Chapter 43 I Love You
Shen Jingsi truly did what he said that night: "I'll come as long as you're here."
For the next two weeks, he entered Lu Zhenyu's dreams every night, and together they were husband and wife in the moonlight, where no one knew them.
In her book, Lu Zhenyu wrote: I used to fear the night because the devil would pick the lock and attack me; later I longed for the night because the moonlight would stream in through the window, allowing me to see him again and again.
It seems the old man has run into trouble again recently, and the Zheng family has brought in the most authoritative experts from all over Beijing.
Hearing that they only shook their heads at Zheng's mother when they came out of the ward, Lu Zhenyu knew she needed to quicken her pace.
For the thirty-second time, she tore up the manuscript that had only reached two hundred words, crumpled it into a ball, and threw it on the ground. Frustrated, she scratched her head.
Lately, I've been having too many vivid dreams. I sleep until late morning every day, and when I wake up, I'm exhausted and have difficulty concentrating.
Lu Zhenyu knew this wouldn't work; dreams could make up for many of the regrets she felt while trapped in this deep courtyard.
But if this continues, she might go insane and lose the ability to distinguish between reality and illusion before even Old Master Zheng dies.
"Xiaomeng, bring me the medicine."
The medicine arrived just five minutes after I hung up the phone.
Seeing the mess in the study, the servants took the initiative to clean it up.
Lu Zhenyu sat upright on the sofa, looking at the handful of pills on the coffee table, struggling internally with the decision of whether or not to take them.
A questioning voice came from behind, "Where did this come from?"
Lu Zhenyu turned around, and a servant handed her the things that had been cleared from under the table.
The sapphire buttons, inlaid with gold wire around the perimeter, are an exclusive luxury item made with genuine private customization.
Lu Zhenyu stared at the button for a long time before she was brought back to her senses.
"Young Madam, the room has been tidied up, but this medicine..." The servant pointed to the untouched medicine, "...would you still like to take it?"
Lu Zhenyu let out a soft breath, "Leave it for now, you can go now."
Time flew by and it was already late at night.
When Shen Jingsi arrived, Lu Zhenyu was curled up asleep on the sofa.
He pulled the person into his arms and kissed their eyelids. The eyes slowly opened. "You've come?"
He smiled apologetically, having arrived under the stars and moon. "I'm really late tonight. Will you be angry with me?"
Lu Zhenyu wrapped her arms around the narrow waist beneath the shirt, pressed her cheek against the pounding chest, and gently inhaled the scent of the cool air mixed with nicotine.
She said gently, "It's good that you're here."
The two played around on the sofa for a while, then Shen Jingsi took a shower with the other person in his arms.
The girl was unusually quiet tonight, obediently complying with whatever he did.
He sensed something was wrong, and after drying his hair, he pulled the person into his arms. "What happened?"
Lu Zhenyu rarely made eye contact with him tonight, and shook her head, "I'm just a little tired."
Shen Jingsi breathed a sigh of relief.
After being held by him for a while, Lu Zhenyu got out of his arms and sat alone on the sofa next to him, her attitude inexplicably becoming cold.
"You can leave now, and don't come back again."
Shen Jingsi was taken aback, his face full of confusion, "Why?"
Lu Zhenyu said, "I feel that what I did was wrong."
Seeing the girl's serious expression, Shen Jingsi smiled, then pulled her back and pinched her cheek. "Is it wrong for me to have an affair with you?"
Lu Zhenyu shook her head, very seriously, "You come to my dreams every night, and I find myself becoming more and more dependent on you. Although there's definitely something to look forward to, I've started not wanting to wake up in the morning, and I can't concentrate on anything during the day. As soon as lunch is over, I start looking forward to the evening, hoping you'll come. I'm afraid..."
Shen Jingsi straightened his expression. "What are you afraid of?"
"I'm afraid that in the end, I'll become too dependent on you and completely lose the ability to distinguish between reality and dreams."
Such happiness, even if it only exists in dreams for a lifetime, shouldn't be now, because there are still many things waiting for Lu Zhenyu to do.
She knew she had to cut ties with this endless cycle of depravity as soon as possible.
After hearing these words, Shen Jingsi remained silent for a long time, his tall figure shrouded in the night, as if enveloped by a deep sorrow.
After a while, he said, "Then I won't come anymore."
Upon hearing this, Lu Zhenyu's eyes suddenly reddened.
Seeing the girl with wet eyes and trembling lips, Shen Jingsi felt a pang of heartache and gently rubbed her face.
"Why are you crying again? Shall I leave now?"
Lu Zhenyu wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, their hearts almost pressed together.
She choked up as she said, "I can't bear to part with you."
She added, “Shen Jingsi, actually I don’t want you to leave at all. I thought I was prepared to say goodbye to you forever at any time. I thought I could take back my love and not give it to anyone else. But the truth is, I always overestimated myself.”
She overestimated her abilities and her luck.
The reality is that she can't even control her own freedom.
Like duckweed, it is blown by the wind, always just about to take root, always just about to find a home.
Shen Jingsi gently stroked the trembling body in his arms, and tried to ask the question he had guessed, "You actually want me to stay with you forever, don't you?"
Lu Zhenyu was acting like a child, barely managing to squeeze out a single word from her choked throat: "Yes."
"But you're afraid of getting trapped in your dream, so you cruelly want me to leave. But if I really don't come back, you'll fall into pain again, won't you?"
"yes."
Shen Jingsi took a deep breath and patiently guided the person in his arms, "Then why do you want to stay with me forever?"
The girl paused for a moment, "Because...because..."
Lu Zhenyu fell into reflection, and Shen Jingsi pulled her out of his arms; his eyes were even redder than hers.
Yet, with such gentleness, he wiped away her tears and snot from her face with the back of his hand, smiling as he said, "Because you love me, right?"
In the darkness, Lu Zhenyu's moist, fox-like eyes were fixed on the man's burning red eyes.
He was tilting his head slightly, smiling as he looked at her, his eyes overflowing with tenderness.
Lu Zhenyu's nose tingled, and tears welled up in her eyes instantly. Her tightly pursed lips trembled, like a child who had suffered a great injustice, and she hugged his neck tightly.
"Yes, I love you, Shen Jingsi. I really love you so much."
This phrase, "I love you," had been hidden in the girl's heart for twenty years.
She restrained and suppressed her overflowing love.
She endured so much pain and exhaustion that, in the end, she felt she no longer had the strength to bear this heavy emotion.
Until this moment, in her dream, she finally revealed the secret she had kept for many years.
What was Shen Jingsi feeling at that moment? She didn't know, because it was just a dream of hers.
When she wakes up, he will leave, leaving her alone to face this cold, cruel world.
And the man outside of that dream is about to marry another woman.
Shen Jingsi had been waiting for more than twenty years to say "I love you".
Now that he has finally heard it, he has begun to feel a bit like he's dreaming.
Looking at the girl in his arms, he wondered: Is it possible that this is also his dream?
Shen Jingsi was unsure and called out, "Zhenzhen?"
Lu Zhenyu looked up and said, "Pinch me."
Lu Zhenyu's trembling hand pinched his waist and abdomen with considerable force, her eyes fixed on him without blinking, "Does it hurt?"
While waiting for his answer, her hand clenched involuntarily, filled with both anticipation and fear.
As Shen Jingsi gazed at her, he saw her eyes slowly revealing a deep, misty affection under the moonlight.
He didn't tell Lu Zhenyu whether it hurt or not, but suddenly kissed her lips.
Lu Zhenyu bent down to receive him, and as they shared a deep kiss, he looked at her again, his fingertips gently stroking her cheek, the love in his eyes softer than mist.
Shen Jingsi said, "Zhenzhen, I love you, I love you so much."
Lu Zhenyu couldn't remember how many times Shen Jingsi said "I love you" to her that night, only the last sentence: "Remember my words, if you're here, I'll come."
If this is a dream, Lu Zhenyu will be grateful to God for giving her such a wonderful dream.
If this is an epilogue following the actual ending, she would still thank the author who wrote this chapter.
So at the end of the dream, she told the seemingly real but actually fake Shen Jingsi without reservation: "I have a secret. If we can still love each other after we wake up, let's find a sunny day and I will tell you my secret."
She added, "Shen Jingsi, I'm going to pick up that knife again and sever the deep-rooted bond between us. Please don't blame me."
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