Chapter 74: A Dream (End)
Yanru looked around with confusion in her eyes. Lu Zhiling mistakenly thought she was looking for her relatives and handed her a letter: "Don't look for them, this is just me. Your family asked me to pass it on to you, so take it."
Yanru took it and tore open the envelope. The whole page was covered with Yanbao's handwriting and a mother's tone: "You Yanru, I really wish I had given birth to barbecued pork instead of you. We spent all our money on you without any regard for money and raised you up. We hoped you would marry a good family, but we didn't do anything for your parents. Now, because of you, we have caused such a mess. Our reputation in Jinling has been ruined! Our family business can't continue! I have no way and no ability to save you. It depends on your own luck! Don't go back to Jinling after you get out, so as not to hinder your sister's search for relatives. Don't blame your parents for being cruel. It's your fault that you are useless. From now on, our family can only rely on Yanbao!"
It was all expected. Closing her eyes, covering her face, clearing away the tangled mess of emotions, Yanru tore up the letter and flung it into the wind. The scraps of paper transformed into dozens of pale butterflies, tracing mournful arcs and dancing through the air. Soon, they vanished into the void between heaven and earth, leaving no trace.
Old friends often hope that nobles will show kindness to them, but how many nobles will show pity to old friends? Having served as an official for many years, Lu Zhiling knew the fickleness of human nature and the vicissitudes of life, and this also applied to blood relatives. However, he was not the kind of person who was gentle with women or romantic. He said indifferently, "Youshi, please get in the carriage first." He then called to the maid standing beside him, "I will go to the government office first and take her to the store. When you are ready, go directly there. I will wait."
Penniless, without a thing, and with nowhere to go, Yanru was like a kite with its string cut off, not knowing where to go and desperately hoping for someone to take her in. Filled with suspicion, she followed the maid into a carriage and drove to a magnificent tavern in the capital. A first-class room, reserved in advance, was provided with hot water, soap nuts, and a brand new dress. The maid helped Yanru remove her sticky, filthy "cloth," using up all the soap nuts and scrubbing her from hair to heels to thoroughly remove the sour odor. Her technique was perfect, leaving Yanru refreshed and restless, and her mind was racing as she insinuated a few questions. The maid was respectful and considerate, but she knew nothing about anything, even more so than Shanjuan in the past. Yanru, weary of talking to herself, was too lazy to find out, patiently waiting for the answer to reach her ears.
After carefully washing and dressing, Yanru was given no time for rest or food. The maid dragged her away, both of them boarding the carriage and heading elsewhere. The carriage twisted and turned, bouncing up and down, and even within the cramped, oil-painted carriage, Yanru could sense a sense of familiarity. When the carriage stopped, she lifted the curtain and followed the withered bamboos surrounding the high, blue-brick walls. As she continued her journey, she found herself at the entrance to Daiyuan Garden.
Things were different now. The lavishly crafted plaque inscribed "Daiyuan" had long since been removed, its whereabouts unknown. The two stone lions, covered in a thick layer of dust, had lost their former majesty. Four or five officers and soldiers stood guard on either side, with Lu Zhiling sitting in the middle. After the maid led Yanru forward, he stood up, pulled out the token and official document from his bosom, and showed them to the leading soldier. The soldier glanced over them, registered them, politely removed the seal, opened the garden gate, and respectfully welcomed them in.
Lu Zhiling said, "I've asked for instructions on your behalf. Now the higher-ups have determined that you're an abandoned woman of the Xue family. There are still some things left inside that haven't been confiscated. The Ministry of Justice and the Supreme Court have allowed you to go in and take some valuables—only ordinary underwear, no jewelry or furs."
Yanru was anxious: "I have a coat that I bought before getting married, is that not allowed?"
Lu Zhiling pulled the soldier over and calmly stuffed a silver ingot into his hand. He whispered a few words gently and turned around and said, "Okay, but don't talk nonsense when you get out. Otherwise, it will be difficult for me to save you again."
Yanru readily agreed and followed them to the Piyou Pavilion. After hundreds of days of neglect, the flowers and plants had withered, the bamboo had dried up, and the pond, a murky mess of floating fallen leaves, was murky. Chirping birds fled to the forests, confiscating their food, perhaps even finding their way into someone's stomach. From afar, Yanru saw the empty space where she had celebrated her birthday. Weeds grew dry and yellow in the cracks between the bricks, and the surrounding pavilions were entangled with spiderwebs, which gathered dust and fell blackly downwards, causing the lotus paintings above to wither and the white cranes to grow dim.
The house was full of guests and the laughter seemed like yesterday. Today, all I can see is the cold moss in the abandoned well and the dew in the deserted garden.
Inside the Piyou Pavilion, the floor was in disarray. Porcelain vases and shelves had been smashed to pieces. Ji Mingxiu's unstamped painting lay in a corner, tattered and torn, with numerous men's shoe prints on the girl's body. Yanru didn't dare to look any further and went straight to the chest by the bed. Thankfully, the clothing inside had been spared. She picked up a few dresses and took out the shiny, soft fur robe beneath, handing them to the captain for inspection. The captain checked everything, confirmed there was nothing hidden, and allowed them to leave.
On their way back, Lu Zhiling actually asked Yanru to ride in his carriage, leaving only the maid outside. Rounding up, the two of them were alone in a room. Yanru's eyes fell on his satin blue robe with dark patterns, then moved up to the belt with a Pisces honeysuckle pattern around his waist, adorned with a white jade pendant with a deer pattern. Then, she saw that he was still as young as he was, with a graceful demeanor and a proud expression. She thought he must be enjoying a successful career and a comfortable life. Yanru bit her lip and spoke first, "She took the divorce letter back then. So, was she the one who went to plead for me?"
Lu Zhiling knew who she was asking about: "Oh, no, she pleaded for someone, but it has nothing to do with you - hey, why don't you ask me about those people in the Xue Mansion?"
Yanru said, "What's there to ask? They're blaming everything on me, and they're hoping I'll be punished for everyone in their family."
Lu Zhiling thought about it and told her, "In short, the Xue family's trial has concluded. Shi Jian originally pleaded not guilty, but your husband and parents-in-law took the initiative to denounce him in court. The emperor, in consideration of his meritorious service, has spared his death and sentenced him to exile. Your father-in-law and mother-in-law will go to Yazhou, and your husband Xue Jia, who murdered an official, has committed an even greater crime and will be sent to Ningguta."
"Ah, so, alas." Yanru was lonely, not showing her true colors, and quietly moved to the side of Lu Zhiling. "God has its own way, and no one can escape it. This family deserves it. They harmed Si Rui, misled me, and even caused a rift between Si Rui and me. They were so cruel that they gave up our friendship of more than ten years." As she spoke, she slowly squatted beside his legs, raised her head, and her eyes were full of pity. "In troubled times, peach blossoms follow the water, but unfortunately I am now like the duckweed in the pond, drifting with nowhere to rely on. In this life, I am afraid I will never be as safe and comfortable as the two willow trees in front of your Lu Mansion. Alas, thinking back to the time when you picked up that handkerchief for me at Qiushui Academy..."
"Thinking back to the past—" Yanru's chin was about to touch her knees when Lu Zhiling interrupted her plaintive sobbing, turning sideways and creating distance. "Thinking back to the past at Qiushui Academy, I ignored your flattery. You should know that I didn't like a woman like you ten years ago, and I wouldn't be attracted to one even ten years later. Don't misrepresent your feelings to Youshi. If it weren't for my uncle writing seven or eight letters, forcing my cousins and me to find a way to plead for you with the higher-ups, I would never have wanted to get involved in this troublesome matter."
Yanru was stunned: "Master?"
Lu Zhiling said, "Yes, it's your teacher Lu Tianwen at Qiushui Academy. He wrote in a letter that for years, he'd often sighed, resented, and felt grief-stricken. If he had politely declined Ji Mingxiu's offer to join the academy, if he'd been more observant and observed you earlier, if he'd guided you onto the right path, wouldn't you, his disciple, have ended up in this situation? My teacher, my teacher, this is Tongzi's will. He made a mistake for you, and now that you're in trouble, as your mentor, he can't just stand by and watch."
Yanru lowered her head and looked down, her expression invisible.
As they spoke, the horses stopped and Lu Zhiling drew aside the curtain. Outside the carriage was a small, fenced courtyard with a small, half-dilapidated house inside. Lu Zhiling pointed and said, "This is the place my uncle arranged for me to live. The owner has no connection to our Lu family, and I don't know who he is. He's only renting it for a year. After that, you must find a way out on your own, otherwise, someone will kick you out. Whether you wander the streets begging for food, return to your parents' home, or start a new life on your own, it will have nothing to do with our Lu family. You must never come to my house and cause trouble. However, I have heard about your past. I have prepared a contract in advance, and you must sign it before you can get the key. If you ever become a wolf and treat our family like Mr. Dongguo, I will use this contract to send you to prison again. What do you think?"
Yanru couldn't resist and could only sign and seal her agreement. Lu Zhiling collected the items and handed her a small wooden box. Yanru opened it, revealing a bunch of keys, three copper coins, and several books. They included The Analects, Mencius, The Book of Songs, and Zhuangzi. At the bottom, there was a separate volume of Autumn Water. Yanru flipped through it, finding it entirely handwritten.
Lu Zhiling said, "These are all copies written by my uncle. He asked me to give them to you."
Sniffing the fragrance of paper and ink, rubbing the handwriting of iron-painted and silver-hooked characters, the words spoken ten years ago still ring in my ears: "If you are ignorant at the moment, you must concentrate on it. Don't wait until the end and read 'Autumn Water' for three years without understanding what Zhuangzi is all about."
Yanru responded, said goodbye to Lu Zhiling, and walked into the room. Inside, a table of food had been prepared long ago, and it was still steaming. She sat down to eat woodenly. As she ate, she suddenly let go of her chopsticks, held the table to her face, and tears streamed down her face.
Yanru lived like this. The money Lu Zhiling gave her was not spent well, and half of it was used up on cosmetics and other things. She had no choice but to start looking for a way out.
Ironically, Qian Peilan was an embroiderer, but Yanru had been lazy since childhood, disliking embroidery because it strained her eyes and mind, and refused to learn. She still wasn't proficient in needlework, so selling embroidery for a living was out of the question. Washing clothes was too shabby and laborious, and her hands couldn't handle it. Working in a bookstore? Alas, there were too many manual labors there, and she was a girl with poor handwriting. No way... After much deliberation, she could only choose a job that was "respectable and not detrimental to her status": she went to buy white gauze, fine bamboo, and colored paper, preparing to make cone hats to sell at the market.
Unfortunately, business proved difficult. Unaware of the intricacies of the market, she was hesitant to set up her stall, fearing she would compromise her former status as a noblewoman. She hesitated to shout, and was unable to compete with the nearby vendors selling bamboo hairpins and garlands. Furthermore, her prices were high, and she dismissed bargaining as stingy and shabby. Her stall was deserted, and Yanru's enthusiasm waned. As the weather grew colder, and after the first snow, she simply gave up, living hand-to-mouth on her remaining copper coins, living beyond her means.
When her birthday came around again, with no one to celebrate, she decided to buy some steamed buns and some wine, just to relax on her own. She opened her purse and realized her three copper coins were almost gone. If she used them all on wine and steamed buns, how would she manage to eat for the next few days? After much deliberation, Yanru decided to open the small box, pull out the Mencius, and flip through it, muttering to herself, "The Master was a former Imperial Academy scholar. This book was written by him personally; it should be worth a lot of money!"
Quickly and decisively, she pulled out the Analects, wrapped it up, slipped out of the courtyard, and ran to a pawnshop she had previously trusted. She exchanged it for seven or eight taels of silver, then bought steamed buns, half a chicken leg, and a pot of osmanthus wine, trudging through the snow toward her home. At a fork in the road, she heard soldiers ahead, clearing the way and dispersing the crowd, shouting, "Make way, make way." Yanru retreated with the crowd and glimpsed from afar: Xue Jia, Xue Peng, and Wang Xianyi, shackled and dragged by chains, were being marched out of the city. Her once arrogant and domineering husband, his face stubbled, his hair tangled, as he walked, pleading with the soldiers beside him, as if asking them to let him speak to his parents a few more times, or to stop beating him.
Yanru's heart was as calm as still water, unperturbed. She watched her former husband and his parents-in-law turn the corner and continued on her way. Passing a newly opened tavern, she saw a familiar figure at the door, escorting a distinguished figure to a car. Upon closer inspection, it was Ji Mingxiu, wrapped in a large coat and with graying hair. Yanru ran towards him with great joy. As she approached, a woman draped in pearls and jade emerged. A closer look revealed it to be Qi Fengning. She recoiled, not wanting to risk her life, and retreated to the side, planning a detour.
Qi Fengning looked around and asked, "Where's the car?"
"Wang'er suddenly had a stomachache. I'm afraid we'll have to wait." Ji Mingxiu pulled the fur of Qi Fengning's coat tighter. "Don't worry, sister. It's nothing serious anyway. Let's get rid of the alcohol here."
Qi Fengning dodged in disgust, saying, "I should have told you that you provoked that little bitch so much trouble back then. Luckily, I urged you last time, so while you were repainting the painting for the prince, you changed the little bitch's face on 'The Bronze Sparrow Locks Spring' and distanced yourself from the painting. Otherwise, the painting would have been disgraced, and you'd have offended the prince. How would you have gotten this business today?"
Ji Mingxiu flattered: "Yes, yes, thanks to my sister for your foresight!"
The couple were chatting, and Yanru listened to them. She felt her hands and feet were cold, so she breathed on them to warm them up, rubbed her hands, and continued on her way.
Five feet away, a donkey cart parked in front of a herbal medicine shop. A young woman stood in front, holding a small pamphlet in her hand, watching intently as the herbalist's apprentice carried bundles of herbs into the shop. A gentle-looking man emerged from the shop and thrust a small hand warmer into her hand. "Ask the shopkeeper for some charcoal and add it. Hold on tight, don't let it get cold. What are we having for dinner?"
The woman laughed and said, "Let's eat lotus duck skewers! Forget it, forget it. No matter which restaurant in the capital makes lotus duck skewers, they can't compare to the chef's craftsmanship at Huixian Restaurant. Let's eat them when we finish the stock and return to Jinling."
Yanru recognized the person she had always been at odds with, and turned away dejectedly, pretending to be a stranger. After walking a short distance, she caught a glimpse of a carriage slowly moving across the street. The driver, a female official, opened the curtain, revealing her delicate right face. Her driver asked, "You are from the south and are always afraid of the cold. The curtain is up, aren't you cold, doctor?"
The female official didn't care: "You, the driver, aren't afraid of the cold, so why should I be afraid sitting in the back? It's nothing, the incense burning in the government office is making my nose uncomfortable today, so I'll let the cold wind blow on the way back and get some fresh air - hey, is it going to snow again?"
The driver said, "Yes, it's going to snow soon."
"The snow in your capital is different from the snow in our Nanjing. I always feel that the snow in the capital falls more neatly and briskly, as if it wants to hide everything in the world and cover up all the unbearable things - hey, the wintersweet flowers under Tiekan Temple should be in bloom. After you finish your work at the yamen, you can bring your wife and the group of girls in the mansion, and let's go to the Zheng Mansion to see and appreciate the plum blossoms!" The female official smiled and shook her neck, turning her face to the side, revealing a long black and brown scar on her left cheek.
Yanru didn't dare to linger on the female official, lowering her head as she hurriedly passed by the carriage. As she neared her residence, she looked up again and saw a man in green ahead. He was wrapped in heavy winter clothing, yet his figure didn't look bulky. He was riding a green horse and carrying a pipa on his back.
I haven't seen him for several years, and he is still the same as before, a handsome and elegant man.
Yanru was struck by a thunderbolt, and followed him silently, fascinated, until they reached a courtyard. She had prepared her emotions and words, and was just about to rush forward and pour out her heartfelt feelings for years when he dismounted his horse, when a charming, innocent, and beautiful woman suddenly appeared in the courtyard. She threw her arms around his neck, ignoring the gazes of others, and said angrily, "Liu Lang! Why are you in such a hurry to leave today?"
The man in green was very doting: "She liked my new composition and asked me to play it twice more."
The charming and innocent woman said, "If you play it for them twice, then you must play it for me four times. Ah, I still want to hear you sing 'Zi Jin,' 'Qing Qing Zi Jin,' which lingers in my heart. Even if I don't go, why don't you sing me?"
Yanru could no longer listen to their subsequent romantic conversation. Snow began to fall, and the north wind howled, ruffling her hair. She wrapped her red fox robe tightly around her, feeling completely hopeless, and walked towards her residence.
As she reached the alley entrance, she heard laughter approaching from afar. Two half-grown girls ran out, almost bumping into her. The younger one was holding a string of candied haws, while the older one followed behind, cursing, "You little bastard! You've finished yours, and you're still trying to steal mine!"
For the first time ever, Yanru didn't get angry or curse. She hugged the food tightly in her hands, brushed the snowflakes off her head, and continued to go inside.
Finally, she reached home. Her hands were numb from the cold. Yanru carried her things in her left hand while she struggled to find the key with her right hand and opened the door. Coincidentally, a neighbor's door was wide open. The daughter, about fourteen or fifteen years old, was practicing her zither. When she saw her mother coming out of the backyard, she said aggrievedly, "Mom, it's too cold. Please close the door."
Her mother said, "You get sleepy when the room is warm. No, you must practice. We have used all our family money to buy you a zither teacher. You must study hard."
The daughter said, "I don't want to learn this stuff. I want to read books."
"What's the point of reading so many books? You're not smart, so you won't be able to pass the exam to become a court lady." Her mother coaxed her, "Listen to me and learn to play the zheng well. Once you're good, you can use your zheng playing skills to find a wealthy husband from a wealthy family. Then you can wear gold and silver, eat delicious food, and do whatever you want! Be good and listen to me!"
Yanru gave an ambiguous laugh, walked into the yard, and slammed the door shut.
“Bo—bo—bo—”
On the street, the sound of wooden fish drumming approached, gradually growing louder. A nun in a gray cotton-padded jacket passed through the alley. A neighbor's daughter, tired of playing the zheng, eager for something new to see, curiously leaned forward and said to her mother, "Mom, this nun looks familiar. She seems a bit like the new woman who moved in next door."
Her mother said fiercely: "You are going to practice or not. If you don't practice, I will beat you!"
The daughter was afraid of her mother's strictness and lowered her head to pluck the strings.
The nun's eyes were emotionless as she continued walking on. For some reason, the string of Buddhist beads she was wearing wasn't flowing smoothly. Something was stuck in the middle, as if the string had been broken and then re-strung, tied in a knot. She carried these strange beads, tapping a wooden fish, and walked through Yanru's courtyard, singing a ballad from an unknown time:
"Traveling north and south, east and west, I see that the world is always empty.
The sky is empty, the earth is empty, and life is insignificant in it.
The sun is empty, the moon is empty, who is responsible for them rising in the east and setting in the west?
Gold is empty, silver is empty, how can it be in your hands after death?
My wife is empty, my son is empty, and we will never meet on the road to the underworld.
Love is empty, righteousness is empty, and they disappear without a trace when disaster strikes.
Power is empty, reputation is empty, and in the blink of an eye, it is just a piece of wasteland.
Where are all the treasures of jade and gold? They are but a fleeting dream."
【Last time mumbling】: It’s finally over!
Thank you all, readers and teachers, for your support over the past few months. Every time I see your recommendations and comments, I'm truly moved. I'm also quite moved. This is my first attempt at a long novel, and I've often felt like giving up due to the sheer volume of favorites and readers. It's truly thanks to your love and support that I've been able to keep writing until today, even to the last word. Every time I feel like giving up, I open the comments section and find renewed motivation. I think this is the greatest joy that female writing brings me, and brings to us all.
I've been meaning to say a lot, but until now, I can't seem to find anything to say. I wrote this story when I was at my lowest point. A year, two years, or even ten years from now, I might look back on it and find it childish. But I'll always love the story as a whole. I feel like I've personally written You Yanru's life, and it serves as a warning for my own choices. When I first started writing, some people took my words out of context, accusing me of not allowing women to pursue their desires, and that there's nothing wrong with women seducing men. I was so lost that I almost gave up writing (which was foolish), but I persevered and finished it. I also hope that this story, this "Nan Ke Dream," can become a friend to you in front of the screen, and a friend to every lost and depressed girl. Looking at the paper figures in this story, you can more clearly think about who we want to be, what path we should take, and what kind of life we should live.
Also! A reader wants to create a podcast about the life of a "You Yanru" (likely a person or woman) and I've already started working on it! I'll be discussing the story behind "Spring Boudoir Dream" in detail. If you're interested, please direct me to the Xiaoyuzhou app host [Fangyang Dushu] and I'm welcome to listen to my bragging!
Finally, goodbye!
Continue read on readnovelmtl.com
