I can't remember which Lantern Festival this is.
His drowsy consciousness was once again awakened by the sound of fireworks and firecrackers. Shen Suqing opened his eyes, stunned.
The room was filled with a chill, gloom, and desolation.
The person next to him shifted, seemingly bumping into something, and suddenly gripped the sleeve of his shirt tightly in his hand.
She snuggled closer to him, whispering sweet nothings, her voice trembling with sobs, making his heart tremble. He was momentarily lost in thought, wishing he could immediately pull her into his arms, pat her gently, and comfort her with tender words.
"Young Master Shen, it hurts so much!"
"Good boy, Ah Zhi is good."
Even though she had heard this sentence countless times, Shen Suqing would still patiently answer again and again, her heart aching with unbearable pain.
Even though he is now a wisp of soul, he can no longer control the body, and his voice can no longer be heard.
But at least after he died, he was finally able to see her.
He wanted to reach out and touch her face, but the fleeting shadow of his fingertips dissipated like fireflies the moment they touched. Chen Suqing frowned, disappointed, and withdrew his hand. He could only settle for second best and gaze at her tenderly from a distance.
He meticulously traced her features with his gaze.
On this cold winter night, which had already passed countless times, he remained silent, quietly by her side, watching her tuck the blanket around his body, walk barefoot to the window, and open it.
The cold wind blowing in from outside the window stirred the plain white bed curtains, blurring the view. He didn't move. Through the hazy white gauze, he could vaguely see the slender silhouette of a girl standing by the window, all alone.
The girl's hair, draped over her thin shoulders, swayed in the wind. She tilted her slender face up to gaze at the night sky, her voice as soft as a thin mist.
"Young Master Shen, it's the Lantern Festival."
Shen Suqing then spoke softly, "Yes, it's the Lantern Festival, and soon it will be the Awakening of Insects, which is Azhi's birthday."
When this was mentioned, his eyebrows curved involuntarily.
Although he knew very well that his time was forever trapped on this day and he could no longer spend her birthday with her, everything related to Azhi seemed to make him feel happy.
After his birthday, his son grew another year older.
"Aren't we going out to play? Okay then... The fireworks today are especially beautiful, it's nice to watch them from here too."
She said this without blinking.
The iridescent fireworks were reflected in her clear eyes, blooming and disappearing in the night sky. Those fragmented and beautiful lights vanished in an instant, but now they were frozen in his eyes as eternal.
Shen Suqing did not follow her to look out the window at the night sky, but instead stared intently into her eyes, so focused, so greedy.
He answered with a gentle smile.
"Yes, it's really beautiful. It's nice to look at it from here."
"Young Master Shen, do you think fireworks can be preserved forever?"
This is a very strange question.
At that moment, his eyebrows and eyes were still tinged with the glint of fireworks, and he was deep in thought, a faint smile on his face.
"Probably not, but if Azhi likes it, we might consider buying enough fireworks to last a lifetime. When we want to watch them, we can find a quiet, secluded place to set them off together."
Not hearing his reply, the little girl dejectedly withdrew her hand, closed the window, climbed back into bed, and rested her head in his cold embrace.
Like an insecure little animal, she tried to draw some warmth from a stiff corpse, or perhaps subconsciously she was unwilling to accept the fact that he was gone, and simply assumed that he was asleep.
"Young Master Shen, do you remember when we watched the snow and set off fireworks together under the plum tree? It may have been ten years ago for you, but it feels like it happened just yesterday for me."
His heart ached so much that it clenched, and though he couldn't touch her, he still raised his finger and gently stroked her hair from a distance in the air.
He repeated it over and over, tirelessly, as if that might offer her some comfort.
"Of course I remember. Although ten years have passed, it is as clear to me as if it happened yesterday."
Perhaps it was because, over the past ten years, he could only rely on this little bit of sweetness to repeatedly comfort himself.
Even the most distant memories, as long as they were related to her, were recalled by him again and again. He could not forget them, nor dared to forget them.
She suddenly chuckled softly.
"I was really happy that day. You asked me if I had found money, but I was just happy to be by your side."
So, Shen Suqing also smiled and smiled.
"Silly child, are you unhappy when you're not by my side?"
"Looking back now, it feels like a dream... Could it be that the happy things that happened in the past were the dream, and this is reality? I can't quite tell the difference anymore, it's scary. I wish you could hug me right now."
Upon hearing this, Shen Suqing was slightly taken aback, and the smile in his eyes gradually faded, finally turning into an overwhelming tenderness and affection.
"No, don't be afraid, I'm always here..."
"Young Master Shen, do you still remember the poem 'Remembering Jiangnan' that you taught me to write?"
After she finished speaking, Shen Suqing recited the first sentence with her.
"So much hatred, in last night's dreams..."
He didn't read any further because his child had fallen asleep.
A single, transparent tear fell onto her cheek, scattering like fireflies.
In the deathly silent, pitch-black room, someone was grieving silently. Even with his heart broken to the extreme, touching was a luxury he could not afford. This pain was no different from being slowly tortured, tormenting his already numb self every moment.
Nevertheless, at least she was still by his side.
Even if you fall into a deep sleep, when you open your eyes again, tomorrow will still be the Lantern Festival.
Looking down intently at her sleeping face, Shen Suqing leaned closer, closed his eyes, and gently touched her through the gap in the air with a cool breeze. As the breeze passed, it felt as if he were kissing her cheek.
He slowly got up, relaxed his brows and eyes, and sat silently by the bedside, just like countless other nights before.
As the poet often says, "I am now delirious with illness, and I dream of idle people but not of you."
But for Shen Suqing, it is precisely when she is sad and in pain that she thinks of the people she cares about more.
Just as people always want to go home after suffering injustice and setbacks, home may not refer to a place in reality, but a place in the mind and spirit where emotions can be entrusted and a sense of security can be found. Similarly, when some people are in extreme pain, they often can't help but think of their mothers and long to return to the days when they were selflessly protected by their mothers.
Or perhaps it's a persistent desire to see someone before one's death.
When he was driven mad by the endless years, when he was too sick to get out of bed, when he could no longer see, he would always repeatedly mutter "Ah Zhi," yearning for it, praying for it, and hoping for it at all times.
Ah paper, Ah paper.
I am now delirious with illness, thinking of you whether I am awake or dreaming.
So, what was he thinking at the moment he breathed his last?
He thought that whatever Azhi wanted, she could have it. His so-called bottom line, which he had adhered to for decades, seemed to be meaningless in front of her. If she asked him for something, he would never refuse her.
My dearest child.
My most beloved child, the one I worry about the most…
Even as his consciousness faded, he was still thinking about the sores on her hands from being soaked in cold water. He was heartbroken, feeling both disappointed and ashamed of himself, yet also relieved that he would no longer be a burden to her.
Now, ten years have passed, and we are truly separated by life and death.
Some people have woken up, while others remain imprisoned in a painful yet sweet dream.
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