Ah Lian's Past
In the twenty-second year of Jianwu, the Duke of Pei's mansion
Madam Pei paced back and forth in the hall, anxiously tugging at the embroidered handkerchief in her hand. Seeing a servant approach, she immediately stepped forward and asked, "Are the Lu family members still waiting at the door?"
"Yes, and...and..."
The servant stammered, prompting Madam Pei to sternly demand, "Speak quickly!"
"Madam Lu said that if you don't see her, she will shout in the alley that the Pei family of Hedong is untrustworthy, kicking someone when they're down, and that they want to break off the engagement when Lu Silang is sick, which is unworthy of a great family."
"What!"
"What a mess! Was it because I didn't want to see her? Last time I invited her in so politely, and after only a couple of words, she ran to A-Lian's courtyard and started yelling, saying that A-Lian was greedy and ungrateful. What kind of greed? What kind of ungrateful? Her fourth son is so sickly..."
"My lady, be careful what you say!" Duke Pei turned to stop him, his face also filled with worry.
"Do we still have to marry A-Lian off? If she marries him off, A-Lian's life will be ruined! I don't care what the clan says, I'll just take A-Lian back to my parents' home. I can't let A-Lian jump into the Lu family's fire pit. Waaah, it's all my fault."
Madam Pei burst into tears, and Duke Pei was at a loss for what to do. He gently comforted her, "What are you doing? I never said I would marry A-Lian off to him. Who would have thought that Si-Lang was born weak and that the Lu family couldn't cure him despite all their efforts? We've done everything we could over the years. We've been searching for the legendary Physician Yang all the time. We've already done more than enough for them. Let them make a scene in front of the Emperor and the Empress Dowager."
“No, if this gets to the Emperor, what will happen to the marriages of my second and third sisters, as well as the ladies in the clan? The clan elders have sent a letter saying that the marriages of the ladies in the family are almost impossible.” Pei Qinglian rushed over, holding a letter from Hedong in her hand.
Duke Pei took the letter and quickly examined it. It was a stack of white paper, with a large portion of it written by clan elders recounting the difficulties in Hedong and saying that the Lu family of Fanyang was one of the five prominent clans and should not be offended. The letter emphasized that Pei Qinglian should be married off as soon as possible to resolve the matter and prevent further trouble.
Before the couple could speak, she said, "Arrange my marriage with him. I can't let myself hurt other people."
"Go and invite Madam Lu in. What kind of behavior is it to stop people at the door?" she said to the servants.
"Father, Mother, I must take my leave now." Pei Qinglian's tone was calm, but her face was already showing signs of distress.
Madam Pei couldn't help but cry, but she held back when she thought of seeing Madam Lu and asked Pei Qinglian to leave first.
Even on their wedding day, Cui Wan and Ning Yan visited the Pei family countless times, but they couldn't change Pei's mind.
Pei Qingzhuo took over Pei Dalang's job of carrying Pei Qinglian to her wedding. When she saw that it was Lu Dalang who was picking up the bride, she gritted her teeth and carried Pei Qinglian onto the bridal sedan chair.
"Sanlang, I will take Madam away on behalf of Silang."
Pei Qingzhu stared at him coldly without saying a word, while Lu Dalang sneered and rode away.
Pei Qinglian swayed precariously in the sedan chair, nearly falling off her seat. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to expel the frustration from her heart.
"My lady, it's time to get out of the sedan chair."
Pei Qinglian, with the help of the matchmaker, entered the main hall of the courtyard. Suddenly, a maid from the Lu family ran to Madam Lu and Minister Lu and whispered something to them.
Pei Qinglian waited in the hall for a long time but no one came to perform the wedding ceremony with her. She could hear the hushed conversations of the guests.
Soon, she heard a coughing sound; it must be Lu Silang, Lu Songjin.
"First bow to heaven and earth, second bow to the parents..."
The first thing she saw was the glaring red. She didn't know if she had made the right decision, but if she didn't marry, her younger sister and even the lady of the Pei family in Hedong would be implicated because of her.
Even her elder brother and father would be implicated, as she knew more or less that her father was plotting court affairs with Lord Cong from the Sui family next door.
With her final bow, Pei Qinglian turned and bowed to him, a tear falling onto the floor.
Lu Songjin paused for a moment when he looked down, and before Pei Qinglian could look up, he couldn't help but cough again.
Madam Lu, who was seated at the head of the table, hurriedly ordered someone to take Lu Songjin away, and then waved for someone to take Pei Qinglian away.
"Madam." Pei Qinglian's maid came to her side, indignant at Madam Lu's attitude.
She shook her head. "Help me walk."
"Yes." The maid gritted her teeth and glared at Madam Lu from the shadows before hurriedly helping Pei Qinglian to the bridal chamber.
late at night
Lu Songjin arrived late and dismissed all the servants as soon as he entered.
He coughed three times as he took a step, and approached Pei Qinglian with trembling steps. "You are the eldest daughter-in-law of the Pei family?"
A pair of red brocade boots came into view. Pei Qinglian considered helping him, but stopped herself when she heard his unfriendly tone.
Respond softly.
"I want to see what kind of person is worth her going to great lengths to marry me."
As soon as he finished speaking, the veil he had lifted with his hand also fell to the ground.
The young man in red before me was handsome, with a high nose bridge, smooth features, and especially a pair of upturned fox eyes that were alluring and seductive. When he coughed lightly, he revealed a hint of fragility.
Unexpectedly, he was a handsome but sickly man.
Seeing that Pei Qinglian kept looking at him, he turned his head, took something out of his sleeve, and threw it into her arms.
"What are you looking at? Haven't you seen other gentlemen before? Don't think that marrying me will make you cling to me. Someone like me isn't qualified to be my wife while I'm alive. Just leave after I die. Anyway, it won't take more than two years to remarry. Don't blame me at my grave for wasting Madam Pei's prime years."
After saying that, Lu Songjin turned his back and said, "The house is yours. I don't care to be with you."
Pei Qinglian was left alone, clutching the divorce papers tightly in her hand.
Lu Songjin coughed repeatedly as he left, and then fell down the steps as he turned to go down.
Hearing the shouts outside, Pei Qinglian ignored the divorce papers in her hand, stuffed them into her sleeve, and got up to check.
The young man's face turned red, and while coughing, he ordered his servants, "If any of you dare to tell anyone, I'll sell you all off!"
Pei Qinglian had Lu Songjin carried inside and called a doctor, since he was a sickly man and called for a doctor every day.
Lu Songjin was carried to the bed. "Don't think I did it on purpose. If I hadn't been careless, I wouldn't have bothered lying on this bed."
"Shut up, you're so noisy." Pei Qinglian picked up the veil next to her and stuffed it into his mouth.
Lu Songjin stared at him in disbelief, so much so that she didn't even notice when the doctor arrived.
Seeing this, the doctor dared not look at him for long. He carefully took his pulse and examined his leg, then bowed and said, "Young master, you've only sprained your ankle. With some medicine and rest, you'll be fine. As for the rest..."
Lu Songjin still suffers from the same old ailment, and his pulse is dry and weak. Let alone at twenty-five, I wonder if he can survive even at eighteen.
Lu Songjin waved his hand, not caring. Realizing the veil in his mouth, he quickly took it out and glared at Pei Qinglian.
But he had injured his foot and could only lie on Pei Qinglian's bed. He turned his head away and didn't speak to her, seemingly lost in thought.
Pei Qinglian took out the bedding from the cabinet, spread it on the floor, washed up, and went to bed.
After the lights were turned off, Lu Songjin suddenly started, "What perfume did you put on that smells so strong? It smells like you rolled out of a fat shop, it's really pungent."
Pei Qinglian: "..."
She rolled her eyes and said, "I didn't put on any perfume, you smelled it wrong."
Lu Songjin sat up. "Impossible, I have a very sensitive nose."
"Are you a dog? You have a keen nose?"
"If I'm a dog, what are you?"
Pei Qinglian didn't want to talk to him, so she simply turned away and went to sleep.
After the Lu family married Pei Qinglian, they were unwilling to see her. On the second day of the wedding, when they paid their respects, they said a few perfunctory words and told her to go back and take care of Lu Songjin.
Lu Songjin injured his foot and was bedridden. He felt ashamed and forbade anyone to tell anyone, even the doctor kept quiet. As a result, the entire Lu family thought it was a relapse of his old illness. Madam Lu came to see him several times, but he always brushed her off.
Completely impatient, she opened her mouth and said, "What are you doing here? You've made yourself sick by seeing that I'm upset. Why bother? Besides, you have a very loud voice. It's almost like the roof is going to be blown off. It's giving me a headache. With you around, I might as well go to my grave sooner."
Pei Qinglian sat to the side, thinking to herself that his mouth really didn't spare anything from head to toe. After being kicked out, Madam Lu gave her a long lecture on how to serve her husband properly, and then left without caring about her reaction.
Pei Qinglian was quite happy to do this every time after that. She was afraid that seeing her would remind her of Lu Songjin and make her sad, so she wouldn't let her pay her respects. Occasionally, when she came to see that sickly woman, she could even watch a good show.
Apart from the sickly woman with poison in her mouth and a few strange sisters-in-law, she was doing alright in the backyard.
On the day she returned to her parents' home, she told them the truth, but her mother still hugged her tightly and cried. Helpless, she hugged her back and looked up at the faces of the whole family, none of whom looked happy.
"I've never had it that bad, don't worry."
Pei Qingzhuo was only fifteen years old, and his sullen face looked like a bitter gourd. "If you suffer after marrying into the family, I will tear down the Lu family's gate plaque in public and let the people of Chang'an see what kind of people from the five surnames are like. You are not going to suffer after marrying into the family; you should live well."
“Your third brother is right. It’s all Father’s fault for being incompetent and having to marry you off. But how can Father not care about you?”
"That's right, the Lu family is going too far. They forced you to marry them and they still expect them to treat you badly? They begged for you, so they should treat you well."
Seeing everyone talking about it, Pei Qinglian said helplessly, "I'm already at the age where I should get married. It doesn't matter who I marry. A sickly man is easier to handle."
"Alright, it's getting late, I should head back. You don't need to see me off, it's not far from here." Pei Qinglian stood up, bid farewell to her parents, and said to her remaining siblings.
"Sister, Madam Cui came to ask you about this recently."
Hearing Pei Erniang's soft voice, Pei Qinglian rubbed her face, "Tell her I'm fine. She's easily angered and might stay mad at me for a long time. Alright, I'm leaving now. You two stay home and take good care of your parents and yourselves."
"Sister..."
Pei Qinglian waved her hand, and the dim light shone on her cool face, making her look much gentler.
Actually, my sister has always been very gentle, but she seems cold and difficult to get along with.
Pei Erniang and Pei Sanniang huddled together and sighed, wondering when the sickly boy would die so that their elder sister could return sooner.
"The third brother looks the most unhappy."
"There was no way around it. My third brother was dull and old-fashioned, but he was the one who loved my elder sister the most. He was determined to send her to her wedding sedan chair, and he even fought with my eldest brother over it."
Pei Qingzhu heard them talking, but said nothing. After watching Pei Qinglian leave, he turned and went into the house.
A few days after Pei Qinglian returned to the Lu family, Lu Songjin's foot had improved somewhat, and he insisted on leaving. That very night, he developed a high fever.
He also needed Pei Qinglian to take care of him.
"Let me tell you, I didn't do it on purpose, it was all..."
"Sickly fellow, shut up." Pei Qinglian wrung out a handkerchief and stuck it to his forehead.
"Why would I open my mouth and not say anything? To be like you, a gourd with a sawed mouth, unable to utter a single word for ages? Life would be so meaningless."
Pei Qinglian: "..."
"I'm not saying this to be mean, but you're not even that big of a meaty piece, and your hands are weak too. You put a dripping wet handkerchief on my forehead. Do you expect me to drown so you can leave? There's no need for that."
"You talk too much, but aren't you the one who's the least meaty?"
Lu Songjin was chronically ill and emaciated; Pei Qinglian felt that even a gust of wind could blow him away.
"My ascension to immortality is different from yours."
A sickly man can't say anything nice, so Pei Qinglian ignored him and occasionally picked up her pen to write poetry when she had nothing else to do while taking care of him.
Lu Songjin was a little better. He snatched her poem from behind her and commented on it carefully, "I heard you're quite famous at poetry gatherings. Is this the kind of poem you write? Is there no one else in Chang'an? They're just sending you up to fill in."
Give it back to me.
"No, your poem is too contrived. You should read more books to broaden your horizons. Surely the Pei family of Hedong wouldn't be so poor that their daughter can't afford to study?"
"Change this, change 'plant' to 'seed,' and see if it's much better."
Pei Qinglian took the Xuan paper that floated over, initially dismissing his words and urging him to go and rest.
"You better behave yourself and stop letting your mother come looking for me."
"Tch~"
After Pei Qinglian settled him in, she looked back at the poems and essays and realized that the revisions were indeed quite good.
Lu Songjin groaned on the bed, "I've already told you that I, my husband, am exceptionally talented, but you mortals can't catch up with me."
While tidying her desk, Pei Qinglian discovered his article. It was brilliantly written and full of inspiration; it was indeed a fine work. She put it away again, but it was a pity that he was sickly and couldn't finish it.
Lu Songjin was praising himself enthusiastically, "If I hadn't stayed at home for so long, I would definitely have been the disciple of Master Cong back then. Cheng Zhijie and Puyang Kai are just burying his reputation. There are thousands of scholars in Chang'an, but only he can compare with me and be my teacher."
"You still admire Lord Cong?" Pei Qinglian asked, looking up after tidying up.
"He is the only one in the entire city of Chang'an who deserves my respect."
These words were extremely treasonous. Pei Qinglian glanced around and, seeing that no one was there, felt slightly relieved.
"As far as I know, Lord Cong rarely writes poetry." In Pei Qinglian's memory, Lord Cong next door was very busy, busy with official duties, busy with his love affair with the head of the Sui family, and busy praying for the young lady in the Taoist temple outside the city. Anyway, he didn't write poetry.
"It was all trivial matters that kept him from pursuing his studies. His few works were enough to surpass all the literati in Chang'an. His talent is clearly rare in the world, but he is obsessed with following his master and indulging in love, so he doesn't even write anything." Lu Songjin gritted his teeth, lamenting his lack of ambition.
"They are truly in love."
Shut up!
Oh, I've found a point where his sharp tongue can't be refuted.
Since spending time with him, Pei Qinglian felt that her tongue had become much sharper, all thanks to him.
Life was noisy and chaotic. Lu Songjin would occasionally give Pei Qinglian pointers, but gradually he rarely mocked her anymore, because Pei Qinglian would directly retort, each blow fatal.
"You're capable of getting Lord Cong to see your article."
"I...shut up, please."
...
Two years have passed, and Lu Songjin's health is deteriorating. At the beginning, he and Pei Qinglian could still write and paint together, but now he is paralyzed in bed and unable to get up.
Pei Qinglian stayed by his bedside. Lu Songjin had become increasingly thin. Before, he was thin but still had some flesh to support his fox-like eyes. Now, his eye sockets were sunken, and he looked somewhat frightening.
"It seems I was right, it really has been two years." Lu Songjin lay on his back on the bed, feeling weak and listless.
"Enough nonsense. You're only twenty now, you still have five years. This year's imperial examination has been postponed, and many of Lord Cong's disciples are taking the exam. You should at least see who will be the top scholar." Pei Qinglian's words, now combining his conciseness and sharp tongue, were even more cutting.
"Ha, I guess it's Cheng Zhijie, cough cough cough—although he's not as good as me, Chang'an is still his disciple, and there are few people in this generation in Chang'an who can compare to him."
Pei Qinglian remained silent. Outside, the scandal of cheating in the imperial examinations was making headlines. Lord Cong and Aye had removed many remnants of the previous dynasty from the court, while the entry of commoners into officialdom dealt a blow to many powerful families.
The five families were the first to be affected, and Madam Lu, busy at the front, hadn't come for a long time.
"I'm about to die." Lu Songjin said calmly, looking into Pei Qinglian's eyes.
Pei Qinglian turned her head, "Don't talk nonsense."
“Actually, your poems and essays are very well written. Even when I first saw them, you should have been first in the poetry competition.” Lu Songjin coughed again after saying only a few words.
Pei Qinglian told him to shut up, took the medicine from the maid and fed it to him. When he dodged away, she put the medicine on the table, and the brown medicine splashed out as it was shaken.
Amidst the clanging and banging, Lu Songjin asked her with a smile, "Why are you so angry?"
“I’m not as good at cursing as you. Last year at the poetry competition, you were the one who felt the judging results were wrong and got first place back for me. This year, I’m not as good as them.”
A tear fell onto Lu Songjin's hand, and he tried to raise his hand to wipe it away. "What's there to cry about? You're not bad off now, and no one can bully you. There are some things in the desk drawer that I left for you, as a dowry."
"You still have the divorce papers, right? If you've lost them, write another one while I'm still alive."
“How could I possibly lose the divorce papers? Your Lu family is a living hell. I can’t wait to leave.” Pei Qinglian slapped Lu Songjin’s hand away and glared at him.
Lu Songjin smiled and said, "That's good."
That's right. The Lu family is a living hell. This marriage was forced upon her. There are too many people in the family, and the eldest sister-in-law, a woman from five different families, is very arrogant. The second sister-in-law is good at scheming, and the third sister-in-law is extremely stupid but also arrogant, thinking that the whole world owes her something.
His older brothers were even worse. From childhood to adulthood, they called him a sickly person who wouldn't live long. His eldest brother despised him from the inside out, while his second brother, concerned with appearances, outwardly maintained brotherly affection but had long forgotten how he used to secretly extinguish the charcoal brazier in his room on winter nights when they were young.
His third brother, born out of wedlock, was jealous of his status as the legitimate son and the favor he received from their mother. Because of his sickly nature, his brother often mocked him and considered himself superior, thinking he was inferior to his mother.
"Children's discord is often due to the incompetence of their parents," Lu Songjin chuckled, looking at Pei Qinglian. "You don't need to observe mourning for me after I die. Hurry back to the Pei family so that your mother and the others won't make things difficult for you."
"With your talent, you're more than qualified to be a lady-in-waiting in the palace. Don't let yourself fall behind. After all, I taught you, so don't embarrass me."
Pei Qinglian interrupted him, "Don't you have anything else to say?"
The end of spring already carried the slight restlessness of summer, with only the evening breeze offering a touch of coolness. The wind blew through the window lattice, causing the jade pendant on Pei Qinglian's ear to flutter.
The twin jade pendants on the chain made a soft tinkling sound. Lu Songjin stared into her eyes, the sorrow in them like thick, unyielding ink.
He chuckled self-deprecatingly, turning his head away and saying, "Let me think... Oh right! Your future husband can't be less learned than me, so that counts, right? No, then you won't find one?"
Lu Songjin burst into laughter, choking on his own saliva and coughing uncontrollably. He then noticed that Pei Qinglian was watching him without saying a word.
He closed his eyes. Why bother? It was a doomed relationship to begin with.
Pei Qinglian: "If you have nothing to say, I do."
Lu Songjin opened her eyes, and she was still looking at him.
"I love you."
"What did you say?" Lu Songjin looked at her in disbelief.
"Can't you hear me? Are you so sick that you can't even hear what I'm saying? I'm saying, I, Pei Qinglian, am in love with you. You've told me so many things, why don't you think more about yourself? You're about to die, don't you have anything to say for yourself?"
"I..." Lu Songjin couldn't utter a single word.
Pei Qinglian didn't wait for him to say anything. She closed her eyes to calm herself down and left with the words, "I'm going out now."
She closed the door, and the dim afterglow of the setting sun bathed her in its light, clearly defining the boundary between indoors and outdoors.
They waited until Lu Songjin passed away less than a month later, but he never got to see it.
Pei Qinglian knelt before the mourning hall, and a maid whispered in her ear, "My lady, Third Master has come to fetch you."
"Sister, I've come to take you home." Pei Qingzhuo stepped into the mourning hall and pulled Pei Qinglian up, ignoring the opinions of the Lu family members.
"What are you doing? She's the daughter-in-law of the Lu family. How can you just take her away like that?" Madam Lu stepped forward and grabbed Pei Qinglian, and the other sisters-in-law also stepped forward.
"Fourth sister-in-law, I'm not trying to be mean, but how could you do such a thing? Fourth brother hasn't even been buried yet, and we've already passed the seventh day after his death."
"No need for you to worry. I've already divorced him and I'm not his widow." Pei Qinglian brushed away Madam Lu's hand and met her second sister-in-law's surprised gaze with composure.
"When did you get divorced! I don't acknowledge it. Don't think you can leave just because Si Lang is dead. You were born a member of the Lu family, and you will die a member of the Lu family." Upon hearing this, Madam Lu stepped forward and made a move to grab Pei Qinglian, but Pei Qingzhuo shoved her away.
Fortunately, his daughters-in-law supported him from behind.
"Does Lord Lu still want to be impeached by the censor? Instead of letting your wife hold onto my sister, you should worry about whether your Lu family can still stand in Chang'an." Pei Qingzhuo stood in front of Pei Qinglian, facing Minister Lu.
"Sanlang has really grown up and knows how to protect his aunt." Lu Siqing had a smile on his face, but it wasn't genuine.
His fingers kept rubbing together inside his wide sleeves. "The matter of divorce still needs to be confirmed by the Jingzhao Prefecture. Madam and Silang have been married for two years, and there must have been some affection between them. Madam wouldn't want him to die without a wife to send him off."
Pei Qingzhuo wanted to speak, but Pei Qinglian pulled her behind her. "Silang and I voluntarily divorced two years ago. During those two years, we lived like brother and sister, and we can hardly be considered husband and wife."
Pei Qinglian handed over the divorce papers and Lu Songjin's suicide note. After Lu Siqing took them, his expression changed repeatedly.
Pei Qingzhuo: "The Lu family doesn't have a habit of detaining ex-wives, does it? This is really against the rules."
"Sanlang is joking." Minister Lu gripped Lu Songjin's will tightly and handed over the divorce papers. "Why isn't someone coming to escort Madam away?"
"My lord..." Madam Lu was unwilling.
"What are you yelling about? He's the good son you raised. Look at the rubbish he wrote. It's disgusting. I wish I'd never had him. He's just causing me trouble." After everyone left, Minister Lu threw the suicide note into Madam Lu's arms.
The entire piece was full of sarcasm, cursing the entire Lu family mercilessly, questioning Lu Siqing's intentions in detaining Pei Qinglian, and saying that if she wasn't released, he hoped his father would accompany him on his journey to the underworld.
After reading it with trembling hands, Madam Lu fainted from the repeated blows.
"Mother-in-law? Mother-in-law!"
The mourning hall was in complete chaos. Minister Lu glanced at the white banner, his face darkened, and he turned and left, completely disregarding the scene behind him.
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