The wind and snow grew even more biting, and for a moment the hall fell silent.
"Feel sorry."
After a long silence, Zhan Yinshu finally clenched his knuckles under his sleeve and managed to squeeze out just two words from his throat.
He avoided the girl's gaze and instead looked down at the deep snow piled up on the steps. In the distance, the moonlight shone on a pure white expanse, like the scattered pear blossoms that filled the courtyard of his carefree youth.
A long wind gently swayed his loose hair as he stood silently in the shadows where the moonlight couldn't reach, like a cold statue.
The eyes beneath the mask were downcast and dim, devoid of any light.
It's no wonder Zhan Xinjia didn't recognize him at first glance. Now he looks pale, cold, and lifeless, no longer the spirited Zhan Yinshu who once smiled and vowed to become a great general.
But for Zhan Xinjia, he is still the older brother who would always reach out and catch her no matter what.
It is a sense of trust that comes from blood ties. Even if the two of them fall into the abyss of hell at the same time, he will lift her up high and do everything he can to keep her away from all the pain and despair in the world.
But it is precisely because she is loved in this way that Zhan Xinjia is even more heartbroken.
Why apologize...?
The person who should apologize is me! You've never done anything to wrong me, never. I don't want to hear your apology; I just want to know why you're pretending not to know me.
Do you know how much your parents and I miss you...?
My mother cried night after night back then, and my father, out of guilt, dared not leave the capital even when pressured by the imperial power. As for me, you hid me in that closet, and I spent nine years trying to get out.
They all say I'm crazy.
I'm not crazy. I'm just wondering why you forgot me there when you promised to pick me up, why you didn't come to see me, and why you're all alone in such a faraway place.
She approached him, persistently pressing him for a definite answer.
Zhan Yinshu couldn't bear to turn back.
He raised his finger to catch a falling snowflake, which remained intact and did not melt.
In the snowy night, his voice was so cold that it barely suppressed the snow's chill. It sounded like a soft sigh, and the indistinct sound scattered in the wind, like an old dream that had faded from years past, pale and unreal.
"It's probably because the world can do without Zhan Yinshu, but Zhan Yinshu can't do without Xiaozhi."
She was a baby girl who was all wrinkled when she was born.
After growing up, she suddenly became excessively cute, leaving marks on her cheeks if poked, and pouting in dissatisfaction if her cheeks were pinched.
When she was happy, she would open her mouth wide, revealing her few remaining teeth, and stumble along behind him like a fool. During that time, he walked very carefully, afraid that he might step on her one day.
Sometimes she held a butterfly her father had just caught for her, sometimes she wore a new rabbit jacket her mother had sewn for her, and more often she had rice grains stuck to the corners of her mouth, her hair was messy and disheveled, and she was holding a bowl of terrible food that had been stirred so much that the ingredients were no longer visible.
She shoved the bowl into his hands without any regard for reason, pointed to her wide-open mouth, and spoke in a muffled voice.
"Brother, I'm hungry, I need food!"
"Don't eat this green one, eat the red one."
He looked hesitant, but she would gulp down every spoonful he fed her. Once she was full, she would lean her head against him and start to doze off. Sometimes she would pretend to want him to hold her while secretly wiping her mouth on his collar...
Zhan Yinshu had a real headache, but thankfully she grew a bit older and wasn't so infuriating anymore.
In the early spring of yesteryear, under the bright and sunny sky, she lay under a tree, diligently holding a pen and creating some "scribbles" on his book. When she was happy with her drawing, she would chuckle to herself and swing her legs triumphantly.
At first, Zhan Yinshu would try to stop him, but later he seemed to have lost all his strength and means, and resigned himself to his fate in despair.
Not only him, but even his classmates and teachers at his school were speechless and resigned to their fate.
Next to the assignments he submitted, there were always some abstract spiders, crabs, or rabbits drawn. Gradually, everyone got used to it and would sometimes jokingly comment on his drawing skills.
Then one day, she was still obediently lying under the pear tree drawing, but he walked up to her after finishing his sword practice.
"Don't you want to learn powerful swordsmanship from your brother?"
He thought it would be good for girls to learn some martial arts to protect themselves.
But the little girl pouted in disdain.
"No way, you look tired and in pain..."
Oh well, since I have my brother at home, I can just hide behind you and be a useless little brat for the rest of my life! Hahaha, brother, you said you'd protect me forever, right?!
Zhan Yinshu thought, and indeed he was right.
She would burst into tears at the slightest scrape or bump, wailing and sobbing for ages to get back to her parents. She was so delicate and spoiled; she was hardly the kind of person suited for martial arts...
There's no other way, so he'll have to be the hero.
For example, one could earn military merits, obtain an official position, and become a great general like one's father, protecting the country and its people. After winning a battle, one could ride a white horse in triumph and leisurely parade around the capital in the clear spring sunshine.
Then the little girl will definitely strut around smugly, showing off to everyone—
"This is my brother!"
Thinking of this, Zhan Xinjia couldn't help but smile.
Now, his monstrous, crippled body can no longer fulfill his ambitions, nor can it make her proud.
Guilt, self-blame, pain.
In the end, it all turned into an unfathomable abyss of inferiority.
How could he dare to acknowledge her? How could he bear to see her eyes brimming with tears? How could he bear to disappoint her?
I'm sorry, but your brother isn't as amazing as you think, nor is he omnipotent. He can't even do something as simple as protecting you. Let's just pretend he's dead...
With this self-mocking tone, she took his icy hand back in hers.
Zhan Yinshu was slightly taken aback and looked up.
In the vast, snowy night, a sliver of moonlight reflected the glistening tears in her eyes. She smiled bitterly at him, her gaze curving upwards.
"But brother, I never hoped you would become a great hero."
All I want is to see you come home every day.
——
When Liuyu returned home, soaked in snow and looking dejected, the atmosphere in the courtyard was strange and oppressive.
The little girl she had taken in sat to one side with red eyes, as if she had been crying, while the young man silently organized his medicine kit.
Liu Yu was bewildered.
No, could it be that Gongzi Jian secretly argued with this poor girl while I was away? Did he scold her? And it's so late, why aren't these two turning on the lights? It's kind of creepy.
What shocked her even more was—
"elder brother."
Suddenly, Zhan Xinjia, who was sitting on the chair, called out in a clear and crisp voice. Liu Yu was startled and gasped in shock. She wished she could leap up and cover the girl's mouth immediately.
That unlucky kid is too brave!!
She had clearly warned Gongzi Jian before that he had a strange temper and that he particularly hated being called "brother".
No, is this child deliberately provoking him?
What Liu Yu found even more unbelievable was that after a moment of silence, the young man actually hummed in agreement.
After putting away the medicine box, he walked up to the little girl and gently stroked the top of her head.
Beneath the mask, her beautiful peach blossom eyes curved slightly, her gaze as gentle as melting ice shards in a spring stream, full of doting indulgence.
"good."
Liuyu: "..."
What the hell? Are they secretly dating? I suddenly feel so superfluous.
Seeing the little girl get up to leave, Liuyu, who had come to her senses, subconsciously stopped her, puzzled.
"Where are you going with all this time, in this heavy snow? Why don't you just eat here and stay the night? Nobody's going to kick you out."
Having just reunited with her important family members, Zhan Xinjia was indeed reluctant to part with them, but she still had important things to do.
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