Chapter 178 He Lost the Ashes in the Torrent of Time
[This chapter has 6,000 words, which is twice the usual word count.]
"Yan Yu hasn't woken up yet, what are we going to do?" The old lady sighed, her brows furrowed, her face filled with sorrow.
"Grandma, good people are always blessed. Yan Yu will wake up. Don't worry too much. Take care of yourself too," Xiao Qing said worriedly.
These past few days, the old lady has been putting in a lot of effort to take care of Yan Yu, to the point that she's neglecting her own health, which makes Xiao Qing quite worried about her.
"Okay, I'll be careful," the old lady replied with a forced smile.
Afterwards, the two talked for a while about Yan Yu's condition.
Finally, Xiaoqing made some preparations and went up the mountain to collect herbs.
On the way up the mountain, Xiaoqing kept her brows furrowed, her mood was extremely complicated, and she had an indescribable feeling in her heart. In short, she felt very uncomfortable.
Yan Yu is currently unconscious, and Shen Jin...
Who would have thought? Fate is really playing tricks on people.
If Yan Yu wakes up then and finds out that Shen Jin is already... I wonder how sad he will be.
Moreover, the atmosphere in the village hasn't been good lately, given what happened.
The children in several villages don't come out to play much anymore, probably because their parents are keeping them away, or perhaps they've also sensed the sadness in the situation.
Everyone had lost that feeling they used to have, and the whole village was immersed in a sense of sorrow.
They used to be quite capable at work, but now...sigh.
People who should be visiting each other, chatting, and catching up are now mostly staying indoors.
After all, who can be happy right now?
Xiaoqing packed her things and headed into the mountains.
In a place like this, you have to rely on yourself for everything. Without medicine, how could Yan Yu possibly survive, since he was already unconscious?
If something really happens to Yan Yu, what will the old lady do?
Inside the cabin, Yan Yu was still lying on the bed, barely alive, his brows suddenly furrowing slightly.
He seemed to be dreaming.
In my dream... there are ashes.
"Hey, Yan Yu, what are you doing?" Shen Jin looked at Yan Yu with a smile in his eyes.
That smile was like a pebble thrown into Yan Yu's heart, and Yan Yu felt his heart begin to ripple.
Yan Yu swayed and hugged Shen Jin tightly, very forcefully, refusing to let go at all.
Even knowing that Shen Jin hated him, he didn't want to let go.
“Shen Jin…” Yan Yu called his name in a hoarse voice.
"What's wrong with you?" Shen Jin looked at him in confusion.
Yan Yu released him and shook his head.
Even though he knew he was in his dream, he still wanted to stay with Shen Jin a little longer. Such a beautiful dream, he wanted to stay in it forever and never wake up. He was willing to be immersed in this beautiful dream for the rest of his life.
He just wanted to hold Shen Jin tightly, to hold him close, afraid that Shen Jin might disappear at any moment.
"You, really, I'm not that easy to disappear. As long as you don't disappear, that's fine." Shen Jin teased, as if he knew what Yan Yu was thinking.
Upon hearing Shen Jin's words, Yan Yu froze, hugged him tighter, and laughed.
"I will not disappear. I wish I could stay by your side forever, hold you tightly, and make sure you can't go anywhere else."
"You idiot, aren't you already by my side? Don't you know how to say such things? Aren't you ashamed?"
Yan Yu laughed, but suddenly, the scene changed.
Instead, it turned out that there were two people in the kitchen.
"Yan Yu, are you going to cook for me?" Shen Jin tilted his head slightly and smiled at Yan Yu.
"Let me cook for you," Yan Yu said cautiously, then smiled.
His eyes were brimming with affection.
He loves Shen Jin, he really loves him so much, he only wants to have him all to himself, no one else can have him.
Shen Jin chuckled and pushed him away, saying, "You should go out. I'll do it. What can you do?"
"No, I want to stay with you. Even if I can't, I can wash vegetables. There's always something I can do." Yan Yu bypassed him, suddenly ran to Shen Jin, and grabbed his hand.
Baba spoke with particular caution, as if afraid that Shen Jin would disagree.
The two stared at each other for a moment. Yan Yu hesitated for a moment, then leaned close to Shen Jin and kissed him.
Shen Jin immediately tried to push him away.
However, his hands were restrained by Yan Yu's chest, and he couldn't move them.
"Yan Yu, let go of me, I have important business to attend to."
Yan Yu leaned in and bit Shen Jin's lips, his tone softening as he spoke with a cautious, tentative touch.
He could no longer distinguish between dream and reality, but only in dreams could he treat Shen Jin like this without being disliked.
Shen Jin closed his eyes and stopped struggling.
No one saw that Yan Yu, who was unconscious at the moment, slowly curled up the corners of his mouth.
The style suddenly changes.
At this moment, both of them were on the snow-capped mountain.
Looking at the vast expanse of white all around, Yan Yu was stunned and suddenly broke out in a cold sweat.
"Yan Yu, hold my hand and don't let go." Shen Jin said, braving the cold wind.
Yan Yu snapped out of his daze and saw that Shen Jin was reaching out a hand to him. Yan Yu quickly reached out to grab his hand.
However, the next moment, Shen Jin's body suddenly became ethereal, and Yan Yu's outstretched hand only grasped a cold object.
Then, Shen Jin suddenly began to disappear little by little, and Yan Yu panicked.
"Shen Jin, Shen Jin!" Yan Yu kept trying to grab Shen Jin's hand, but he couldn't succeed even once.
With red-rimmed eyes, Yan Yu cried out in despair, "Shen Jin!"
Suddenly, they were back in the village, as if nothing had happened.
Yan Yu didn't care about anything else and hurriedly went to find Shen Jin. When he saw Shen Jin sitting inside, Yan Yu breathed a sigh of relief.
Fortunately, fortunately, Shen Jin is still here; he didn't lose Shen Jin.
Thinking this, Yan Yu's eyes reddened again. He couldn't care less about anything else and stepped forward to hug Shen Jin.
But suddenly, Shen Jin, who was sitting there, disappeared, and now he was all alone.
"Embers..."
Yan Yu frantically searched everywhere.
"Chen Jin, where are you? Don't hide from me, I'll worry about you." Yan Yu searched everywhere but couldn't find him.
Slumped to the ground, Yan Yu was on the verge of collapse.
Then, Yan Yu began searching for Shen Jin, but he couldn't find him no matter what he did. He called Shen Jin's name again and again, but no one answered.
"Shen Jin!!" Yan Yu suddenly shouted Shen Jin's name, and woke up with a start, sitting up abruptly.
Yan Yu sat on the bed, panting heavily, his forehead covered in cold sweat.
“Chen Jin…” Yan Yu gasped for breath, calling out Chen Jin’s name blankly.
Then, Yan Yu looked down and found that he was still in the small wooden house where he usually slept, and Shen Jin's bed was still next to him, but no one was there.
"You're awake?!" Xiaoqing's surprised voice rang in my ears.
Xiao Qing, who had been worried about Yan Yu, finally breathed a sigh of relief. She had been very worried about Yan Yu, so she came here to watch over him. He had been calling Shen Jin's name, and then he woke up.
When Xiaoqing saw Yan Yu wake up, she was stunned and didn't react for a long time. Then, her mind was filled with joy. As long as he woke up, it meant that he was out of danger.
Otherwise, if things continue like this, she won't know what to do.
If she hadn't woken up soon, the old lady probably wouldn't have been able to do anything, but thankfully she was alright.
Hearing Xiaoqing's voice, Yan Yu snapped out of his daze, turned to look at Xiaoqing, and stared blankly for a few seconds.
He can no longer tell whether this is reality or still in his dream.
A moment later, Yan Yu reached out and pinched his arm. He could feel the pain, and his brows furrowed immediately. This was real; it wasn't a dream.
Seeing Yan Yu pinching her arm, Xiao Qing was startled and quickly asked, "How are you feeling? Are you alright? Is anything bothering you?"
Yan Yu turned to look at Xiao Qing, but didn't answer her question. He just asked urgently, "Where is Chen Jin?"
Upon hearing the name "Shen Jin," Xiao Qing's smile froze instantly, and she was speechless for a moment.
Seeing that Xiaoqing remained silent, Yan Yu became anxious.
"Where is Chen Jin? Where is Chen Jin?" Yan Yu's tone was tinged with obvious anxiety.
During the days he was in a coma, his mind was filled with nothing but Shen Jin.
He just wanted to know where Shen Jin was, he just wanted Shen Jin, he just wanted to see Shen Jin.
“Chen Jin…” Xiao Qing said a few words, her eyes suddenly reddened, she choked up, and did not continue.
Yan Yu was stunned when he saw Xiao Qing like this. He opened his mouth, but couldn't say anything for a moment.
A moment later, Yan Yu's voice trembled: "Where is Shen Jin? Is Shen Jin here?"
“It’s been half a month now, you’ve been unconscious for a long time, and a long time has passed since the avalanche…” Xiaoqing hesitated for a moment, and finally said only this sentence in a low voice.
Upon learning that this was half a month later, Yan Yu's face turned deathly pale. In that instant, he felt as if he had been struck by lightning, a sense of helplessness that permeated his very soul and seeped into his very bones.
"What did you say?" Yan Yu asked, stunned.
He thought he had only been unconscious for a few hours at most, but he never expected that he had been unconscious for so long. For a moment, Yan Yu didn't know what to do.
"It's true, it's already half a month from now, and in a few days it will be the Spring Festival," Xiaoqing said softly. "So..."
So how could someone still be alive after more than half a month has passed?
"Impossible!" Yan Yu suddenly shouted at Xiao Qing, his voice hoarse, "You must be lying to me!"
My emotions became intense.
He didn't care what time it was; all he wanted to know was, where was Chen Jin, where was he?!
He wanted to see Shen Jin... He didn't believe it, he absolutely wouldn't believe it.
Seeing Yan Yu like this, Xiao Qing's face immediately turned even uglier.
After a long while, Xiaoqing lowered her eyes and spoke in a barely audible voice to Yan Yu, "Please accept my condolences. The dead cannot be brought back to life. Half a month has passed; Shen Jin is already..."
Upon hearing Xiaoqing's words, Yan Yu was completely stunned and remained speechless for a long time.
When Xiaoqing saw Yan Yu like this, she was extremely worried and almost cried.
“Brother Yan Yu, please don’t do this. Brother Chen Jin has really…” Xiao Qing stopped midway through her sentence, unable to bring herself to say the word.
Shen Jin was such a good person, why was God so unfair to him?
“Chen Jin…” Yan Yu called out Chen Jin’s name blankly, his eyes unfocused and unfocused.
In a daze, he seemed to see Shen Jin's gentle face. Shen Jin was smiling at him, the corners of his mouth slightly upturned. That smile was so beautiful that it was simply captivating.
Yan Yu didn't even want to blink.
However, the person in front of them suddenly disappeared the next moment.
Yan Yu's tears suddenly fell, a mocking smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He truly hated his own powerlessness. Why did this happen? Why...
"Yan Yu, don't be sad. You have to look forward. Life goes on, don't you think?" Xiao Qing's eyes also reddened when she saw Yan Yu's tears.
Yan Yu buried his face in his palms, his shoulders trembling slightly, and he kept emitting fragmented sobs from his throat.
Xiaoqing watched from the side, feeling very uncomfortable.
The two remained silent, neither speaking, the atmosphere unusually heavy.
After a while, Yan Yu lowered his hand, his eyes still red and full of hurt, as if he had lost his soul.
"I want to go back to the snow-capped mountains again," Yan Yu said softly, his voice filled with melancholy.
Hearing Yan Yu's words, Xiao Qing was stunned for a moment, and finally could only nod.
Then, Yan Yu threw off the covers and got out of bed.
After getting ready, Yan Yu was about to head to the snow mountain when Xiao Qing quickly said, "I'll go with you."
Seeing Yan Yu's distraught state, Xiao Qing was extremely worried, fearing that something might happen to him, and that he might, like before, refuse to stop and obsessively continue searching for Chen Jin...
"No need, let me go alone." Yan Yu forced a smile, a smile that looked particularly pale and weak.
Xiaoqing pursed her lips, looking at Yan Yu's smile that was even more painful than a grimace, and felt a pang of sadness.
"But..." Xiaoqing was still very worried.
"Don't worry about me. If I'm not back by the appointed time, you can come looking for me again." Yan Yu seemed to know what Xiao Qing was worried about, and his words immediately put her at ease.
Xiaoqing immediately breathed a sigh of relief.
"Then be careful," Xiaoqing reminded her again.
"Okay." Yan Yu nodded in response and turned to leave.
Watching Yan Yu's departing figure, Xiao Qing didn't know what to say and could only watch him leave.
Yan Yu walked for a long time until he arrived at the snow mountain. It was half a month later. Some of the snow on the mountain had melted, and trees were now visible in some places.
After standing on the snow for a while, Yan Yu easily found the place where he had found the two butterfly specimens and sat down there.
The snow-capped mountains were very quiet, with only the occasional sound of wind blowing through the valleys.
Yan Yu sat quietly, his arms wrapped around his knees, not saying a word, his eyes lowered as he looked at the white expanse.
"Shen Jin, I miss you so much..."
"I don't know why, but I just miss you, want to see you, want to talk to you, want to hear you scold me, even if I hear you say you hate me, I still want to see you."
"If this is the punishment you're giving me... then I can suffer for the rest of my life."
Yan Yu kept talking to himself, his voice low and eventually drifting away in the wind. He talked to himself for a very long time...
After a long while, Yan Yu slowly got up. His legs were numb, but he didn't care. He looked around, withdrew his reluctant gaze, and finally left.
Xiaoqing, who was anxiously waiting in the village, was about to go find Yan Yu.
When Xiaoqing saw Yan Yu return, she was so excited she almost cried. Yan Yu had finally come to terms with things.
"Yan Yu, you're back." Xiao Qing smiled happily at Yan Yu.
"Hmm." Yan Yu responded, "I want to be alone for a while."
After saying that, Yan Yu went straight into the small wooden house where he usually lived and closed the door.
Xiaoqing looked at the closed door, and her smile gradually faded.
She had just seen Yan Yu's eyes, which were still devoid of any light. Yan Yu hadn't let go at all; he had simply locked his heart away.
In the days that followed, Yan Yu lived in a daze, his smile completely gone, and he seemed unable to listen to anything anyone said to him.
Yan Yu refused to believe that Shen Jin was dead, so he would go to the snow mountain every now and then. He went many times, but still couldn't find Shen Jin.
Seeing that Shen Jin would often go to the snow mountain, Xiao Qing borrowed a bicycle for him in the village so that he could save some effort when going to the snow mountain. Every time Yan Yu went, he would come back on time, so she wasn't too worried.
Every night, Yan Yu lay in bed, using the pillow that Chen Jin used to sleep on, with the box containing two butterfly specimens next to it.
Yan Yu took the box and opened it. Looking at the two exquisite specimens, a hint of tenderness finally appeared in his eyes. Now, the only things that could keep him company were these two butterfly specimens.
After reading it, Yan Yu closed the lid and carefully placed it back on the bedside table, in the closest place to him. Only in this way could he feel at ease.
It's New Year's Eve during the day, time to ring in the new year.
People started setting off firecrackers early in the morning, making it very lively. However, no matter how lively it was, it couldn't mask the oppressive atmosphere in the village.
With so many deaths in the village this year, there's no way to be happy.
"Yan Yu, come and have New Year's Eve dinner with us!" Xiao Qing said to Yan Yu as she passed by his room while helping the old lady carry dishes to the dining table.
"Oh, okay." Yan Yu nodded in response.
As night fell, the three of them sat together at the dining table, which was laden with delicious food, several times more plentiful than usual.
Yan Yu, however, had little appetite.
In fact, he had no appetite ever since he woke up.
The old lady and Xiaoqing didn't look happy either. They ate their New Year's Eve dinner numbly, as if they were completing a task, just like the other families in the village.
"Yan Yu, another year has passed, and you've grown another year older," the old lady said, placing a piece of meat on Yan Yu's plate.
"Thank you, Grandma," Yan Yu nodded in thanks.
The old lady reached out and touched his head, without saying anything.
Finally, the New Year's Eve dinner ended in silence, and everyone went back to their rooms to sleep, and the next day was another new year.
Time flies after the Spring Festival.
Gradually, the snow melted, and spring was just around the corner. As soon as spring arrived, the village became busy, with everyone working on planting crops.
As the weather got warmer, Yan Yu had already taken off his cotton-padded coat.
"Xiaoqing, are you going to the fields today?" Yan Yu asked Xiaoqing during breakfast.
Xiaoqing swallowed a mouthful of rice and nodded: "Yes, we're going to the fields to weed today. Spring has arrived, and the weeds have all grown. We need to remove the weeds before planting crops."
Yan Yu nodded in response to Xiao Qing's words.
After a moment, Yan Yu said, "Then I'll go help you."
"Okay." Xiaoqing nodded happily.
These past few days, although Yan Yu no longer showed her sadness at losing Shen Jin on her face and was even willing to smile and talk to others, she knew that Yan Yu was still thinking about Shen Jin.
Every time Yan Yu was doing something, he would suddenly stop, stare at a certain spot for a while, and then continue with what he was doing.
She knew that Yan Yu was thinking of Chen Jin.
After finishing their meal, Yan Yu and Xiao Qing picked up their hoes and went to the fields together.
Yan Yu carefully used a hoe to dig the weeds out of the ground and threw them on the soil, so that these weeds could become nutrients for this land again.
Gradually, the sun rose, and Yan Yu's nose was covered with a fine layer of sweat.
"Brother Yan Yu, are you tired? Why don't you rest for a while?" Xiao Qing asked from the side.
Yan Yu stopped what he was doing, glanced at Xiao Qing, and chuckled, "It's alright, I'm not tired."
After saying that, Yan Yu continued working.
Xiaoqing glanced at Yan Yu for a while, smiled, and continued working without saying anything more.
After weeding the entire field, Yan Yu and Xiao Qing returned home.
Yan Yu began to have some free time.
So he rode the bicycle toward the snow-capped mountains.
It's already spring. At this time of year, the snow on the snow-capped mountains has melted completely, and the mountains and fields are covered with flowers. In addition to wildflowers, there are also some seeds that were buried here by avalanches, which have also sprouted and blossomed.
Yan Yu looked at the flowers that covered the hillside. Standing in the sea of flowers, a breeze could carry a rich fragrance.
Such a beautiful place...
He really wanted to bring Shen Jin to see this place. He remembered that Shen Jin had told him before that he liked it here, that the scenery of this village was beautiful, and that he thought it was a great place.
Why didn't he cherish it then? After Shen Jin left, he started to miss him terribly. He now clearly remembers every single word Shen Jin said to him.
“Sinking Ashes…you must be lonely…” Yan Yu lowered his eyes and said in a barely audible voice.
Shen Jin would definitely like this place.
As Yan Yu thought about it, his heart began to ache. He scratched the spot where his new room was, feeling a little uncomfortable, then stopped and gave a self-deprecating laugh.
Heartbreaking... Isn't this the punishment he deserves?
Tears suddenly streamed down Yan Yu's face, obscuring his vision. He could no longer see anything clearly, only a blurry blur.
He still lost the ashes, lost them in the torrent of time, and never found them again...
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