They've all grown up
The wind from the Xiyuan Horse Farm carried bits of grass and leaves, which felt a little itchy when it blew on her face. Ning Lingyi had just reined in the jade lion, with a thin layer of sweat on her forehead and the lingering exhilaration of galloping, when she heard a burst of hurried horse hooves coming from afar and heading straight towards her.
Looking up, she saw Pan Hao, dressed in tight clothes, galloping on his horse, rushing past the guards' symbolic obstruction, and almost bumping into her before he suddenly stopped.
His black horse was breathing heavy white air and paddling the ground restlessly with its front hooves, as anxious as his master.
Pan Hao dismounted with quick movements, but his breathing was unstable and his hair was slightly disheveled. He looked at Ning Lingyi with a pair of crisp eyes, which contained too many things - anxiety, worry, and a hint of grievance that could not be concealed.
"Lingyi!" His voice was a little hoarse.
"You, are you okay? You've been grounded for so long..."
Ning Lingyi gently patted the jade lion's neck to calm its slight agitation caused by Pan Hao's recklessness.
She looked at him with calm eyes, and the slight excitement she had just felt when she was riding the horse had long since disappeared.
"Pan Hao," she began, her voice low, "I'm fine. I'm just under house arrest. Xuehan Palace isn't a prison."
Pan Hao was choked by her calmness. He had been accumulating words for a long time, but suddenly he didn't know where to start.
He looked around the empty horse farm. The sunlight was glaring and there were guards in the distance. This was not a suitable place to talk, nor was it the scene of a long-awaited reunion he had imagined.
He was a little annoyed at his impulsiveness, but he was already here.
"Remember?" He tried to regain some of his familiarity, his voice trying to be more relaxed as he pointed to a row of targets nearby. "When we were little, right here, you always competed with me in archery. Back then, you were shorter than the bow, and you were very stubborn. You insisted on practicing, even when your fingers were rubbed raw, but you didn't say a word. My father taught me how to secretly wrap you in soft cloth..."
A nostalgic smile appeared on his lips, and there was warmth in his eyes.
Ning Lingyi's eyelashes trembled slightly.
Fragments of memory were recalled: the dazzling sunlight of a summer afternoon, the humming of a taut bowstring, Pan Hao's merciless ridicule when the arrow missed the target, and the soft cloth strip he secretly stuffed into my hand... It was indeed a distant time.
"Yes," she replied calmly, her eyes sweeping across the targets, as if she could see two small figures.
"I didn't understand anything back then. I just wanted to hit the bull's eye and win against you." There was a hint of nostalgia in her tone, but it was just nostalgia, like mentioning a faded old item.
Pan Hao keenly caught the alienation in her tone.
"Lingyi, we've all grown up." His voice lowered, almost pleading, "But some things shouldn't change. I know the situation is different now, but I don't care about that guy Tuoba Hong! I..."
"Pan Hao." Ning Lingyi interrupted him, her voice clear and calm.
She turned her head and looked at him straight in the eyes. There was no evasion, only seriousness.
"We grew up together and were good playmates. You've always been like a brother who protects his sister." She paused, and every word was clear.
"But that's all. I've never had any romantic feelings for you, ever."
The blood color on Pan Hao's face instantly faded away. His lips moved slightly, and he wanted to say something, but no sound came out. The light in his eyes dimmed little by little, leaving only unbelievable pain.
Ning Lingyi looked at his distraught appearance, and a trace of pity flashed through her heart, but it was quickly suppressed by her stronger rationality.
She had to get it straight. "Without Tuoba Hong, there wouldn't be you."
Her voice remained steady. "You're doing well, Pan Hao. You're a son of a general, with exceptional martial arts skills and a bright future."
"That's why you should marry a good girl who loves you wholeheartedly, safely inherit the Duke Dingguo Mansion, and become a pillar of the Southern Dynasty, instead of wasting your thoughts on me and on impossible things."
She took a deep breath, her tone softening slightly, yet also becoming more distant. "I cherish our past friendship. But from now on, these inappropriate words should not be mentioned again. This is good for you, me, and the Pan family."
"But, but, Lingyi!" Pan Hao wanted to refute. It was not like that, it was not like that. He could not understand why it turned out like this, but he subconsciously wanted to refuse. It would be better if he did not come today, so that he would not hear these heartbreaking words.
"Pan Hao, when we were under the wings of our parents in the past, we naturally felt that the world was full of happiness and everything could make us happy. But now that we have grown up, I understand that we also have burdens and we should take on responsibilities." Ning Lingyi looked at the young general in front of her. He seemed familiar, yet strange to her.
I used to think that everything in the world was easy, like a dream.
After she finished speaking, she stopped looking at Pan Hao's pale face and gently pushed the horse's belly, "Jade Lion, let's go."
The white horse trotted away, carrying Ning Lingyi's figure, leaving the young general, whose soul had been taken away, in the empty horse farm.
The wind blew, rolling up the grass debris, and seemed to squint his eyes. His eyes were red, but not a single tear came out. He only felt that the place in his heart was empty and cold, so cold that it hurt.
Ning Lingyi turned and left, sighing softly. Even if she didn't understand, she would have to understand what Pan Hao's eyes meant when he looked at her.
But they have all grown up.
Love can never be forced. Pan Hao can't see it clearly, but she can.
There are more important things besides love.
Pan Hao, I hope you understand.
At this moment, she suddenly thought of Tuoba Hong.
What kind of person is Tuoba Hong? He is so strong that he is even compulsive. His ego sometimes makes her frown, but she also admires him.
She didn't know how heavy the snow was in Beishuo.
But he took on everything by himself and fought for the throne. This was unimaginable to her, but he did it, and she had to admit that Tuoba Hong was indeed hard for her to ignore.
The wedding date is at the end of the year. Is she really going to marry in Beishuo?
Ning Lingyi rode her horse out of the West Garden Horse Farm and just turned into the alley leading to the inner palace when she saw Ning Lingli and two palace maids walking slowly from the other end, blocking the road.
"Hey, isn't this Sister Mingzhu? Is the house arrest over? You can finally go out and walk around."
She glanced at Ning Lingyi, as if with a hint of concern, "Well, while we're still in the palace, we should go out and see more. After all..."
She drew out her words slightly, her voice soft but every word clear: "We are now on our way to Beishuo, where the mountains are high and the roads are long, and the customs are very different. I'm afraid it will be difficult to see this familiar palace scenery again."
She paused and added meaningfully, "I heard that the rules and regulations for women in Beishuo are very different from those in our Southern Dynasty. Sister, you'll need to get used to it sooner rather than later."
If it were in the past, Ning Lingyi would have been furious after hearing such ridicule, and would have definitely fought back tit for tat.
But at this moment, after experiencing what happened in Mingzhou and being under house arrest, she felt bored when she heard Ning Lingli's words.
This kind of unseemly exchange of words between sisters seemed childish and ridiculous to her now. She was even too lazy to look up at the smug expression on Ning Lingli's face that was expecting her to be angry.
Ning Lingyi just nodded expressionlessly, then she walked past Ning Lingli without even giving her a glance.
The smile on Ning Lingli's face froze, and then turned into incredible shame and anger.
She could never be as favored as her younger sister, and now she was always superior to her, so naturally she would be proud. But now, it was like a heavy punch hitting cotton, and the other party didn't even make a ripple, and just avoided it so easily?
This complete indifference made her feel more embarrassed than any fierce rebuttal, as if she had become a clown.
The horse's hooves stepped on the bluestone of the palace road, making a crisp echo. The calmness on Ning Lingyi's face was replaced by a layer of soft concern when she stepped into the slightly depressing atmosphere of Zichen Palace. Her father was more important to her than anything else.
The light in the hall was dim, and the strong smell of medicine mixed with ambergris made her heart tighten.
"Father!" She walked quickly to the dragon bed, her voice filled with longing, and knelt naturally on the footstool.
"Your son is here to see you! Thank you, father, for lifting the ban. I have missed you so much." She stretched out her hand and carefully placed it on the back of the emperor's hand that was resting outside the quilt.
The emperor's eyes lit up, and the haze between his brows seemed to be dispelled a little when he looked at his daughter's lively face.
"Mingzhu is here." He gently patted the back of her hand with his backhand, his voice filled with the fatigue of a long illness, "It's good to be released from the confinement. I missed you too. You must be bored in Xuehan Palace?"
"It's okay. I can read some books and play chess to have some peace and quiet." Ning Lingyi replied with a smile.
Her eyes swept over the bowl of dark brown medicine that had just been served on the low table. She naturally picked up the warm wet towel from the tray of the palace maid next to her and carefully wiped the emperor's fingers.
"How is your father feeling today? What did the imperial physician say? Why doesn't your leg injury get better? It's been so long." She frowned, her tone full of worry.
The emperor sighed, his eyes dark and unclear. "My bones are old and can't take the beating. It's normal that I'm healing slowly. The imperial physician, huh, just gave me some warming and nourishing prescriptions."
He seemed not to want to talk about his illness, and instead asked about the trivialities of Ning Lingyi's life in Xuehan Palace.
Ning Lingyi responded meekly and made some funny gossips.
When the maid brought the medicine bowl closer again, she took it naturally. "Father, the medicine is just the right temperature. I will serve you the medicine."
She gently stirred the thick medicine in the bowl with a small white jade spoon, and the hot steam with a complex bitterness rushed into her nose.
She paused slightly.
This doesn't taste right.
Besides the usual bitterness, there seemed to be a hint of astringency mixed in? Like the scent of some rotting plant root.
She remained expressionless as she carefully fed a spoonful of medicine to the emperor. "Father, go slowly, it's a little hot."
As she watched the emperor drink it obediently, her heart was in turmoil.
This is definitely not a medicine for treating bone injuries or replenishing vital energy. Is this smell a coincidence? Is it due to the combination of the medicine? Or...
After the emperor drank the medicine, he seemed even more listless. Ning Lingyi suppressed the turmoil in her heart and chatted with him for a while. Seeing that he was very tired, she considerately excused herself: "Your Majesty, please rest well. I will come to see you another day."
As he walked out of the Zichen Palace, the palace door closed behind him.
The afternoon sun shone brightly on her body, but Ning Lingyi felt a chill rising from the bottom of her heart. She turned around and took a deep look at the closed palace gate, her eyes complicated and indecipherable.
Silence returned to the hall, and the sound of the night watchman could be clearly heard.
The emperor closed his eyes and leaned back on the soft pillow. Ning Lingyi's bewildered question, "Why isn't everything getting better?", was like a fine needle, gently piercing the doubts he had deliberately suppressed in his heart.
medicine.
That bowl of medicine that was served daily by the prince himself...
He opened his eyes, and the cloudiness in them was replaced by a deep scrutiny. He looked at the injured leg under the brocade quilt that showed no improvement, and the evasive reports of the imperial doctors became clear to him again.
No.
He almost immediately denied it in his mind.
The prince, his legitimate son whom he had high hopes for, was still vivid in his mind, as he personally took care of everything by his sickbed.
The trusted guard knelt silently in front of the couch, keenly capturing the subtle changes in the emperor's aura.
The emperor's gaze remained fixed on his injured leg. His voice was low and steady, without a trace of emotion. "Go, secretly collect today's medicine residue, as well as those from a few days ago."
He paused briefly, then turned his gaze to the guards in the shadows. His eyes were like an eagle, and his voice lowered even further: "Send the imperial physician Chen to enter quietly through the back corner door. Don't let anyone know, especially those in the East Palace."
"I understand." The guard kowtowed deeply, and his figure quickly blended into the shadow of the corner of the hall, silently.
The hall fell into dead silence again.
The emperor's gaze fell into the void, and the prince's worried face flashed repeatedly in his mind.
The expression on his face finally returned to calmness, but deep in his eyes, there flashed a trace of pain that he himself was not aware of.
Once the seed of doubt is planted, he needs the truth, a truth that can reassure him or completely break something.
He waited quietly, the air was stagnant, and only the sound of the night watchman was heard, knocking on the silent palace and the emperor's unfathomable heart.
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