Chapter 34 Xiao Lang Passerby
Sitting before the gloomy Liu Xiang, Zheng Sirui was bewildered. She'd been forced to fake a smile at banquets for days, giving her a rare chance to rest. Liu Xiang had come to her house, demanding to have a conversation. He was sitting in her living room when he saw her emerge, bleary-eyed. He barked, "You knew it was right from the start, why didn't you tell me earlier?"
"Huh?" Zheng Sirui was confused. "What do I know? I don't know what I know."
Liu Xiang patiently recounted what happened at the You family's house yesterday. Zheng Sirui understood he was coming to accuse her of something, and with a hint of scorn, she asked, "Why, what are you blaming me for, Liu Jiansheng? I apologize. You blame me for holding my Azure Dragon Crescent Blade to Liu Jiansheng's neck, forcing him to be friends with my friend, and deceiving him of his friendship. Stop talking! Arrest me now, report me to the authorities, sentence me, and perhaps exile me at the same time."
Liu Xiang said, "Don't be angry with me. If you knew this already, why didn't you tell me earlier? I asked her what was wrong with her, always mentioning Ji Mingxiu, saying that no matter how I painted, I couldn't compare to him. I thought she was just trying to improve my skills, and even if I didn't like it, I was willing to put in the effort and practice for her. As the saying goes, once you've seen the sea, other waters are but puddles; once you've seen Mount Wu, other clouds are but mounds. She was just pining for her old lover, and she made me a fool for a year in vain."
Zheng Sirui was annoyed. "Don't you know whether her feelings for you are genuine or not? What's the point of me telling you? This is Yanru's privacy, a matter between you two. I told you, if you don't care and continue to be affectionate with her, then I will be a gossipy woman who stirs up trouble and is guilty of slandering you two; if you care and break up with her, then I will be the bad seed who breaks up the perfect couple, and Yanru will curse me in her bed. I am the one who will be hung up and spitted on anyway, so why should I say anything? Besides, when have I ever intervened or asked about your quarrels? At most, I am just your matchmaker, not your guarantor. Why are you insisting that she is not innocent today and come to me so early in the morning to ask for an explanation? You say you are a bastard, so you feel better by calling me a brothel owner? Then go ahead and curse me."
Liu Xiang's eyes darted around: "I, I didn't mean that."
Zheng Sirui sneered, "Oh? What do you mean? You ran all the way to Jinling for her, as if your love was as deep as the sea, shaking the heavens and earth. Even the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl were separated by the Emperor of Heaven, but it wasn't as heartbreaking as you thought. Now, after hearing a few words, you've turned your face and come to my house to question me? What are you angry about? If You Yanru were a man, sleeping with prostitutes every day, being marinated in the scent of women in brothels, and suddenly came to his senses and married a girl, I'm afraid when you heard about it, you would praise her as a prodigal son who has returned. But now she is a girl, coaxed by an old man, is she a slut destined for the pig cage and hell? And her friendship with you is also invalidated?"
Liu Xiang was dissatisfied: "She is your friend, and I am your friend too. Why are you only speaking for her? Is it true that she did nothing wrong in secretly having an affair with Ji Mingxiu for money and fame, and thus violating the relationship between teacher and student?"
Zheng Sirui said, "I didn't say she was completely right. She did make mistakes. She was self-righteous and focused on toying with men; she was wrong in being deceived for such petty gains; she was wrong in talking about her passion for this shameful affair so much that she wanted to flaunt it in public. But no matter how wrong she was, it wasn't as serious as Ji Mingxiu's mistake in seducing her. If you have the ability, don't go after Ji Mingxiu and take your anger out on Yanru and me. Liu Xiang, I always thought you were different from those men, but it turns out all crows are the same."
Liu Xiang was dejected: "I thought she was as pure and kind as the bright moon..."
Zheng Sirui interrupted, "Don't be so hypocritical, it's disgusting. I really despise you. How come you were so pure and innocent yesterday, but not today? Was the girl you knew yesterday the girl from three years ago? Don't forget, when you knew her, she was already having an affair with that shameless old man. Let me tell you, I knew her before the old man did, and her temperament was not what it is now. The Yanru you love is the Yanru that the old man trained. I asked you a long time ago, do you like her appearance or her as a person? You swore that her appearance is part of her, and that liking her appearance is also liking her. But that experience is a part of her. You were good to her, and you kept saying that you liked all of her, but now you can't accept all of her. Liu Xiang, you say one thing and mean another."
Liu Xiang hung his head, his index finger picking at the dead skin around his thumbnail, lifting it, smoothing it, and lifting it again. He was dazed and exhausted, and he had lost the energy to make any plans. He pinched the delicate skin beneath the white skin with his fingernails, causing a sharp pain that seeped deep into his heart. He relied on this pain to force himself awake. Zheng Sirui's parents, unwilling to accept the house given by the gentry, still lived in the old, dilapidated house. The decoration had been slightly renovated and it was clean and tidy. The old shelves, as tall as a man, were filled with books: "Mencius", "Analects", "Spring and Autumn Annals", "Zuo Zhuan", "Tang Code"... Zheng Xiucai had folded the covers on them and stood them in neat rows, like imperial guards under the command of the head coach. Liu Xiang scanned the place, seeing all sorts of nonsense, shelves full of scholars' theories and strategies, but he couldn't pick out a single article, a paragraph, or a sentence that could tell him where his love life would go. Liu Xiang, a self-proclaimed gentleman, refused to behave crudely. He treated women with the utmost respect and courtesy, regardless of their beauty or marital status. But once the question of chastity fell upon his lover, he became no different from those vulgar and narrow-minded men. Alas, he thought of Yanru again: her round, flat face, her carefully plucked brows, her lips that pout coquettishly when she's not satisfied... He had imagined her current attire. Was her nature, the delicate, affective qualities he so loved, also due to Ji Mingxiu? Was it the pure Yanru he loved, or the Yanru whose soul had been tainted by traces of other men?
He closed his eyes dejectedly, and after a struggle, he said firmly:
"Si Rui, can you help me ask her out?"
Yanru had already guessed about what Zheng Sirui was planning to meet. In the evening, as promised, she arrived at the high platform near her home. The sky was a blur between light and darkness. The children who usually played there had gone home to rest. Yanru was alone, standing by the platform's wall, beside the willow tree, its head half bowed in thought. Yanru was prepared. No matter what harsh words Liu Xiang hurled at her, she could withstand them—it wasn't like she couldn't talk back. After all, it was a separation, and no matter how awkward it was, the broken ending would always ease the pain of sacrificing herself to wealth and glory.
"He was the one who left me first! I'm not wrong! The fault is all his!" She told herself for the thousandth time, racking her brains to find a few flaws in Liu Xiang so she could argue with him. However, to her surprise, Liu Xiang embraced her, his familiar scent enveloping her. His cheek pressed against his tight, flowing chest through his clothes, and his gentleness towards her returned to its usual state. "Yanru, I've thought this through. Let's live a good life. I'm more concerned about the years ahead without you than your past."
Yanru was stunned and tore off the hug between herself and him. She said in disbelief: "What did you say? I begged you?! It was you who wanted to leave yesterday!"
Liu Xiang bit his lower lip with his upper teeth and shook his head. "What hot-blooded man wouldn't fly into a rage when he heard his unmarried wife was having an affair with someone else? I just had a temper tantrum that any man in the world would have. Yanru, I've thought about it carefully. Really, you've forgotten what I said yesterday, and I've forgotten all about you in the past. Don't ask me to leave you."
Yanru lowered her head. She suddenly hated him, hated his deep love for her, hated his complete indifference! She mustered up her courage and looked up, but she still didn't dare to let her eyes fall on his face. Over Liu Xiang's shoulder, the half-moon was pale, staring at her like a pair of eyes, warning her not to change her mind at this juncture. Yanru pressed her tongue against her upper left teeth, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes, and said in a choked voice: "If you don't want me, then don't want me. If you want me, then want me? How do you know I would still be willing to really be your husband and wife?"
Liu Xiang's eyes froze: "W-what?"
Yanru simply risked everything: "I don't want to be with you anymore. No matter whether you like to be a pipa player or a cotton beaker, a erhu player or a manure cart puller, if you like those days, go ahead and I will never be with you. I have had my fortune told, and the fortune teller said that I will have good luck early and will easily be favored by noble people. I will be able to rise to the top in this life and enjoy the blessings that others can hardly enjoy. But I don't work hard to make progress and fight for my future. I am afraid that I will be poor and destitute in the future. When we were together, I didn't believe it at first. Who knew that you, a tall and handsome man, would not be an official or a businessman for the rest of your life? What should I expect? Your father's salary and property? Or would you go and play the piano and flute for others and make money by selling smiles? Now I believe it. The fortune teller is right. I have to stop at the brink. If you don't want to fight, I will fight myself. The days of poverty and destitution are for those who love, but not for me."
"So that's what you think. So you look down on me like this. Okay, okay, okay," Liu Xiang said, his heart breaking, his hands clutching the blue bricks of the high platform. "We have different ideals, so we can't work together. Since that's the case, I won't delay you. I wish you a happy and carefree life ahead, marrying into a wealthy and prosperous family, and enjoying endless wealth and honor."
After he said that, he picked up the lantern and turned back to leave resolutely.
Yanru's legs went weak, and she slowly squatted down with her back against the brick wall, her head buried in her knees, her shoulders shaking. Suddenly, she screamed shrilly, raised her head, lifted her skirt, and stumbled up the steps of the high platform in two steps. She leaned on the handrail of the stair railing and looked down at Liu Xiang leaving. He was dressed in green, holding a lantern. The candlelight swayed, sometimes bright and sometimes dim. He seemed to have become thinner, and the wide collar of his clothes fluttered in the evening breeze, like the most lonely willow tree on this road. Yanru remembered the song he sang to her for the first time:
"Your green collar is so longing for me. Even if I don't go, why don't you send me a message?
Your green jade pendant makes me think of you. Even if I don't go, why don't you come?
I am standing at the city gate. One day without seeing you feels like three months!
Liu Xiang's figure gradually shrank into a circle of light, then into a speck of light, moving further and further away until it vanished into the boundless darkness. Princes and nobles followed in his footsteps, while Lu Zhu shed tears on her silk scarf. Since she was determined to enter the marquisate, then Xiao Lang, if he wanted to be a passerby, then so be it.
Yanru looked up, and the moon softened. It no longer looked like an eye warning her, but more like Chang'e, who, out of helpless greed, swallowed the elixir of the Queen Mother of the West, and when she flew to the ninth heaven, she saw her husband Houyi and shed a round tear, which filled the sky.
It doesn’t matter. In the future, the moon will always be there to accompany her.
[Ramble]: Family, Liu Lang has basically finished filming (maybe because of Zheng Sirui's career, but he won't have any intersection with Yanru anymore)
Also, today's article was reviewed by Maomao. Please give me your precious votes for recommendation!
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