Ji Mohan remained indifferent as he watched the brightly lit palace and the ministers, drunk and staggering, being helped home by their families after the banquet.
It seems that everyone else is fulfilled, except for him, who has never achieved fulfillment in his life.
Yan Wan quietly stayed by Ji Mohan's side. She witnessed the ministers leaving, and thought it was good that at least they had someone to help them home after getting drunk. Yan Wan turned her head to look at Ji Mohan, whose expression was indifferent and vacant, but ultimately couldn't bear it and turned her head away.
He's not doing well. If he were doing well, Yan Wan could tell herself to let go and not disturb his life. But he's not doing well, so what should she do? Why is this not what she expected? She clearly wanted to leave him so that he could hate her and live a long, healthy, and peaceful life.
She clearly hoped to bring him happiness, but now all his sadness is caused by her. She clearly promised him that she would stay with him forever, but she is the one who abandoned him.
Suddenly, a dazzling array of colorful fireworks burst into the sky, illuminating the entire heavens and bringing endless joy, embodying people's expectations for the New Year and their hopes for the coming year.
Thump~ Thump~ Thump~
The sounds of fireworks and firecrackers filled the air, and if you listened carefully, you could also hear people wishing each other a Happy New Year. Everything was so peaceful and harmonious.
Ji Mohan looked up at the fireworks that were blooming all over the sky, lost in thought. Perhaps he was thinking that he was spending such a beautiful New Year alone.
Yan Wan turned her head slightly to look at Ji Mohan's profile and said softly, "Hanhan, Happy New Year."
This is the second New Year we've spent together. Before, outside Huangzhou City, Yan Wan remembered Ji Mohan's disbelief when he received his first New Year's money, and how he looked at her with sincere puppy eyes and said, word by word, that she was his salvation.
Happy New Year, Hanhan! I've spent another New Year with you. You said before that you hoped I would be with you every New Year from now on, and this time, I'm keeping my promise. I'm right here beside you, even though you can't see me.
As the sounds of fireworks and firecrackers gradually faded, snowflakes suddenly began to fall from the sky that had just been filled with stars, seemingly a propitious sign for the new year, a "harvest year promised by a timely snowfall."
After watching the snowflakes fall heavier and heavier for a while, Ji Mohan's somewhat hoarse voice rang out: "Yan Wan, Happy New Year."
He remembered that when he was in Huangzhou City, Yan Wan and he spent the New Year together. She mysteriously handed him a purse. He was a little confused about what it was. Unexpectedly, when he opened it, it was Yan Wan's New Year's money. It was the first time in his life that he had received New Year's money.
He's a liar. He asked the children in the capital, and they said that New Year's money should be given every year. Why did she only give it for one year and then stop?
She said she hoped to be healthy, safe, and happy; she said she hoped everything would go well for her and she would live a long and healthy life; she said she hoped to be happy and carefree year after year.
But she left, and all of this was just wishful thinking for him. He thought that as long as he was busy enough, as long as he had enough time, and as long as he hated Yan Wan enough, he could forget her. But he was wrong. Longing was more overwhelming than hatred. How could he bear to hate her?
He hated himself and wished he could die in Yan Wan's place. After all, no one in this world cared about him or cared about him. If he died, many people would probably be happy.
Why is God so unfair? He had nothing but Yan Wan, yet even she was taken away.
Doesn't he deserve happiness? A person like him deserves to die.
Yan Wan left. No one loved him, no one saved him, and no one offered to protect him anymore.
He wished he could die right away, so he could see Yan Wan again. But he dared not; Yan Wan would be unhappy, and she hoped to live to be a hundred years old.
When Yan Wan heard Ji Mohan wish her a Happy New Year, she looked up at him in surprise. For a moment, she wondered if Ji Mohan could see her. Yan Wan tentatively waved her hand in front of Ji Mohan's eyes, but he didn't react at all. Yan Wan was a little disappointed. So, he still couldn't see her.
Yan Wan's eyes were brimming with tears. "Happy New Year, Hanhan. Happy New Year, Happy New Year." I said Happy New Year, but you're the least happy one.
Ji Mohan paused for a moment, then continued, "Yan Wan, were you happy after you got home? Is it New Year's Day in your world too?"
When are you coming back?
Ji Mohan's voice was choked with emotion. Back then, when he fought against the Meng Kingdom and suffered severe injuries, he never cried or uttered a sound of pain. But now, his heart was aching terribly, as if someone was stabbing it with a knife. If he could take it out and look at it, it would probably be riddled with holes by now.
"Yan Wan, you're so heartless, you're a liar." She said she loved him, but in the end, she only used him. She just abandoned him like that, leaving him like a stray dog, utterly pathetic.
Yan Wan was already sobbing uncontrollably. She covered her mouth to suppress her sobs and shook her head desperately, trying to defend herself, "No, it's not like that, it's not like that, Hanhan, please wait for me, okay? I'll think of something, I'll be back soon, okay?"
Ji Mohan raised his hand and wiped the corner of his eye. He felt particularly ridiculous, both ridiculous and pathetic. He was talking to the sky, so how could Yan Wan hear him?
Ji Mohan picked up the wine jug in his hand and drank with the snowflakes as his companions. The scorching liquor could not withstand the biting cold wind. This winter is really cold. How could there be such a cold winter? He remembered that last winter was not this cold.
Yan Wan watched as Ji Mohan desperately poured wine into his mouth. She raised her hand to stop him, but each time her hand passed through Ji Mohan's body and the wine pot, and she couldn't hold on to it.
Yan Wan was so anxious she wanted to cry. It was so cold, yet he was drinking such ice-cold wine. Why didn't he take care of his health? Besides, he wasn't wearing a fox fur coat, just a thin shirt. If this continued, he would definitely get sick.
Ji Mohan finished all the wine in the wine pot, then threw it aside. He looked like a madman; perhaps he had already gone mad long ago.
He rummaged in his pocket for a while and finally pulled out a pink pouch. He muttered to himself, "Yan Wan, this is the New Year's money I prepared for you. Although you didn't give me any this year, I remembered it. You'll have to make it up to me when you come back."
He seemed slightly drunk, otherwise how could he have forgotten that Yan Wan was dead? No, perhaps subconsciously he didn't want to believe that Yan Wan was dead; he preferred to believe that Yan Wan had gone home.
At least she's home, so he still has something to look forward to.
Yan Wan looked at Ji Mohan, who was muttering to himself, tears streaming down his face. Her hands were trembling. Yan Wan raised her hand and gently stroked Ji Mohan's face. This fool, what should I do? How could I have left him?
Immediately, Ji Mohan opened his purse. Inside, besides silver, was a note. He took it out and proudly showed it to the air, saying, "Yan Wan, look, this is what I wrote for myself. You absolutely must remember it. I'll have dinner with you every day from now on, because she's afraid of being lonely eating alone. How about I have dinner with you every day from now on?" He was drunk, completely drunk, so drunk that he couldn't distinguish between reality and dreams.
Yan Wan gently slipped her hand through the note and looked at the strong, vigorous words on it: "Have dinner with Yan Wan every day." Her emotions, which she had just managed to control, surged again. It turned out that he was subconsciously blaming her for not having properly eaten dinner with him more often. Originally, she was worried that he was too busy with political affairs and, like before, would not eat on time. She was afraid that he would suffer from stomach bleeding, a weak spleen and stomach, and organ failure, as described in the book. So she casually mentioned that he should have dinner with her to help him take care of himself. She never expected that he would remember it.
Seeing that no one responded, Ji Mohan was somewhat lost in thought. How stupid of him! How could he forget that Yan Wan was gone? He put the note into his purse and then tucked it back into his chest.
Yan Wan is gone, he's forgotten again.
Ji Mohan remained silent for a long, long time, then sighed and said, his voice choked with emotion yet firm, "Yan Wan, I hate you. I will hate you for the rest of my life, and I will never forgive you."
"I know," Yan Wan said softly. She knew he was lying.
After Ji Mohan finished speaking, he turned and left dejectedly. When he reached the top of the stairs of the Star-Picking Tower, he looked back one last time.
Just now, at a certain moment, he seemed to feel that Yan Wan was right beside him. Ji Mohan laughed self-deprecatingly. He must be going crazy, he must be going crazy from missing her so much, otherwise how could he have such an absurd feeling?
Yan Wan wanted to follow, but as soon as she took a step, she realized that her body was slowly dissipating. She knew that it was time for her to go back.
"Hanhan, wait for me, I will definitely come back, I will come in to find you."
How could I bear to leave you alone?
Yan Wan stared at Ji Mohan's receding figure and thought firmly, she would definitely come back. There was still the person she was most worried about here.
After leaving the Star-Picking Tower, Ji Mohan looked up again as if possessed, and then resolutely left.
He didn't know when Yan Wan would return. He tried everything he could to find her and see her world, but it was all in vain.
Yan Wan, I can't find you, so I can only stay here and wait for you. Whether it's five years, ten years, twenty years, or fifty years, I will wait for you.
He was waiting for a liar, waiting for someone who would never return.
Yan Wan, actually, I miss you a little.
Could you come back and see me just once? Just once would be enough. I don't ask for anything else. Just let me know that you are alive, that you are living healthily and happily in another world. That would be enough.
He no longer dared to ask for anything more. He had been too greedy in the past, and as a punishment from God, he lost Yan Wan forever.
Didi: Thank you to Liu Dashao who loves taro balls, Yue Li, Xue Luo Luo Xin Shang, Diligent Reading, Qi Fa De Baked Potato, Happy Every Day, and all the other babies for their great support. Thank you for your gifts. Wishing you all great wealth, prosperity, good health, and constant smiles. (●???)
P.S.: Oops, I made a mistake, it'll stop being so angsty soon. ( ? 3?)? Please hang in there a little longer.
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