Chapter 56
I heard there's a magnificent and moving building in the next city.
It was a transparent exhibition hall made entirely of crystal. The crystal walls of the exhibition hall were coated with a special material to block ultraviolet rays, and colorful butterfly specimens were embedded in the center of the crystal walls.
"I heard that the butterfly exhibition hall looks like a giant diamond from a distance," I told Kurapika in the car.
The driver chuckled and replied, "That's right, and seeing it in person will be even more breathtaking... But it's getting late, shouldn't you find a place to stay first? I have a good place I can recommend!"
He began to talk enthusiastically, but my attention was completely drawn to the view outside the window.
"So many people... They all look very young, are they students?" I kept my eyes glued to the window and politely waited until the driver stopped making recommendations before asking.
"Yes," the driver replied casually, "this is near the university town."
"A university?" My interest was piqued, and I turned to Kurapika, saying, "Get out! I want to go check out the school!"
The driver was utterly astonished.
"Aren't you going to the butterfly house...?" he asked.
"You can go later, please park your car in advance. We've already paid the fare, so it won't cost you anything," I said.
Having said all that, the driver probably had no reason to stop us, so the car found a suitable spot and pulled over on the side of the road.
Kurapika didn't object—I'll take that as agreement.
After getting out of the car and watching the driver drive away, I finally told Kurapika why I got out:
"I've never strolled around a university like this before."
Before he could ask further, I added, "I was one of the students who were admitted to university early... but later, due to family issues, I basically didn't attend classes much."
"Looking back now, I was ridiculous. On one hand, I was worried that I'd almost never been to school and might be expelled or not graduate; on the other hand, I was thinking, 'Whatever, I'll be the only one who'll lose face, my mother will be even more embarrassed. ... I kind of wanted to get back at her this way, isn't that laughable?"
For a long time, many people who know about this past have gone along with what I said, believing that my and my mother's actions were indeed meaningless, and that my resistance would not cause her any trouble at all—even if I never showed up at school, she would have plenty of ways to solve the problem.
I'm so stupid, I just do meaningless things.
Thinking this, I remained silent, waiting for the criticism from the listeners around me as usual. Almost every listener would criticize me after the program, "helping" me to reflect.
However, Kurapika did not.
“Is that so?” he said. “That’s a pity. You must be very disappointed.”
The way he said it made it sound like he and I hadn't really taken many strolls around the university campus and were genuinely frustrated about it.
He paused for a moment, then said, "But you must have made that decision because you felt you had to. In that case, the other costs you lost were insignificant compared to what you wanted to do."
I couldn't help but argue with a viewpoint I'd previously accepted: "But I gained nothing from my actions; it wasn't worth it at all..."
“If you want to do it, it’s worth it.” He said calmly, his expression and tone as cold and indifferent as he spoke, as if he were thinking about something. “If we’re talking about things that people think are not worth it… I’ve done a lot of them, and I will continue to do so in the future.”
The topic seems to have strayed a bit from my original intention.
I blinked at him, bewildered, while his dark eyes seemed to be staring at some distant, indistinct point in the sky… Looking at that “scene” that only he could see, he continued:
“This isn’t worth it, it’s too difficult for you. Take it easy, you’ll only end up hurting each other… I’ve heard these kinds of comments a lot. People who make such comments can hardly understand my inextinguishable anger.”
……anger.
Although what he said seemed much more serious than "my freedom was restricted by my mother," when it came to "anger,"
"After hearing what you said, I am indeed a little... angry." Recalling the scene at the time, I couldn't help but smile. "I always thought that emotion was ridiculous. You are the first person to tell me that my anger is not ridiculous."
"In short," I clapped my hands, trying to sound cheerful as I realized the atmosphere was getting a bit heavy, "come with me for a walk around the school!"
After saying that, I started to act with anticipation and a little excitement.
Because I was in a good mood, I tiptoed forward a couple of steps... and those two steps made me suddenly realize something terrible.
I can't stand seeing others happy, and I love to pour cold water on things when the atmosphere is just right, making everyone fall into a trough.
...Why did I, someone like this, take the initiative to lighten the mood just now?
I was puzzled by my own behavior.
Perhaps because I was thinking, I was moving too slowly, which is why Kurapika questioned me.
"What's wrong?" His voice interrupted my thoughts.
I frowned, feeling uncomfortable with my discovery, and therefore didn't want to tell the truth, so I gave a vague answer:
"nothing……"
Kurapika then didn't ask any more questions.
For a long time afterward, neither of us spoke; we simply strolled together quietly along the campus paths.
The trees lining both sides of the road were covered with ice-blue flowers, which seemed to be a species unique to this country.
A cluster of flowers was densely packed on the top of a single tree, the branches drooping low under the weight. As we passed by, it blocked Kurapika's view. He reached out and brushed the flowers aside, subconsciously bending down slightly as he passed under them.
...I vaguely heard a faint scream.
The scream was suppressed as much as possible in the throat of the person making the sound, but it still reached my ears.
The Zoldyck family's training seems to have been ingrained in my bones, profoundly influencing my entire life... Having such good hearing can sometimes be a bit of a torment.
I glanced discreetly in the direction of the screams and saw several girls raising their phones as discreetly as possible.
What I noticed, Kurapika surely noticed as well. He subtly tilted his head slightly, revealing only the back of his head to them, to prevent the photos from leaking out.
...I belatedly realized that we were both on the run.
"You're quite popular," I teased in a low voice.
“Maybe they’re watching you,” he replied.
I accepted the compliment without hesitation, and then said, "Of course I know I'm good-looking, but the screams only started after you made that move..."
Halfway through his speech, I noticed that his cheeks seemed to be flushed slightly.
"...Really?" I couldn't help but ask in a subtle tone, "What's wrong with that? Why are you blushing?"
He remained defiant, his tone cold, but a suspicious blush still lingered on his face: "I didn't, you're mistaken."
“It is clearly there,” I pointed out.
“No,” he then denied.
I opened my eyes wide: "You haven't been flattered much, have you...? You really have!"
Kurapika: "..."
“You’re really weird,” I couldn’t help but say. “Even Illumi knows he’s good-looking, and when someone compliments him on the street, he doesn’t flinch and takes it for granted… You’re really that strange.”
He turned his face away.
The girls who originally wanted to take photos have been left far behind us.
I circled around to the other side, tilting my head to deliberately make eye contact with him:
"Hey, I'm serious... Haven't you ever been complimented on your looks? Even when I'm just standing on the side of the road daydreaming, I suddenly receive compliments from strangers."
If their eyes barely meet, the other person's eyes will light up, and they will walk up to say, "You're so beautiful."
There's also a teacher I've been in the same class with for several years. Even when I go to her to ask for help with my homework, and I'm halfway through solving a problem, she'll suddenly exclaim, "Lay is so beautiful!"
However, this much-praised face mostly brought me no advantage, but rather more trouble. I was disgusted by it, so whenever someone praised my appearance again, I could only smile numbly.
“…No.” Then Kurapika said, “Where I used to live was very peaceful and quiet. No one would specifically praise my appearance. Instead, they were more troubled by my personality.”
"Hmm... hard to imagine." I looked him up and down, then gave a fair assessment, "You don't seem like the type to cause trouble for others."
"...It wasn't like this before."
He said.
He didn't give me a chance to ask what happened next that led to your change... He quickly continued:
“When I left home to make a living in society, no one paid attention to my appearance. If I had to say, they always thought I looked too young and didn’t trust me. …Apart from that, the only people I could meet were my friends. Neither Killua nor Gon are people who care about their appearance.”
That's true.
I thought about it.
Killua is actually a little vain, but he never cares about appearances when he's with people. Gon... although we haven't known each other for long, he's not the type to judge people by their looks either.
"So you really haven't received many compliments... you've only been criticized for being too young and unreliable," I concluded. "That's unbelievable!"
"...Is there anything wrong with this?" He had recovered, the blush on his face had disappeared, and he asked in a cold tone, "Looks aren't that important, are they?"
"Really?" I scoffed, "If I had a face full of pimples or birthmarks, was bald, fat, had buck teeth... would you still want to talk to me?"
“Of course,” he replied without hesitation, “when I’m talking to you now, do you think I’m only focused on your appearance?”
“You may indeed be good-looking, Ray,” he continued calmly, “but I’m not here with you, talking to you, sharing my feelings with you, in exchange for the opportunity to look at your appearance… In fact, while we’re talking, I can’t even remember what you look like.”
As the sun gradually set in the west, the sky slowly transformed from gray-blue to fiery red. In his dark eyes, I saw the afterglow of the sunset, blood-red, magnificent and solemn.
“Beautiful things should be alive, fluid, and able to touch the soul,” he said. “...A monotonous shell, or a specimen that is only attached to form, will not truly make people feel beautiful or moved.”
The evening breeze rustled through the treetops, and a few soft petals drifted off the trunks, fluttering down in front of us.
“You touched me,” Kurapika said. “That feeling wasn’t from your appearance, but from your language… I never cared about your appearance; what I wanted to see and communicate with was your soul.”
These words were a truly heartfelt and unconventional expression of emotion, so heavy that I was momentarily speechless.
"...No, I have no soul." Finally, I denied it dryly, "You must have misunderstood something."
I am dull and tedious, like a bottomless abyss, devouring the lives and vitality of everyone around me. I plunge people into endless pain and self-torture, and I live my life like a walking corpse.
How could I have a soul?
However, the blond youth said firmly:
"You have."
—In his resolute reply, I felt as if a soul had truly grown from my flesh and blood, and my steps became lighter.
Her feet seemed to be walking on clouds, and her skirt fluttered in the wind.
Thanks to Toyl fans who love this face, I've been tired of being praised as "beautiful" and "pretty" for a long time.
But today, I suddenly felt that it's not so bad to be praised like this... even if all they see is this face.
Because someone has already been able to see through the exterior and see the "Ray" within me.
It's enough if just one person can see it.
...I always felt that before today, I was waiting for something, but I didn't know what I was waiting for.
But today, at this very moment, I suddenly realized that perhaps what I've been waiting for all this time with such melancholy is just these words spoken by the person in front of me.
Fate is truly wondrous. Thinking about it now, my inexplicable act of kindness towards him might have been foreshadowed all along.
"Is this why I insisted on getting involved in this mess to help you?" I couldn't help but mutter to myself.
He didn't hear clearly: "What?"
I vehemently denied it: "It's nothing."
He seemed to want to say something more, so I reached out and grabbed the ice-blue petals floating in mid-air.
“Look,” I said, then opened my palm to show him the result, “it has withered… but the petals hold our conversations and memories.”
“I understand what you mean,” I said, “the soul of this petal will shine forever.”
These words were like a flash of lightning, illuminating the darkness.
Kurapika suddenly glimpsed his sparkling childhood memories and familiar faces through the petals.
He suddenly realized that, just as flower petals could be imbued with souls, the soul of Kurta would also shine brightly and remain immortal in his memory.
Then he curled his lips into a wry smile.
...That's probably why I always felt that Lai was special.
She will show him some of the scenery he missed while lost on the road to revenge.
"I will cherish it." She smiled, holding the petal.
—I will cherish them too.
Kurapika thought.
Memories of the Kuluta people.
As the sun set, they unconsciously stopped walking and stood by the path, watching the sun slowly sink below the horizon.
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