Chapter 1 Log
【Please submit your daily work log】
Mu Qi rolled his eyes and stared at the screen floating in the air, his face showing a kind of anger followed by a numbness close to blankness.
But the dog system remained unmoved and kept displaying pop-up windows:
[Current progress of the strong nation mission: 0.1%.] Please speed up the process. 】
Mu Qi took a deep breath, turned over and fell on the bed, no longer looking at the long list of instructions.
Destroy it, I'm tired.
·
As a otaku with only the talent of talking nonsense, Mu Qi will probably regret for the rest of his life the unscrupulous contract he signed when he traveled through time.
When they tricked him into signing the contract, the staff of the history live broadcast website used sweet words and promised Mu Qi countless benefits - once he traveled through time, he would become the prince of a duke, the pinnacle of glory in a unified dynasty, with a golden rice bowl inlaid with diamonds; the live broadcast website would provide him with complete support, from historical materials to technical information, and he could even connect to the off-site for help, doing everything possible to provide services to the protagonist.
With such good benefits, would it be unfair not to sign? Mu Qi was so dizzy that he had no time to think about his words and signed his name in a hurry.
But until the dust settled and there was no room for maneuver after the crossing, the secretive Goubi website finally revealed the hidden terms of the contract and showed him the little difficulty attached to this task.
In the system description, the task requirements are actually quite concise. The time point where the time traveler is located is the late period of a unified dynasty. The emperor is obsessed with alchemy, the court is entangled in struggles, political affairs are in decline, the treasury is empty, and signs of decline are gradually emerging; with party struggles, lazy governance, and debauchery, the entire dynasty and even the Central Plains civilization will usher in its most tragic disaster in a hundred years, and will enter a long and painful darkness...
And the respected time traveler, as the protagonist of the mission and the messenger carefully selected by the live broadcast website, his mission is to turn the tide, completely reverse the course of civilization, and leave his name in history and be immortal.
Such a grand background, such a great mission, isn’t it exciting?
I can only say that there is indeed a sense of beauty in letting Benboerba annihilate Tang Seng and his disciples.
Mu Qi stared at the instructions and finally understood why this task had been retained on the live broadcast website for several years.
·
History is by no means a game; it cannot be solved by simply using cheats. After trying for a few days, Mu Qi, who was brutally beaten into a coma by Chao Zheng, reported frantically and requested to withdraw the mission. But the shitty system will certainly not let go of this big complainer who was tricked into doing so with so much difficulty, and will just shirk responsibility with various excuses. Mu Qi tried hundreds of times but got no response. He finally collapsed and just lay down.
Mission, right? Start!
Since the live streaming website refused to contact him, Mu Qi could not vent his anger on the cheating staff. After thinking for a long time, he suddenly had an idea. He simply started to talk nonsense in his daily work log, and in addition to dumping garbage, he also greeted the entire website family. According to the contract, this log must be reviewed regularly; even if the customer service can evade the problem, can the review save his family from Zaun's greetings?
Emo I can't be the only emo and drag Benboerba into it, right? Benboerba also has emotional garbage.
Today is no exception. Mu Qi collapsed on the bed for a moment, recalling all the bad things that happened during his duty in court today. He immediately became furious, and had enough complaints to vent for a month.
He jumped up and began typing furiously:
[March 2, daily question: When will the dog-bit system be upgraded? When will the old wall lamp on the dragon throne die? 】
[I was called to work again today.] Damn it, it’s getting dark, I’m hungry, and I’m sleepy. I can’t stay in this crappy court for another day. The old wall lamp looked like a human being a few years ago, but in recent years he took so many drugs that his skin has peeled off. He looks as weird as if he had just taken sheep placenta. And somehow he developed the habit of sleeping during the day and coming out at night - he goes to work at three in the morning! What the hell is this a despicable system that deserves street lamps? I have no mortal enemy with ethics and morals!
Today's process was as boring as usual. First, Prime Minister Xia of the Cabinet spoke, mainly reporting on the work and praising the emperor; then, the leader of the Turbid Stream, Elder Yan, spoke, mainly praising the emperor and reporting on the work; finally, the leader of the Clean Stream, Elder Xu, spoke, mainly praising the emperor and quoting from classics about the Yin-Yang Lord Yan - the main direction of attack was the lower three directions, satirizing Elder Yan's son, Yan Donglou, for being shameless and lewd, and tarnishing the emperor's virtue - this was the part of the whole report that I was least troubled by.
I heard that the famous "Xing Ping Mei" in later generations was created based on the Little Cabinet Master. Could it be that the Little Cabinet Master was really so lewd? Even though I was a little sleepy next to it, I was still shocked.
】
Mu Qi paused for a moment, opened the screen and glanced at "X Ping Mei" - although the system is worse than a dog, it is indeed conscientious in providing assistance and logistics, without any omissions, even this kind of thing - and then continued to type:
[Anyway, the three old men licked the emperor's son from all directions without any blind spots, and handled some state affairs by the way; after that, they summoned him to enter the main process, which was also the process that made me feel the most uncomfortable - all ministers who entered the palace had to accompany the old Taoist priest to "counsel the mysterious cultivation", which was called "dancing the gods" in short.
First, five orange-peel old men, whose combined ages were older than the dynasty's tenure, recited the compiled Qing Ci aloud, then commented on the Qing Ci with each other, and finally, the old men put on the Qingye crowns woven by eunuchs, burned the Qing Ci in front of the altar of the gods, and danced in the dust to show their sincerity.
Yes, a group of old men who are too old for square dancing actually want to dance to express their gratitude to the Lord Haotian. Do you want to fall down on the spot and blackmail the Emperor of Heaven?
But the most unbearable thing is the mist of burning Qingci. The emperor liked luxury, and the ink he used to write his poems was all cinnabar mixed with gold. When it burned, it turned red, purple, blue and green, and had a kind of biochemical monster beauty - the damn cinnabar turned into mercury vapor after decomposing! You guys just need to enjoy your heavy metal meal by yourselves, do you need to involve me? !
Forget it, I’ll ask the housekeeper to add a pot of milk to dinner, at least to drive away the heavy metals. 】
At this point, Mu Qi's expression changed several times, and finally he looked gloomily at the can of milk on the desk. Ever since he first witnessed the emperor and the ministers burning cinnabar and copper with their own eyes, milk and soy milk have become his daily must-have food. Now he has a smell of cow's milk after drinking them, and his stomach occasionally rebels.
Damn lactose intolerance!
In fact, it would be fine if it was just burning cinnabar. The Taoist "lead and mercury theory" advocates more than just black lead and white mercury. In just this one year of time travel, Mu Qi witnessed with his own eyes many minerals being burned in the Qingliang Palace - silver, tin, antimony, and all kinds of strange substances that he couldn't even recognize. The smoke that came out was actually six different colors!
What's this? This is like burning half of the periodic table into it!
So your royal family really has a problem with chemistry, right? Emperor Gaozong contributed to the naming of the periodic table, and the current emperor contributes to human experiments on the periodic table?
so……
[So, the daily question is, why hasn’t this old wall lamp dropped gold coins yet?
The old wall lamp has been making elixirs for more than a year or two. It is said that Xiyuan uses hundreds of kilograms of lead and mercury every year. If they consume this dosage, not to mention mice, even elephants would not be able to withstand it. How come he is still alive and well, acting weird and crazy like an old princess?
...Could it be that this Taoist really succeeded in his cultivation? This is a miracle of life! Your Majesty, you are truly a superman in the fields of chemistry and medicine!
Maybe if I stay for a few more years, I can collect some information and write an article called "The Emperor's Observation Report on Medication Use", and I can even get it published in a few top journals!
I just don't know if it complies with medical ethics... Theoretically speaking, if this kind of dosage is tested on experimental monkeys, they can be sued for animal abuse, right?
Finally, I heard that Yan Ge Lao’s disciples went to the south of the Yangtze River to inspect the salt industry? Is the old Taoist priest out of his mind? What's the difference between this and asking a mouse to guard a rice granary? If historical records are correct, the salt inspection this year could collect more than 3 million, but in less than two years, it will only be able to collect 1 million.
I wonder if Emperor Gaozu and Emperor Taizong would be so angry that they would roll on the ground if they saw this?
...Forget it, why bother with all this? Does it affect my lying flat? ——However, since the government is so disgusting, let's make a joke today as usual:
One day, Lord Yan made a bet with Lord Xu. Lord Yan said that there was a strong man in his hometown who could run a thousand miles a day, and Lord Xu said that there was a miracle doctor in his hometown who could bring the dead back to life. Lord Xu demanded that his promise be fulfilled, so Lord Yan consulted his son. The young minister said, "This is not difficult. First, let Xu send the miracle doctor over and order him to revive the Emperor Gao in Jinling. Then, in less than a day, you, father, will be able to run from the capital to Ryukyu with Minister Xu!"
"Of course, if you don't want to run away with Lord Xu, you can save Emperor Wuzong and make sure that the current emperor will fly faster than you two!"
After typing the last few dozen words, Mu Qi, who finally felt relieved, let out a long sigh of relief. He checked for typos and then clicked "Submit" without hesitation.
This report is made in duplicate. One copy will be sent to the task reviewer for saturated trash talk attacks; the other copy will be sent to the task exchange forum to gain traffic and seek some experience. If it weren't for the guidance of the senior time traveler, Mu Qi would have already been beaten to a pulp in this murky political situation and wouldn't even have a chance to give up.
However, after clicking the submit button, the upload page took a long time to refresh and even got stuck. The system once explained that this was because the review server was on the verge of collapse, and hoped that Mu Qi would reduce the amount of submissions; but Mu Qi was unmoved. Apart from despising the live broadcast company's shabby hardware as usual, he increased the dosage as expected.
What a joke! You think you can escape the trash talk by pretending to be a bug?
It was the same today. Mu Qi just rolled his eyes at the stuck page, then fell back on the bed, ignoring everything else.
·
March 2nd, at noon.
The secret room of Qingliang Palace was silent, with only the emperor's long and slow breathing rising and falling in the darkness, with a strange and harmonious rhythm.
As a veteran who has practiced Taoism for more than ten years, the current Emperor Feixuan Zhenjun, Qingxu Emperor, who is in charge of the six combinations of merits and demerits, Wulei Great Zhenren, is really not practicing randomly - this time he is in seclusion and practicing hard, he is learning the static exercises passed down from ancient times in the Nanhua technique. He meditates and breathes in and out 9981 times every day until a white light appears in front of his eyes, like a full moon, which means he has reached 70% to 80% of the skill.
According to several Taoist priests favored by the emperor, this technique must be practiced for seven consecutive days before initial results can be seen. But perhaps it was because Master Feixuan was born with a pure and extraordinary talent for wisdom. Today, after just breathing in and out a few times, he felt a white light gradually appearing in front of his eyes, shining brightly. Not only was it like a full moon, but it also made the Emperor's old eyes, who were good at cultivating immortals, almost shed tears.
Emperor Qingxu slowly opened his eyes and saw a dazzling white light in the air, with flashing sparks floating out from time to time.
…It’s really sudden. How come there’s still sun in the middle of the night?
Emperor Qingxu stared blankly at the air - he did not doubt that he had achieved success in his cultivation, but it seemed that no method had ever said that at the end of the cultivation a ball of white light would appear in the air, and in the white light a bunch of weird prompts like "upload error" and "data overflow" would pop up.
I have read all the Three Pure Ones Taoist Canons, but this doesn't seem like the atmosphere of the immortal world, does it?
Could it be that the Taoist priest is possessed?
The emperor was unable to react in time and was in a daze. He watched helplessly as the white light suddenly disappeared into thin air. Sparks flashed in the air, and a black booklet fell down and landed right in front of the cushion where the emperor was meditating.
The book in front of him suddenly fell to the ground. The emperor shuddered and finally reacted - although the beginning was not right, the middle was not right, and the end was even more wrong, but this book that fell from the sky, wasn't it a sign that God had bestowed him with a book from heaven and that he had received the Mandate of Heaven?
Didn’t Emperor Zhenzong of Song Dynasty’s Heavenly Book come from this?
...Well, the example of Emperor Zhenzong of Song is really not appropriate. But no matter what, the divine book that descended from heaven is a good omen. What does this mean? This shows that the emperor is virtuous!
Since you are so virtuous, has the Taoist already been cultivated? !
The Taoist priest is going to succeed, the Taoist priest is going to succeed!
Unfortunately, there was no outsider in the quiet room, and there was no loyal eunuch like Li Zaifang to flatter the emperor, sing his praises, and improvise a Qingci. That moment of ecstasy was actually a bit lonely.
——But it doesn’t matter. The emperor had no intention of sharing with outsiders this great moment when he was communicating with the spirit of heaven and earth alone, with the will of heaven and earth clearly revealed.
His face flushed red, and he took a deep breath of true energy, using all the skills he had gained from meditation and refining energy over the past ten years to finally calm his pounding heart. Then he took some water to wash his hands, bowed respectfully in front of the Heavenly Book, and then carefully picked up this mysterious and unfathomable divine book.
The emperor held his breath and crawled on his knees towards the moonlight, intending to carefully read the true meaning of heaven, but he only saw four big words on the cover:
Work Log
Master Fei Xuan memorized the real name of the heavenly book and carefully opened the first page:
404 not found There was a problem with the server delivery. Please try again later.
emperor:? ? ? ! !
What the fuck is this? Is this what it feels like to read a divine book? This feeling doesn’t quite match the description in Taoist scriptures!
His Majesty the Emperor was stunned for three seconds. After thinking for a moment, he decided to throw this passage from the heavenly book to a few ministers in the cabinet to interpret it, and at the same time arrange for a congratulatory letter praising the saint for responding to the will of heaven and receiving the heavenly book, and the letter should be submitted within three days.
If such a good thing sent from heaven is not shown off as soon as possible and all the officials from the six ministries are asked to submit congratulatory messages, how can the sincere joy of Lord Feixuan, Emperor Qingxu, and Great Master Wulei be expressed?
Being able to write a congratulatory message to the emperor is such a blessing!
The True Lord made a contented decision and turned to the second page:
[Daily Question: I have consumed so many pills, why hasn’t the old wall lamp dropped any gold coins yet? When he gets up at night to go to the bathroom, the beep-beep sound won’t change color, right? 】
emperor:! ! !
--What? !
·
All I can say is that your majesty has been practicing hard since he was a teenager, and the skills he has honed are not to be underestimated. After hastily seeing such rebellious, crazy and unreasonable remarks, he still forcibly summoned the true energy he had cultivated for decades, and actually suppressed the blood that was gushing out of his chest, and did not faint on the spot.
It is really amazing that he still has this skill at the age of 40 or 50.
Master Fei Xuan stared with a pair of red eyes, gnashing his teeth and shaking all over, and continued to flip through this outrageous book of heaven - the demon with trembling hands. If the old wall lamp at the beginning was just an appetizer, then the various strange and bizarre complaints and sarcasm that followed were really more defensive than the last. The emperor's face turned red and his nose was breathing heavily. The blue veins on his forehead exploded one after another, and even his neck became several times thicker.
Finally, after watching the final joke of the imperial court, Zhenjun could no longer bear it. He grabbed the demon book and threw it into the air, uttering a sharp cry that was not human:
"Rebellion!"
·
Li Zaifang, the eunuch who holds the seal of the inner court and the general manager of the Imperial City Administration, sat cross-legged outside the secret room where the emperor meditated, with his eyes closed, concentrating, gathering his strength, waiting for the sound of His Majesty the True Lord Feixuan, the Emperor Qingxu, coming out of seclusion.
Although his status was extremely noble, he was already a palace eunuch who could check and balance the ministers. But at its core, Li Zaifang was just a mere household slave kept by His Majesty the Emperor. No matter how busy the government affairs are, it is the eunuchs' duty to accompany and serve the emperor and they cannot slack off. Eunuch Li is busy running around and worrying about everything. Perhaps he can only take a break when Your Majesty is meditating.
After all, everyone in the Barbarian Palace knew that when His Majesty was in meditation, he could not be disturbed even if there were important military or national affairs. The palace people can take a rest here.
Li Zaifang's face moved slightly and he suddenly opened his eyes.
Although the secret room was perfectly soundproofed and extremely quiet, he seemed to hear some sharp howling that sounded as unpleasant as claws scraping an iron pot.
"Where did this wild cat come from?" Eunuch Li scolded in dissatisfaction: "Don't you know that this is the important place for the master to practice meditation?"
He raised his head and suddenly saw the expressions of the two young eunuchs in front of him as if they had seen a ghost - and by the way, he heard the sound of some porcelain breaking.
Li Zaifang took a deep breath, got up from the ground in a panic, and directly broke open the door:
"Your Majesty! Your Majesty!"
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