Chapter 8: Lessons from the Past
The spring rains fell, bringing all things to life. After the spring tide, the seeds of love buried within Yanru experienced the nourishment, quickly sprouting and growing, blossoming on her face like a radiant peach blossom, her cheeks naturally rosy even without makeup. She lost interest in her studies, her mind completely fixated on her lover. Everything she saw led back to him. Seeing Lu Tianwen, she muttered to herself, "The teacher's lectures aren't interesting enough, aren't as well-versed in quotations from all corners of the world, and aren't even close to Teacher Ji's. They're so boring." Alas, love and desire were too thick, clotted in her eyes like lard, blinding the young woman who had fallen in love with him to the fact that Ji Mingxiu's knowledge had also been imparted by the teacher.
Yanru's admiration for Ji Mingxiu's talent also made her begin to examine her own insignificance, feeling inferior to herself and often feeling lost and sad. She childishly asked, "Why are you so in love with me? You are so smart and so rich, why don't you like others but me?" Ji Mingxiu would only stroke her bare arms and gently retort, "No, you are not completely without. You are young, clean, innocent and beautiful. This is your greatest virtue, a virtue that I cannot replace even if I sell all my paintings."
His tone was sincere, coming from the heart—this was the truth, not a lie. He was already forty, having traveled extensively, experiencing the vicissitudes of life for years. He had seen the pleasures of life, the sight of fancy horses, furs costing thousands of gold, the finest jade and wine, and nothing was new to him. Only beauty could he never tire of. In his youthful fervor, he yearned for the noble and dignified ladies of his age. But now, with age, his skin flabby and his limbs thickened, he lusted after the newly mature flesh of beautiful women. Wine, with age, becomes more fragrant; women, with youth, become more alluring. Especially those who are fifteen or sixteen years old, who are in the prime of their youth. Every girl in this period is so lively, innocent, romantic and naive. Every one of them worships and admires him. Unlike his wives of the same age, who have become more shrewd and cunning after being polished by time, and cannot be coaxed or deceived, no matter what the man says, when it falls into the ears of the wives, they can only say "Bah, despicable thing, your dirty thoughts can be hidden from others, but not from me".
Ji Mingxiu prided himself on being a refined scholar, his aesthetics unconventional. While his friends, drawn to beauty, only sought the graceful, well-proportioned, and capable, he was different. Honestly, in terms of appearance, the authentic Madam Ji, with her phoenix eyes, fine eyebrows, and captivating gaze, surpassed those of his so-called "confidantes." Unfortunately, he was drawn to frail figures and flat, large heads. Thin shoulders and waists resembled the delicate sway of willows, round heads and flat faces resembled the whiteness of jade, and modest breasts left ample room for imagination. As he aged, these bodies remained youthful and perfect. He was filled with envy and jealousy, so much so that he leaned over these tender bodies to draw nourishment, using their beauty to nourish his increasingly withered self. He borrowed their skins, enveloping his own soul, painting them on paper, creating a timeless scroll, where he and the beauties in them would live forever. If they begin to wither, he will just wave goodbye to the girl beside his pillow like a maid throwing away the dead flowers in the room, and look for a new one. In this way, the flowers will always bloom, the girls will always be in their prime, and his heart will be the same, always twenty years old.
Alas! Three years of life is enough to have one beautiful woman!
Ji Mingxiu had carefully compared them. The previous girl was considerably more refined than Yanru, but she was overly intelligent, her ambitions were unreal, and she loved him more than money. When they parted, she made a scene that made him seem heartless and disloyal. Yanru, on the other hand, was merely average-looking. Her greatest strength was that she disdained reading, preferring only delicious food, beautiful clothes, and pleasing jewelry. Besides her physique, which stood between maturity and immaturity, she also possessed a naive mind—oh, this was even more precious. Everyone knew that pure, white rice paper, devoid of ink, was perfect for painting, and a girl of the purest purity was the perfect candidate for cultivating the perfect "concubine." Yanru regarded him as the most learned and talented man, and he, as a "teacher," was free to wield his brush, cultivating Yanru to the ideal of a middle-aged scholar. For example, when he said that men love women who are as obedient as puppies, Yanru would tuck her hands in, cross her legs on the ground, rest her chin on his knees, and half-stick out her tongue, acting out to him, "She stretches her legs gently on my husband's knees, how can she not be pitiful?" When he said that Yanru's walking posture was not elegant enough and that men like to see women walk gracefully, Yanru shouted that she wanted to learn to walk in small steps. Ji Mingxiu found a white silk and tied it around her legs: "Yanru, you must learn to walk with your legs tied. This way, your steps will appear gentle and dignified. Real ladies from noble families will practice walking like this when they are children."
"Really?" Yanru half lifted the hem of her skirt and moved her feet awkwardly. She didn't like the feeling of being bound and unable to be free. Even without the reflection of the big bronze mirror, she could still feel herself walking like this, swaying like a timid big white duck. However, after hearing that this was the mark of a true noble lady from aristocratic family, she became tolerant. As the saying goes, only those who have endured hardships can become the best. If she didn't start learning the etiquette of the nobility quickly, wouldn't it be embarrassing to attend banquets with Ji Mingxiu in the future? Thinking of this, she toughened up, paid attention to her steps, straightened her chest and tightened her abdomen, as if she was not stepping on the floor of the wing of Cunyu Hall, but stone steps covered with red silk. She once again transformed into an elegant lady, step by step into the banquet of the powerful and noble, outshining all the other beauties.
The white silk binding her legs was a stepping stone for You Yanru, but for Zheng Sirui, it became a shackle that restricted her freedom of movement. Frowning, she paced back and forth across the room a few times before she couldn't stand it anymore and quickly sat down to untie it. "Did your sister have to walk like this when she was little? It's too pitiful! I can't stand it."
Lu Zhiling laughed and said, "There's no other way. If a woman wants to be graceful and elegant, she'll learn it by tying her legs with white silk."
Zheng Sirui scoffed, "It's all because you men don't study hard, and you seem flustered all day long, so you come up with these things to torture women. Do they really look good? I don't think so. They don't feel comfortable at all."
Lu Zhiling was helpless: "There's nothing I can do. When you marry into our family and meet my parents, you'll have to take these small steps, right? You're so smart. If we learn these etiquette earlier, my parents will definitely like you." Hearing this, Zheng Sirui couldn't help but blush and spat, "Bah, who wants to be your daughter-in-law?"
Saying this once or twice would be flirting between lovers, but saying it eleven or twelve times would only make Lu Zhiling irritable and force Zheng Sirui to answer: "My parents have written to ask about this, and they want to invite you to my house in my sister's name. Are you really unwilling?" Zheng Sirui didn't look at him and stammered: "Ah, it's too soon. If I go, how will I attend my classes soon? Hey, I've finished my homework, can you please help me check it?"
Lu Zhiling was tired of her always avoiding the subject. He took the booklet from her hand, put it aside, and emphasized again: "Answer me first, so I know how to respond to them."
Zheng Sirui wrinkled her nose and took the book back. "Your sister's reputation isn't good either. Why should I go meet your family so early? It's against etiquette. We're not relatives, nor are we old friends. Jinling is so far from the capital, how could a young lady rush to visit her husband's family? Please stop talking to me about this. The exam is only a year and a half away, and I don't want to deal with all this. You know, becoming a court lady has been my biggest hope since I was a child, and I have to concentrate on preparing."
"You're fifteen this year, you've been preparing for a year and a half, and you'll be seventeen after the exam. As a court lady, you have to resign to get married, and the prerequisite for resigning is to have served for three years. By then, you'll be much older. And you're an applicant from Jinling, so even if you pass, you can only serve in Jinling. Why don't we just not take the exam? After we get married, I'll take you to the capital and bring your parents over. You won't have to work so hard and can live a good life. Isn't that good?"
Lu Zhiling patiently coaxed her, but Zheng Sirui felt awkward. "Why don't you take the exam? I told you, I'm not just a court lady to live a respectable life, use my status as a court lady to raise my value, and then sell myself to a wealthy family. You like me because you think I'm ambitious and have aspirations, right? Why do you want me to be your dodder now?"
The argument was inevitable. However, this time it was more serious than usual, causing the usually polite Lu Zhiling to swear harshly: "Do you think I'm rich? Everything you wear, on your head, on your body, on your feet, is my money!" Zheng Sirui's face flushed, and she refused to give in. She took off her hairpin and threw it at Lu Zhiling, then took off her outer skirt and shoes and threw them on the ground, shouting "I don't want them." She stormed back to her bedroom barefoot and disheveled.
Their frequent encounters in the academy's gardens and library naturally led to widespread awareness of their relationship. After this confrontation, many students witnessed Zheng Sirui's tear-stained face and disheveled clothing, a scene that became a viral sensation among everyone, from students to servants. Even those who had previously fallen out with each other would temporarily put aside their grudges and gather for three or four days to discuss the incident and exchange information about Lu and Zheng's previous romance.
Yanru was slow to react. Firstly, she yearned to see Ji Mingxiu, spending every night with him studying how to paint her and how to be a Zhou Gong. Secondly, she was furious that Zheng Sirui had snatched up her prize, and she held many grudges. This matter only escalated further, until Gan Yao, accompanied by a group of classmates, pulled her aside on the way home from class to ask, "Hey, Yanru, I heard that the teacher's nephew, Master Lu, is engaged. Have you found out who his in-laws are?"
Yanru was confused: "Huh? Really? Isn't he and Si Rui good together?"
The classmates looked at each other in bewilderment. Meng Qi smiled wryly, "Aren't you two good sisters? How come she didn't even tell you something this big?" Immediately, seven or eight classmates gathered in a circle and, like camels chewing the cud, dug up all the details of the falling out between Lu and Zheng, how Lu had gotten engaged without Zheng's knowledge, and so on. They also didn't forget to deliver their own important speeches, based on the pros and cons of current politics and criticizing the shortcomings of the times:
"I've said it before, they may seem like a perfect match, but in reality, their backgrounds are so different that they can't live together."
"Indeed, a man like Master Lu would definitely marry a noble lady. How could he be with the daughter of a poor scholar? Since ancient times, marriage has always emphasized the importance of matching one's social status. You see, the master likes her so much, but he is reluctant to let his son marry her, right?"
"Hey, you say, Zheng Sirui is also strange. After hooking up with such a family, she would be considered marrying up as a concubine. Why is it that when Lu Zhiling asked her to be his wife, she refused?"
"You're going a bit too far. Apart from the emperor's concubine, who would be willing to be a concubine? And what's more, Zheng Sirui is so noble that even the water flowing from the mountain top is not as pure as her."
"I think Lu Zhiling might have just been asking her out for fun from the beginning and had no intention of actually marrying her. Otherwise, how could it be so fast? They just had a fight, and within a few days, they're already engaged?"
Listening to the cacophony of chatter, Yanru felt a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, she cursed Lu Zhiling for his hypocrisy, on the other hand, she hated her own inability to find a rich husband, and on the other hand, she secretly laughed at Zheng Sirui, who had lost her lover and was now the butt of gossip. Tonight, Yanru didn't have to go to Cunyu Hall. Ji Mingxiu was out on business and had sent her some fruit to help her. Inside, she saw a box of steamed buns from Huixian Restaurant. Her eyes rolled, and she stood up and brought the buns to Sirui's room.
Zheng Sirui, contrary to her usual behavior, was not reading and had already huddled in bed. When she heard Yanru come in, she stood up slightly, revealing her tear-stained face. She tried to hold back her tears and greeted, "You're here."
Yanru pulled a chair over to the bedside, placed the steamed buns and the teapot on it, and plopped down next to Zheng Sirui: "Why are you in such a tizzy? You're not even eating. Don't keep it in your heart. Talk to me now."
Zheng Sirui sighed deeply, tears welling up in her eyes and streaming down, making the pillow even wetter. She wiped her face, calmed her thoughts, and then spoke: "It's pretty much the same as what they've been saying outside. Lu Zhiling advised me not to take the exam a while ago, and I got upset, so I had a fight with him and threw away the jewelry and clothes he gave me. He didn't contact me for five or six days. After I calmed down, I thought I had gone too far that day, so I went to his room to apologize. I didn't expect to find his letters home, and I learned that he had started discussing the engagement with his parents last month. On the night of the quarrel, he wrote a letter, agreeing to his parents' orders and the matchmaker's words, to get engaged to the daughter of a fourth-rank minister. I started arguing again, and this guy blamed me for not discussing the marriage. He's almost of marriageable age, so he can only make his own plans. Now, he's probably buying betrothal gifts, waiting to ship them back to the capital."
"That's too much! Why do you deserve to be treated like this?" Yan Ru was like an enemy, raging for three seconds before changing the subject. "But you too, didn't Teacher Ji say that being too rigid can lead to failure? That's just the way you are. He's right, studying and getting an education is not as comfortable as getting married. You insisted on bickering with others, and it's become a mess now, embarrassing yourself."
"How come you think so too—" Zheng Sirui raised her voice, but was too lazy to argue, "Forget it, I'm so tired... And it wasn't Teacher Ji who said it was easy to break, it was me who said it." She shrank her head back dejectedly, and when she thought of Yanru mentioning the word "Teacher Ji", she stood up again and said seriously:
"Yanru, after this incident, I've learned something. Are meat-eaters despicable? I think it's the despicable kind. Men everywhere—especially the dandies—are the most shrewd in the pursuit of love, but they are also the most heartless. When they're in love, no matter how crude and ugly they are, they can be praised with sweet words as if they were a fairy from heaven. When things go wrong, even if they're beautiful and we appreciate each other, they can forget about them and find another one. Not to mention tears, they won't even shed snot for you. When they're happy, they give them gold and silver without a care. When they're not happy, they say it's disobedient to spend their money—it's funny. They're not my parents, nor are they my teachers. What they say is so unpleasant, why should I listen to them? All day long... We took their vows of love and promises seriously, thinking we could control them, but in fact, when we turned around, they had already paved a way out for us. Once they were tired of us, they would turn around and find a smooth and prosperous road ahead. We were the ones who suffered the consequences. Just like now, it was clearly his fault, but people outside were only gossiping about me, laughing at me for biting off more than I could chew, wanting to be a court lady while keeping him hanging. Alas, in this world, women suffer more, not to mention that we are daughters of ordinary families. Yanru, I am a lesson for you. You must remember me today. If you ever have to deal with a prince or a noble, you must be careful not to be deceived and ridiculed like me.
Humph, you are the daughter of an ordinary family. I am different from you. I am the descendant of a powerful official. Yanru secretly retorted, broke off a piece of steamed bun and stuffed it into Zheng Sirui's mouth: "Alright, alright, you haven't eaten all day, how do you still have the energy to talk so much? Eat, eat, eat first and talk later."
Suddenly, there were two knocks on the door. It turned out to be the personal nanny of the teacher's wife, who wanted to invite Zheng to her room to help copy Buddhist scriptures. Zheng Sirui said that she was not feeling well, with messy hair and rough clothes, and it was not easy for her to meet the elders. The nanny said, "The lady must ask Zheng to go, and I can wait. Zheng, hurry up and pack so that we can go and reply quickly. You are a student, and you can't let the teacher's wife come to your room to look for you."
Since that was the case, Zheng Sirui had no choice but to get up, change her clothes, comb her hair, and then, feeling depressed, she went to her teacher's courtyard. The teacher's wife wasn't inside, only Master Lu, sitting at his desk, his face dark. "Zheng Sirui, why aren't you even attending school? If you're sick, call a doctor. If you're healthy, get up and attend classes. How can you stay in your bedroom for two days straight without eating or drinking? This is my academy! It's not your home! There are many people who want to study here. If you don't want to, just leave and don't take up my place."
Zheng Sirui muttered, "I am indeed ill, and I've already handed you my request for leave. There's no need to call a doctor, I'll just lie down for a few days and be fine." Lu Tianwen, frustrated with her, sternly said, "You don't even raise your head when talking to the teacher? You're not very old, but when something happens, you act like the sky is falling. Zheng Sirui, Zheng Sirui, have you forgotten your old clothes after wearing new clothes for a few days?"
The kind and gentle Master's tone was so aggressive that Zheng Sirui started sobbing. "Master, it's not that I forgot about studying, it's that I can't forget about studying that's why we got into this fight. I also want to calm down and study, but when I go out, everyone outside laughs at me. I'm the laughing stock of the whole world, and I can't stand it."
"Alas..." Lu Tianwen took out a letter from under the paperweight of the stone lion and motioned Zheng Sirui to take it. "Your teacher knows your character well. You are not an ordinary person, and you are not as bad as outsiders think. Your teacher used to think that with your talent, it would be a pity to take the exam in Jinling and become a local official. If you pass the exam and then wait a little bit for the chance to go to the capital - well... your family has no support, so the chance is a little slim. Therefore, your teacher contacted your old friends in the capital early on and asked you to study in the capital. Then you can participate in the women's imperial examination as a candidate from the capital, so that you have a chance to stay in the capital directly. I planned to tell you before the mid-month vacation so that your parents can discuss it. Given the current situation, it is better to let you know earlier and allow you to take leave tomorrow so that you can go home to discuss it. How about it?"
Zheng Sirui quickly put aside her worries and opened her eyes wide, "Thank you so much, Master! I will never be able to repay your kindness in this lifetime!"
Lu Tian asked, "It's not important. If you and your parents agree, then pack up and leave quickly. It's not safe for a woman to go to the capital alone. Your master has made arrangements for you. You can follow Zhiling's ship in ten days. Don't worry about gossip. I'll have the nanny who serves Master's wife accompany you."
Zheng Sirui's mood had just ascended to the ninth heaven, but then plummeted to hell. Suppressing her anger, she asked with red eyes, "Master, are you going to make fun of me too? His boat is used to carry betrothal gifts."
Lu Tianwen looked her straight in the eye and spoke each word with a resounding voice, "Yes, I want you to board his boat, look at his betrothal gifts, and think clearly about what you want to do and who you want to be in this life. If he comes knocking on your door again, what will you do? If you can think clearly along the way, then no matter what happens in the future, no matter what others say, it won't hold you back."
Zheng Sirui clutched the letter tightly, her fingerprints rubbing against the grain of the paper. The scent of sandalwood from the room seeped into her nostrils, soothing her body and mind, sharpening her hearing and vision. There was no time more calm than right now. Zheng Sirui took a deep breath and met the Master's gaze. "Okay, I'll go."
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