Chapter 61
...
Because Leorio's message was intercepted by Rai, from Killua's perspective, while Rai was enjoying a rare vacation, all news about Rai's whereabouts suddenly stopped overnight.
“I thought that guy was with Kurt,” Killua quickly realized the problem and fell into an inexplicable gloom, “but it seems Kurt has already gone home, and he went home alone.”
So where did Ray go?
He set aside his call with Zoldyck and went to question Kurt alone, but Kurt, unusually, became uncooperative and refused to say anything.
"I don't know," Kurt insisted on this point.
Killua's previously calm demeanor fluctuated drastically as a result.
It was like a huge stone being thrown into a calm lake, creating ripples all around.
"What don't you understand?" His voice rose considerably without him even realizing it.
Gon, who was sitting on the other side of the room with his hands on the chair and leaning forward, paused when he heard the voice. He involuntarily tensed his shoulders and neck and turned to look at Killua.
Killua, oblivious to his companions' gazes, furrowed his brows in frustration, his eyes darkening.
Even though he seemed to have angered his favorite older brother, Kurt's emotions remained as stable as ever.
“When Sister Lei disappeared, I was somewhere else… and she didn’t wait for me,” he said. “So I don’t know where she went.”
Killua wanted to say something more, but after a moment's pause, Kalluto suddenly asked a strange question in a cold tone.
"You really don't know where she is,... brother?"
"How could I—" Killua instinctively wanted to refute Kalluto's question, but before he could finish his sentence, he realized Kalluto's subtext.
"You hadn't left that city yet, right, when you and she parted ways?" He deftly skipped the question of whether she thought he had hidden Rae away, jumping directly to the next point, "Or perhaps you encountered something on the road, and she said something to you..."
Kurt remained silent.
After a while, he seemed to finally be about to say something, but his breathing became erratic in the next moment, and then, without warning, Kurt suddenly cut off the call.
Killua judged that he must have suddenly encountered some kind of unexpected situation.
But it doesn't matter, the conversation just now has already revealed what he wants to know.
First and foremost...
He put down his phone and breathed a sigh of relief.
“That guy should be safe now. He wasn’t kidnapped or taken away by Illumi, as we thought.” He announced his conclusion to Gon. “Karto has been very calm and said something about her abandoning him. He must have confirmed something.”
Then he became serious and said to Xiao Jie:
"Let me make this clear beforehand: whatever you think about Ray, my advice is to stay away from him—this is just my advice as a friend, putting aside any personal feelings. You've probably gotten a sense of how troublesome that guy is from this whole affair, haven't you?"
Xiao Jie blinked.
Killua was a little devastated.
"Do you understand now...? In short, Lai is really not a normal person! Anything related to our family never ends well! I don't know why you're interested in her, but it's not too late to forget about her...! Besides, I..."
His words were hesitant and then abruptly stopped.
"Besides what?" Xiao Jie asked.
“…Besides, I don’t want to have a conflict with you.” Killua’s tone turned somber, his body casting a shadow on the ground under the light. “Although it’s okay if we don’t talk about it normally, if we really have to analyze it, that guy is very important to me.”
“It’s not about love or liking… I know a lot of people use those kinds of words to bind a girl, but for me, Rai isn’t like that. She’s just simply someone who’s very important to me.” Killua rambled on, continuing in a tone as if talking to himself, “I might say I ‘like’ her, because she’s wonderful, beautiful and smart, her eyes crinkle when she smiles, and her hair is like silk… but this feeling doesn’t need a response. I just need to see her freed from her pain.”
Lei is special.
In his not-so-long life so far, Ray and he were entangled in the first and most important years of his life.
She was like his reflection left in the dark world.
He doesn't need his lonely reflection to do anything for him; he only hopes that her outline becomes clearer day by day, that she gains enough energy and vitality in the sunlight, and that the water remains calm so that the reflection is always complete and beautiful, never broken.
“I just,” Killua said, “hope she’s alright…”
I don't know if I've conveyed my feelings clearly to my partner, but just saying it has already taken all my strength and left me feeling exhausted... And then I think about how I'm worrying endlessly on this side while Lai is off having a carefree time, which makes me feel even more tired.
Killua shut his mouth and didn't say anything more, letting out a brief and inexplicable moment of melancholy.
He felt that Lai might not need him, since he hadn't been there when she needed him most.
And she got through those days without herself just fine...
Ultimately, after a brief encounter, they drifted apart and could never return to the same path.
In this situation, his concern for her seemed presumptuous and superfluous.
However, this sense of loss was meaningless. Killua quickly cheered up and opened his mouth to shout a slogan like "I'm going to find Rey now," but as soon as he raised his head, he was surprised to find that Gon had silently approached him.
Killua was so startled that he fell backward.
Xiao Jie stood face to face with him, so close that they could see the light and shadow in each other's eyes.
"Isn't this great?" he said abruptly.
Killua asked in confusion, "...Ah?"
Gon laughed: "I meant Killua's feelings for Rei! Rei will definitely be very touched! Tell her that next time you see her."
"No way!" Killua reflexively gave a negative answer, almost jumping out of bed in agitation. "That's not what I meant!"
"Yes, the main point is that they want me to stay away from Rae because they're afraid I might hurt her—I totally understand that!" Gon said this so cheerfully that it was as if he wasn't the protagonist in Killua's words.
Killua was greatly shocked: "Your reaction this time was so quick... So you really do have a unique and systematic set of judgment abilities in this area?"
“…Although I don’t quite understand what Killua is saying, it shouldn’t be like that,” Gon said, sounding a little frustrated. “I’m saying this because Killua’s behavior lately has been so strange. He’s clearly telling me that he doesn’t want to see you and Rey in contact.”
“…Really?” Killua asked doubtfully.
Xiao Jie nodded.
The two looked at each other, speechless.
After a moment, Killua cleared his throat and said:
"In short... that guy is really troublesome and fragile, so... if I'm right, if we find her..."
"No," Xiao Jie suddenly retorted.
Killua: "..."
“No,” Xiao Jie said slowly and seriously, seeing the doubt in his eyes, “Ray is not fragile at all.”
"You do admit that this is troublesome..." Killua retorted.
"It's not exactly troublesome either," Xiao Jie quickly added.
"What happened?!"
Killua is really going to be defeated by him.
Xiao Jie pondered for a moment.
“I don’t know how to describe her…” he said, “but you absolutely can’t describe Rae with words like ‘fragile’ or ‘troublesome.’ She’s very strong, Killua. And… she’s also very dangerous.”
Those brown-red eyes, as they were speaking, gleamed with an unwavering light, like someone locking onto their prey, which was chilling.
"So I can't agree to your request... I'll try my best not to clash with you, Killua, but I can't help but pay attention to her. If you could see what I see in her, you would understand what I'm really chasing."
After making this somewhat frightening statement, Xiao Jie acted as if nothing had happened, casually asking:
"...So, what exactly did you find out from Kurt?"
Killua shivered without realizing it.
He had always thought that Illumi and Rai together was the worst combination, but now he was beginning to doubt his past judgment. Perhaps there was an even worse combination in front of him, but it was only just beginning to emerge.
"...It's nothing." He tried to control his facial muscles and lie naturally, saying, "I just guessed that she might be hiding somewhere by herself."
Xiao Jie: "Hmm...I see."
Killua: "Hmm."
Gon said disappointedly, "I thought you were going to say that she met with Kurapika again."
Killua's hair stood on end, and he managed a forced response: "Why would you say that? They're not even familiar with each other!"
Gon: "But it seems like Rai doesn't know many people to begin with. If you exclude those who are close to Killua's family and her family, then Kurapika is the only one left."
Killua was so numb he didn't even know what he was saying anymore.
“Ha,” he forced a laugh, dismissing his companion’s guess, “Haha, anyway, that’s just too outrageous—”
Before he could finish speaking, he saw Xiao Jie lower his head, take out his phone, and start typing.
Killua instantly bristled: "What are you doing?!"
Gon naturally raised his clear eyes: "Ask Kurapika. We haven't talked much since I told him about Rai being caught—ah, I can't get through, I think he changed his number again."
Killua breathed a sigh of relief.
Then I watched helplessly as Xiao Jie dialed another number.
Killua: "Wasn't it impossible to get through?"
Gon: "This is Leorio's phone... I dialed it... Ah! Leorio! Are you alright? Where are you now?"
"He's with Kurapika? That's great, I just happened to have something I wanted to ask him."
"How have we been lately? Pretty good... Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask..."
Before Gon could even utter the word "Lei," he heard Leorio let out an unbearable shout.
"Wait, Xiao Jie—"
"Lay! You've been ripped off by the boss again! Hurry and return everything before the store closes! It's not too late!"
Xiao Jie: "Ah."
Killua: "..."
The background noise was so loud and distracting that Leorio unknowingly ended the call.
But it's okay, Xiao Jie put down his phone and smiled with his eyes crinkling.
“Found it.” He said to Killua, “Killua, you see, as long as you put in a little effort and don’t give up halfway, you will find the person you are looking for very soon.”
Killua, the coward who abandoned his companions after giving up halfway through and faced the dark abyss alone on Kukuroku Mountain, felt as if a knife had suddenly been plunged into his chest.
He awkwardly avoided his friend's bright eyes and gave a wry reply:
"...Oh, yes."
“But… Lai… isn’t that good either…” he whispered again.
Xiao Jie: "Hmm"
"Why do you insist on seeing her?" Killua mustered his courage and asked directly, "She doesn't like Gon or you either. Since Kurapika and Leorio are taking care of her, we..."
He couldn't continue.
"Are you going to run away again?" Gon saw right through him. "Or do you just not want me to see Rai no matter what... Killua is so strange. That's why he loses the people he cares about."
"Although they stopped me, Kurapika and Leorio are in contact with her... I don't mean to say they will betray me and Killua, but feelings are unpredictable... Running away will only make things worse."
"Killua, you always seem to struggle when it comes to relationships."
“No…” Killua’s expression turned sad as his companions analyzed the situation. “Ray… just needs me to suffer. She doesn’t care about our unnecessary feelings! She always has been—”
Xiao Jie remained unmoved.
“That’s right,” he said. “That’s just how she is.”
Or rather, people are all the same.
It has its good points and its bad points.
If you constantly avoid a certain aspect of your partner in a relationship, it will never end well.
"You have to persevere," Xiao Jie said. "It will be painful, but you have to have that kind of determination."
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