March period
"This question doesn't seem to matter to you because you're not him, right?"
This sentence stopped Xie Shangjia from speaking.
Shen Qianyue always likes to keep the decision-making power in her own hands.
"Since the divorce has been decided, I have to consider my reputation. If I divorce you as soon as you announced that you were unwell, then who am I, Shen Qianyue?
"In three months, whether or not you regain your memory, we will divorce, and this is documented as proof."
She walked to the desk, spread out a new, flawless white rice paper, picked up the pen, dipped it in ink, and with a steady wrist, the tip of the pen made a rustling sound as it slid across the rice paper.
"Xie Shangjia, come over and sign."
Xie Shangjia ignored the discomfort in his heart and felt ecstatic.
He read the divorce agreement again and again, then wrote down his name.
Xie Shangjia, a man who avoids relationships, woke up to find a wife and a daughter. It would be fine if he had no sense of morality, but he did.
It's like a person who is used to being casual is suddenly put in shackles. He is panicked and scared, afraid that he will fall into the abyss if he takes a step without warning.
If he doesn't break free from these shackles and give up the colorful world outside, he will drive himself crazy sooner or later. If he breaks free, it will be unfair to Shen Qianyue to spend his days in debauchery and idleness. At least, Shen Qianyue will not marry such a person.
"Li'er, it's me."
Shen Qianyue folded the divorce papers and said, "You don't have to tell me. I'll take it away and won't cause you any trouble."
Xie Shangjia: "That's not what I meant. After all, she grew up in the Shangshu Mansion. If she can't adapt to the Prime Minister's Mansion, she should stay..."
He liked the child very much, and the novelty of being a father for the first time was still strong in his heart. He was a little helpless, but after he woke up, he was in a chaotic world and no one took him seriously.
The Shangshu Mansion is also full of mysteries. He still doesn't know who was outside the corner that day, why Chen Qianyue interrupted him to eavesdrop, and why he felt so disgusted when he saw his uncle whom he was not familiar with.
Only this little guy, relying on him and seeking his shelter, is like a ball of soft cotton stuffed into his uneasy heart. Although it is light, it is enough to stabilize his uneasy mood.
Shen Qianyue interrupted him: "No need, I will take her back to the Prime Minister's Mansion often in the next three months, she will adapt."
The air fell into silence.
Chen Qianyue stood up and said, "I'll take Li'er back to Zhuyuan. After all, you've just recovered from your cold, and Li'er is weak. I'm worried about you staying with her."
Her steps were steady and her back was still straight, but her back, holding the child, looked extremely thin and lonely under the bleak moonlight coming in from the window.
Xie Shangjia raised his hand but didn't even have time to grab the corner of his clothes.
"Chen Qianyue."
Shen Qianyue paused without looking back: "If you have anything else to say, tell me all at once."
Xie Shangjia originally wanted her to stay and leave by himself, but these words rolled between his lips and teeth, but he didn't say them out loud.
"I will not have any intimacy with other women during the agreed period. If you have a man you like, I will ask the Heavenly Family to grant you a marriage. You can take whatever you want from my private treasury."
Chen Qianyue: "There's no need for a marriage arrangement. You're so generous. You're not afraid that I'll empty my private vault."
Xie Shangjia smiled and said, "If you want to empty it, then empty it."
"Leave."
The heavy carved wooden door closed gently behind her with a soft click, like a lock, completely isolating the two worlds.
Xie Shangjia was the only one left in the warm room. He was like a lonely beast abandoned by a wolf pack in the snow and ice. He looked at the closed door, holding his suffocated heart and muttering to himself.
"You are free, Xie Shangjia."
But why does my heart hurt so much?
Chen Qianyue stood under the eaves holding Li'er in her arms. The cold winter wind blew through the pillars. There were clear traces of tears on her makeup. She wrapped her daughter in her arms tighter and used her cloak to block the cold wind for her.
Xie Shangjia stared at the closed door for a long time, walked quietly to the door, and sat down on the door frame with a slightly hunched back.
Chen Qianyue did not leave. She stood there for a long time, not knowing what she was waiting for. Perhaps there was still something surviving in her heart, and if stimulated, her memory would be restored.
After a long time, the sound of servants chatting on night patrol came. Shen Qianyue avoided them with Li'er in her arms. She did not return to Zhuyuan immediately, but turned around and went straight to the study.
Xie Shangjia hesitated again and again and stood up. He thought that if Shen Qianyue hadn't left yet, he would apologize. He had said too much today and deserved a beating, but Shen Qianyue said nothing.
The door was pushed open, and there was no one there. The sky was a gray and dark.
Okay.
After arriving at the study, Shen Qianyue lit a candle. She did not immediately deal with official business, nor did she even glance at the divorce papers. Instead, she took out a thin book with a blank cover from an inconspicuous compartment under the desk.
Opening the album, she found that it was not an official document, but a record in elegant small regular script of everything Xie Shangjia had done since he fell into the lake and lost his memory and woke up.
When I first woke up, my memory stopped at the age of 18. My reaction was intense, which was expected. I resisted medicine, was picky about incense, and behaved childishly. It was a post-traumatic stress reaction and was controllable.
Today, the prince visited and lost control of his emotions. He proposed divorce in front of Li'er, used hurtful words, and overreacted. His panic came from the fact that he was in love without realizing it, and his core emotions had not changed. This was a good opportunity to put pressure on her and set a three-month deadline to force her to face it.
Line by line, page by page, calmly and objectively, like a chess player reviewing a game and making his moves.
The door was gently pushed open and Jinyu poked her head out.
"Madam, it's so late, please stop working so hard. Let's have a cup of ginseng tea and go back to rest together."
Chen Qianyue picked up the warm ginseng tea from the tray and took a sip. The curling hot steam misted her cold eyebrows, but could not dispel the deep pool of calmness in her eyes.
Li'er has been a deep sleeper since she was young, and she couldn't wake up even after being tossed around for many times.
"Jinyu, take Li'er back to the Bamboo Garden to rest. I'll be there soon."
Xie Shangjia's amnesia is not a disaster, but a sudden and difficult gamble. The stakes are her and Li'er's future, and... the foundation of the Xie family.
Human nature has weaknesses, and emotions have context. No matter how rebellious the eighteen-year-old Xie Shangjia is, he also has soft spots. He has a latent dependence on blood ties, and after all, he is Li'er's biological father, and he also has... love.
When Shen Qianyue was 23 years old, he was in the frontier and unable to spare any time. Shen Xiang was framed for treason. The emperor knew it was a false accusation, but he was still unable to shake the clan. He had no choice but to sacrifice the Shen family and was about to exile them to Lingnan.
It was Xie Shangjia who, in the cold winter, knelt in thin clothes in front of the bedroom of his uncle, the emperor, for more than ten hours, almost risking his life to beg for mercy from the emperor. In return, all the people in the Prime Minister's Office were dismissed from their posts and imprisoned until the incident was fully investigated.
Xie Shangjia temporarily took charge of all the powers of the Prime Minister and worked hard for more than half a year. Three branches of the clan were seriously injured. The Prime Minister's Office overturned the case. When everyone thought he was reluctant to give up power, he returned all the real power of the Prime Minister.
When he got married at the age of 27, he was already a high-ranking official in the Secretariat. After the marriage, Xie Shangjia was promoted to the Ministry of Shangshu again for his contribution in saving the emperor. Xie Shangshu, who was powerful in the court, would put aside all his official authority and calculations in front of her, and only show infinite tenderness and love.
When Li'er was born, she suffered a hemorrhage and her life was hanging by a thread. Xie Shangjia, who remained calm in the face of the dangerous turmoil in the court, drew his sword and threatened to kill anyone who blocked his way into the delivery room. After successfully entering, his palms and forehead were covered in sweat, and he cried like a baby, his voice full of fear, panic and collapse.
Those old things he treasured in the rosewood box, those silent guardings, the lights he left on for her late at night, the cup of hot tea he silently handed to her when she was tired... countless warm and affectionate moments.
The other person has given his all and treated me sincerely. I am not heartless, so how can I not be moved?
Three months is enough time to try all possible treatments.
Three months was enough time for her to lay a tight net and lure the soul lost in the memories of eighteen years old back to reality step by step, so that she could see clearly what he really had and what he almost destroyed with his own hands.
If he can finally remember everything and take responsibility, that would be the best choice. Li'er needs a father, and the Xie family needs a pillar.
She also needs a partner who can walk side by side with her, rather than a trouble that requires her to spend time and energy to "tame".
If he can't...
Shen Qianyue's fingertips unconsciously tapped lightly on the cold rosewood table.
Taking Li'er and leaving the Shangshu Mansion, with her means and the influence of the Shen family, plus Xie Zhiyun's overt and covert care, she and Li'er can still live a dignified and leisurely life, or even... better.
She never pinned her fate on a man's conscience, and Xie Shangxi, who had lost his memory, was not worthy of her making an exception.
Until late at night.
Xie Shangjia tossed and turned but still couldn't fall asleep. There was no light on in the warm room, only the faint red light from the charcoal basin. He raised his hand and touched the place where Li'er had slept in the afternoon, stunned.
Want freedom.
But what is freedom?
Was it to leave this magnificent Shangshu Mansion? Was it to escape from Shen Qianyue's cold and distant face? Or was it something else?
But where could he go if he left here? Returning to the empty Xie family mansion in his eighteen-year-old memory, it might have been completely changed.
Go out and make your way in the world?
He had never thought of passing the imperial examination and making great achievements, but he actually achieved it. He even became a powerful official in the Ministry of Rites. His every move was related to the court, and he could not leave the capital.
The "freedom" he pursued was like a vague and unattainable phantom, but what he regarded as "shackles" actually had the most real and warmest bond in front of him: he had his own job and children.
And...Chen Qianyue.
Even though she treated him coldly, she was not the simple "enemy" in his memory when he was eighteen years old.
She is his wife, and if he hadn't lost his memory, they would have been a very loving couple.
He didn't quite understand what he wanted...
Getting married was something he had never thought about in his eighteen years of life, but it happened so suddenly. He even got married to Shen Qianyue, a person he could never reach, and they even shared the same blood.
Some ideas can lead to completely different results if they are only slightly different, but what he is facing now is not a slight difference, but a chasm that cannot be seen at the sight of the end.
He wants to live according to his heart, that's all.
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