Chapter 20
"..."
After hearing Milluki's answer, I couldn't help but remain silent for a moment.
"Oh, I see." Then I asked, "Which Zoldyck group was it?"
Mi Ji couldn't answer.
I asked, "If that's the case, then it's okay for me to be with my second brother... After all, you're a Zoldyck, right?"
"Of course not—" He stammered, denying it anxiously, but his expression was suspiciously detached.
My initial intention was simply to spout nonsense with a bit of dissatisfaction, but his suspicious micro-expressions slightly altered my mindset.
...Actually, I've always wanted to pretend I didn't know.
When I jokingly say things like, "Second brother, let's elope," and when I earnestly tell him that he's the only one in the family who treats me well, I actually know in my heart that perhaps, my relationship with anyone in this family isn't entirely innocent.
Including Miji.
But there are still some naive hopes and fantasies.
When I was little, Milluki called me a troublemaker, a brat, and a nuisance.
Later, when I grew a little older, he shut his door tightly, no longer welcoming me to ask him if the training plan needed to be revised, and even started urging me to go find Illumi.
—That guy got a lesson.
As I was fretting about this, Killua glanced at me sideways, a smug smirk playing on his lips, and said lazily.
—I wanted to maintain your 'guardianship', but Illumi forcibly took it away in front of Mom and Dad.
Oh, I see.
I answered.
What a pity, my second brother was very good to me.
Killua's expression darkened.
--Hello.
He spoke in an unfriendly tone.
—Don't be silly, that guy ordered those lousy dolls based on your size.
—Those dresses that I gave you and that you've already used weren't extras at all.
...
Seriously.
It was really difficult to pretend I didn't know.
"Never mind then." I lost interest and quickly changed the subject.
Mi Ji remained silent.
After a long pause, he asked, "So, who do you choose?"
I wasn't quite sure what he was asking:
Mi Ji asked, "Whom do you prefer?"
"...Nobody."
I couldn't help it, and I had another anxiety attack, feeling a little short of breath.
"Don't you find that strange?" I asked Milluki. "But I grew up with you guys since I was little."
Even when I'm with my fake brother, I sometimes feel confused and guilty.
Why do the Zoldyck family members so naturally assume I should be with them?
“Because I don’t have an older brother or younger brother, I’ve always been with you guys except when I’m at boarding school,” I looked up and asked Milluki softly as I recalled, “So… when I’m playing with Killua, I really feel like we’re family, and when I call you Big Brother and Second Brother, I really feel like I trust you guys.”
It was very fulfilling to carry Kurt to the swings.
I've always been deceiving myself with fragile fantasies in this gloomy life.
However, when she had just grown a little older and started to have wild thoughts, Illumi asked her strangely, "Isn't it me that Rai likes?"
……dislike.
The fondness for "he is the eldest brother" is merely a survival instinct.
But those self-evident words came out again and again.
So once again, they were forced to submit.
It's just that kind of liking, it's nothing.
However, to prove one's "liking" something, much more effort and dedication are needed.
In the dark room, with the door bolted shut, Killua's footsteps echoed down the hallway, calling out, "Hey—Ray—where are you?" His hands were cold, and his cheek was pressed against the table in a nauseating pressure.
...Even so, it doesn't matter, as long as I don't meet him when he finishes his mission, as long as I don't go into that room, as long as I don't want him to pick me up.
It's okay, I can still straighten my skirt and pretend nothing happened, saying to Killua, "You didn't find me this time either."
But one day, Killua, who always treated this like a game of hide-and-seek, stopped in front of that door.
The self-deceiving illusion shattered with the death of the last unaware person in the family.
They and I are not family.
...So why does it have to be the Zoldycks?
Is it just because of Illumi that he might be able to tolerate his younger brother?
That's not all I hope for.
...
In the end, quite subtly, I spent an unpleasant day.
When we got back to the hotel that evening, Milluki reminded me, "We're going on a mission tomorrow, so you need to pack your bags today."
I said no.
Miji: "What do you want?"
Me: "I'm too lazy to move, you can put it away."
He was unhappy about this, but there was nothing he could do about it, so I could only offer this weak form of resistance. Seeing his frustrated expression, I smiled at him happily.
well.
My motto has always been: if Milluki and Illumi are unhappy, then I am happy.
Sometimes Kurt is also added to this list.
Anyway, I'm already going crazy, so of course they have to give way to me.
After dinner, just as I said, I lay in bed too lazy to move, and didn't even want to look at my phone.
Miki didn't show up, probably because he used up too much energy today and wants to come and serve me, the "princess," tomorrow.
I'm in a bad mood right now and don't want to talk to him anymore. I covered my head with the blanket and slept for a while before waking up, yawning, and checking my phone for unread messages.
Killua has reappeared after a long absence.
It seems like he's on a mission or something. It's been like this ever since he ran away from home; he disappears and loses contact intermittently.
The new message he sent contained the same phrase he'd repeated countless times:
"You just wait, I'll be back and kill Illumi right now."
This time, we absolutely must kill him!
...The way he speaks is like a child.
I don't want to talk to him.
If you want a mature conversation, you should definitely go find Hisoka.
Although he's a bit of a pervert.
I clicked on his profile picture, thought for a while, but couldn't think of how to start, so I simply initiated a transfer.
Soon after, Hisoka sent a question mark.
I made another fortune.
Hisoka wasn't shy at all and sent a few smiley faces.
Me: 【This is my dowry. I'll use the dowry I'm going to use to marry Illumi to support you. Do you like it?】
Hisoka: [Hehe~ I like it~ It would be even better if it was Illumi's own money~]
Me: [I'll send you a big one after I marry him.]
Hisoka replied with a smiley face, and I suddenly had a thought and asked:
Can you kill him?
Hisoka: [We can't kill him.]
It was accompanied by a wronged emoji.
Hisoka: [I'd like to, but Illumi is too much trouble~]
This topic probably triggered some interest in him, and he began to complain about his recent life: he couldn't find any opponents who could pique his interest, and when he finally had a chance to duel with someone, he still failed.
I pieced together from this conversation that Hisoka's interest lay in fighting people.
He rarely gets entangled with women because he finds it uninteresting, but he's come back to me many times—because he always thinks that it would be fun to annoy Illumi.
Me: [That's a shame, I haven't been cooperating with your plans at all.]
Hisoka sent another smiley face, this time not replying with a sarcastic "hehe," but instead: [Haha]
The room was very quiet.
I put down my phone screen, stared at the ceiling for a while, and realized that I wasn't sleepy at all this time.
After a moment of stunned silence, I picked up my phone again.
Me: [If you can show up tonight, maybe it'll work.]
Hisoka: [Hmm]
Me: [Today is the time you mentioned, a time when I'm in a bad mood and need comforting.]
Whoever it is, please hurry up and drive those memories out of my head for now.
Those memories that I had finally managed to forget, all came flooding back today because of Milluki's words.
It was already embarrassing enough, but then, when she opened the door, she had to recall the memory of Killua asking, "What are you doing?"
I had no expectation of a reply at all. There was a 50% chance of being rejected, and the 50% chance that he would agree wouldn't make me happy either.
I put down my phone again, and this time I raised my left hand, staring blankly at the engagement ring on my hand under the light.
It's the ring that only I wear, Illumi's ring. He took it off and hid it because it was inconvenient to do missions.
His hands, like Killua's, will transform into bizarre shapes, with hard, sharp nails that can easily pierce through a door.
Every time I'm with him, I'm filled with trepidation. My reason tells me he wouldn't tear me apart with those nails, but my body still feels fear. I tremble, lose strength at the slightest touch, and my limbs go weak. And then I interpret it as love for him.
It was clearly just fear.
I really want to take off this glaring and annoying ring. Like Illumi, it's cold and unsettling.
But... even if this person didn't exist, there would be someone else.
So let's just forget about it.
My reason for following the rules is actually quite simple: I really hope it's not Illumi, but even if it isn't him, the situation won't change much.
If only... that belated ticket hadn't expired.
It's a pity I didn't get on the ship.
In a daze, I stared at a spot on the ceiling, and finally felt sleepy, about to close my eyes.
My phone vibrated.
I snapped out of my daze and tapped the screen.
It's Hisoka who sent a new message.
He neither said yes nor no, but sent a video. In the center of the frame was a long, wide hand holding nothing.
With a slight change in his hand gesture, a playing card flew out of his palm.
With another flick of his wrist, the card disappeared, replaced by another card depicting a bouquet of roses. He flipped the card over and turned it back, and the roses on the card transformed into candies, which then landed in his palm.
Hisoka: [Do you prefer flowers or candy?]
Me: [Do you want me to conjure it up from my phone?]
Hisoka: [Yeah.]
Me: [I want chocolate.]
Hisoka: [A picky child~]
...
The doorbell rang a few minutes later.
The lock that Miki set can be opened at this time.
A large basket of chocolates came into view, obscuring half of the deliveryman's body.
I signed it, and now I'm confused.
...Just ordering takeout?
They should have wanted to take this opportunity to do something.
His only interest in me is that he can use me to tease Illumi.
I took a picture of the chocolate.
Me: [I'm only paying a deposit, but I might not accept your order next time.]
Hisoka: [No need~]
I:【】
Hisoka: [Haven't you ever received a 'gift' like this before, given simply because I wanted to give it to you and didn't expect anything in return?]
I:【……】
Hisoka: [I should receive a lot~ After all, little Rai is so cute~]
He added a heart to the end of his last sentence.
...It sounds so real.
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