Chapter 84: Can't Let Go
At this point, Zhao Yan also knew that he should let it go.
But he couldn't do it. Women in the world are of all kinds, with all kinds of temperaments. Before he met her, he might have thought about getting in touch with her, thinking about cultivating feelings, but now he didn't want the kind of aristocratic marriage that was either respectful to each other or resentful of each other and had to make a decent marriage.
Most marriages in the capital are unhappy. Some couples even live their own lives, and some even keep concubines outside.
But these are respectable families. Even if they are rotten inside, they still have to pretend to be loving on the surface. He doesn't want such a marriage, he only wants her.
"'This feeling can be recalled, but it was already gone at that time.' Mr. Yishan said it simply, but it is so difficult for people to do it. In my lifetime, I can only meet one girl like her. Letting go is not easy."
He didn't know her good qualities before. They were so close, why didn't he notice it? Why did he end up getting divorced with her...
Although Zhao Yan knew that the past could not be retrieved, he still thought back to how blind he was before...
He vaguely remembered that day when he came back from outside and saw two people standing at the door. They were wearing tattered clothes and said they were looking for his grandfather. The doorman would not let them in, so he got out of the car and saw that they were holding a jade pendant. Out of pity, he took them in and gave the jade pendant to his grandfather.
Unexpectedly, grandpa really told them that the old woman was an old friend. At that time, he didn't look at her appearance carefully and just thought it was a strange thing.
Later, he heard his grandfather say that he had arranged a marriage for him, with the woman who had come that day. Only then did he realize that he had been a good person, but he had been taken away by someone else! He was very angry and did not want to accept this marriage, but his grandfather said that it was arranged by their ancestors, and that the girl was also a good girl, and he would definitely like her in the future.
He didn't like it at all. At that time, he had just been chosen by His Majesty as the third place in the imperial examination. Flowers and fruits were thrown into his arms during the parade. His colleagues and classmates all speculated that his future wife must be the daughter of an aristocrat with great talent and profound knowledge.
He had never thought that he would have any connection with such a small town girl, and he didn't even know how to talk to her. After marriage, they really didn't live up to his grandfather's promise of respecting each other as equals.
It can even be said that he deliberately stayed away from her because he was angry about this forced marriage. When his grandfather died, he also reminded him to treat others well, but he forgot after hearing it. He only went to her room once in the first year of their marriage, which was on the wedding day. After that, the two lived separately. Later, his mother couldn't stand it anymore and came to scold him. That year, he stepped into her room again.
He couldn't remember what she looked like at that time, but he only knew that he hated such things even more. In his opinion, she must have said something in front of her mother.
As for seeking confirmation, there is no need for that. Didn't she marry into the family for wealth and glory? These are simple things, and he would give them to her. But she still wants other things, which is really greedy!
Another year passed like this. One day, he drank too much with his colleagues and vaguely remembered that she was serving him. They seldom met each other. In the dim light, he just felt that she was particularly kind, different from the person in his memory.
That night was a rare time of tenderness for him. When he woke up the next day, he wondered if he had been too heartless in the past. He saw sachets scattered on the bed. The fragrance inside was somewhat familiar to him. Although he had never seen such secrets between wealthy families with his own eyes, he knew them all.
Now, he had experienced it firsthand, so how could he not be angry? He accused her of being shameless and actually resorting to the methods used in brothels.
She opened her mouth but could not say anything, so she just put on her clothes and left silently.
People say that there are three great joys in life: getting your name on the imperial examination, having your wedding night, and meeting an old friend in a foreign land.
He thought that both men and women cared about their newlyweds. She was his wife and should have been the closest person to her, but she became the most inappropriate existence. He had seen how ordinary couples were after marriage. Even if they became enemies in the future, they would still be in love for the first three years of their marriage.
He once had everything from her, but he didn't cherish her and didn't even give her the basic respect of a couple.
How could they not divorce when he was so insulting and excessive? They should have divorced on the first day of their marriage.
I missed a good opportunity in the past, and now I am left with tears.
Time flies and cannot be turned back, and my heart is filled with endless sorrow and hatred.
On this day, he was filled with regret and melancholy again.
After returning from his shift, Zhao Yan went to her house alone several times.
He didn't know how to change his approach so that she wouldn't hate him. He just wanted to come and see her, comfort her, and let her not be so sad. He had everything.
But the door of the courtyard was always closed every time he went there. He thought that the business of Dengshitang was very good, so he didn't dare to go to the shop to find her. After all, there were too many people there, and he was afraid that she would be unhappy.
Until the time when everyone was asleep, he wandered around her door again, and vaguely heard someone coming from the path of Grandma Xu's house.
He listened to the footsteps, which seemed to be two people. He thought for a moment and then hid behind the bamboo forest beside the path.
Human figures gradually emerged in the darkness. It was her and her junior fellow apprentice.
The two of them walked to the fence in front of the courtyard gate, and she said, "Okay, I'm here, you should go back early too."
Xu Fu didn't leave and said, "Senior Sister, today I heard that Master Baili is interested in finding you a new partner. And Sister Ji doesn't like you right now, so why don't you just agree?"
"I know what he means, but now is not the time. At least the funeral has just ended and there are still a batch of orders to be issued. You just need to listen to these words and don't tell anyone else." Yu Huatang said.
"I might have agreed before, but this month, Senior Sister, you only gave me five taels of silver. Didn't you see that even Master Baili thought it was excessive today? What if she continues to give like this in the future, or even gives less? Isn't this just forcing you to leave?"
Yu Huatang remained silent, and Xu Fu continued, "Senior Sister, if you don't feel comfortable accepting Master Baili's proposal, why don't you come home with me? My father has been acting crazy again, saying he wants to take me back to inherit the family business. The son he originally favored has been completely ruined by his indulgence in feasting, drinking, and entertainment. From now on, I will be the one in charge of my family. Senior Sister, you will definitely live a good life if you come back with me. Otherwise, I will fund a shop for you, and you can make whatever lamps you want..."
Yu Huatang smiled. "Your father must have asked you to return home because he wanted you to inherit the family business. Then you can take on a few apprentices and earn some money. Once you get there, it's up to you to convince others with your virtue and skills. As for me, I don't want to leave here yet. We'll talk about it later..."
Xu Fu tried to persuade her again, "It's nothing. I'm still young, and they'll only look down on me for a few years at most. Once I'm over 20, they won't dare bully me for being younger. Senior Sister, please come back with me. Although we haven't been together for long, in my heart, I've long... long considered you... considered you my family..."
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