Out of control
This ordinary question sounded like an invisible thorn to Xie Shangjia, piercing his most sensitive and confused heart at the moment.
How should he answer?
Is it the brief feeling of regaining a bit of freedom when riding a horse, or the disillusionment of seeing old friends bowing down in front of you.
He opened his mouth, but his throat felt like it was clogged with rough sandpaper, dry and tight. He could only force out two unclear words from between his teeth: "...Not bad."
His voice was low and hoarse, filled with fatigue and absent-mindedness.
Shen Qianyue raised her eyes and her gaze fell calmly on his face. She did not ask any further questions, but just picked up her cup of tea and sipped it in small sips, with a leisurely posture, as if his heavy emotions at the moment were just an ordinary scenery passing by outside the window.
Jinyu held the sleeping Li'er in her arms, wanting to say something but stopping herself.
This silence did not make Xie Shangjia feel relieved, but rather it was more like an invisible pressure. He did not dare to look into Shen Qianyue's eyes, and the knuckles of his hands clasped in his knees turned slightly white due to the force.
Li Ruwei's face, full of flattering smiles, kept flashing in his mind.
The exaggerated bow, the humble posture, and the flattering words all lashed at his confused memory like a whip. That was his close friend, but he was so servile to a false identity of "Shen family disciple".
Instead of relaxing him, the trip to the racecourse pushed him deeper into the quagmire.
He felt like a complete loser, trapped in his thirty-one-year-old body, in the identity of "Minister Xie", in his chaotic memories, and even more so in this suffocating gap in identity.
Shen Qianyue suddenly put down the teacup and leaned over.
Xie Shangjia's body tensed up instantly, thinking she was going to say something, but she just stretched out her hand, and her fingertips, with a slightly cool touch, gently brushed across his temples. A strand of hair was a little messy because it was blown away when she took off her hat just now.
Her movements were extremely natural, as if she was taking care of an item that belonged to her. Her fingertips brushed across her skin, bringing a slight shudder.
"My hair is messy." She said lightly, then withdrew her hand and sat up straight again, as if it was just a trivial matter.
This touch, which carried a sense of control, stirred up ripples in Xie Shangjia's already chaotic heart. He frowned and turned his head away.
"Li Ruwei is my best friend. How could he be so afraid of you?"
Chen Qianyue smiled softly: "Don't think too much in the few days left. Be happy. The master of the Divine Doctor Valley will arrive in three days."
Xie Shangjia looked at her calm face, looked at her eyes that seemed to be able to tolerate everything, and lowered his head in embarrassment. He felt that whatever he did to her was just unreasonable.
If you don't agree, there's no need to talk too much.
He didn't believe that the miracle doctor could cure him so quickly, and he had plenty of time to investigate.
…
The next morning, in the huge courtyard of the Shangshu Mansion, a thin layer of ice formed on the surface of the pond, and several koi fish were swimming slowly under the ice.
Xie Shangjia, wearing a thick black cloak, stood alone by the pool, staring blankly at the bright colors swimming under the ice. His eyes were unfocused and unfocused.
The heaviness and loss brought by yesterday's trip to the racecourse enveloped him in a listless atmosphere.
Just as he was daydreaming, he heard a faint noise and voices coming from the front yard. Soon, the housekeeper's maid's hurried footsteps came from afar and stopped a few steps away from him.
"Sir, Prince Dingwu and Young Master Li Ruwei of the Jingzhao Yin family are here to visit. Madam asks you to step aside."
Xie Shangjia subconsciously listened to Shen Qianyue's words. He wanted to hide, but his feet seemed to be nailed to the ground.
Before he could react, three figures had already passed through the moon-shaped gate and were walking towards the pond on the clean stone path.
The first person, with a posture as straight as a pine tree, was dressed in a black uniform with dark golden python patterns and a black fox cloak. His face was stern, and between his brows was the majesty of having been in a high position for a long time and a hint of imperceptible fatigue. He was none other than Xie Zhiyun, the King of Dingwu.
Following closely behind was Shen Qianyue, who was wearing a silver fox cloak. Her black hair was loosely tied up and her face was cold. Her whole body seemed to be emitting cold air. A few strands of hair hung down by her cheeks, making her face look even more clear and pure.
Li Ruwei followed behind them, still with a smile on his face, but he paused slightly when he saw Xie Shangjia standing by the pond. He quickly glanced at King Dingwu who was walking in front of him, then quickly lowered his eyes to hide all emotions.
He also vaguely knew that there was a past entanglement between the prince and Shen Qianyue that was not to be told to outsiders, which made his position and posture at this moment carry a tacit caution.
"Shang Jia." Xie Zhiyun's voice was low and steady, breaking the silence of the courtyard.
Xie Shangjia bowed respectfully to Xie Zhiyun, his voice dry and hoarse: "Your humble servant Xie Shangjia greets His Majesty."
Xie Zhiyun responded calmly and turned his gaze to Li Ruwei: "Mr. Li, I have some family matters to discuss with my nephew."
Li Ruwei's smile remained proper. He immediately bowed and said respectfully, "Your Highness, please do as you please. I will wait in the living room."
Before he finished speaking, he suddenly turned to Xie Shangjia and smiled very naturally, even with a hint of intimacy.
"Master Xie looks really haggard. It's time for him to go out and walk around more. It's not good to stay cooped up in the mansion all the time. How about...let Master Xie accompany me for a walk around the mansion?"
His eyes moved between Xie Shangjia and Xie Zhiyun, with just the right amount of concern and a hint of subtle temptation.
As soon as these words were spoken, the air seemed to freeze instantly.
Xie Zhiyun's gaze suddenly became as sharp as a knife, piercing Li Ruwei with a scrutinizing and cold warning: "Go down."
Shen Qianyue gave Jinyu a look, and Jinyu immediately stepped forward.
"Master Li, you must have not been here for a long time, so you are not familiar with the place. Please follow me."
The smile on Li Ruwei's face froze slightly. He raised his head and glanced at Xie Shangjia secretly, but soon returned to normal and glanced at Shen Qianyue.
"It's a bit unfamiliar, so I'd better obey your command."
There was a subtle complexity in Xie Zhiyun's eyes when he looked at Shen Qianyue. He turned to look at Xie Shangjia, who was still frozen in place, and spoke in a low voice with an unquestionable command.
"Qianyue, Shangjia, come with me to the study."
Xie Shangjia didn't know what to say at all. The more he said, the more mistakes he would make. In this completely unknown world, he could only rely on Shen Qianyue, or be controlled by others like a puppet.
He followed Shen Qianyue numbly, tilted his head slightly, and his gaze stayed on Shen Qianyue's face for a very brief moment.
She was so smart, how could she not know her own helplessness? Is it so interesting to control the feeling of being in control of oneself...
The study door closed heavily behind him, blocking out the light and sounds from the courtyard.
The heavy rosewood bookshelf exuded the scent of old ink. Xie Zhiyun walked to the desk and sat down, his tall body hidden in the shadow of the desk.
Xie Shangjia and Shen Qianyue stood side by side in front of the desk. The long silence was like a cold tide, slowly flooding the study.
Finally, Xie Zhiyun's low voice broke the silence.
"Shang Jia, uncle has heard some rumors recently."
He paused slightly, as if he was considering his words, or as if he was gathering strength. The air in the study seemed to freeze, and his eyes vaguely swept over Shen Qianyue who was standing quietly beside him.
"You want to divorce Qianyue, is this true?"
Shen Qianyue was like the perfect background, calm and cold. However, just when Xie Zhiyun uttered the word divorce, her hand under her wide and elegant sleeves suddenly clenched, and the light blue veins on the back of her fair hand instantly stretched.
Xie Shangjia opened his mouth, wanting to explain, to deny, to say it was a misunderstanding...
But looking at Xie Zhiyun's all-seeing eyes, looking at Shen Qianyue's cold and silent figure, and his own chaotic situation...
Everything came to my mind, turning into an urge to break free from everything!
"yes."
"It's just a rumor. Your Highness is overthinking it."
Two voices sounded at the same time. Xie Shangjia looked at Shen Qianyue in surprise. They had clearly agreed on a date in March, but now she said it was a rumor.
Xie Zhiyun smiled and said, "Qianyue, I'm asking Shang Jia a question."
Xie Shangjia didn't want to be controlled anymore. He took a deep breath, and his tone was filled with the reckless stubbornness of an eighteen-year-old boy.
"Uncle, I don't know why I married her. I don't know who the 30-year-old Xie Shangjia was. All I have in my mind now are the memories of the 18-year-old Xie Shangjia. The 18-year-old Xie Shangjia didn't want to be trapped in this unfamiliar identity. I just want freedom."
After saying this, he looked like a puppet that had been drained of all its strength, staring ahead with empty eyes filled with confusion and pain.
Shen Qianyue's eyes, hidden under her long eyelashes, raised slightly. Her gaze did not look directly at Xie Shangjia, but fell on his clenched fist.
Xie Zhiyun tapped the table lightly with his fingers, his eyes fixed on Shen Qianyue, as if silently saying, I win.
Xie Shangjia straightened his back, like a bamboo that would rather break than bend, and stretched his neck, using all his strength to speak hoarsely and clearly.
"I must divorce."
From beginning to end, he didn't dare to look into Shen Qianyue's eyes.
When Shen Qianyue heard these decisive words that left no room for negotiation, the strength on her fingertips was released, leaving behind a deep crescent-shaped red mark, as if something had escaped its proper trace at this moment.
"Okay, if you insist on getting a divorce, as your uncle, I will naturally side with you. I have a blank imperial edict here. Tomorrow I will go to the palace and ask the Tian family to dissolve this marriage."
Xie Shangjia knelt down and said, "Nephew would like to thank uncle first."
Shen Qianyue gritted her teeth and knelt down: "Your Highness, marriage is a matter between two people. Besides, Shang Jia has a partial memory. It's not good to divorce so rashly. Moreover..."
She had been clear-headed from the beginning, and whether Xie Shangjia could recover his memory was just a calm assessment for her.
If possible, she would always welcome her allies back into the game.
If not, he would just be a negative asset that had long been out of control and needed to be cleared, and she, Shen Qianyue, never lacked the courage to cut off her own arm.
But her heart still ached uncontrollably. To her, Xie Shangjia was not only her husband, but also her relative and close friend who had gone through fire and water for her, and he was also the benefactor who had saved her entire family.
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