Chapter 50 The pain is real, the tears I shed are real, and the heart that died is also real
The next day, study.
Sitting behind the desk was Feng Mingzhou.
And in front of the desk, there was another person standing who looked exactly like Feng Mingzhou.
The same white hair, the same deep features, even the style of the dark shirts they wore were almost identical.
The one who was just standing there had a colder and harder temperament. He slowly raised his hand and tore off the human skin mask on his face, revealing a completely unfamiliar face.
Gu Manman took a deep breath and took a half step back uncontrollably.
"What...what on earth is..." Her voice was trembling and she couldn't finish her words.
Feng Mingzhou, who was sitting behind the desk, felt his heart ached when he saw her frightened look.
He immediately stood up and tried to get closer to her, but stopped when he saw her shrinking back in fear.
"Manman, don't be afraid."
“Manman!”
"Over the years, many people have wanted me dead. I need someone to confuse outsiders." He pointed at the man still standing in front of the desk, "He went to many public occasions and some unimportant social events."
He took another small step forward, his eyes almost pleading: "Lin Jinyun... I have never touched her, not even once. In the video, including those so-called dates, it was all Jimmy."
His gaze was so scorching, and filled with such desperate honesty that Gu Manman could hardly look directly at it.
Feng Mingzhou waved his hand and ordered the man named Jimmy, "You go out first."
Jimmy nodded without any extra expression, turned around, and walked away from Gu Manman without looking away.
There were only two of them left in the study.
Gu Manman raised her eyes and looked straight at Feng Mingzhou.
"Then...we used to..." She asked slowly, "was it you, or...him?"
The question made her voice tremble. If even those intimate times were fake, she didn't know what else she could believe in.
Feng Mingzhou's face turned even paler in an instant.
He took a step closer, clenched his fists, and the veins on the back of his hands bulged.
"How could I let anyone touch you?!" His voice suddenly rose, carrying with it the uncontrollable anger and pain of being questioned, "Manman, every minute and every second with you is me! It can only be me!"
Gu Manman looked at him and remained silent.
After a long while, she slowly lowered her eyelashes and let out a long, gentle breath.
"to be honest,"
“Knowing this, I feel relieved.”
"At least when I look at you... I won't feel sick anymore."
Feng Mingzhou's heart began to ache again, but her next words made him freeze.
Gu Manman raised her head: "But I was...really, really miserable back then."
"I really thought that the person I loved completely betrayed me."
Her voice trembled slightly and her eyes were a little red.
"Feng Mingzhou," she looked at him and asked word by word, "Why couldn't you tell me what happened back then?"
"Why can't you just tell me the truth?"
Feng Mingzhou's breathing became rapid, his eyes were filled with pain, and his voice was filled with endless regret and self-blame.
"Yes...I am too conceited."
“I thought everything was under my control.”
"I thought I could handle everything, I thought you wouldn't leave me..."
He took a step forward, trying to get closer, but paused because of the distant look in her eyes.
"I thought that was the best way to keep you out of those dirty fights and dangers."
"But I was wrong, Manman."
His voice became hoarse, filled with broken despair.
"I couldn't be more wrong."
"I should have told you everything from the beginning."
"I shouldn't have let you bear those doubts and pain alone."
"If...if there is another chance..."
"There are no ifs." Gu Manman interrupted him.
She looked at him calmly, the redness in her eyes having faded.
"Feng Mingzhou, it's too late."
“It’s really too late.”
“The pain was real, the tears I shed were real, and the heart that died was also real.”
"The truth may make me less...disgusted with you."
"But it can't erase what I've been through."
She took a deep breath, "I've put you down."
"When I thought you were with Lin Jinyun, that was the moment I decided to leave."
"There is no future between us."
"There is no future..."
He took a step forward and grabbed Gu Manman's shoulders tightly with both hands.
"No!"
"I won't allow it!"
His eyes were terribly red, filled with complete panic and the madness of refusing to accept reality.
"Manman, look at me!"
"You can't put me down!"
"How could you let me go?!"
He repeated it over and over again, his voice trembling with the sound of someone on the verge of collapse.
"We've been through so much... How can you just let it go?!"
Gu Manman was grabbed by him and it hurt. She frowned but forced herself to meet his crazy gaze.
"Feng Mingzhou, the pain is real, the hurt is real, and letting go... is also real."
"I don't want to get entangled with you anymore."
"I just want to live a peaceful life."
"Let me go, and let yourself go."
"Let you go?"
Feng Mingzhou seemed to have heard some huge joke. He suddenly let go of her shoulders, took a step back, and looked at her with empty eyes.
Then he smiled.
The laughter was low, full of self-mockery and despair.
"Let you go..."
"Who will let me go then?"
"How can I live without you?"
"For the past three years, I have lived a life worse than death. Every day is torture!"
"Now that you're back, you want me to let go?"
"impossible!"
He approached again, the paranoia in his eyes almost devouring her.
"Manman, I don't care what you think, whether you've let it go or not."
"You can only be mine in this life."
"Even if I have to use chains, I will keep you locked to me!"
Gu Manman looked at the familiar, suffocating possessiveness in his eyes, and her heart grew colder little by little.
She closed her eyes, and when she opened them again, there was only fatigue and determination in her eyes.
"Feng Mingzhou."
"You're only making me want to leave you more."
"Leave me..." He murmured these three words again and again, as if he truly understood their meaning for the first time.
Her words were like a bucket of cold water, pouring over his head and extinguishing his madness.
Yes, he got her back, using every possible means, even at the cost of breaking up with her.
But then what?
Can the person who locks her up also lock her heart?
Three years ago, his self-righteous control resulted in her decisive departure and three years of hell.
Now, is he going to make the same mistake again?
He looked at her tightly pursed lips, her pale face, and her clear eyes that were full of resistance.
There was no hatred or resentment in it, only a heartbreaking exhaustion, as if even looking at him for one more moment was tiring.
"good."
Feng Mingzhou slowly released his grip on her shoulders.
He took a step back, closing the suffocating distance between them.
"I won't force you."
He looked at her, and the madness in his eyes faded a little, leaving only the deep pain and sorrow.
"I'll give you time."
"But you have to give me... a chance to atone for my sins."
"You can live here or go back to where you came from."
"I won't treat you like that again."
"But, Manman."
He raised his eyes and locked them on hers again, with an almost humble plea.
“Don’t disappear again.”
"Please."
"I beg you."
The standoff is over.
She expressed her wishes clearly.
“I don’t want to live here.”
Feng Mingzhou swallowed hard, his Adam's apple rolling, and had no choice but to compromise.
"good."
He immediately added: "Then...you move back to your previous apartment. It's your house, you have the right to move back, and I promise not to disturb you. Okay?"
"You can't live in Lin Anbo's house. I'm really afraid that I'll go crazy if you live in another man's house. I can't bear to do anything to you, but I can't guarantee Lin Anbo. This is the bottom line I can compromise."
Gu Manman was silent for a long time, looking at the furnishings in the study with wandering eyes.
Lin Anbo's house is indeed not suitable, which will make things more complicated.
Given Feng Mingzhou's current condition, if she really lived there, God knows what he would do.
Besides, she had been planning to move out for a long time and was only staying there for a few days.
However, she didn't need to explain this to Feng Mingzhou.
Back to her old apartment...it held so many memories, both sweet and painful.
Three years ago, she was afraid to face the memories of the past, but now she is not afraid anymore.
Gu Manman nodded: "I hope you will do what you said, and you can't send anyone to monitor me."
She knew his ways too well.
He compromised again and agreed to her request on the surface.
But then, he took out his phone and sent a message to his assistant. The content was concise: "Make sure she is safe 24 hours a day. Report any situation immediately."
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