Chapter 38
My request was unsurprisingly rejected.
He didn't explicitly tell me it was impossible, but the call ended, leaving me with only the words, "I'll come find you soon."
The conversation had just ended. After a moment of silence, I lay back down on the bed and told Xiao Jie:
"I'm sleepy, I need to take a nap first."
After saying that, regardless of his thoughts, he covered his head with the blanket and closed his eyes.
...
I actually have "friends" other than Zoldycks, at least the ones I think of when I mention friends.
I study poetry, and she loves music.
The concert that sparked the cold war between me and Illumi was her first performance with a large international orchestra.
I didn't tell Illumi about my relationship with her, even though he had shown interest in my social life before I could even realize what was going on.
—I'm not familiar with any of you.
"Yeah"
He didn't quite believe it.
--Yes.
Instinctively, I blurted it out.
—I can't get along with any of them.
Whenever I gave a similar answer, Illumi would pat my head approvingly.
In the empty and long first half of my life, all I could get was rewards from him.
So from then on, I consciously avoided interacting with people around me—except for this female friend who had dreamed of becoming a violinist since she was a child.
I know how hard-won everything she has is—not to mention the monotonous training day after day, she also has to withstand the pressure and ridicule from her elders. Not to mention that several years ago, she, like I once was, experienced a kidnapping incident, in which her fingers were almost ruined.
But I let Illumi run rampant, ruining her first performance.
I shouldn't be dissatisfied with this, I shouldn't rebel against it, and I shouldn't challenge Illumi's absolute authority.
But the moment the performance on stage paused, I felt as if a beautiful dream I had never had, perhaps existing in another time and space, was shattered, and I couldn't help but scream.
I feel angry.
After witnessing his brother's drowning and his father's departure, his heart, which had become numb, felt unprecedented pain and anger, whether he was sent to Kukuroo Mountain or when Illumi asked him again and again, "Does Rai love me?"
I almost lost my mind and did something I knew I would never have dared to do at the time—I yelled at Illumi.
He was also surprised, tilting his head to look at me for a moment. Just as I felt my blood run cold again under his terrifying gaze, my limbs turning icy, and I thought my life was in danger, he straightened his head and slowly began to speak:
"There's nothing I can do; it's what the employer specifies."
“I have another job to do,” he said, then asked me casually, as if nothing had happened. “Can Ray go back by himself? I have to go.”
I pursed my lips, remaining silent, not daring to ask him where he was going next, and watched helplessly as he walked against the flow of people back into the theater.
...I didn't dare look back even once, nor did I dare stay to find out who his next target was. Holding back my tears, I hailed a taxi and fled as fast as I could, without a care in the world.
They ran far away.
He ran back home.
That was the first time I discovered that I could wake up, turn over, and go back to sleep, sleeping for a whole day straight.
I cut off all contact with the outside world.
The next day, after my head started to ache from sleeping too long, I finally had to come out of my room and watch the news about the assassination attempt on the TV screen in the living room.
...It turned out that the one who died after the conductor was the manager, not the violinist.
I felt a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and retrieved my phone. A message from Illumi popped up on the screen. The thought of what I had done in front of him yesterday terrified me. Like an ostrich, I deleted all his messages and blocked everyone related to him.
...I'll live as many days as I can.
I'm sure I'll be disliked.
Besides that, I also took the time to ask my friend who plays the violin if he was in a good mood.
She did not reply.
After that, I sent her many messages, but she never replied. It was as if she had vanished into thin air.
It had been so long since we last met.
I was abandoned once again by the Phantom Troupe leader who was pretending to be my brother, and in my distress, I went to a bar to relieve my sorrow.
That friend, who used to be very good at playing the violin, happened to appear at that time.
She couldn't distinguish the notes of the music anymore, banging on the table haphazardly and shouting incoherently. The room was a mess, but when she saw me, she excitedly raised her wine glass:
"Ha! Adrian! Long time no see! Are you here to try out these good things too?"
...Having no parents and having lived with her uncle since childhood, the last gift she received in exchange for freedom before being forced to "marry" was the rare opportunity to participate in performances by her favorite band.
The deaths of both the conductor and the manager led to the complete annihilation of the orchestra.
She excitedly tore open the expensive-looking packaging, only to find nothing but air.
"Never mind," she chuckled before I could reply, tossing the wine glass to the ground and shattering it, the golden liquid seeping into the carpet. "The doctor said I'd die a horrible death. You haven't done anything wrong, so it's better for you to live longer, hahaha!"
After laughing, she seemed to suddenly fall into some kind of anxiety, curling up, hugging her knees, and crying.
"I promised you I would let you hear it. I really like him... This is my only wish, Uncle. I will do a proper job from now on! I really will! Please give me another chance! Just once!"
...
However, she ultimately did not get a new opportunity.
Not long after, I received a funeral invitation. The family claimed that she had died of illness, but I secretly flipped through my mother's information sheet and could easily find out the truth from it.
She fell completely into the abyss of suffering by consuming too many drugs.
Compared to her, I only occasionally feel sleepy.
No, perhaps, I am the same as her.
Fortunately, the "medicine" that relieves my pain is always readily available.
First it was Kuroro, then the Zoldycks, and now... I can still run into them...
Realizing the danger of my thoughts, I buried my head even further in.
However, from outside the blanket, a boy's clear voice came:
"Aren't you asleep yet?"
He asked, puzzled, "Should we draw all the curtains?"
I sighed inwardly, threw off the covers, and sat up.
“No need,” I said, “I’m not sleepy anymore, I want to go for a walk.”
...Drug addiction is not a good thing.
Besides, the other person doesn't seem to fit any of our type at all.
Let's stop.
Thinking this, I put on my shoes, pushed open the door, and then realized that it seemed like a tail was following behind me.
Without thinking, I immediately reached out to stop him.
“I’m going for a walk by myself, don’t follow me… You’ll find me eventually anyway.” I was starting to give in to the boy’s stubbornness, and I gestured for him to look at the items on the shelf. “My things are still here, I won’t run away this time.”
He stared hesitantly at the cabinet, showing no intention of moving forward.
I immediately closed the door.
That's strange.
It wasn't until I pressed the elevator button that I realized what was happening.
Back then, when I went out with Miki, that guy was like that too, almost never leaving my side.
What kind of image do I have in these people's minds?
To avoid getting lost, after leaving the hotel, I walked straight along the main road, and when I came to a fork in the road, I only went straight on the right.
After going around in circles, somehow, I ended up at the seaside.
It was getting late, almost night, but the sky still looked clear, although a half-moon had already risen over the sea.
I squatted down, picked up a pebble, and threw it into the sea.
The pebble fell far into the sea and disappeared without a sound or trace.
I threw a few more pebbles into the sea.
Birds circling overhead would occasionally swoop down and flutter their wings past me.
I dusted off non-existent dust from my hands and got up. On a sudden impulse, I went to a small shop next door and wanted to ask the owner if they sold bird food.
When we get back, I'll have Xiao Jie bring Jie Ni and me out.
The young lady would never carry her own bag.
With a rare sense of excitement, I pushed open the shop door and chatted with the owner. While asking about prices, I couldn't help but glance at the wall behind him covered with sticky notes.
The topic of "Can anyone who has been here leave a message?" has veered off course without us even realizing it.
The shop owner, who seemed like a kind person, smiled and pushed over a pen and a sticky notepad:
"Yes! Meeting is fate, young lady, would you like to write something?"
...The ink on that sticky note wasn't completely dry yet.
The shop owner followed my gaze to the sticky note, then paused, startled:
"Oh, this hasn't been posted yet... The guy just finished writing it, and I accidentally forgot."
As he spoke, he tore off the sticky note, turned his back, and prepared to stick it on.
I stood there, hesitating for only a moment, when I sensed another figure approaching within the "circle" of space, and turned to flee.
The wind chimes at the shop entrance jingled crisply.
...I only had time to push open the door when a familiar hand pressed down on my shoulder. A handsome young man with black hair easily turned my steps to face him.
“Ray,” he said, “long time no see.”
Then he added, "You still came. I knew you wanted to see him."
I lowered my head, shaking it in vain, unable to utter a word.
The shop owner stared in disbelief at my "reunion" with the young man.
His gaze made me feel as if I were being burned by flames, and I couldn't wait to escape from this stranger's probing desire.
But the young man in front of me seemed oblivious to my gaze, put his arm around me, and even had the leisure to feign a gentle and caring tone, patting my back and softly saying:
"It's alright... don't be angry, I came to find you, didn't I?"
I was in his arms, almost unable to breathe.
A terrifying sense of oppression, no less than that of Illumi, lingered around him.
He's clearly different from Illumi, and that's why I wanted to use him to forget Illumi in the first place.
But in the end, they were all the same.
Amid my rapid breathing, he casually cupped my cheeks, wiped my eyes, and asked with a smile:
Do you like my gift?
“When we met, I knew he wouldn’t live to see you,” he said in a softer, gentler, and more tender tone. “So, I deliberately kept him here forever, so he can love you forever.”
“I love you too, Ray. You know that, right?”
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