extremely difficult. It wasn't the kind of difficulty I felt when I wrote about ugly people before, but the kind of difficulty I felt when I wrote about the suffering of a woman. It was quite sad.
The character of Zheng Sirui was originally a reference for Yanru. She possesses a desire for fame and fortune, yet also possesses a strong sense of perseverance and pride. Many of the girls like her, some drawing strength from her for their exams. For example, the long-absent teacher Xuedou remains a fan. One can sense the girls' affection for her, not only because she's a bright and beautiful girl, but also because, perhaps subconsciously, she carries within her some of the world's hostility toward women: for example, when she's in a relationship with Lu Zhiling, everyone laughs at her; for example, despite her strong work ethic, her political enemies can easily resort to the most despicable means, fabricating obscene rumors to humiliate and implicate her.
Alas, considering the recent outrageous actions outside a certain drama in real life, I feel that the words of Minister Fang and Minister Du are very ironic: in this world, it is better to stand on their side more.
However, I hope everyone can draw strength from Yi Bin, as she said: "The world is tough on us women, but should we also be tough on ourselves? We must be brave enough to treat some words as bullshit and bravely pursue what we want! Whether it's career, the joy of love, or the happiness of life!"
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