Chapter 32: Explain
After the divorce, she returned to the small town, and was criticized again because she had been married before and spent all day learning skills with men.
What about him? What did he think before? If he hadn't come to Quanzhou, he probably wouldn't have known that she was facing so much criticism.
She has her own skills and can do things that men cannot do. She should be praised and not despised.
At this moment, he saw clearly the prejudice hidden in people's hearts, and also saw clearly that he had ignored her before.
The two walked faster on their way back, but by the time they reached the place where they had gotten off, it was already dark.
I wonder if Baili thought they would be back soon when he left, so he took the carriage away.
Now both of them were in a dilemma.
Yu Huatang saw that it was getting darker and darker and became a little anxious.
Zhao Yan returned from the carriage rental place and said helplessly, "The carriage stall received a big order today, and all the carriages were called away. Now..."
Yu Huatang thought that he should have just looked from the side instead of going deep into the garden.
But there was no other way now. "Then shall we stay at the inn?"
Zhao Yan: "That's fine."
"I just looked around. There's a small town up ahead with a few inns. Why don't we sleep here tonight? Is that okay with you?"
He followed her lead.
What else could she disagree with? They couldn't just walk back in the dark together, right? "Okay..."
After saying that, he felt something was wrong. Although they were husband and wife before, now they were alone in a hotel together, and it felt like a couple eloping.
Just as she was thinking about it, Zhao Yan had already come back from the front after taking a look around. "The Yunzi Inn is not bad. There are two upper rooms left. The house is clean too. Why don't we choose this one..."
"...Okay." She hesitated a little, but decided to let it go. Now they had no relationship at all. If she thought too much about it, it would only add to her troubles.
Seeing that he looked calm, I thought that he must have been helpless to be so rude.
The two arrived at the inn. The waiter smiled attentively, gave a lively introduction, and then went downstairs to prepare the meal.
Zhao Yan looked somewhat pleased. "Today, I not only enjoyed the beautiful scenery, but also experienced the local specialties. It's a rare opportunity."
Yu Huatang just smiled and went back to the room to rest. He lay down but couldn't fall asleep.
After looking at the stars outside for a while, she stood up, lit the candle, and stared at it in a daze.
Many times in the past, she would watch the candlelight burning in the dark night alone, and then fall asleep in a daze.
It was the same tonight. After the wick flickered slightly in the darkness, she vaguely heard a very light knock on the door.
She walked to the door doubtfully, saw a figure, and asked softly, "Who?"
"It's me, Huatang." The voice was soft but powerful.
The door opened and she wondered, "Why isn't the master asleep yet?"
Zhao Yan replied, "Maybe I'm in a good mood today and can't fall asleep too early. I noticed the candle in your room has been burning for a long time, so I came to ask if there's anything bothering you."
"No, I'm just used to going to bed late." At this point, the two of them had nothing more to say.
The inn was silent. It would be strange if someone saw them acting like this, so she wanted to close the door.
At this time, Zhao Yan called softly, "...Huatang."
"Are you feeling well?"
This kind of address and concern doesn’t make them seem like strangers, but more like a couple...
Yu Huatang was stunned for a moment. "It's just an old illness. Maybe Baili is exaggerating a little. Just get more rest."
It wasn't good for the two of them to always stand by the door, so seeing that he still had something to say, she simply let him in.
In the dim candlelight, he was silent for a moment before saying, "After you left, Mother wanted to find another marriage for me. Rong Jin was her first choice, but I refused."
"At that time, everyone in the capital was critical of her, and the Zhao family as well. They all said that I divorced my first wife to be with my childhood sweetheart, and then pretended to divorce her for the sake of respectability."
"Rong Jin was overwhelmed and wanted to think clearly. It was just a persistent pursuit that she couldn't get. She also rejected the kindness of the two families and chose a clan in the north. It was a Jinshi from her aunt's family who treated her very well."
"Later, my mother introduced me to several women, all from wealthy families, dignified and elegant. But I rejected them all..."
Yu Huatang listened quietly and sighed, "...After all, it was me who blocked your marriage."
He said anxiously, "No, Rong Jin and I were just a good match in my parents' eyes. At that time, I was personally selected by His Majesty as the third place in the imperial examination, and I had a bright future. I never thought about the reasoning behind it. A husband and wife should love each other. She and I were just childhood sweethearts. There was no real love between us. What we had was just a match made in heaven in the eyes of our elders."
"But I didn't understand at the time. You came from a small town and didn't have the bearing of a noble lady. Others thought you weren't worthy of me. I was arrogant at the time and thought you were short-sighted, only able to use tricks and tricks just to get into my wealthy family."
"But the truth is, as a teenager, I wasn't very presentable. In a wealthy place like the capital, I had no power, no influence, no talent, no looks, no knowledge, and I couldn't even interact with the nobility, nor could I understand what others meant. That's why people think I'm a stain on you."
"You really didn't like me very much at that time. You did nothing wrong. The mistake was that we were not suitable for each other," she continued.
"No, that's not it. Huatang, you're very kind. I was blind at the time and didn't know how precious sincerity is..."
"I never supported you. Who is born with those noble skills? I know you learned it well later. I failed you..."
"...Sir, it's all in the past. I don't feel any regret or grievance now. We were all so young back then, how could we possibly understand these things? I made the wrong choice, and it's good enough that I understand and apologize now."
Zhao Yan's eyes showed expectation, "So... do you accept my apology?"
"From the beginning to the end, it was not one person's fault... If you think it's acceptance, then just accept it," she said.
After hearing this, he felt hopeful, "Then...then are you willing..." to be willing again..., but he suddenly didn't know how to say it.
"My lord, I don't want to!" she said, looking at him.
"Why?" He looked at me with pain in his eyes.
Why? Yu Huatang sometimes wondered what it was like when a person was young, met the most amazing partner, flew towards them like a moth to a flame, and only realized regret when his heart was broken.
Perhaps all her strength and passion were exhausted in those days. Now she no longer has the courage to love someone. She has lost the ability to love.
People all said that Baili was a very good man and worthy of her entrusting her life to, but she was ill and didn't know when she would pass away. How could she waste her time on someone who was as bright as the sun?
Baili's family is also prominent, and she doesn't have the energy to try to cater to the unknown. If it happens again like before, it will be a second jump into the abyss.
After a long while, she said, "I feel that things are good now, and I don't need to get married. How I want to live my life is up to me."
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