Chapter 92 Chapter 92 "Ying Yuan, let's break up."...
Ying Yuan was quick to notice this, and in a hurry, he explained: "Brother... Gu Xingshuang, it is true. I really didn't know that someone had been replaced subcutaneously at first. Later, it wasn't that I didn't want to tell you on purpose. I was just afraid..."
Gu Xingshuang calmly replied, "Are you afraid that I'll be angry? Afraid that I'll break up with you? Afraid that I'll hate you?"
Gu Xingshuang took away all of Ying Yuan's lines, and for a moment, Ying Yuan didn't know what to say.
There was no way he could deny it.
Yes, that's what he thought.
Gu Xingshuang raised her head and looked into Ying Yuan's eyes.
Ying Yuan finally saw Gu Xingshuang's eyes.
As black as ink.
His eyes were not as calm as his voice; instead, they were mixed with a variety of complex and deep emotions, deep and unfathomable.
But more than that, there is disappointment, disappointment that is almost tearing pain.
Ying Yuan's breathing stagnated, and a dense pain immediately swept through his limbs and bones, and even his heart seemed to be grabbed by someone -
The incident happened suddenly, and he was worried at the time, but he reviewed the whole thing from beginning to end.
It was definitely wrong for him to conceal this matter, but the biggest fault lies with Xu Nianping.
He believed that as long as he admitted his mistake and apologized, Gu Xingshuang would definitely forgive him based on the tolerance she had shown him in the past.
His mistake was not enough to make Gu Xingshuang show such an expression.
After all, he really didn't know that the person under the skin had been replaced at that time, and thought it was Jiu Yueyue's new trick, so he deliberately said those words to retain him and test him.
Later he chose not to tell Gu Xingshuang because he was too afraid of losing her and was afraid that Gu Xingshuang would be angry about it.
He always has his reasons and difficulties.
Gu Xingshuang will definitely understand him.
But now he found that he was wrong, very wrong.
He seemed to have overlooked something very important.
Gu Xingshuang is a human being, not a machine.
He has his own feelings and emotions.
Things in the world cannot be simply categorized as right or wrong.
"Ying Yuan." Gu Xingshuang's voice was no longer as calm and steady as before.
His voice suddenly dropped.
The expression on his face was as if all the energy had been drained away, and fatigue crept onto his face.
Gu Xingshuang's eyes were fixed on Ying Yuan.
He spoke very slowly, as if he had used up all his strength: "Have I ever been angry with you since I met you?"
"Have I ever really never forgiven you?"
Gu Xingshuang paused: "My biggest mistake was that I got jealous and blocked you."
"I always thought that it was my fault. I refused to communicate with you properly, didn't believe you, and didn't trust you, so I made such a big mistake."
"So I kept giving in and accommodating."
"I... have never loved anyone, nor have I been loved."
He seemed a little tired and could not speak any more. His eyes were full of fatigue, but he still struggled to finish: "I don't know what is right, so I thought that as long as I tolerate you, accept everything about you, and protect your dignity, I love you."
"I'm always afraid that I haven't done well enough, because your emotions are always so exposed and so passionate, and I'm afraid that I won't be able to respond to you, and that you won't get my response."
He looked at Ying Yuan, and a small flame ignited in his eyes because he talked about the sweet and bitter part.
Then, the flame died out and turned into ashes: "You are younger than me, so I should bear more responsibilities."
"I've thought about it and figured it out."
"I decided to go on with you after thinking it through."
"I think you're so cute when you pose for photos. I know you want to show me your good side. I was afraid you'd feel embarrassed, so I pretended I didn't know until I accidentally recognized you on the court."
Gu Xingshuang spoke word by word.
Ying Yuan's heart was in a knot, and the hand holding Gu Xingshuang was shaking uncontrollably. Every word of Gu Xingshuang was like a torture to him.
He wanted to say that Gu Xingshuang had done well enough, very well, and he could truly feel his feelings.
He was the one who did something wrong. Gu Xingshuang didn't need to analyze himself or question himself.
His eye sockets were sore as he looked into Gu Xingshuang's eyes. He was enveloped by layers of endless complex emotions. He was swallowed up, and in the end, all the words were stuck in his throat.
He wished that time could go back to two months ago and start over from the beginning without hiding or deceiving Gu Xingshuang at all.
After a long while, which seemed like a very, very long time, he managed to squeeze out a few words from his throat: "I'm sorry, I..."
Before he could finish his words, Gu Xingshuang interrupted him.
Gu Xingshuang has been thinking about these things from this morning until now.
He once thought it was his fault, and now it comes down to it, because Ying Yuan didn't trust him.
He doesn't care about these things. Right or wrong doesn't matter to him.
He could accept it and tolerate it because he loved Ying Yuan very much.
Gu Xingshuang said these words simply because he wanted to tell Ying Yuan his true thoughts. Now that it has come to this, he wants to speak frankly for once.
There is just one thing he can't let go of now, and that is.
"Do we have to do this from now on? I have to find out the truth, and then I have to bow my head first and take care of your feelings?"
"I can bow my head, I can take care of your emotions, I like you so I am willing to do this, I don't care about these."
At this point, he should have been hysterical, but he didn't. Instead, his voice became much softer, and he felt aggrieved: "But why do I have to uncover the truth myself every time?"
"Did I do something wrong? You still don't believe me and are unwilling to be honest with me."
"You can't even do something so simple?"
"If I hadn't caught you two talking this time, did you intend to let Xu Nianping get away with it?"
"Aren't you going to recover the money that Nian Yuanchuan was defrauded of?"
"You clearly knew how extreme Xu Nianping was, yet you still chose to hide it from me..."
At this point, Gu Xingshuang's voice suddenly choked, but he tried hard not to shed tears.
He tried his best to consider the future and eliminate and avoid all possible dangers, but Ying Yuan just watched and said nothing.
Gu Xingshuang turned her head away, wiped her face with her hand, and when she turned back around, she had regained her usual calmness.
The fatigue in his voice gradually faded away, and the grievance slowly faded away. His tone returned to its usual calmness, almost like a sigh: "Why can't you tell me?"
Ying Yuan could hardly breathe just by listening to what Gu Xingshuang said. His heart ached so much that he had to take a deep breath to relieve the pain.
He now finally realized how big a mistake he had made and what kind of harm he had caused to Gu Xingshuang.
How shameless it was that he had this delusion today that Gu Xingshuang would easily forgive him.
Seeing Gu Xingshuang's bloodshot eyes, Ying Yuan's heart ached. He went forward at a loss and hugged Gu Xingshuang, but he didn't dare to hug him too hard, for fear that he would break into pieces.
Ying Yuan's speech became incoherent. He didn't know how to make up for Gu Xingshuang's disappointment in him, nor did he know how to offset the damage caused by his selfishness: "It's all my fault. It's all my fault. Don't cry. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I received all your affection. You did it perfectly."
"I am too willful and too ignorant."
"I'm sorry, it's all because of my selfishness. Gu Xingshuang, don't cry. I will never do this again. I really won't do this again."
"I want to take you to meet my parents after some time and talk things out."
"I will never do this again. I lost my mind this time. I was wrong. I was wrong. Don't cry."
His eyes were red, and Gu Xingshuang tried to hold them back. But he couldn't, and tears fell on Gu Xingshuang's shoulders.
Regret spreads quietly like tears.
The autumn night was already a bit cold, and they hugged each other but could not feel any warmth.
Gu Xingshuang's hand fell on his shoulder, Ying Yuan's heart skipped a beat, and he widened his eyes in panic because he already had a bad premonition.
He anticipated Gu Xingshuang's next actions and words, and he could not accept that outcome.
His boyfriend always looks weak, but in fact he is more determined than anyone else.
His remarks just now, which were purely self-analysis and sounded like his final farewell, had already made Ying Yuan very uneasy. Now that Gu Xingshuang had rejected him, his fear reached its peak.
No! You can't!
Ying Yuan was unwilling to let go, so Gu Xingshuang stopped trying.
Just like before, he always let Ying Yuan do whatever he wanted.
He leaned his head gently on Ying Yuan's shoulder.
This posture is ambiguous and intimate enough.
In the past, if Gu Xingshuang made this gesture, Ying Yuan would lower his head and kiss him.
But at this moment, Ying Yuan didn't dare to move at all, for fear that if he moved, Gu Xingshuang would disappear from his arms, or even disappear from his side.
Gu Xingshuang just said softly: "Ying Yuan, let's break up."
He was so close to her, and his words were so light, but they landed on Ying Yuan's ears like a bomb.
The result that Ying Yuan feared the most finally came.
*
Gu Xingshuang no longer remembered how she got home.
He walked into the room and saw a chair on the floor that had been knocked over by Xu Nianping.
He looked at the ground, picked up the chair, went to the balcony to get a mop, and mopped the floor.
Then the living room was as clean as before.
It seems like nothing has changed.
It seems like everything has changed.
He walked into the kitchen and wanted to get a glass of water, but found that all the dishes in the kitchen had been neatly packed.
It was packed by Ying Yuan.
Ying Yuan got up early and packed his belongings for moving.
They had clearly planned to officially start living together today and embark on the next journey of life, but their plans were interrupted by sudden changes.
The huge sense of separation made Gu Xingshuang feel dazed.
In fact, if Gu Xingshuang were asked to talk about Ying Yuan's strengths, he felt that he could list 100 of them.
Ying Yuan is so cute and perfect in his eyes.
Still in love?
The answer is yes.
So much so that the scene of their breakup didn't seem like a breakup, but more like the whispers between lovers.
Every movement they made spoke of the love that was yet to end between the two.
He broke up with Ying Yuan with full of love.
But the idea of breaking up was not just a spur of the moment decision by Gu Xingshuang.
He did not mention to Ying Yuan his recent thoughts about his family, nor did he indulge in self-pity and chatter about how he was mentally prepared to face all difficulties.
They were already breaking up, so words like this made him seem particularly unwilling, as if he was taking revenge on Ying Yuan.
His purpose was just to break up, not to make Ying Yuan feel guilty.
Even until now, he actually didn't want to make Ying Yuan sad.
When Ying Yuan's last tears fell on his shoulder, he almost hugged him back and accepted his apology.
But he was afraid again.
Once, twice, three times, how long can they last?
If the situation continues like this, Ying Yuan might correct himself, but he is already like this. Doing so is just suppressing his nature. After a long time, the love will fade away and only a mess will remain.
He felt that he had done his best, but Ying Yuan still couldn't completely let down his guard against him.
Maybe it’s because of youth, maybe it’s because of personality.
It doesn't matter anymore.
He didn't know how long and how far this relationship would last.
He himself has lost confidence.
Rather than waiting until the two of them become too deeply entangled in the future, the sunk costs become increasingly greater.
It would be better to end it cleanly and neatly right now.
If it’s not suitable, break up.
The truth is always the simplest.
But in the final analysis.
He escaped again.
He seems to be a habitual deserter.
He said that he didn't want to be bothered by trouble and didn't want to argue with others.
In fact, these are just his excuses.
At the beginning, he knew that if he quarreled with his parents, they would just turn around and leave without any reluctance.
Later, he was afraid of quarreling with Chunhe Jingming. If they really quarreled, everyone would choose Chunhe Jingming and no one would choose him.
Now, he is afraid that when his relationship with Ying Yuan comes to an end in the future, he will be the only one stuck deeper and deeper, unable to get out of that quagmire.
So he cut off this possibility in advance.
After all, he had never been someone's choice.
He has no experience of being firmly chosen.
Taking the first step bravely did not bring a good outcome.
So he backed off again.
Gu Xingshuang took a shower, walked out of the bathroom, and saw two computers placed in the corner.
There is also a dryer on the balcony.
In just one month, Ying Yuan had already left so many traces in his life.
Things must be returned.
We also have to move. Fortunately, we haven’t moved yet, otherwise we wouldn’t have time to organize everything as soon as we moved our things in. Some people are busy.
Gu Xingshuang stared at the computer for a while, and fatigue surged into her heart.
Maybe he shouldn't have returned to the game in the first place.
I didn’t expect that workplace romances have risks, and online romances also have risks.
This time...I'm probably going to quit the game again.
Gu Xingshuang stopped looking at the computer and lay on the bed.
Ying Yuan sent him many messages, but he didn't read them and simply chose to block them.
Ying Yuan just disappeared from his chat page.
Gu Xingshuang looked at the row of portraits. Without Ying Yuan's portrait, which was extremely inconsistent with himself, he suddenly felt a strong sense of discomfort.
He suddenly thought of the messages sent by Ying Yuan that he had not read.
He smiled self-deprecatingly, put down his phone, and forced himself to divert his attention and stop paying attention to it.
Get some sleep, and wake up tomorrow... everything will be fine.
Every time he felt uncomfortable, he thought this and did this.
Unfortunately, before going to bed, people always recall what happened during the day.
The night brain recalls all those long-forgotten details.
To this end, he took a sleeping pill as a precaution.
Sure enough, what happened during the day was like a movie, playing out in his mind scene by scene. Even the warmth of Ying Yuan's tears was quietly replicated on his shoulders.
This time, without that embrace by his side, he could only hug himself tightly and look for a point of support.
He fell asleep, reality was connected to his dream, and he had no idea at which point he fell asleep.
In my sleep, the events of the day turned into a bizarre dream, as long as a foot binding cloth. I couldn’t see the end of the dream, which was very tiring.
He was going around in circles, unable to get out of this cage.
Suddenly, the loud computer ringtone broke through from the outside world, forcibly waking him up from his cage.
Gu Xingshuang broke out in a cold sweat. He couldn't tell whether this was a dream or reality. He stared blankly at the ceiling. Only the ringing of the phone beside his ear reminded him that this was reality.
He then struggled and picked up the phone beside the pillow.
It was a call from Lu Xing.
He checked the time on his phone.
12:30 at night.
It was so late, why did Lu Xing call him?
Could it be that something went wrong with Xu Nianping and Nian Yuanchuan again?
Gu Xingshuang pressed the answer button.
Lu Xing's anxious voice came: "Senior, is Ying Yuan with you?"
Gu Xingshuang was stunned.
After he and Ying Yuan had a fight, or rather, he made his unilateral accusation and made it clear that they broke up, he came back directly.
Ying Yuan should go back to school.
"Didn't he go back to school?" he asked.
Lu Xing: "No. It was curfew time and the aunt came to check the room. I asked other students to help me act and I was able to cover it up."
"I thought he was on your side, but I noticed that neither of you played the game all night."
“I couldn’t get through to him on the phone.”
There was uneasiness in Lu Xing's voice: "If he is not with you, where else can he be?"
Gu Xingshuang's heart sank suddenly, and her blank mind was filled with panic.
Incidents such as car accidents or kidnappings kept popping up in his mind.
Lu Xing on the other end of the phone was still in the dormitory, unable to go out, so he could only worry.
Gu Xingshuang couldn't let Lu Xing worry, so she suppressed her anxiety, remained calm, and comforted Lu Xing: "Don't worry, maybe he has gone home? I'll go find him and call you later."
"Don't leave the dormitory. I'll let you know if there's any news. He's too old to get lost."
After hearing Gu Xingshuang's well-organized consolation, Lu Xing's panic subsided a lot: "Okay."
"Then call me if you have any news, Senior."
Gu Xingshuang: "Yeah."
After putting down her phone, Gu Xingshuang completely lost the calmness she had pretended to have, and her emotions instantly collapsed.
My hands were shaking so much that I couldn't even hold the phone and it fell to the ground.
He tried to bend down to pick it up, but he failed after several attempts.
In the end, I had to use both hands to barely hold up the phone.
He began to regret it.
Doesn’t he understand Ying Yuan’s character yet?
Why did he have to quarrel with him at that time?
If we want to break up, we can obviously wait until he comes back to talk about it.
What if Ying Yuan really gets into an accident on the road because he’s absent-minded?
Gu Xingshuang's eyes went dark when she thought of that possibility, and she could hardly stand.
But he can't fall down now, he has to go find Ying Yuan.
It was so late, Ying Yuan was not with him and had not returned to the dormitory. Where could he go?
If I go home, I will definitely send a message to Lu Xing and won't keep silent.
Gu Xingshuang couldn't think of the answer at all.
His mind was filled with the most terrifying guess.
He casually grabbed a piece of clothing and wrapped it around himself, not caring about his messy hair. He wore slippers, took his cell phone, and hurried to the entrance, his mind full of the scene of Ying Yuan falling on the roadside.
Oh, right, call the police!
Gu Xingshuang reacted suddenly.
He's been missing for 6 hours. We need to call the police.
Gu Xingshuang swiped her finger across the screen several times without success, and finally pressed the number 110.
He opened the door to the entrance while talking on the phone.
"Hello, this is the 110 emergency service desk. How can I help you?" came the operator's voice.
Gu Xingshuang's voice was taut, like the string tightly wrapped around a kite, swaying in the strong wind and about to break at any time: "Hello, I want to call the police, someone is missing..."
There was a strong sense of panic and a hint of crying in his voice, and he was about to collapse.
The door was opened and Gu Xingshuang took a step forward. He was holding up his cell phone and reporting a case when suddenly a figure entered his sight.
He froze there for a moment.
Ying Yuan was sitting at the door, curled up on the ground, with his head buried in his arms, looking haggard and lonely.
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