"Next month is Master Shen's birthday, what gift would you like?"
"It seemed to be light snow that day. I wanted to stay with Ah Zhi and read books together."
"It's so sticky, Master Shen..."
...
October 3rd, Minor Snow, so that's today...
Outside, a thick night fog blanketed the room, a thin layer of frost covered the windowpanes, and a fierce wind howled through the air.
In the dimly lit room, a pale, lonely moon barely shone through the window paper, illuminating a corner of the bed and making the room feel even more desolate.
Zhan Xinjia curled up into a ball, clutching the handkerchief tightly to her chest. Her heart ached in waves, and no matter how she tried to distract herself, she couldn't alleviate the pain in the slightest.
Happy birthday, Mr. Shen!
I wonder if you had a happy day...
What did you do? Did you eat some delicious longevity noodles? Did you invite your friends over for a drink? Although Fu Shou'an is a bit of a scoundrel, he's still a pretty good friend.
Most importantly, I hope you're happy.
It would be even better if you didn't think of me at all; at least, forget about me for now...
Despite being covered with a thick winter quilt, Zhan Xinjia felt shivering no matter how she lay down. In a daze, warm tears slid down her cheeks and into her collar and neck, quickly turning into a bone-chilling cold.
She closed her eyes, relying on the fading scent of the handkerchief as her pillow, as if this could deceive herself.
She was still lying in Little Shen's arms reading a book.
This time, however, no one read aloud to her with a gentle smile.
——
The moon, shining its cool light, illuminated the unclosed window at midnight.
A layer of extremely cold and pale silver-white, viewed from afar, resembled a handful of pure white pear blossom snow poured before his bed.
Shen Suqing twitched his knuckles and opened his eyes with difficulty.
His throat was dry. He lowered his eyelashes and mustered the last of his strength to sit up, leaning against a low cabinet. Before him lay a desolate, silent night, so quiet that he suddenly realized how cold and lonely his home truly was…
He coughed heavily a few times, and soon footsteps could be heard outside the door.
A glimmer of light briefly appeared in his eyes, but that glimmer gradually dimmed and faded as Fu Shou'an and the old man with the solitary posture pushed open the door and entered, turning back into a hazy, indistinct darkness.
"You should be asleep for half a day after taking the medicine, but you haven't slept much for days. Why are you sitting up now?"
Fu Shouan knew that he couldn't persuade him to continue sleeping, so he could only helplessly go forward to help his poor colleague sit up, put two pillows behind his back, and then pull up the blanket for him.
"The old doctor said you need to take good care of yourself. Don't you know how serious your illness is?"
"Sigh, when I arrived, you'd already been sitting on the steps for two days and two nights, not eating or drinking. If I'd come a few days later, I would have been left to collect your corpse."
Oh, this silly colleague isn't just sitting there all day; at least he knows to cook when it's mealtime.
He just doesn't eat it himself.
Unfortunately, the person he was waiting for would never come back for dinner.
These days, Fu Shouan watched as Shen Suqing seemed to have gone mad. When he was lucid, he would sit quietly in the courtyard, cooking and throwing away food, his eyes gradually dimming, which was heartbreaking to see.
However, this foolish behavior only lasted for three days, because Shen Suqing fell ill on the fourth day.
Fortunately, there's a strange old man in the family who doesn't eat rice but has medical skills.
The illness came on suddenly and was severe. Shen Suqing spent almost half of his time in a coma. Whenever he regained consciousness, he would struggle to get out of bed and stubbornly insist on sitting in the courtyard to wait.
But Fu Shouan knew that Shen Suqing was well aware that she wouldn't be coming back for the time being, but he just couldn't accept it yet.
"cough……"
Shen Suqing coughed softly.
His brows were furrowed, his pale and thin face was bloodless, and he looked listless, as if he was about to fall asleep again.
Fu Shouan helped him lie down.
"You should go to sleep now, really. If you keep going like this, you won't even see her when she comes back."
"I had a dream."
The young man's voice was hoarse and weak, and he was so haggard and sickly that he didn't even have the strength to speak.
This was the first time in half a month that he had spoken to someone on his own initiative. Fu Shouan and the old man Gu Zhe were quite surprised, but it was a good thing. At least he was still willing to communicate with people and hadn't completely gone mad.
The two men immediately pressed him to tell them what he had dreamed about.
Shen Suqing's eyelids were slightly lowered. The faint dark circles under his eyes caused by sleepless nights made his eye sockets look even deeper. His thin lips were pale. In just half a month, he was already so weak that he was almost emaciated.
He pursed his lips and stared blankly at the moonlight outside the window.
In the end, there was still no response.
In fact, Shen Suqing didn't know how to describe such a terrifying dream.
He was terrified, so terrified that even speaking it aloud made his lips and teeth tremble, and he felt an overwhelming sense of despair.
In my dream, it was late spring in March, shrouded in mist and rain.
The mortal world was a blindingly white expanse, where everything was blurred and covered with an unreal, blurry phantom.
He hurriedly walked to General Zhan's mansion with his umbrella, knocked on the door, and the servant who answered was stunned for a moment, but then smiled and replied that the Zhan family had only ever had one young master named Zhan Yinshu, and had never had any Miss Azhi.
No matter who you ask, you get the same answer.
He even went to the palace to ask His Highness the Crown Prince and Princess Caixia, both of whom looked bewildered and puzzled.
"The Zhan family? Oh, Uncle Zhan and Aunt Liu only have one child, Yinshu. What are you talking about, Grand Tutor? Zhan Xinjia... Hmm, I feel like I've heard that name somewhere before, but I can't remember."
Shen Suqing felt like he was being driven crazy.
How could this be...? Even though he checked the files and waited outside the Zhan residence for days, he still couldn't see that familiar figure, as if she had never existed.
In the end, he suffered a mental breakdown and began to doubt whether Ah Zhi was just a figment of his imagination or whether he was really sick.
Then one day, the heavy door was pushed open, and General Zhan opened the door and gave him a cold look.
Despite his confusion, he led the mentally unstable young man to the backyard and pointed ahead.
There, there is a small, low grave built against a pear tree.
The girl buried was a seven-year-old girl who had died young.
...
When he woke up, Shen Suqing's forehead was covered in cold sweat, and his back was soaked with sweat.
In a daze, he got up to try and make sure it was just a nightmare, but his hand holding the cabinet trembled and lost its strength. He stumbled and fell off the bed.
"Young Master Shen...hug."
"Weren't we already hugging?"
"Then you will hold me forever."
...
Is Ah Zhi angry?
Was it because he didn't hug her long enough that day? Was it because he let go first?
Shen Suqing had never regretted or hated himself so much.
Why did I have to change clothes that day... Why did I have to let her out of my sight... If only I hadn't let go, if only I had kept holding her, if only... I had locked her up.
Yes, if only I had been ruthless enough to lock her up from the beginning.
He could have anything she wanted—stars, the moon, rare treasures—he would do everything in his power to find them for her.
The premise is that she would never try to leave him, that her beautiful eyes would only look at him, that she would only speak to him, and that even if she died, she would be buried with him...
Why did you spoil her so much that she didn't even want her home, or him?
A surge of intense emotions welled up within me, a mixture of pain and disappointment; as much love as there was hate.
I hate that I'm not the only one.
I hate that she always has so many people she cares about.
She resented that every single one of the countless trivial matters in the world could hold her back.
What should I do... Ah Zhi?
How can I completely win you over?
If I do something that makes you unhappy, will you hate me?
It's okay if you hate me... I hate you too.
Shen Suqing felt his thoughts gradually clearing. A morbid, twisted desire dominated his weak body. He gasped for breath, struggling to get up from the ground, gritting his teeth.
In the deathly still night, his eyes were as dark as lacquer.
He vowed that he would never make the same mistake again.
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