past
The dim morning light filtered through the thin paper pasted on the window frames, casting a hazy warm golden hue on the room.
The strong and complex fragrance from last night has not yet completely dissipated in the air, mixed with a lazy and satisfied tranquility.
Consciousness is like a sinking ship, slowly rising from the warm deep sea.
Xie Shangjia felt as if all the bones in his body had been pulled out, and he just wanted to indulge in the warm clouds.
A refreshing fragrance lingers at the tip of the nose, mixed with a strange and complex sweet scent.
He slowly opened his eyes.
His vision was still a little blurry, and he tilted his head slightly to adjust to the light, his gaze falling on the pillow.
Shen Qianyue was still sleeping, her long, messy black hair spread out on the pillow, a few strands brushing against her smooth forehead and tightly closed eyelashes.
As she slept, her brows were relaxed, her breathing was shallow, and the collar of her plain white dress was slightly open, revealing her graceful neck and delicate collarbone, which still bore the ambiguous mark left by his uncontrollable passion.
Everything that happened last night was like the most magnificent and real dream, clearly imprinted on his body and soul. The ultimate joy and tranquility of the fusion of souls was something he had never experienced before.
A warm feeling accompanied by an indescribable satisfaction filled his chest.
Xie Shangjia got out of bed quietly, picked up the clothes scattered on the floor last night, dressed neatly, and pushed the door open to go out. The cool morning air hit his face.
The maids on night watch have been replaced. Perhaps they were instructed by Jinyu. It was already noon, but no one knocked on the door to disturb them.
Xie Shangjia waved his hand to let someone come over, whispered a few instructions, and stuffed a few extra pieces of silver.
After doing all this, Xie Shangjia returned to the room, lay back on the bed, and pulled Shen Qianyue into his arms. Her long black hair was like fine silk, spread between his chest and the pillow.
The morning light outlined Shen Qianyue's skin, which was like the finest white jade, so delicate that not a single flaw could be seen... No, it was not completely flawless.
When she pulled the quilt, she accidentally lifted up her undershirt, revealing the delicate, porcelain-like skin at her waist... which was marked with several fingerprints of varying depths...
He was afraid of hurting the person in his arms last night, so how could he have left such horrific fingerprints.
A thought, like a cold poisonous snake, penetrated into his ecstatic heart without warning.
So... before that...
Before he lost his memory.
Was the "Xie Shangjia" who had not lost his memory and loved her deeply, and had done all the things a husband and wife did with her, the "old thing" who had done the same, or even more excessively... had left countless marks on her body.
Xie Shangjia's pupils suddenly contracted, his breath was instantly held, and his heart seemed to be tightly grasped by an invisible hand. A mixture of pity and some indescribable pain instantly swept over him.
An unprecedented jealousy exploded in his chest. He was jealous to the point of madness, jealous of the "self" who occupied all of Shen Qianyue's past and intimate time.
How could that "old thing" leave marks on her like that... unscrupulously, even though they might have hugged and kissed countless times.
He subconsciously stretched out his finger, and with a slight tremor in his fingertips, he gently covered the mark and pulled the person into his arms, as if he wanted to use his mark to cover up all possible scents belonging to the "old thing".
Xie Shangjia lowered his head, his eyes once again greedily and obsessively lingering on the sleeping face of the woman in his arms. She didn't seem disturbed and was still sleeping. Her long eyelashes cast quiet shadows under her eyes, and her breathing was shallow and even.
He declared silently in his heart, with a determination that was almost paranoid.
It doesn’t matter, he can’t take back what’s in the past.
But from now on, every trace on Shen Qianyue's body can only be left by him!
The past cannot be changed, but the present and the future can only be his!
He tightened his embrace and buried his face deeply in the crook of her fragrant neck, greedily breathing in her scent, as if he wanted to completely merge himself with her and dispel all the haze of the "past".
The sunlight filtered through the window lattice, silently shining down, illuminating the tiny particles floating in the air and the figures hugging each other tightly on the bed.
One was sleeping, the other was silently asserting his sovereignty, trying to cover up the past that he had no part in but which made him jealous to the point of madness.
Shen Qianyue seemed to be uncomfortable with his strength. Her eyelashes trembled a few times and then slowly opened.
The pair of phoenix eyes that had just woken up had a hint of laziness and mistiness, lacking the usual coldness and sharpness. They were like obsidian soaked in spring water, clear and charming after the rain and dew.
She saw Xie Shangjia staring at her intently and was slightly stunned.
"Did it hurt you? Do you want to sleep a little longer?" Xie Shangjia's voice was slightly hoarse from waking up in the morning, but extremely gentle, and the corners of his lips rose unconsciously.
Shen Qianyue heard the faint sound of water coming from the next room.
She propped herself up with her arms and sat up, then raised her hands to tidy up her messy long hair, her movements carrying an unconscious laziness.
"Let's wash up."
Xie Shangjia's heartbeat quickened a little. He rolled over and got up from the bed. He stretched out his hand very naturally, trying to help her get down from the bed.
Shen Qianyue glanced at him, didn't refuse, and put her hand on his outstretched arm.
As their skin touched, the intimate and familiar feeling from last night instantly came back.
Xie Shangjia paused for a moment, then carried her directly to the next room.
The hot water is steamy and misty, with a faint scent of pine.
Shen Qianyue stepped into the bathtub, and the warm water instantly wrapped around her tired limbs. She leaned against the wall of the tub, closed her eyes, and let the warm steam rise onto her cheeks. Tiny water droplets quickly condensed on her long eyelashes.
Xie Shangjia moved a small stool and sat beside the bathtub. He rolled up his sleeves to reveal his strong arms, and used a soft cotton towel to wipe her smooth back in an almost clumsy manner.
Shen Qianyue closed her eyes and let Xie Shangjia serve her, as if it was the most natural thing.
Xie Shangjia looked at her relaxed profile, which was breathtakingly beautiful in the misty water vapor, and cursed his "old thing" self over and over again in his heart.
The unforgettable intimacy last night untied the biggest knot in my heart.
But the doubts lingering in Xie Shangjia's heart had not completely dissipated. The tranquility and trust at this moment might be the best time to ask. He lowered his voice very softly, with a barely perceptible hint of caution.
"Miss Shen..."
In the past, he did not mean to mock Shen Qianyue when he called her "Miss Shen". He just felt that she was born to be superior to ordinary people. Now his tone is more gentle and lingering.
Shen Qianyue's eyelashes twitched slightly, but she didn't open her eyes. She just let out a lazy response from her nose: "Hmm?"
This response was like a silent encouragement.
Xie Shangjia took a deep breath and unconsciously clenched the cotton towel in his hand. Warm soapy water dripped from between his fingers. He stared at her outline, which was blurred by the steam, and asked the question that had been lingering in his heart for a long time.
"I want to know about our...past."
He deliberately emphasized the word "we", as if he was declaring sovereignty and seeking a sense of belonging.
"What was I like before?"
"How did we...get together?"
The water waves swayed gently.
Shen Qianyue still had her eyes closed, as if she was asleep. Only the slightly rising and falling of her chest and the water droplets condensing and rolling down her long eyelashes proved that she was awake.
Silence spread in the mist.
Xie Shangjia's heart sank a little bit, and the palm of his hand holding the cotton towel was slightly sweaty.
She didn't want to say it, or... there were secrets in the past that she didn't want him to know, about... things that the "old thing" might have done that made him jealous?
Just when he was about to give up asking, Shen Qianyue finally slowly opened her eyes.
In the mist, the phoenix eyes looked at him, no longer with the burning passion after resolving the knot in their hearts last night, nor with the usual frozen eyes, but with the complexity that was difficult to fathom like an ancient well.
Shen Qianyue looked at him quietly, her eyes seemed to penetrate the face in front of her, and saw the young man in another time and space who was full of vigor and sincerity towards her.
It lasted for a long time, so long that Xie Shangjia almost thought she would never speak again.
Shen Qianyue opened her red lips slightly, her voice moistened by moisture, a little hoarse, like a sigh, or like a proverb from the distant past.
"You used to be playful when you were young, and we weren't familiar with each other until ten years ago when the Prime Minister's Mansion was embroiled in an unjust case and was about to be exiled to Lingnan. I was in Jiangnan working hand in hand with Prince Dingwu to defeat the barbarians, but we were powerless."
"The Saint, mindful of my expertise in military tactics, did not punish me. It was you, the Minister of the Central Secretariat, who knelt for over ten hours in the cold winter for the entire Shen family, ultimately securing the opportunity to overturn the verdict, even at the cost of clashing with the imperial family."
"In the end, it was the Emperor who granted us our marriage, and we ended up together. Although you appear reserved and deep in your heart, you are responsible, motivated, and you love and understand me. I gradually fell deeply in love with you."
Xie Shangjia unconsciously touched his chest. This shouldn't be the case. The booklet clearly recorded that Shen Qianyue was engaged, but he subconsciously avoided this question because there was something else he wanted to ask more, which was what exactly did the "old thing" mean to Shen Qianyue.
"I...before I fell into the lake, were we...fine?" There was a barely perceptible difficulty in his voice.
The last three words were asked lightly and nervously. He desperately wanted to draw out the image of that "old thing" from her mouth, the self who had complete memories and all her past.
Shen Qianyue turned slightly to the side, raised a wet arm, water droplets rolled down her smooth skin, and her fingertips gently fell on his face.
"Good, otherwise there would be no pears, would there be?"
As smart as Chen Qianyue was, she had no idea how naive her husband, who had a young mindset, was and that he was actually arguing with her even though she hadn't lost her memory.
Xie Shangjia tried hard to ignore the pain in his heart, and gently turned Shen Qianyue's body back, massaging the acupoints on the side of her neck very gently. Tears were crystal clear and fell from his red eyes.
He took a long time to speak again, without a single sob escaping.
"Before I... fell into the icy lake, besides you, what other old friends did I have? What did you do on a daily basis? And Li Ruwei, why is he so afraid of you?"
Shen Qianyue still had her eyes closed, but her body seemed to relax a little more under his just-right massage.
"Not many, just a few classmates from the academy. They were decent, but not close friends. At the time... you weren't interested in socializing. Li Ruwei was afraid of me because he once drugged me in an attempt to curry favor with the Seventh Prince, but I dealt with him badly. After we got married, he stopped interacting with you."
When Xie Shangjia heard the massage behind him pause, a huge wave suddenly welled up in his eyes and he gritted his teeth.
"Li Ruwei has become such a lowly and despicable person. I was wronged because of his cold words to you."
Shen Qianyue slowly turned her head, her wet long hair sticking to her cheeks, water droplets sliding down her perfect jawline, her eyes were filled with soothing.
"He was unsuccessful at the time. After I took the Chinese medicine, I climbed over the wall and escaped in time. My mother sent me back to the mansion safely. No one else in the capital knew about this."
Xie Shangjia couldn't help but think of his second brother's attitude towards Shen Qianyue.
"So what's your impression of my second brother?"
The moment the word "Second Brother" came out of his mouth, Xie Shangjia clearly felt that the muscles on the side of Qianyue's neck stiffened instantly as his fingers sank, as if suddenly tightened by an invisible silk thread, and quickly relaxed.
He couldn't help but pause in his kneading movements, and the stiffness just now seemed like an illusion.
Shen Qianyue's voice was very soft.
"I'm not very familiar with my second brother. He only comes back for the family dinner during the Lunar New Year. Although I could sense that he didn't like me before, this time he made it clear."
Xie Shangjia curled his lips and sneered. What do you mean by dislike? It was all childish tricks. In his opinion, his second brother loved her without knowing it and deliberately attracted Shen Qianyue's attention.
He's been through this!
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