Outside the Crown Prince's Palace in the Heavenly Court.
Shu Bai, dressed in the standard robes of a newly promoted celestial official, stood quietly outside the palace gate awaiting his announcement.
He had just passed the celestial examination and obtained his pass to the Heavenly Court. Before he could even settle into his new position, he heard that the Crown Prince of the Heavenly Court was getting married.
Shu Bai: "…………"
The image of Li Yuheng's arrogant and punchable face flashed through his mind instantly.
He had just landed when Li Yuheng was about to get married?
Is this guy really that desperate to get married?!
A nameless fire mixed with an indescribable sourness rushed straight to the top of my head.
He immediately found out where this Heavenly Prince lived and attacked him.
…
Inside the hall.
Li Zhaoyan was picking through a table of exquisite food, his chopsticks tapping against the edge of the jade bowl.
"Sigh, I have no appetite..."
A celestial attendant bowed and entered, presenting a brightly wrapped gift box tied with an exaggerated bow: "Your Highness, the Crown Prince of the Underworld has sent a wedding gift."
Li Zhaoyan's eyes lit up instantly, and he dropped his chopsticks and pounced on the gift: "Li Yuheng gave this to me?! Give it to me, give it to me!"
His earlier frustration vanished instantly, and he couldn't wait to start untying that flashy bow.
Just then, another celestial attendant came to report: "Your Highness, there is a newly promoted celestial official outside named Shu Bai, who requests an audience with you."
Li Zhaoyan didn't even look up; all his attention was focused on the tangled bow. Upon hearing this, he muttered something under his breath:
"Shu Bai? Who is that? I don't know him... Why are you looking for me? I'm eating right now and don't want to invite strangers. Tell him to wait a bit."
As he struggled with the packaging tape, he muttered to himself, "It's probably just another one trying to freeload or get close to someone... Do I look like I have nothing better to do?"
The celestial attendant accepted the order and quietly withdrew.
…
Outside the palace, as Shu Bai listened to the celestial attendant's reply, "His Highness the Crown Prince is busy, please wait a moment, celestial official," his eyes gradually turned cold.
busy?
Busy preparing for the wedding?
He stood on a cloud, his aura so low it was frightening, drawing the attention of passing fairies.
Okay, very good.
Li Yuheng, you're really great.
Okay, he'll wait.
…
Li Zhaoyan finally managed to violently untie the bow and open the box.
Inside was a second box with a note attached: "Surprises require patience, understand?"
He rolled his eyes and opened the second box.
A third box appeared, also with a note attached: "What's the rush? Nobody's going to take it from you (picking nose)."
He angrily opened the third box.
Then……
The fourth box makes its dazzling debut.
"Surprised? Unexpected?"
"Li Yuheng, are you kidding me?!"
But despite his cursing, his hands were incredibly honest as he opened the box.
The fifth box had a note attached that read: "That's right, we were just messing with you."
"...Aaaaaah, Li Yuheng, you're doomed! I'm definitely not giving you any wedding candy on my wedding day!"
The sixth box reads: "Who wants your wedding candy?"
Li Zhaoyan: "..."
The seventh box: "Silence doesn't mean you're wrong."
But this seventh box no longer contained Russian nesting dolls.
A thin booklet, a plump green jujube, and a neatly folded piece of letter paper.
The booklet cover features Li Yuheng's wildly unrestrained handwriting, which seems to fly away:
The Wedding Guide
—Written by Li Yuheng, a unique and irreplaceable book; everyone who has read it raves about it; you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you don't.
Li Zhaoyan picked up the booklet first, his curiosity driving him to turn to the first page: "Chapter 1: How to Not Suck Your Fingers While Sleeping on Your Wedding Night - On the Self-Cultivation of a Mature Man."
Li Zhaoyan: "..."
Slander! He stopped sucking his fingers a long time ago!
His lips twitched as he continued flipping through the pages.
Chapter Two: The Standard Answer (with Explanation) When the Bride Asks You, "Who is more important, me or your glowing sword?"
Sorry, but his wife loves collecting glowing swords even more than he does; they can play a game of cat fishing with a single sword.
Chapter 3: Emergency Handling Guide – What if you accidentally turn your wedding room into a treasure cave?
…
…
Appendix: Selected Quotes from Li Yuheng (How to Shut Down the Whole Room with One Sentence)
"Li Yuheng! Couldn't you have sent something from the mortal realm?! What kind of junk is this! It's a waste of my feelings! I thought it was some kind of peerless secret manual!"
Looking at this book, which was full of nonsense and filled with Li Yuheng's humor and irritating remarks, Li Zhaoyan was so angry that he threw the booklet away.
Booklet: I'm free!
Then, he reluctantly unfolded the letter.
"Zhaoyan, I heard you're getting married."
"Remember when we were kids, someone swore, 'Whoever gets a girlfriend first is a dog'? Now you've transformed into the first legitimate dog in Heaven, and I'm so proud of you. (Pats shoulder)"
"I won't be coming to the wedding. I'm afraid my stunning good looks will steal your thunder. After all, I'm afraid I'll laugh at the sight of you crying during the wedding ceremony, which would ruin our brotherly relationship."
"The real wedding gift will appear on the wedding day. I guarantee it will leave a deep impression on you. Remember, your brother will always be your brother."
"That green jujube over there is for you to eat. Don't treat it like a family heirloom like an idiot. I know you're a bit slow on the uptake, so I'm explaining it to you specifically."
"Finally, once you're married, you're an adult. You need to treat your wife well from now on. She's so young and her eyesight is already poor; it's not easy for her."
"Alright, that's settled. Happy wedding, woof woof! — Your most handsome cousin in the universe, Li Yuheng"
Li Zhaoyan: "..."
Enraged, he shoved the green date into his mouth and bit down hard, chewing and cursing as he jumped up and down:
"Li Yuheng, you pretentious show-off! 'Afraid of stealing the spotlight'? You think I don't know you're grounded? Serves you right! I'll teach you to beat me up before! I'll beat you until you're crying and sucking your thumbs!"
"You call me mentally challenged? You're the mentally challenged one! Your whole family is mentally challenged! Wait till I pluck all your eyelashes out and see how smug you'll be then! Just because you were born a few years earlier than me doesn't mean you can act all high and mighty all the time..."
Outside the hall, Shu Bai listened to the loud and forceful cursing from inside, his face growing increasingly grim.
He glanced at the two celestial attendants beside him, who were completely oblivious, their fingers clenched tightly.
The plot had already been automatically filled in in his mind.
For example, Li Yuheng was so annoying that his enemies came to his door while he was under house arrest, and even his servants watched him being humiliated.
Wasn't he supposed to be the crown prince?
How did things get so bad?
The palace doors were kicked open the next second, and Shu Bai shouted, "Who's looking for death?"
Li Zhaoyan stood frozen in place, a date pit dangling from his mouth, staring at the celestial official who had barged in.
Shu Bai's gaze swept across the empty hall, finding only Li Zhaoyan:
"...Where is Li Yuheng?"
Li Zhaoyan's face turned bright red from choking on the jujube pit. He had just let out a gasp when Shu Bai's eyes narrowed: "Still dare to provoke me??"
Without further hesitation, he moved with lightning speed, instantly closing in, grabbing Li Zhaoyan by the collar, and with his other hand clenched into a fist, delivered a clean and decisive blow to Li Zhaoyan's back.
"Bang!"
"Ouch—Pfft!"
Li Zhaoyan staggered forward after being hit, spitting out a date pit mixed with saliva.
He had barely caught his breath and hadn't even had a chance to get angry when Shu Bai's second and third blows came in quick succession.
"I'll let you touch him!"
"court death!"
Shu Bai was decisive, targeting the thickest parts of the flesh, controlling the force just enough to make the victim wince in pain without causing serious injury.
Li Zhaoyan was beaten and screamed in pain:
"Are you crazy?! Who did I hit?! Ouch! Stop hitting me! What the hell, what's your relationship with Li Yuheng? How come you hit me harder than Li Yuheng?!"
"Hey! Pull this madman away!"
The celestial attendant beside him then realized what was happening and hurriedly stepped forward to try to stop him.
Shu Bai was furious and saw everyone as an accomplice. He casually knocked down two immortal servants who were trying to break up the fight. His movements were swift and smooth, and although he didn't use much force, it was enough to temporarily incapacitate them.
In an instant, chaos erupted inside the Crown Prince's Palace, with chickens running wild, chairs overturned, and fruit platters and pastries scattered all over the floor.
Li Zhaoyan, with a few wisps of messy curly hair, huddled in a corner, watching Shu Bai relentlessly approach:
"Big brother! Hero! Good man! I really didn't do anything to Li Yuheng! He's my cousin! I can't beat him! He's doing fine in the underworld! If you want to find him, go to the underworld! Why did you hit me?! I was just venting my anger, what did I do to deserve this?"
Shu Bai: "..."
…
Ultimately, Shu Bai was convicted of assaulting the Crown Prince of Heaven and attacking a celestial servant. The evidence was conclusive, his record was verifiable, and the impact was egregious.
The immortal register that Shu Bai had just acquired and hadn't even had a chance to warm up was immediately taken away.
The Heavenly Court's legal department quickly issued its verdict: strip him of his immortal status, send him to the Quick Transmigration Bureau, and have him atone for his crimes through meritorious service.
The clerk in charge of assignments at the Quick Transmigration Bureau was flipping through the roster, her brow furrowed: "The department for protagonists in angst-filled novels is severely understaffed, and several small worlds are on the verge of collapse... This newcomer seems pretty tough, so let's assign him there."
Therefore, the words "the department for abusive protagonists" were hastily added after "Quick Transmigration Bureau" in the judgment.
Before Shu Bai could even fully grasp what "the protagonist of an abusive novel" meant, he was swept away by a beam of white light and thrown into the first small world.
…
Li Yuheng slumped lazily into the sofa, tapping the armrest with his fingertips, his gaze fixed on the two people who had just entered through the door.
He narrowed his eyes and mentally probed System 0090: "Hey, is that the main character, the bottom?"
[That's right, Your Highness, that's the protagonist of this world, Shu Bai. Next to him is the protagonist, Gong Yu.]
Li Yuheng's gaze was fixed on Shu Bai's face.
This face resembled, yet didn't quite resemble, the blurry profile in his memory.
His features have matured a bit, but that coldness is still there.
At the door, Gong Yu was reaching out to take Shu Bai's suitcase, a gentle smile on his face.
Shu Bai's eyes were cold, clearly indicating he didn't want to cooperate, but he still patiently forced a smile: "No need, thank you."
But from Li Yuheng's perspective, Shu Bai's smile was both dazzling and sweet.
What annoyed him even more was that from the moment he entered the room until now, Shu Bai hadn't even glanced in his direction.
Li Yuheng smirked, then suddenly raised his voice, his clear voice carrying a hint of cynicism, instantly drawing everyone's attention:
"Teacher Shubai—"
He successfully saw Shu Bai look over at the sound, and finally saw his reflection in those cold eyes.
Li Yuheng met his gaze and asked, "Did you roll your eyes just now because you thought his acting was bad?"
Sparse white space?
Stop pretending.
You came here to find me.
…
(The End of the Best Friends Cat and Dog Side Story)
Eight pieces of advice for young people:
1. When dating, you should first find someone you love; if you're going to marry, you should find someone who loves you.
2. Never let the word "wait" cause you to lose.
3. Always retain 30% of the mystery.
4. Never underestimate anyone.
5. Please send me a 5-star book review via WeChat, thank you! (?? ?)
6. Remember point 5; the first four are not very useful.
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