Shen Suqing did not answer, his body suddenly stiffening.
The hand that had been resting on her waist slowly moved down to her bandaged knee and gently rubbed it, as if to comfort her.
Staring blankly at her tear-streaked face, at the glistening teardrops clinging to her eyelashes, Chen Suqing's Adam's apple bobbed slightly, his expression dazed, and suddenly he felt a strong urge to kiss her without a care in the world.
He instinctively bent down, but halfway through the movement, he pursed his thin lips and forcefully restrained himself—
no……
He couldn't let her continue to be so arrogant and complacent, and he couldn't keep indulging her. He suppressed the throbbing in his heart, put her back on the bed, tucked her in, and resolutely left.
At this moment, he seemed to have transformed back into the solemn and dignified Grand Tutor Shen, aloof and self-possessed.
Even his tone was indifferent, devoid of any emotion.
"Take good care of your injury."
He turned to leave, but his sleeve was gently tugged.
Turning around, the little girl had tears in her eyes and her face was pale.
Her lips trembled, and she stammered, unable to utter the words of pleading. Her peach blossom eyes, misty with tears, were filled with helpless fear, her broken gaze trembling, and she fell silent.
The sleeve she was holding could have been easily pulled off without much effort, but Shen Suqing couldn't understand why he just stood there stiffly, without moving or struggling.
His lowered eyes grew even darker, his knuckles clenched tightly under his sleeves, and he slowly raised his eyes to meet her gaze.
She didn't say anything, she just stared at him as if questioning, "Do you never want me again?"
The scenes before my eyes flashed by like a revolving lantern.
"Young Master Shen, what are we having for dinner tonight?"
"Young Master Shen, why do you have this name?"
"Young Master Shen, please hug me!"
"Young Master Shen, if I were a sweet, white steamed bun, would you still like me?"
"A-Zhi likes Master Shen the most, I like you the most!"
...
Something inside me quietly cracked open and completely broke.
Shen Suqing felt a sudden dizziness, and sharp ringing in his ears. He gasped for breath, his strength giving way, and collapsed to his knees. He crawled forward step by step on the hard ground, his knees covered in mud and dust, approaching her in a wretched and submissive posture, yearning for her, looking up at her.
Dignity, integrity, bottom line, reason...
At this moment, none of it matters anymore.
The young civil official, who had always only knelt before Heaven, Earth, Parents, the Sovereign, and the Teacher, knelt in a panic before her. His eyelashes trembled slightly, and his trembling fingers eagerly cupped her face. He opened his lips, closed his eyes reverently, took a deep breath, and fiercely tilted his head back to kiss her again and again.
There were salty tears and sweat as he kissed her entire face with loving tenderness, without any particular method.
When he let go again, his eyes were so red they looked like they were about to bleed.
Are you upset that you didn't lie to me this time, or are you upset that I didn't kiss you just now?
He held her hand tightly against his face, his tone almost pleading. He had no other choice; he, who despised nothing more than withered bones, had absurdly tried to keep her in this way.
"Don't you like my face? You can treat me however you want from now on... Ah Zhi, come back with me."
Zhan Xinjia had never seen such a person as Master Shen.
In her eyes, a young man who had already been appointed as the Grand Tutor of the Crown Prince, a first-rank official, should be a person of high status, dignified, with the noble character of a civil official, arrogant, and possessing a graceful and refined demeanor.
She had met many different versions of him.
He stood under the crabapple tree, smiling gently, like a priest.
Dressed in a crimson official robe, he appeared as lonely and forlorn as a white crane that had crossed a cold pond.
With glimmers of light in his eyes and brows, he lowered his gaze and intently sewed clothes.
He was in the study, engrossed in a book, smiling as he gently tapped her forehead.
...
At least in her memory, Lord Shen was always radiant and bright.
Instead of what he is doing now, with furrowed brows and deep red eyes, kneeling down in front of her without any regard for his self-respect or image, holding her hand tightly as if grasping at the last straw.
The force was so strong it seemed to penetrate to the very bone, becoming one with the whole.
He was down on his luck, disheveled, and no longer possessed the cleanliness and fastidiousness of his former self; he was no longer as rational and calm as he usually was.
His eyes were filled with alternating hope and despair, a single tear teetering on the edge of falling, and his voice was as weak as a whisper.
Zhan Xinjia closed her eyes with difficulty. Her voice was already hoarse from crying. The pain of her inner struggle made her have to slowly gather her strength to speak, one word at a time, and she could not speak completely at once.
"Once everything is over... we'll go home."
"What else is there? You were almost killed this time, what if it gets even worse next time? What am I supposed to do then, Ah Zhi, what am I supposed to do, tell me..."
Having received an answer that completely disheartened him, Shen Suqing knew he should turn and leave at this moment, but he still held onto a sliver of hope.
Please, please.
I don't want you to weigh the pros and cons, I don't want you to always consider so many people and so many things, Ah Zhi, I just want you to love me like crazy, I just want you to only care about me forever.
As if forcing her to make a decision, Shen Suqing's eyes darkened, his tone carrying a do-or-die determination. His sharp, slightly upturned phoenix eyes stared intently at her like a hawk, unwilling to miss any subtle expression from her.
His voice was terribly hoarse, and every word seemed to be squeezed out from between his teeth.
"Even if you leave me, you're going to stay here, right?"
Zhan Xinjia turned her face away from his gaze and nodded emphatically.
She also needs to find "Pei Yi," find out if the tragedy of the Zhan family back then was related to Mu Yunlan, find a way to help her brother return to normal, bring her brother home, and finally end everything herself.
A blood feud that cannot be abandoned, it will not end until death.
The hand that had been gripped suddenly loosened, and the young man in front of him slowly stood up. His thin, pale face and gloomy expression revealed a sickly, twisted look, and the light in his beautiful phoenix eyes had completely dimmed.
It was as if a taut thread symbolizing reason had finally snapped.
He was absolutely certain that from this moment on, he had completely gone mad.
Brushing the dust off his sleeves, Chen Suqing tilted his head slightly, his gloomy gaze fixed on him with a mocking sneer.
"Commander Zhan, you will regret this."
That last glance was unpredictable and ambiguous.
The young man casually flicked his sleeve and left, his back straight, just as he had been when they first met.
Just like that dream she once had.
In the vast expanse of heaven and earth, only that solitary figure remained.
After he left, Zhan Xinjia didn't know whether he had fainted or fallen asleep. His consciousness was hazy, and he was trapped in one fragmented nightmare after another. When he opened his eyes again, it was already pitch black outside the tent.
A lamp was lit inside the tent, and Qiaoqiao was anxiously watching over him.
Seeing that Zhan Xinjia had woken up, she quickly went over and placed a pillow behind the little girl's waist.
"Ah Zhi, how are you feeling? Are you hungry? By the way, did you have a fight with Lord Shen... He's been like this these past few days..."
Zhan Xinjia had a terrible headache and didn't want to talk about it, so she waved her hand.
How long did I sleep?
"Well, it's been three days since you last woke up. Doctor Yu said you're very weak, so it's good for you to sleep more. He told us to just give you some sugar water to replenish your strength and not to disturb you."
"Go and call Yan Yuyao over. I need to talk to him."
After Qiaoqiao left, Zhan Xinjia forced herself to sit up from the bed, grabbed her coat and put it on. When she looked up again, her calm eyes were filled with unwavering determination, without any more confusion.
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