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Xie Shangjia felt that his life was worthwhile and that his journey on earth was not in vain.
Autumn, Jingchang 207.
In the princess's mansion in the capital, where sweet osmanthus flowers bloomed and golden chrysanthemums blanketed the ground, Xie Shangjia was born into a world of splendor. His mother was a princess favored by the emperor, his father was a lieutenant general, and he was doted on by two older brothers of similar age. Even as a child, he enjoyed wealth and warmth unattainable for most.
Carriages and horses flowed like water in front of the princess's mansion, and guests came to the banquet like clouds. Xie Shangjia grew up in a world of gold, jade, silk, sweet talk and joy, and once thought that the world would always be so prosperous.
The misfortune began when he was eleven years old.
The emperor and his mother had a fierce argument in the palace, the reason of which remains a mystery.
From then on, the Holy Grace receded like the tide, and the endless stream of visitors in the past also dispersed in an instant. The huge mansion suddenly became deserted, leaving only the loneliness of the autumn wind sweeping through the fallen leaves.
It was as if my father had torn off his disguise of many years and began to take concubines and maids, favoring his concubines over his wife, and even daring to attack my mother, who was born into a wealthy family. But my mother chose to endure it, and this endurance lasted for two years, through the cold and heat.
Thirteen-year-old Xie Shangjia has heard his mother's suppressed crying in countless late nights.
He rushed out again and again to seek justice for his mother, but what he got in return was his father's scolding and the resentful look in his mother's eyes when she protected his father. The fire in the boy's heart gradually burned to ashes.
The warmth of home is gone, leaving only endless repression and distortion.
At the age of fourteen, Xie Shangjia became the most notorious playboy in the capital.
He fights cocks and dogs, hangs out in gambling houses, spends money lavishly, and lives a muddle-headed life, not worrying about the future but also thinking about the future.
At the age of sixteen, it was the Lantern Festival, the lights were as bright as day, and the stars were shining brightly.
Amid the surging crowd, Xie Shangjia caught a startled glimpse and saw a cold young girl standing under a myriad of brilliant lights. As her eyes moved, it seemed as if stars were falling into them. Her beauty was as beautiful as a jade flower, and the words "beauty like a flower" were not enough to describe her charm. At first glance, she was captivated by her, and the surrounding noise became a blurred background.
After a little inquiry, he found out her name. It turned out to be Miss Shen Qianyue, the famous lady in the Prime Minister's Mansion in the capital.
After several intentional "chance encounters", the two became no more than acquaintances.
It was not until a spring flower-viewing party that he accidentally overheard her whispering with her handkerchief friend.
Her friend reminded her to stay away from this useless playboy.
Chen Qianyue just chuckled: "There is no possibility for me and him. The person I like should be a man of elegance and refinement. If he can understand some military tactics, then he can be my true friend."
Xie Shangjia examined himself seriously for the first time. Indeed, apart from the title of the prince of the princess's mansion, he had achieved nothing and had nothing to do with "elegance" and "military strategy".
A strong sense of inferiority and rebelliousness surged up in him. When he saw Shen Qianyue again, he deliberately put on a face full of disgust and spoke harshly, trying to maintain his pitiful self-esteem in this way.
But Shen Qianyue seemed to be completely unaware of his bad attitude, or rather, she didn't care at all.
Her indifference instead aroused Xie Shangjia's stronger emotions, and he spoke more and more without thinking, like a child trying hard to attract attention, but he was unable to stir up even a ripple in her calm eyes.
At the age of nineteen, Shen Qianyue left Beijing and went to the frontier to be the fief of King Dingwu.
It is widely rumored that she will soon marry her young and promising uncle, Xie Zhiyun, the Prince of Dingwu.
This news was like a bucket of cold water, waking him up.
Xie Shangjia suddenly realized that beneath the deliberate tit-for-tat, there was only awkward feelings hidden. Regret grew like wild weeds. He clearly had five years to get along well. If he had changed earlier, could something have changed...
A strong sense of resentment and desire for plunder took root in his heart.
Soon, the wedding news came.
Xie Shangjia was so overjoyed that he invited his good friend Li Ruwei to drink with him and vowed to transform himself.
In the three years that followed, Xie Shangjia seemed like a completely different person. He abandoned all entertainment and studied day and night, forgetting to eat and sleep.
The shadow of his former dandyism faded away little by little, replaced by an increasingly calm demeanor.
At the age of 22, the results of the spring examination were announced.
Xie Shangjia won the third place in the imperial examination and was invited to meet the emperor in the Golden Palace. The emperor was very pleased and rewarded him generously.
In the same year, Prime Minister Shen was involved in a factional dispute, and his entire family was convicted. Six of his clansmen were imprisoned and sentenced to execution in the autumn.
Xie Shangjia ignored his status as the newly crowned third place scholar and took off his official robe in the bitter cold winter. Wearing only a single layer of clothing, he knelt on the white marble steps outside the emperor's palace.
The wind and snow were raging and the cold was biting.
He knelt for more than ten hours, almost committing suicide in exchange for a change of heart from the emperor, and bought a glimmer of hope for the Shen family. The emperor ordered that the death penalty be commuted to imprisonment, and would deal with the matter after the truth was revealed.
Xie Shangjia was almost frozen to death. When he was carried back to the mansion, he had developed a disease that caused pain in his bones every winter or rainy day.
Upon hearing that Shen Qianyue had returned to Beijing, he dressed up carefully, looking forward to the reunion.
At the celebration banquet, Shen Qianyue sat next to King Dingwu and never glanced at him. He thought it must be because of his low official position and he was too far away from her.
Prince Dingwu returned to his fiefdom again, and Shen Qianyue stayed in the capital.
Xie Shangjia immediately decorated the house with a more elegant and unique style, and bought many books that she might like, especially military classics. He himself even read by lamplight at night to catch up on the military classics.
Sure enough, within half a month, Shen Qianyue came to express her gratitude.
Xie Shangjia acted like a gentleman, spoke in a gentle manner, and inadvertently revealed his knowledge, especially his insights into military strategy, which indeed attracted her inquiring and admiring gaze.
At the age of 24, Xie Shangjia was appointed as a prefect and his influence gradually grew.
He cleared the haze in the mansion with an iron fist. His father and concubines died "accidentally" while traveling, and their bodies were not found. His illegitimate children were sent to a desolate place and dealt with secretly, so that there would be no more trouble.
After the mother was sad, she seemed to have found some kind of relief.
The house is completely peaceful and the interior is clean.
Xie Shangjia thought the time was right and expressed his feelings to Shen Qianyue.
However, he learned an answer that was expected but made him extremely uncomfortable. Shen Qianyue admitted that she had been engaged to King Dingwu for a long time, but it had never been made public.
Xie Shangjia has been an official for four years and is not a good person. His first reaction is not to retreat, but to find a way out of the predicament.
He pretended to be regretful and respectful on the surface, but secretly began to make a more elaborate plan. He painstakingly studied her preferences for many years, and it was no problem for him to cater to her tastes. He secretly took every step carefully, performed despicable seductions, and used all means to bring her to his side.
The field of love is like a battlefield. It doesn’t matter whether you are right or wrong, only the means count.
Just like the concubines and illegitimate children in the mansion, they ended up like this because they were not as skilled as the talented people.
At the age of 27, Xie Shangjia solved another unsolved case, his reputation in the court grew, and he established his own circle of influence.
He felt that he could not wait any longer, so he made the most crucial move. He knelt down and begged his mother, and had a long secret conversation with her, asking her to cooperate with an "accident" when she went to the border to visit his uncle.
When his mother first heard about the plan, she was shocked and angry and beat him up, but Xie Shangjia threatened her with his life, so she finally agreed, with the only condition being that Xie Zhiyun's life must not be harmed.
The plan was executed flawlessly.
The mother was "accidentally" captured by bandits at the border, and King Dingwu Xie Zhiyun led his troops in pursuit, but was accidentally "lost" on the way.
When the news reached the capital, Xie Shangjia was receiving his reward in the Golden Palace.
The royal family asked him what other rewards he wanted, and he knelt down and begged His Majesty to grant him the marriage.
The border is temporarily peaceful, but Shen Qianyue is proficient in military tactics and Xie Zhiyun is good at using troops. Even though the royal family knows that their friendship has changed, they are unwilling to give Shen Qianyue, a chess piece, to others easily.
She was destined to marry into the royal family.
Now Xie Zhiyun's whereabouts are unknown, and Xie Shangjia has just made a great contribution. As one is gaining, the other is losing. The emperor weighed the pros and cons and, for the sake of the overall situation, helped this nephew who had made great contributions and was obviously more controllable.
Xie Shangjia completed all the procedures of engagement, proposal of marriage and marriage within half a year with lightning speed.
On the day of the wedding, Xie Zhiyun was released "at the right time".
On his wedding night, he was very proud and satisfied, because this was the wife he had married after careful planning and calculation.
On the day Xie Zhiyun returned to the capital, the look he gave Xie Shangjia was like a sharp blade tempered by fire.
Xie Shangjia just raised his glass and responded with a gentle smile.
He knew that his mother had undoubtedly revealed her plan, but so what? The situation was already decided.
At the age of 28, Shen Qianyue was pregnant.
Xie Shangjia's joy at becoming a father for the first time was beyond words, and he looked forward to a future with many children and grandchildren.
However, on the day of delivery, basin after basin of blood was brought out of the delivery room. The imperial physician looked troubled again and again, and the news became more and more dangerous.
Xie Shangjia was standing outside the door, and his initial excitement and anticipation gradually gave way to boundless fear.
His legs went weak and he felt panic in his heart, as if his heart was hanging on the edge of a cliff. Fame, wealth and a bright future were nothing compared to the fear of losing her.
The half-hour ordeal felt like a long century. He could no longer endure it, so he drew his sword, shouted away all the servants and doctors who tried to stop him, and broke into the delivery room, which was considered a taboo.
Seeing his wife lying on the couch with a pale face and barely breathing, he was overwhelmed by panic.
Xie Shangjia didn't even realize that he was in tears.
It was not until Shen Qianyue weakly raised her hand, stroked his face, and said in a weak voice, "Don't worry," that he seemed to have regained a bit of his soul.
For four hours of agony, Xie Shangjia held Shen Qianyue's hand tightly, with only one thought in his mind.
If she died because of this, he would never live alone.
Fortunately, the mother and daughter were safe in the end.
Looking at his wrinkled daughter in the cradle, he named her Shuhua, nicknamed her Li'er.
Xie Shangjia remembered the danger Shen Qianyue faced this time and made up his mind not to have a second child.
At the age of 31, Xie Shangjia had a successful career and a harmonious family.
Although his daughter Shuhua is a little clumsy in academics, she is innocent and lovely. He feels that his life is perfect when he has her by his side.
Unexpectedly, fate plays tricks on us.
His wife and daughter went to the villa to enjoy the snow. Xie Shangjia returned late due to a meeting with colleagues. On the way, he accidentally fell into an icy lake. After having a high fever, his memory unexpectedly went back to the most confusing and awkward age of 18.
He forgot about his relationship with Shen Qianyue and only remembered that she was Miss Shen, the prime minister's daughter, whom he "hated" but couldn't help but pay attention to.
As a result, the mansion was in chaos. He treated Shen Qianyue badly, his words and actions full of the rebelliousness and childishness of a young man.
Shen Qianyue went from being stunned at first to indulgent teasing.
Even in a state of amnesia, I was attracted to her again, became dependent on her, and even felt jealous of myself who had all my memories.
Xie Shangjia was convinced that no matter how many times he lived his life, he would always fall in love with Chen Qianyue. She was intelligent, resourceful, capable, good at planning, and had an extraordinary appearance. Who wouldn't love her?
During the trip to the Valley of Divine Doctors, the cold poison in his body was cured, but his memory was still not restored. Shen Qianyue had their second child.
After returning to Beijing, just as his eldest daughter's birthday was approaching, he was shocked to hear the sad news that Shen Qianyue's mother had passed away.
Xie Shangjia strictly ordered everyone to keep the secret, fearing that she would be grief-stricken and hurt herself, but she still found out. She came in plain clothes and mentioned her divorce in front of many dignitaries at the funeral.
Under such great stimulation, Xie Shangjia fainted on the spot.
When I woke up again, all my memories came back.
Xie Shangjia knew that Shen Qianyue wanted to save his life and not make things difficult for him. After all, she wanted to rebel against the royal family who had been so kind to her.
But Xie Shangjia also wanted to protect her, so he immediately went to the palace to meet the emperor.
After eight years in office, the emperor trusted him greatly. When he mentioned escorting the ancestral worship, the royal family handed over part of the military power to him.
The palace coup broke out suddenly, swiftly and violently. Xie Shangjia had no time to plan. He had only one thought in his mind: to protect Shen Qianyue no matter what.
When the news of the underground palace collapse came, he couldn't help but tremble all over. Fortunately, by the mercy of heaven, she was safe and sound.
He didn't care about guard Ling Yi's betrayal, but when he saw the affection Ling Yi had for her, he had only one thought in his mind.
This beast should be executed.
The new dynasty was established and everything was renewed.
At the coronation ceremony, Shen Qianyue made great contributions and was named the female historian of the Military Privy Council. However, Xie Shangjia asked for the new emperor's order a day in advance, excused herself from the ceremony due to illness, and wanted to meet the deposed emperor.
The former emperor was trapped in a small palace by a large army, drunk and without a single attendant by his side.
Xie Shangjia pushed the door open, bowed according to etiquette, and silently poured wine for him, as if nothing had changed and he was still the emperor's favorite.
The deposed emperor, through his drunken eyes, recognized him and slapped him hard, demanding, "Xie Shangjia, I was prepared to lose, but why did the Imperial Guards I gave you have to breach the palace gate?"
Xie Shangjia remained silent and was speechless.
The deposed emperor waved his sleeves and told him to get out.
His purpose in this trip was to fulfill the affection between the monarch and his subject. Since the other party was unwilling, he bowed and withdrew, walking towards the palace road where officials' carriages were parked not far from the palace gate, and waited quietly in the carriage for his wife to return.
Xie Shangjia heard the conversation between Shen Qianyue and Pei Miaoyin, but he did not intend to get involved in this friendship or love that had already fallen apart. It didn't matter anymore.
She was his legally married wife, and no one could take her away from him.
Chen Qianyue saw the fingerprints on his face that he had deliberately covered with powder. She didn't ask any questions. After returning home, she quietly instructed the kitchen to make soft and easy-to-eat soups and dishes that were easy to swallow for several days.
After that, both husband and wife held important positions and were so busy with official duties that they were exhausted by paperwork.
Whenever he had some free time, Xie Shangjia would always think of how Shen Qianyue indulged the childish him when he had lost his memory, and he couldn't help feeling sour in his heart. Even when he was eighteen years old, he had never enjoyed such indulgent treatment.
In bed, he often stubbornly asks himself whether the current him is better or the him who lost his memory is better.
Shen Qianyue always coaxed him patiently: "Of course it's you, it's always you."
After hearing this, Xie Shangjia felt satisfied.
The following year, it was near the end of the year.
The youngest daughter Mengli was born, and this time Shen Qianyue's delivery was extremely smooth.
Xie Shangjia took the initiative to assume more parenting responsibilities so that Shen Qianyue could focus more on her career.
The eldest daughter, Shuhua, was mediocre in talent, neither outstanding in civil nor military skills, making her unfit for important tasks. The youngest daughter, Mengli, was exceptionally intelligent, having shown exceptional intelligence from a young age. She seemed to have combined the best qualities of both parents and was placed with great hopes.
However, fate once again showed its unpredictability.
The eldest daughter Shuhua, who seemed dull, developed a strong interest in marching and fighting when she grew up. Although Xie Shangjia was surprised, he still devoted all his resources to pave the way for her.
However, the youngest daughter Mengli, who was placed with high hopes, left home quietly at the age of fourteen, leaving only a short letter and never returned home again.
Xie Shangjia and Shen Qianyue put aside their official duties many times to look for her, but they either missed her or were deliberately avoided. After so many times, they gradually realized that forcing her was useless, so they had to bury their concerns deep in their hearts and wait for her to return.
Fortunately, my eldest daughter Shuhua is by my side, which somewhat comforts my loneliness.
Winter, 257th year of Jingchang.
Perhaps people really do feel when they are about to die.
Xie Shangjia resigned from his official position and had a reunion with his former close staff. He then stayed at home to help Shen Qianyue, handle some trivial matters, and enjoy the last time they spent together.
Life is coming to an end.
Seeing that Chen Qianyue was approaching old age and still had an endless stream of admirers like carp crossing the river, dark thoughts quietly grew.
Xie Shangjia was very afraid that she would remarry after he left. This was the outcome he could not tolerate the most. He prepared poisoned wine, hoping to die with her before he died. However, at the moment when she was about to raise her glass, he suddenly realized his mistake.
He was really confused. His Miss Shen should not have died young. She should have lived a long life, lived freely in the world, and continued to bloom with her splendor, instead of withering away with him, a dying man.
A month later.
Xie Shangjia was at the end of his life and could not speak when he was dying.
Imperial doctors came and went like flowing water, even Shen Yanhui came, but in the end there was no cure.
Xie Shangjia could only lie on the couch and wait for death. His eyes slowly swept across the couch where his spoiled daughter Shuhua was crying. Finally, his eyes fixed on Shen Qianyue, who had been with him for half his life. His eyes were full of reluctance and attachment.
Shen Qianyue's tears dripped onto the back of his gradually cooling hand, burning his heart and causing pain.
It would be great if I could stay with her for a few more years.
Xie Shangjia had lived a ridiculous life, but he had also fought hard to gain power in the government. He had used all means and devoted all his heart to win the love of his life, and he had firmly controlled his destiny in his own hands.
Looking back, all has become the past. The biggest regret is that he could not stay with his Miss Shen forever.
He died at the age of forty-nine.
It's short, but worth it.
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