Chapter 14
◎ After feeding the pigeons, Bei Bitang felt healed by the cute little animals, and her depression was swept away◎
After feeding the pigeons, Bei Bitang felt healed by the cute little animals, and her depression was swept away. She returned home from People's Square feeling refreshed.
As soon as she got home, Bei Bitang put down the cloth bag, took out the letters and photos inside, and held them in her hands.
Then she turned around to get the junior high school textbooks stuffed under the bed. She gritted her teeth, pulled out the math textbook that was pressed in the middle, and shook out the things inside.
There were also some letters and photos. On the first day she returned to Shanghai, she looked through them all over the house and found a safe place to hide them, fearing that her mother and others would find them.
There were twelve letters in total. The first one was from Xu Zeli when she was fifteen, and it was this letter that directly inspired her to go to the Northwest. The remaining eleven letters were written to her by Xu Zeli when he returned to Shanghai to accompany his father for medical treatment.
There are two more photos. In one, she and Xu Zeli are standing on the prairie, smiling subtly.
It was midsummer in June, the sky high and the clouds vast, the grass green, and not far away, cattle and sheep grazing docilely and peacefully. She smiled with her eyebrows curved, her teeth slightly exposed. At that time, she was seventeen years old. Bei Bitang couldn't help but sigh and reached out to touch her seventeen-year-old face in the photo.
Another photo is a solo photo of Xu Zeli. During his college entrance examination, she not only took leave to accompany him throughout the whole process, but also borrowed a camera and took a photo of him at the entrance of the examination room as a souvenir.
Bei Bitang opened the letters one by one. She had read these letters at least five or six times. She wanted to read them one last time to see how Xu Zeli had deceived her into believing in love.
After spending more than ten minutes silently reading the letter word by word, Bei Bitang's eyes became moist.
She was innocent at that time, and Xu Zeli was sincere.
In these letters, Xu Zeli's love for her was evident. When his father was seriously ill, he was reluctant to tell her too much, lest he worry her. Only after repeated probing did he mention a few details, and the rest was just him asking about her well-being from far away in the northwest. During this time, he also sent her five or six shipments of Shanghai specialties, reminding her in his letters not to forget to pick them up at the post office.
After reading the letter, Bei Bitang felt uncomfortable again. Many painful memories were surging in her mind, as if they were going to poke a hole in her skull.
This was true for Mum and Xu Zeli. They were both the most important people in her life. They knew she was easy to coax, saw through her personality, and knew how to manipulate her and get what they wanted from her.
She is soft-hearted, simple, and values feelings very much. As long as the other person enters her heart and has a place in her heart, she will give in for the other person, will not care about it, and will not bear grudges.
If someone is important to you and you give them what they need, and you happen to have it, what's wrong with that? Is it that you don't see that sometimes feelings are one-sided, and sometimes what the other person wants changes, and you don't have it?
The biggest fault should not be hers, but that of Mum and Xu Zeli. They took advantage of her love for them, their status in her heart, and her emotions to satisfy their own selfish desires!
Bei Bitang's eyes were filled with resentment as she crumpled the letter in her hand. They were wrong. They had never told her openly that, Bei Bitang, you were or had become dispensable in my heart.
Bei Bitang took the correspondence and photos between her and Xu Zeli, and the khaki bamboo thermos on the chest of drawers, and went to the Tiger Stove.
There was only a sleepy grandma who was guarding the Tiger Stove. Bei Bitang did not wake her up, but threw the letters and photos into the stove which was burning with blazing fire.
The burning material increased, and the fire leaped up with a loud noise.
Grandma Li narrowed her eyes and looked at Bei Bitang, saying, "Bitang, are you coming to get some water? Why didn't you wake me up?"
Bei Bitang handed over a penny and said, "Grandma, you seem to be sleeping soundly. I can't bear to wake you up."
Grandma Li took the money, stuffed it into her pocket, and said with a smile, "You're such a thoughtful girl. Next time you come to get water, if I fall asleep again, you can get the water first and pay me later. Grandma trusts you. You're not like some idle young people who are so cunning. They insisted on getting the water first and paying later, but once the water was done, they ran off with the thermos. I chased after them and nearly sprained my old back. Luckily, a passing uncle helped catch them."
Bei Bitang smiled and said, "It's okay, Grandma Li, I'll wait for you to wake up."
There was a row of iron faucets, each tied with a long strip of cloth. Bei Bitang took the cap of the thermos and stuffed the strip of cloth into the bottle. This way, the scalding water would flow along the strip of cloth without splashing the hand holding the thermos.
When Bei Bitang came back with hot water, she saw Miao Xiuxiu reaching into the cloth bag.
Bei Bitang didn't say anything to stop her. She put the thermos back in its place and stood behind her, watching Miao Xiuxiu quietly.
Miao Xiuxiu covered her chest and screamed, "Oh my! You're courting death. You stood there silently, scaring me to death."
Then, she raised the dark blue turtleneck sweater in her hand and said with a smile, "Is this the gift you gave to that person? Now they don't want you anymore, and the things are returned to you."
She touched the fine wool and said, "Give these woolen fabrics to my son-in-law. Otherwise, it would be a waste to keep them."
Bei Bitang said coldly, "It's too small."
In their three years together, she had knitted Xu Zeli two turtleneck sweaters, one blue and one gray, a black scarf, and a pair of army green gloves. It wasn't that she still missed Xu Zeli or favored him; she was telling the truth.
Xu Zeli was a little over 5'8" tall and thin, while Huang Dashan was less than 5'7" tall and broad-skinned. How could Huang Dashan fit into the things she knitted for Xu Zeli? Even though she now despised the things Xu Zeli had worn, worn, and touched, she didn't want to give them to Huang Dashan.
Miao Xiuxiu hugged the sweater tightly and said, "It's no big deal. I can just modify it. It doesn't take much effort."
Bei Bitang's eyes were indifferent as she said, "It's not mine. A male classmate of mine asked me to pass it on to a female classmate."
If Miao Xiuxiu said it to herself, or to her elder sister, second elder sister, or little boy, she would have given it to him, but Huang Dashan would not give it to him.
Miao Xiuxiu didn't believe it and asked, "Really?"
Bei Bitang grabbed the sweater and put it back into the bag. Then she picked up the bag and walked to the door, saying, "I'll take it to someone."
Miao Xiuxiu finally believed it. She muttered, "I was so happy for nothing. I thought my son-in-law would have warm clothes for the next five years."
Bei Bitang found a pawnshop and pawned a large bag of items. She was a skilled knitter, Xu Zeli cherished his clothes, and she refused to redeem them. The pawnshop offered her a good price of fifty-eight yuan. At her insistence, they added two more yuan, bringing the total to sixty yuan.
With sixty yuan in hand, Bei Bitang decided to treat herself and took a bus to Dahuchun. She ordered a plate of shengjian (a type of fried dumpling) and paired it with duck blood and vermicelli soup with white pepper, and she ate it to her heart's content.
Bei Bitang arrived at the gate of the neighborhood office. A long line stretched three times in front of it. People were huddled together, and everyone's face was shrouded in worry. Even those who smiled had a trace of worry on their faces.
The people queuing were all there for work. They weren't all educated youth; some were graduates. They weren't all unemployed either; there were people of all ages, all queuing for their loved ones.
The person in front of Bei Bitang was also an educated youth who had returned to the city, but Bei Bitang went to the northwest. With some effort from his family, the place where he was sent to work was very close to his home, on Chongming Island.
As soon as the other person saw Bei Bitang, he whistled, turned around with his hands folded, and said in a frivolous tone, "Hey, isn't this the Bei Bitang that everyone praises? What are you doing here?"
The other party knew the answer but with so many people watching, Bei Bitang, who was the most polite to outsiders, had to answer: "I came to see if I have a job."
The young man scoffed and said, "Bei Bitang, I thought you weren't in a hurry. As soon as you get back, you spend all day buying junk and taking care of the little one. Or you dress up and go out, taking out bags of stuff and bringing back bags of stuff. I thought you had some connections and were up to something."
Bei Bitang is really thin-skinned sometimes. She felt embarrassed when she was talked about and didn't know how to respond.
Fortunately, a young woman behind her rescued her. She patted her shoulder and said, "Would you mind switching places with me?"
It's just a change of position, what's the big deal.
Bei Bitang nodded quickly and said, "Thank you."
The young woman waved her hand and said cheerfully, "It's okay."
The other person looked to be in her early twenties, so she should know her. Bei Bitang thought about it, but still had no impression of the young woman. She asked curiously, "Why haven't I seen you before?"
The young woman said humorously, "I didn't live here before, I just moved here. My family used to live in Longhua, but my father was transferred to work at the branch factory here. Who would have thought that after my trip to the countryside, my family address would have changed when I came back."
Bei Bitang suddenly realized and said, "No wonder I didn't recognize you."
The young woman blinked and said, "Now we know each other. My name is Feng Guangmei, I'm 23 years old, and I'm glad to meet you."
As she spoke, she stretched out her hand.
Bei Bitang quickly reached out her hand, shook Feng Guangmei's hand, and said with a smile: "Bei Bitang, I'm nineteen years old, and I'm glad to meet you too."
Feng Guangmei rolled her eyes behind her and said, "I already knew your name was Bei Bitang."
Bei Bitang understood the sarcasm in her words and smiled.
The team was not moving very fast. Bei Bitang asked, "Comrade Feng, have you asked before?"
Feng Guangmei said, "Don't call me Comrade Feng. Just call me Guangmei, or Feng Guangmei is fine too."
After a pause, she leaned close to Bei Bitang's ear and whispered, "You don't know how worried my mother was over the years by the name she gave me. Guangmei, Guangmei, to restore America. My mother clearly chose it to mean bright and beautiful. No one in my family dares to call me by my name, they just call me Comrade Feng. Fortunately, my family has a good family background. I'm really afraid that no one will call me by my name anymore, and I'll forget my name. If someone asks me what my name is, and I just answer Comrade Feng, I'll be laughed at for the rest of my life."
Bei Bitang was amused. She covered her mouth and said obediently, "Okay, from now on I'll call you Guangmei, and you can call me Bitang."
Feng Guangmei stood up straight, speaking at a normal volume, and complained, "Why didn't I come? I come every day. If I didn't come, my parents would make me stir-fried pork and bamboo shoots. They remind me once every morning before work, 'Remember to go to the neighborhood office to ask about work.' Then they ask again when I get home from get off work, 'Have you been? What did the neighborhood office say? Have you found a job?' I'm so fed up."
She glanced at the subdistrict office and continued, "I think the people there are going to be fed up with us."
The grandmother next to her, who was working anxiously for her grandson, couldn't stand hearing this. She said in a teaching tone, "Little girl, don't talk like that. They serve the people. Why would the people in the neighborhood office bother us? They should be dedicated and enthusiastic, sharing our concerns and worries."
Feng Guangmei nodded heavily and said, "That's right, Grandma, you are absolutely right."
Bei Bitang tried hard to suppress her laughter, fearing that the grandmother would target her. When these grandmothers encountered things related to their grandchildren, their fighting power would definitely explode.
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