Chapter 10 Learning to Let Go
"Knock knock—"
A knock sounded on the door, accompanied by Grandma Huo's gentle voice: "Miss Xili, are you asleep?"
Lin Xili abruptly raised her head, quickly wiping away the tears that were uncontrollably seeping from the corners of her eyes with the back of her hand. She took a deep breath and tried her best to make her voice sound normal.
"Grandma, you're not asleep, please come in."
Grandma Huo pushed open the door carrying a wooden tray with a bowl of steaming porridge on it.
“I noticed you didn’t come down for dinner tonight, and I didn’t see you go out either. I thought you might not have an appetite, or it might be inconvenient for you.”
She carefully placed the bowl of porridge on the small table on the terrace, her smile always so kind.
"I cooked you a bowl of vegetable and lean meat porridge. Don't worry, I used non-iodized salt."
White rice porridge, bright green vegetable leaves, and tender minced meat—simple yet full of care.
She was indeed very hungry, but her chaotic mood made her unwilling to go out for a meal. She just ate the last two slices of toast she bought at the station with some mineral water.
A stranger she had only known for two days, a guesthouse owner, was able to notice that she hadn't eaten dinner and remembered that she couldn't eat iodine, so he specially cooked her a bowl of porridge.
Her so-called blood relatives, she left home for three days without a word, yet none of them noticed or inquired about it.
In their world, there is only Lin Xuenuo and Xu Yanchi, who are about to get married; there is no longer any place for Lin Xili.
This stark contrast, like a sharp dissection knife, precisely pierced through the passion she had always resisted.
"Miss Xili, what's wrong?"
Grandma Huo keenly noticed her unusual behavior. Seeing her slightly red eyes and the way she was trying to hold back her tears, she took a step closer with heartache.
"Are you feeling unwell? Or... is something on your mind?"
Grandma Huo gently patted her slightly trembling shoulder:
"If you feel upset, you can talk to your grandma about it if you don't mind. Don't keep it bottled up."
"Hyperthyroidism, to put it bluntly, is closely related to emotions; many people call it an 'emotional disease.'"
"If you have things on your mind and feel unhappy, your illness will heal more slowly. You need to learn to relax and keep a cheerful mood so that you can recover more easily."
These simple yet caring words, like a warm current, melted the thickest layer of ice on Linxi Lixin Lake.
She longed to find an outlet to confide in, to pour out all her grievances, resentment, and pain.
However, those feuds among wealthy families, the shame of arranged marriages, the neglect of families... are too complicated and too embarrassing.
How could she possibly bring up the subject to an elderly person she had just met?
She shook her head vigorously, her voice thick with a nasal tone: "No...it's nothing. Thank you, Grandma."
She looked at the bowl of porridge, and as if to change the subject or to preserve the last bit of her self-respect, she hurriedly picked up her phone.
"How much is the porridge? I'll pay you."
Grandma Huo immediately pretended to be angry and waved her hand: "Oh, it's just a bowl of porridge, don't talk about money. Don't be so formal with me, eat it while it's hot. Going to bed hungry at night is bad for your stomach and will affect your rest."
Lin Xili could no longer utter any excuses or words that could be measured in monetary terms.
She lowered her head and whispered, "...Thank you, Grandma."
"That's more like it!"
Grandma Huo smiled again. "Then eat slowly, and get some rest after you finish. Just leave the bowl there, I'll come up and collect it tomorrow."
She gave her a few more words of advice, such as to take care of her health and relax, and then considerately left, giving her back her quiet space.
Lin Xili was left alone on the terrace again. She picked up the bowl of warm porridge, blew on it, and ate it in small bites.
The porridge was cooked until soft, sticky, and savory. As she ate, tears finally welled up and dripped down her cheeks, mixing with the warm porridge and carrying a salty and bitter taste, which she swallowed along with the tears.
The starry sky is still dazzling, and the evening breeze is still gentle.
Perhaps, as Grandma Huo said, she really needs to learn to let go and move on.
It wasn't for anyone else, it was just for herself. No one loved her, so she should love herself.
The next day, just as dawn was breaking and the eastern horizon was beginning to lighten, Lin Xili woke up.
Hyperthyroidism put her body in an abnormally excited state, and she always had trouble sleeping. Before it was discovered, she always thought it was because of too much stress.
Now that she was awake, she decided to go for a run.
When she was in Hong Kong, she would relieve stress by running.
The town was exceptionally quiet in the early morning, the air was fresh and sweet, mixed with the scent of earth and grass.
She changed into her sportswear and tiptoed downstairs.
In the courtyard, Grandma Huo seemed to be still in bed, and everything was quiet.
Following the directions on her phone's map, she walked towards the country lanes behind the town.
Just as she expected, there was a smooth path paved with asphalt.
Winding along the rice paddies and vegetable fields, the view opens up, with mountains shrouded in morning mist in the distance.
This kind of environment is indeed very suitable for morning runs.
She did a few simple warm-up exercises and was getting ready to start running.
A familiar figure ran over from another side road and came face to face with her.
It's Huo Nanchen.
He was wearing a dark gray tracksuit, and fine beads of sweat covered his forehead.
His breathing was slightly rapid, but steady, indicating that he had been running for some time.
In the soft morning light, he looked more vibrant and energetic.
He saw her too, and slowed his pace.
"Running?" he spoke first, his voice deep and pleasant, slightly panting from the exercise.
Lin Xili hadn't expected to run into him here, and nodded somewhat awkwardly, "Mm."
"Your current condition is not suitable for strenuous exercise."
Lin Xili paused for a moment, stopped her warm-up exercises, and looked at him.
"In a hyperthyroid state, metabolism is fast, and the heart rate is naturally prone to be fast."
“Strenuous exercise such as running will further increase the burden on the heart, leading to palpitations, shortness of breath, and may even cause danger.”
"At this stage, it is recommended to choose gentle forms of exercise such as walking and yoga."
His reminder was professional and objective, without any unnecessary emotion, yet it made Lin Xili feel slightly embarrassed.
She did overlook this point, only thinking about relieving her emotions in her usual way, but forgetting that her body was already in a different state.
"Thank you for reminding me, Dr. Huo. I understand."
Huo Nanchen nodded and wiped his sweat with the towel hanging around his neck: "Then I'll be going now."
After he finished speaking, he was about to continue running forward.
Just as he was about to pass her by, Lin Xili suddenly spoke:
"Dr. Huo."
Huo Nanchen stopped in his tracks and turned to look at her.
Lin Xili took a deep breath, about to speak, but then remembered that it was Huo Nanchen's private time, and asking at this time would disturb him.
"It's nothing, I just thank you for reminding me earlier!"
Huo Nanchen frowned slightly; she had already thanked him.
A gentle breeze blew by, lifting a few strands of hair and giving her unadorned face a porcelain-like sheen in the morning light.
That already aloof face now possessed a unique sense of fragility and detached beauty, pure and captivating.
Huo Nanchen turned his face away, hummed in agreement, and ran off.
Lin Xili walked along the country path for a while before deciding to go back, planning to visit the health center later.
She went back to wash up and then went downstairs for breakfast.
Grandma Huo wasn't here this morning; it was another woman, Aunt Li, who was in charge of cleaning the guesthouse.
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