Chapter 146 Forgiveness
Shen Shuangmiao opened her mouth, unsure how to answer, a heavy weight pressing down on her heart.
Zhu Jin waited for her to speak, but when she did not speak, he simply stopped asking.
He didn't look at the psychology books piled on the table anymore.
“Shuangmiao,” he spoke again, “turn around and look at me.”
Shen Shuangmiao's fingers, which were arranging books, froze.
She could feel the gaze behind her, so intense it seemed to pierce her heart.
Shen Shuangmiao slowly turned around to meet his gaze.
“Tell me,” Zhu Jin said, his voice low and deliberate, “just how much do you know?”
Shen Shuangmiao opened her mouth, wanting to deny it again.
But when she met Zhu Jin's clear-headed gaze, all the words she had prepared stuck in her throat.
Tears welled up and blurred my vision.
Shen Shuangmiao no longer concealed her feelings, her voice trembling with collapse: "I know everything about Mr. M. Zhu Jin, tell me, are you planning to... undergo euthanasia?"
She used almost all her strength to say the last three words.
Zhu Jin did not answer immediately.
He simply looked at her quietly, his lips pressed tightly together.
Silence is the cruelest answer.
After a long while, Zhu Jin finally moved, as if a machine with a pre-programmed sequence of events had started running again.
He neither admitted nor denied it, but simply said calmly, "You already know."
Shen Shuangmiao was surprised by his reaction and immediately rushed forward to grab his hand, which was on the table.
Zhu Jin's hands were cold, like a piece of lifeless jade.
"Zhu Jin, please don't do this..."
She sobbed uncontrollably, almost pleading, "Please, I'm begging you! There are endless possibilities as long as you're alive! If you feel this place is causing you pain, you can leave! Go somewhere where no one knows you and start a new life. Anything is better than giving up like this!"
Zhu Jin let her hold his hand, neither pulling away nor responding.
His gaze passed over Shen Shuangmiao and landed in the void, his eyes vacant.
"restart?"
Zhu Jin repeated it softly, a faint smile appearing on his face.
What's the point?
His voice was very soft.
"I don't have many relatives in this world."
Zhu Jin seemed to be talking to himself, "Grandpa may have some affection for me as a grandparent, but he felt more responsibility for the Zhu family bloodline."
He paused, his gaze slowly returning to her face, his eyes filled with an overwhelming pain and self-loathing: "The only person I love is you."
“But what have I given you? Misunderstandings, coercion, and harm. I made you lose your child and caused you so much pain. I am not even as good as Zhao Mobai. At least he can give you a semblance of peace.”
Zhu Jin closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them again, he had made up his mind: "What's the point of me living like this? I'm just a complete waste of life, a bad person who doesn't deserve any happiness. My disappearance is the best ending for everyone."
No! You're not!
Shen Shuangmiao shook her head vigorously, tears streaming down her face, "It's not what you think! We can still handle those misunderstandings and hurts..."
She wanted to make amends, to start over, but those words seemed so light and powerless in the face of such a heavy life-or-death decision.
Zhu Jin simply shook his head and gently withdrew his hand from hers.
He stopped speaking and refused to communicate.
That night, Shen Shuangmiao barely slept a wink.
The next day, with her eyes red and swollen, she came to Zhu Jin again.
Shen Shuangmiao tried her best to control her tone, and her voice sounded calm and sincere.
"Zhu Jin, I've been thinking about this all night."
She looked at his profile as he ate in silence and said softly, "I forgive you for what happened in the past."
She noticed his movements pause slightly.
"I've let go of everything, including the child and all that happened before."
"Can we try to let go too? Not for others, but for ourselves? You're still young, you have such a big company, you..."
That's enough.
Zhu Jin put down his cutlery, looked up, and his eyes were filled with exhaustion.
“You don’t have to do this, Shuangmiao.”
His voice was soft, yet cold: "I really don't need the forgiveness you offer out of pity."
He stood up, stopped looking at her, and left.
Shen Shuangmiao stood frozen in place, watching Zhu Jin's resolute back, feeling even more powerless.
All her efforts and compromises seemed to hit a cold wall in the face of his desire to die.
What should she do? What else can she do?
Shen Shuangmiao's mind was in turmoil, and she was almost driven mad by this unsolvable predicament.
The doorbell rang suddenly.
She mustered her spirits to go to the door, only to see an elegantly dressed old woman arrive.
It was Madam Su.
Shen Shuangmiao was shocked: "Grandma, what brings you here!"
“Child,” Old Madam Su said, pulling Shen Shuangmiao’s hand as they sat down on the sofa, her eyes filled with a clear understanding of the world.
"Can you tell me what happened?"
Facing the old man, Shen Shuangmiao's tense nerves finally relaxed.
She burst into tears and told him about how Zhu Jin had contacted an euthanasia organization.
Madam Su listened quietly, her face showing not much shock, but only deep sorrow.
"You've suffered, child."
She gently patted Shen Shuangmiao's hand, "What you're doing isn't about dwelling on past grievances, but about saving a life. It's about doing good deeds and accumulating merit. I understand."
With understanding, Shen Shuangmiao seemed to find an outlet for her grievances and pressure, and cried even harder.
"But I don't know what to do. I told him I forgive him, but he won't. I tried to persuade him to live, but he won't listen. Grandma, I really don't know what to do..."
She choked up, her voice filled with despair.
Grandma Su gently wiped away her tears with a handkerchief, her gaze tender: "Child, don't worry, tell Grandma, what do you plan to do next?"
Shen Shuangmiao took a deep breath, wiped away her tears, and her eyes regained their firmness.
"Grandma, it's too far off to talk about anything else now."
Her voice was still choked with sobs, “The most urgent thing is to dispel his thoughts of suicide, to prevent him from contacting that organization again, and to give him hope for survival.”
Madam Su nodded approvingly: "That makes sense. So, what do you plan to do?"
“I need help.” Shen Shuangmiao thought quickly. “I’m not strong enough on my own, and there are many things I can’t do myself. I need to go find Fu Xuan…”
She thought of Fu Xuan.
He is now one of the few friends she can trust.
Although the two had some disagreements before because of Zhao Mobai and Zhu Jin, Fu Xuan was genuinely concerned about her, and he was quick-witted and would definitely be able to help.
Shen Shuangmiao immediately took out her phone and dialed Fu Xuan's number.
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