Chapter 108 The South Study is not the Fengchun Pavilion
Lu Jinlan thought back for a moment and she was sure that she hadn't told anyone. She had only asked Lin Cheng to help her offer two lamps at Ci'an Temple.
She hurriedly asked, "Did Rin Cheng say something?"
But then she realized that Rin Cheng didn't know the details either; she had only told him that these were two deceased friends.
Because their deaths were so tragic, and fearing their souls would be restless, Lu Jinlan kept dreaming of the two crying to her. So she decided to offer two ever-burning lamps before the Buddha, hoping their faint light would guide them out of suffering and to the Pure Land as soon as possible.
Lu Jinzhao said, "Lin Cheng didn't say anything, and I didn't ask him. I just noticed that you seemed distracted these past few days, so I thought I'd go to Ci'an Temple to donate some incense oil to accumulate good karma. Coincidentally, the abbot knew me and said that your husband had come a couple of days ago and offered two lamps for the deceased."
“Lin Cheng’s mother was my close friend. How could I not know when someone in her family passed away? I felt something was amiss at the time.”
"So when the host wasn't looking, I glanced at the note under the lamp. Although Rin Cheng deliberately wrote the words very blurry, I happened to recognize the two names on the note, so they weren't hard to identify."
"Gu Feiqing, my close friend. Gu Huaiyu, her younger brother."
Thinking that his secret, which he had guarded for so many years, had suddenly been discovered by Lu Jinlan, Lu Jinzhao couldn't help but sigh. "You must already know about your background. Tell me honestly, how did you find out?"
Lu Jinlan lowered her eyes and told Ling Zhijing the truth about her meeting in the prison and the unexpected discovery of her background.
Lu Jinzhao nodded. "In the end, I couldn't hide it from you anymore. Fine. Now that you know, do you still consider me your mother?"
Lu Jinlan's eyes reddened. "Mother, what are you saying? You will always be my mother, and that will never change."
She knelt before Lu Jinchao, tears welling in her eyes, and said, "You risked your life to take me in as your eldest daughter. Over the years, you and Father have treated me as your own daughter and raised me with all your heart and soul. I can never repay you in this lifetime."
“You knew perfectly well that I was not your biological son, yet you still made me the young master and handed the Lu family over to me.”
“My daughter is naturally mischievous and always worries you. Over the years, you have traveled between Beijing and Yunzhou for me many times without ever complaining.”
"You were afraid that my background would bring trouble, so you arranged this marriage for me with the Song family. You have gone to great lengths to plan and scheme for my peaceful life. How could I not know your good intentions?"
"You always tolerated me, encouraged me, believed in me, and supported me time and time again. You are the best mother in the world. Mother..."
Lu Jinlan tugged at Lu Jinzhao's sleeve, "Please don't abandon me."
Lu Jinzhao was already in tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
She wiped away Lu Jinlan's tears and choked out, "Silly child, how could your mother abandon you? At this age, I only have four children."
“Your sister Jinqi was born mischievous, and your mother never had any expectations for her. Although your two younger brothers are your father’s biological sons and have well-behaved personalities, they are still boys and will eventually get married.”
“You are my and your father’s first child. From the day I brought you home, we decided to keep this secret and raise you as our own child.”
“At the time, I was afraid of arousing suspicion and investigation, so I lied to the outside world and said that your father was several months pregnant and that I was accompanying him to visit my parents’ home. In reality, your father and I took you and hid in the mountains, where we stayed for almost half a year.”
"We were first-time parents, and we did everything ourselves. When we returned home, although we had a lot of servants, your father still couldn't be without you day and night and had to take care of you himself. After you could run, jump and talk, your father had your son, and then he rarely took care of him himself."
At this point, Lu Jinzhao sighed with deep emotion, "Lan'er, your father and I have poured all our heart and soul into you. You are our most beloved daughter. But we don't ask for anything else, we only hope that you can be safe and sound."
"Tell me the truth, what have you been thinking about these past few days, and what conclusions have you reached?"
Lu Jinlan wiped away her tears and honestly said, "I haven't come up with any conclusion, I've just thought about many possibilities."
Whether or not to vie for the throne is a major issue, involving not only herself but also her family, friends, and even the future direction of the entire country.
In modern times, she would agonize for half a month before buying a down jacket. How could she make a decision on something so serious that it could cost her her life?
Ling Zhijing has been struggling with this for eighteen years. Of course, Lu Jinlan won't take that long, but she's still hesitant at this stage.
Lu Jinlan frankly said, "Now that I know my true identity, I am quite troubled. When the Marquis of Dingbei told me, she asked me a question: whether I wanted to be the emperor."
“I said it depends on what price I have to pay. She said if I want the throne, I have to pay the price of my family being destroyed and everyone turning against me.”
"I don't know how she came up with those eight words, but her words have been lingering in my mind, and I've made many assumptions about them."
"After considering dozens of possibilities, the outcome is not very optimistic. Even if the emperor has a change of heart and recognizes me, granting me the right to compete for the throne, the road ahead of me will still be fraught with difficulties and dangers."
"The eldest princess is not someone to be trifled with, and the emperor's decision to bring her into court indicates his intention to make her the crown princess. My daughter, whose origins are unclear, is illegitimate and her existence is disgraceful to the emperor. Why would she persuade the court officials and the people for my sake?"
"Should I fight for the throne? Should I fight for the throne? Can I win the throne? I've thought about these questions repeatedly and analyzed them over and over again."
"Leaving aside whether I want it or not, and just considering whether it's possible, I think I want the throne, almost to the point of force. My power is on the border and in the capital, but I am still weak and isolated. I have rehearsed the situation in my mind several times, but I still don't have the confidence to win."
Lu Jinzhao said urgently, "Then you shouldn't even think about it! We don't want it, we won't fight for it, is that not okay?"
Lu Jinlan hesitated and said, "But...but I don't think Zhao Zhiyu is necessarily a good emperor. If I were to do it, I would definitely do it better than her."
"Lan'er!" Lu Jinzhao said anxiously, "Don't you always say that there's more than one way to solve a problem? Even if she's not a good emperor in the future, are you really going to risk everything to seize the throne? Are you out of your mind?"
As Lu Jinzhao spoke, he choked on his breath and began to cough violently.
Lu Jinlan hurriedly said, "Mother, don't worry, I don't necessarily want to do anything. I'm just thinking about it. Please have some tea."
Lu Jinzhao calmed his breathing and waved his hand wearily, "Even if what you're doing is right, why do I have to do it? What if it fails?"
Lu Jinlan said in a low voice, "Mother, don't worry, I know my own limitations. I will never act rashly without absolute certainty."
"The throne is a tremendous temptation, but I have not let it cloud my judgment. My biggest concern is for you and Father, and for the whole family, young and old."
"As the head of the family, I should protect the family from the wind and rain and not let the family be in turmoil."
Lu Jinlan sighed repeatedly, "If you don't want people to know, then don't do it in the first place. Once you have this thought, it will be found out sooner or later. Zhao Mincheng is not stupid, and the First Princess is not someone to be trifled with either."
"I'm not afraid of how you fight with the court officials, but your attempt to seize the throne is like snatching food from a tiger's mouth. Lan'er, promise me you'll give up the idea of becoming emperor, okay?"
Lu Jinlan looked at her without saying a word.
Lu Jinzhao said, "I want you to promise me that you won't act rashly, but that you won't do it at all. No matter what good opportunities you find or what kind of help you get in the future, don't even think about it."
"What's so great about being born into a wealthy family? Is that chair worth risking your life for? To put it bluntly, our family is richer than a country. The national treasury may not even have as much silver as ours."
"You've already been ennobled, your status is high, and you're highly respected. Isn't that enough?"
“It’s not that your mother is reluctant to let you recognize someone else as your mother, nor is it that your mother is confused and doesn’t know the benefits of being an emperor. It’s just that your mother has seen through it all. That palace is not a place for someone as sentimental and righteous as you. There has never been a good person sitting on that dragon throne.”
“I know the Emperor is treating you well now. But she’s only being nice to you because she feels guilty and ashamed! Once she finds out you know the truth, she might start to be wary of you. Lan’er, serving the Emperor is like walking on thin ice.”
"You're very smart. Think about it carefully. Are you the same kind of person as the Emperor? That eldest princess is exactly like her. Why would she be willing to pass the throne to you?"
"Even if you force her to acknowledge you, how could someone as confident as her, to the point of being narcissistic, pass the throne to someone who is completely different from her at heart?"
“You’re right. Once you decide to fight for it, it’s practically tantamount to robbing it by force, and it will inevitably result in bloodshed on the palace walls.”
"When the time comes and life hangs in the balance, with the outcome uncertain, our whole family might as well die together. That would be cleaner, saving us from worrying about each other. Your mother won't blame you, but how can you face Gu Feiqing, who risked his life to protect you and handed you over to me?"
Lu Jinlan suddenly raised her head, "Mother, who killed Aunt Gu? Who killed my biological father?"
Lu Jinzhao was silent for a moment, then shook his head. "I don't know. Your aunt left in a hurry, only leaving me a note with your birth date and your parents' names on it before she breathed her last."
“You were born on the sixth day of the sixth lunar month, but your mother has always told you it was the sixth day of the ninth lunar month, just in case someone associates you with that child from back then. I'm afraid very few people in this world know the truth about what happened back then. Over the years, I've only made guesses out of thin air and dare not draw any conclusions.”
Lu Jinlan: "You just said that the Emperor is good to me because he feels guilty. Could it be that back then it was her...?"
Lu Jinzhao shook his head. "I don't know, but I think even if she wasn't the mastermind, the murderer had her tacit approval."
“Think about it, Gu Huaiyu was her husband back then. Gu Huaiyu gave birth to you, and then died mysteriously. It just so happened that she ascended the throne at that time. If it had nothing to do with her, shouldn’t she have investigated the truth? Shouldn’t she have held a funeral for her husband? But she did nothing.”
"The Gu family was already small in number, and after that, it was as if they had vanished into thin air. A few years later, I secretly inquired and found that the name Gu Huaiyu had been completely erased. Her imperial records did not mention the Gu family once, let alone the Gu family's children."
"Your aunt rose to the rank of Commander of the Five Cities Garrison and assisted her in ascending the throne. She was credited with helping the emperor, but her name was also erased."
Lu Jinzhao looked up and sighed, "Your aunt and your biological father have already proven with their lives that the imperial family is the most ruthless. Do you want to lose a third life, or even more?"
After Lu Jinzhao finished speaking, he knelt down. Lu Jinlan quickly said, "Mother, please get up!"
Lu Jinchao brushed her hand away, stubbornly saying, "I want you to promise me that you will give up the idea of becoming emperor, and even more so, not to acknowledge the emperor as your father. Do you expect a cold-blooded murderer to repent before you and then compensate you with the vast empire?"
Lu Jinlan quickly replied, "No, I never thought that way, and she would never do that."
With tears in her eyes, Lu Jinchao said, "Then promise me you'll let go of the past and forget your true identity. You're my child. You can be a minister if you want, or resign from your post. We can even move our whole family to your fiefdom. You can do whatever you want, just don't think about becoming emperor, and don't do anything that risks your life. I beg you!"
Lu Jinlan looked at Lu Jinzhao, whose hair had turned gray in the past two years and whose wrinkles at the corners of her eyes had become more pronounced.
Her eyes were red and swollen, her lips trembled, and she gripped Lu Jinlan's arm tightly, pleading in a low voice, "I'm almost fifty, please have pity on the suffering of being a mother. Don't make me worry day and night, afraid that you won't come back after you leave. Don't fight for the throne, okay?"
With tears in her eyes, Lu Jinlan lowered her head inch by inch, gently wiping away her tears, and softly agreed, "Mother, don't be afraid, I promise you, I won't fight anymore."
Lu Jinzhao breathed a sigh of relief and hugged Lu Jinlan tightly. "I'm sorry, I've wronged you by making you a daughter of the Lu family for the rest of your life. I'll be selfish just this once, only this once."
Lu Jinlan leaned on her mother's shoulder and said softly, "The Emperor's feelings for me are very complicated. You said something very true: she is good to me because she feels guilty."
"I will make good use of the Emperor's guilt. As long as I don't expose it, this guilt is enough to ensure our whole family's wealth and prosperity for a peaceful life."
*
Lu Jinlan returned to court, appearing outwardly the same as before, but in reality, she had changed her methods. She was more relaxed and better at feigning ignorance.
Anyway, as long as she doesn't make any major mistakes, the Emperor won't do anything to her. Maybe if she does make a mistake, the Emperor will be even happier and will take the opportunity to compensate her in some way to appease his uneasy conscience.
Looking at it from a different perspective, Lu Jinlan realized she was still very fortunate. She had a foster mother who loved her and gave her everything. She also had a biological mother who felt guilty towards her but could still offer her something.
Ignoring the possibility that her birth mother might have killed her birth father, God was actually quite kind to her.
She was a left-behind child in modern times; after her parents remarried, she became a completely abandoned child. But now she no longer lacks a mother and father; in fact, she has more than others, including her mother-in-law and father-in-law, so she will never lack the love of elders in her life.
She even thought that after many years, when all her elders have passed away, she would have to prepare several large carts of paper money to burn every year when she went to their graves, otherwise there wouldn't be enough for all of them.
Lu Jinlan is an optimistic person by nature; she depends on how you look at things.
Although the revelation of her background startled her at first, once she calmed down, she found that this melodramatic backstory, upon closer examination, had a unique flavor.
After the court session, as expected, the emperor summoned her to his study for a talk, along with Prime Minister Yan Weijin.
The Emperor had not yet arrived, so the two stood in the study waiting.
Yan Weijin suddenly asked her, "I heard you went to see Ling Zhijing?"
Lu Jinlan was taken aback for a moment, then realized that Wu Xin might have just said it casually, so she said, "Yes, when Ling Zhaoren was exiled, she asked me to help her send some things to her mother."
Yan Weijin nodded slightly. "It's good that you're considerate. It's rare that you didn't fawn over the powerful and instead offered your help at a time like this. However, when you saw Ling Zhijing, did she say anything to you?"
"What did you say?" Lu Jinlan sensed a probing intent in Yan Weijin's calmly smiling gaze.
She pretended not to notice, tilted her head and thought for a moment, "She said I thanked her for making a trip to the prison for her, and said some polite words."
"Really? Anything else?"
"Also, she said I resembled an old friend."
Yan Weijin raised his eyes. "Didn't you ask her which old friend she resembles?"
Lu Jinlan smiled and said, "I asked her, but she wouldn't tell me."
Yan Weijin looked at her with suspicion. "Oh? She wouldn't say, so you weren't curious? You didn't press her for details?"
Lu Jinlan nodded, "Yes, but she just won't say."
Lu Jinlan smiled and changed the subject, "Speaking of which, I also want to ask Your Excellency the Prime Minister."
"You once said that I resembled an old friend, but when I asked you which old friend it was, you wouldn't say. Who exactly is it? I'm extremely curious."
The question was suddenly thrown back at him, and Yan Weijin was momentarily speechless, "This...this..."
Lu Jinlan leaned against the table with a smile, looking at her conflicted expression, and asked, "Which one is it?"
There was a cup of hot tea on the table, and Lu Jinlan rested his elbow on it. A palace servant beside him whispered a reminder: "Lord Lu, be careful."
Lu Jinlan glanced at him; he was a handsome man with naturally smiling eyes.
Lu Jinlan curled the corners of her lips. "I've never seen you before. Are you new here?"
The young palace servant nodded shyly and replied softly, "This servant used to feed cranes in the Imperial Garden. His Majesty occasionally drank the tea I brewed and praised me for brewing it well, which is why I was transferred to the Southern Study."
Lu Jinlan smiled as she looked him over. "Hmm, you have a beautiful neck. It seems crane keepers all have a crane-like figure. By the way, what's your name? How old are you?"
Yan Weijin thought that Lu Jinlan had forgotten to ask her questions after seeing the handsome man, so she glared at her from the side and thought to herself: This is the South Study, not Fengchun Pavilion. What are you doing flirting here?
Unexpectedly, while Lu Jinlan was talking to the palace servant, he suddenly reminded her, "Your Excellency, have you thought of anything? I'm waiting for your answer."
Yan Weijin gritted his teeth, and Lu Jinlan looked at the palace man again.
The young palace servant said, "This servant is sixteen years old. My humble name would be an insult to Lord Lu's honor, and is not worth mentioning."
Lu Jinlan persisted, "I'm going to ask anyway. If you don't tell me, I'll guess. Your name is He Qing, isn't it?"
The young palace attendant chuckled and quickly shook his head.
"No? Then I'll have to guess wildly. Is your name too awful to tell me? Or is your name... Steamed Bun?"
The young palace servant blushed with anxiety, "Lord Lu is bullying people, who would have such a name?"
Lu Jinlan smiled and said, "If you don't tell me, I can only guess."
As Yan Weijin listened to the two flirting, he became increasingly agitated.
But Lu Jinlan was determined not to let her go. Amidst the banter, he said to her, "Has Your Excellency thought of anything? If not, there's no need to bother."
Yan Weijin breathed a sigh of relief, wiped the cold sweat from his forehead, and said helplessly, "This old woman is old and forgetful. She just felt that the face looked familiar, but she really can't remember it."
Lu Jinlan nodded and said, "You and Ling Zhijing both know this person, so the Emperor must know him too. I'll just ask the Emperor."
One sentence nearly made Yan Weijin lose his temper, and he hurriedly said, "No, no, no, it's best not to bother His Majesty with such a trivial matter!"
Lu Jinlan said irritably, "Didn't you bring it up? You know I'm very curious, yet you keep bringing up the topic without giving me a conclusion. It's really suffocating. I simply asked the Emperor. I don't believe the Emperor would be like you, stammering and refusing to say anything."
Yan Weijin repeatedly said, "Don't ask, don't ask. I suppose Ling Zhijing is like this old woman, getting old and confused, and can't say anything. Your Majesty... Your Majesty also..."
She lowered her voice: "His Majesty is getting on in years, and she probably can't remember. There are so many important matters of state waiting for His Majesty to decide, so let's not trouble him with such trivial matters."
Lu Jinlan straightened her neck and said defiantly, "I don't care, I'm curious, so I'll ask!"
As the two were talking, they suddenly heard a loud shout from outside: "The Emperor has arrived!"
Yan Weijin bowed nervously, his heart pounding, and stared at Lu Jinlan beside him.
As soon as the Emperor told the two to rise, Lu Jinlan said, "Your Majesty, I have a question that is unrelated to politics, and I would like to ask Your Majesty for help in answering it."
Yan Weijin's heart skipped a beat.
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