Chapter 62 In the end, she still couldn't spend a single day with him...
Suddenly, it felt like a bucket of icy water had been poured over my head, and then a cold winter wind blew it up from the bottom of my heart and spread to every part of my body.
Shen Xi froze on the spot, a mix of emotions rushing in and filling her chaotic mind, making her chest tighten.
Suddenly, the person in the study glanced casually at the door from the corner of their eye.
Shen Xi quickly took two steps back, pressing her back against the cold, hard wall, narrowly avoiding that gaze.
The people inside seemed oblivious to anything amiss, and their conversation continued.
At this moment, Shen Xi's heart was pounding like a drum. She covered her mouth tightly with one hand, afraid that she might accidentally cry out, but her feet seemed to be nailed to the spot, unable to suppress her curiosity and continue listening.
The once gentle, whispering voice is now unusually cold, and words are uttered without mercy, each one piercing the heart.
"She's just a woman, from a humble background, and she'll be of no use after that. Keeping her around would only cause trouble."
Liang Tuo's voice came through: "What does the general mean?"
Xie Chengyan's tone softened slightly, even carrying a hint of a low laugh, but his words were full of indifference: "Since she was so deeply in love with Xie Wenlang, and the two were mutually in love, if they could not be together in life, then let them be together in death."
Suddenly, Shen Xi's eyes widened, her fingertips digging deep into her palms without her noticing, and a cold wind blew against her body, but she was oblivious.
The stinging pain in her palm woke her up, but she was still in a state of utter confusion.
She could no longer tell whether the tenderness and affection she had felt these past few days were real or fake.
She couldn't even tell if Xie Chengyan's words were true or false.
Why?
What insurmountable barrier could exist between them that has suddenly led to this completely different state?
A sobbing wind whistled through the end of the corridor, like soft weeping.
Shen Xi dared not listen any longer, hurriedly turned around, and took one last look at the door that emitted a dim yellow light.
Then he took a step and stepped into the thick darkness of the night.
In the brazier of the study, the dark blue sachet had burned to ashes, turning into a handful of black ash that had blended into the filth and was no longer recognizable.
She hurriedly returned to her room, her brows still furrowed.
That bowl of soup was never delivered; chilled by the cold of winter, it was carelessly left aside.
Shen Xi sat there blankly, her fingertips unconsciously clenching her sleeves. She couldn't understand why, when everything had been fine these past few days, something she hadn't noticed had gone wrong, leading Xie Chengyan to say such a thing.
Her origins, her relationship with Xie Wenlang, and her life.
Every word hits right to the heart.
Xie Chengyan still knows how to manipulate her, but she can never see through him, from beginning to end.
Under the dim light, Chen Xi ruminated over Xie Chengyan's two utterly callous words again and again, replaying them endlessly like a revolving lantern.
Before Shen Xi could figure it out, she suddenly heard a familiar sound of footsteps outside the door.
My heart skipped a beat.
Looking up, she saw Xie Chengyan walk in, his eyes still gentle, his gaze filled with obvious tenderness.
The way he looked at her was the same as always.
But for the first time, Shen Xi couldn't help but wonder how much of his gentleness was genuine and how much was feigned.
Were those whispered words real, or was the coldness and indifference she had inadvertently stumbled upon real?
The probing gaze fell on Xie Chengyan, but Shen Xi remained silent.
Instead, Xie Chengyan approached, radiating a chill, his fingertips slightly cold. He took her hand, gazed at her intently, and asked softly, "I heard from the servants that you went to the study just now?"
Shen Xi's eyelids twitched. Perhaps it was due to preconceived notions, but she could detect nervousness in his expression.
It sounds like a poorly worded inquiry.
My gaze slid over his waist, and sure enough, the sachet he had never parted with in the past few days was gone.
There was no response for a long time, and the atmosphere in the room became stagnant. The only sounds were the whistling wind and the pounding of hearts.
The grip on her hand tightened unintentionally, and Shen Xi finally realized what was happening. She smiled and said softly, "Yes, I went to the study to find you. I was thinking of bringing you some late-night snacks since you hadn't had dinner yet."
Xie Chengyan lowered his eyebrows slightly: "Why didn't you come in?"
Shen Xi sighed and said helplessly, "I only got to the door when I found you were still busy with important matters, so I didn't dare to disturb you and came back."
"I won't disturb you."
Shen Xi's heart skipped a beat, but she remained calm and said reproachfully, "Then I won't wait outside either, it's too cold. Look, the food has gone cold in just one trip."
As he spoke, he gestured with his chin toward the food box on the table.
Xie Chengyan followed her gaze, a slight smile playing on his lips. His eyes lingered for a moment before he asked, "Aren't you angry?"
The question was quite meaningful, and Shen Xi almost suspected that he had discovered that she had been eavesdropping outside the study.
So, forcing himself to remain calm, he raised an eyebrow, tilted his head in confusion, and asked, "What are you angry about?"
Those deep, dark eyes were devoid of light, staring at her silently like a cold, still pool. After a long while, Xie Chengyan finally spoke: "I've made you come all this way for nothing."
At the same time, he raised his hand and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear with his fingertips.
It was clearly an ordinary, everyday action, but this time Chen Xi felt a chill run down her spine.
Forcibly suppressing her instinct to back away, she smiled and turned his hand over, interlocking their fingers.
"How could I be angry? You've worked so hard these past few days, of course I wouldn't be angry."
"really?"
"really."
Shen Xi nodded firmly, a faint smile on her face, looking at him with unwavering eyes.
Xie Chengyan's gaze lingered on her. For some reason, Shen Xi felt that Xie Chengyan saw through her thoughts and that he had already seen through her lies.
But no one exposed this crumbling facade, and they tacitly moved on from the past.
After a long silence, Shen Xi finally asked, "You're back so soon, are you done with things over there?"
Xie Chengyan lowered his eyes and shook his head honestly: "There are still some miscellaneous matters."
Shen Xi narrowed her eyes slightly: "Could it be because of me?"
He neither answered nor denied it.
Shen Xi understood and advised, "Don't worry, I'm not angry. You don't need to abandon your work to coax me. Go ahead and get busy, finish your work as soon as possible and get some rest."
Xie Chengyan gave her a deep look: "Okay, I'll listen to you. You don't need to wait for me tonight, you go to sleep first."
Shen Xi readily agreed and then stood up to see him out of the room.
As she watched Xie Chengyan's figure gradually disappear into the dark night, she exhaled a long breath, the white mist swirling in the cold air.
His brow furrowed unconsciously. When he returned to the room, the soup on the table had gone cold and was no longer palatable. He left it aside, unnoticed.
Shen Xi's gaze swept over, and she sighed softly.
It's a pity, I originally wanted to spend his birthday with him.
*
The days marched on relentlessly, like a scroll of painting unfolding, progressing naturally.
Only on a winter night, Shen Xi's unintentional peeping became a jarring ink stain in the painting. Although it was deliberately smeared and covered up in an attempt to conceal it, it remained conspicuous.
Like a thorn stuck in my heart, it causes a dull ache unexpectedly.
Because of the suspicion surrounding the Xue family's poisoning, neither family could find peace even on New Year's Eve, and a pall of gloom hung over the capital.
After this incident, Madam Xue had no time to cause trouble for Shen Xi. She was unaware of the details and had no time to care. Bored at home, she went to Renfeng Hall more often.
As dusk approached, there were no more patients in Renfeng Hall, and Shen Xi was helping Wen Tingmao organize the medicinal herbs.
A cold wind swept through the hall. Wen Tingmao twitched his beard, glanced at Shen Xi, and asked, "Why have you been coming so often these days? Did you have a fight with that kid?"
Shen Xi shook her head: "No."
But Wen Tingmao continued, "He didn't say anything to you?"
Shen Xi paused, puzzled, "What?"
"For example, some strange and inexplicable rumors?" Wen Tingmao asked tentatively, but then added, "With his family background, how could he easily let you hang out in the clinic? There must be some gossip."
Shen Xi shrugged indifferently: "These days, he's been so busy he barely has time to breathe, how could he have the mind to care about these things?"
The red lanterns that were hung on New Year's Eve are still hanging high under the eaves, and the candlelight illuminates Shen Xi's half-lit face, making it impossible to see through her delicate thoughts.
Wen Tingmao choked for a moment, then sighed, "So be it, so be it. It's best if he's busy, it saves us the trouble."
Shen Xi was slightly taken aback, and her fingertips unconsciously tightened.
Although they acted as usual on the surface, the distance between them remained in their hearts. Also, because they were busy with other things, they hadn't had a proper conversation for quite some time.
Seeing that she remained silent for a long time, Wen Tingmao looked at her worriedly and lowered his voice: "The Lantern Festival is in two days. Have you really thought it through?"
Shen Xi snapped out of her reverie, her eyelashes fluttering slightly, and nodded firmly: "I've decided, it will be on that day. It will be convenient to shake off the guards watching me and leave the city when there are many people at the lantern festival. Besides, he's been busy lately, so he shouldn't be able to get away for a while."
Her tone was firm, her mind made up, but Wen Tingmao still wanted to persuade her further: "The outside world may not be as good as you think. You've never left the capital before. If you go out and regret it, there will be no turning back. Or is it that he treats you badly and has done something wrong?"
These words made Shen Xi subconsciously think of the few heartless words she had overheard in front of Xie Chengyan's study that night, and she couldn't help but purse her lips.
Upon further reflection, those words actually reflected Xie Chengyan's true nature: cunning, deceitful, and capable of using anyone as a pawn, discarding them once used.
Didn't Xie Chengyan use the same tactic when he married her?
They act one way in front of people and another way behind their backs.
I'll never be able to figure out where he threw his true feelings into some dark and hopeless corner.
After a moment of deep thought, Shen Xi solemnly said to Wen Tingmao, "I am leaving simply because I want to leave, and it has nothing to do with him. No matter how good he is to me, I still have to leave the capital."
After saying that, Shen Xi lowered her eyes and continued with her work, her expression indifferent.
She was going to leave anyway.
Whether those words were true or false, no matter what he did, she would not stay in the capital.
The only regret is that she was ultimately unable to celebrate his birthday with him.
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